Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he... - FML

By DimeShapedBruise - United States - Beaverton

Today, some asshat chewed me out over a 10 cent late fine he was charged on his library card. When I tried to explain the fine to him, he started mimicking me. Finally, as he chucked a dime at my head before storming out, I saw the glint of a Rolex watch from beneath his power suit. FML

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Fake News

Not now, mom, I'm in pain

Yeah, fuck the poor

By todaddy - United Kingdom

Today, my 5-year-old son woke up early and ran into my bedroom to wake me up. Unfortunately, he did this by jumping onto my bed, slamming his knee into my balls in the process. I had to explain my tears of agony away by claiming I was just so happy to see him. FML

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By 420dits - Canada

Today, my crush went on webcam on MSN. He looked really adorable, so I took about 6 screen shots and copied them into paint. I accidentally took a screenshot of my screen with all the pictures on paint and copied it into the conversation. FML

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By jacey chreyest - United Kingdom - London

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

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By "The Cat Tickler"

Today, I took a flight from Seattle to Oregon but missed my flight back home to California because the flight attendant came in late and delayed our flight take off time. Then I was told the only way to get California was to go back to Seattle and fly to California from there. FML

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By notmyrealname123 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

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By Bekah - United States

Today, I finished reading a book about the treatment of mental patients and decided to use some of the strategies on my dad. We've never gotten along better. FML

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By mel - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my whole family was sitting in the kitchen. My sister was stoned and passed out in our dog's bed. My dad was drunk, yelling "who's your daddy" at his plate of barbecue, and my mom just sat there with that, "what the hell happened to my life" look on her face. FML

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By Sophie - United Kingdom

Today, I was staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time. It's a small, old cottage in the countryside. I went up for a shower and didn't realise that the plug hole was blocked. Before I knew it, the bathroom floor was completely flooded and the ceiling below was dripping. FML

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By why? - 17/8/2020 14:02

No imagination

Today, I found out from my first cousin whose teenage daughter is pregnant that she has chosen to name her child after mine. I would be okay with this, if it weren’t the same first name, and if they weren’t just a couple of years apart. FML

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By i_am_forever - United States - San Francisco

Today, my daughter was putting clothes in the drier when she yelled, "Mom!! The drier won't start!" I had to explain to her that the door needed to be shut. Her response, "Oh. I didn't know that mattered." She's 15. FML

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By VerbalDiarrhea - United States

Today, after 3 hours in a cramped car with my family, we stopped at a gas station. I got out of the car and the first words out of my mouth were, "It feels so good to be able to walk!" That's when I noticed the elderly man sitting in a wheelchair only a few meters away. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML

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By Telinaa - Australia

Today, I was holding on to a shirt that I planned on buying, when an elderly man bumped into me. The shirt fell out of my hand, and slid just out the door. I went to the counter to explain what happened. Everyone accused me of trying to steal it anyway. FML

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By Andrew Dutch Beebe

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

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By GAGirl1 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me he wanted to drive to India. Thinking he meant Indiana, I said sure, knowing I have friends there. He said, "Bangladesh, India, here we come!" He was serious. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Winter Park

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

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By ehwat - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

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By me - United States - West Babylon

Today, I managed to infect a clean computer with a virus while looking up info on how to rid my other computer of the same virus. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML

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By spitt - United States - Franklin

Today, after a big presentation, people sent an open invitation to dinner. When I asked which restaurant and what time, I was told that I wasn't invited. I've been here for three years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I accidentally put down the wrong year for my university graduation, so when my prospective boss was checking my references he found no mention of my name in that year's list of graduates. He accused me of faking my qualifications and refused to hire me. It was a 6-figure salary. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been using my moisturiser as lube when he wanks. It's $90 per bottle. FML

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By arh - Australia - Newport

Today, I wore an expensive vintage blazer which I'd purchased at a market in Paris. Turns out my colleague has the exact same one, only hers is from a clearance rack at Target. FML

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By better late than never

Today, and for the first time in months, I woke up feeling well rested and ready to face the day. At 7pm. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was my friend's 18th birthday. She had invited us out drinking. I've never had alcohol before and was very excited. I got a call explaining that she had invited one too many and asked me not to come. People bragging on facebook about what a great time they were having didn't help either. FML

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By Nickolas - United States

Today, I was getting my chest waxed. The woman dipped the stick into the wax and hit her elbow, making wax fall into my eyes. FML

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By Anonymous - Greece

Today, my family and I attended a pool party. I never learned to swim, so I didn't bring a suit. When someone asked why I wasn't in the pool, my sister replied in a loud voice, "She's on her period and didn't want the pool to get dirty!" Thanks. FML

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By askprussia - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

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By winner winner chicken dinner

Today, I finally won at bingo after playing every Thursday night for months. It was a $750 bingo. I split with 85 other winners. My share was $8. FML

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By musicislife1337 - Canada

Today, I received numerous text messages from my parents asking where I was and how worried they are. I was in my room, they didn't even notice me walk in. FML

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By Alright. - United States - Missoula

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he says, "There's too much of an age gap between us" and that it makes him "feel like a pedophile". He's only four months older than I am. FML

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By tamponmayhem - Canada

Today, my mother and I went to Wal-Mart to buy pads. I suggested I get tampons instead, so that I can go swimming at my boyfriend's cottage. My mother then goes to the nearest store employee and asks, "excuse me, if my daughter uses a tampon, does that mean she is no longer a virgin?" FML

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By Sonotsuave - United States - Arlington

Today, my now ex-friend told me she had feelings for my ex and was also choosing him over our friendship, despite being fully aware of the crazy rollercoaster our relationship was and being there to hear every detail of the trauma. She classily told me at random, in a public mall. People suck. FML

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By ashamed - Germany

Today, I realized how much of a nutter my mother really is as she decided to write on a high visibility vest a "warning" that all foreigners, especially refugees, want to rape German women. She now wants to wear it each and every day in our hometown. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got home after a night of drinking with my coworker. We hooked up, but he was so drunk he had to use a flashlight to put it in. Then, he ran out of the room to throw up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, my younger brother, who still lives in our parents' basement and has never held a job in his life, announced that his girlfriend is pregnant with their third child. I'm a college graduate living on my own and I've never even had sex. FML

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By disgusteddaughter - Australia

Today, my mum's boyfriend came back from a job up-state. He is now walking around the house in boxers to "show off his tan". He has a beer gut and a hairy back. FML

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By We raised that fool - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML

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Top comments

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5687686 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:09

The rich keep getting richer, one dime at a tine.

By Jeffo193 | 13

#5687687 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:09

What a twat.

COMMENTS

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5687686 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:09

The rich keep getting richer, one dime at a tine.

Reply

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5687696 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:11

Oh God, *TIME! Why can't I spell at 7am...
Apologies.

Reply

nurchok | 15

#5687824 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 17:39

No no, it was spelled perfectly fine at first, nothing wrong with "one dime at a tine"...

Reply

TheKidOnFire | 10

#5688340 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 23:52

I wish I got a dime every tine I laughed at this comment.

Reply

VenomSiphon | 13

#5688444 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 1:05

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

Neyuu | 18

#5689113 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 15:36

I agree, it made perfect cents to me, too.

Reply

anitriarose | 5

#5691937 - Friday 27 September 2013 14:51

74, judgemental? really? to know that it was a Rolex, OP probably saw the whole thing, she was just describing a glint from it. stop being a douche.

By Jeffo193 | 13

#5687687 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:09

What a twat.

Reply

caohm | 18

#5687728 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:22

some people get rich and forget who there are,
some people get rich and reveal who they are
some people born rich never know who they are

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5687741 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:29

I'm poor and I've got no clue.

Reply

caohm | 18

#5687841 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 17:58

me too #18 *depressingly eats his mustard sammich*

Reply

TheCaramelKing | 11

#5688130 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 21:34

Maybe it was a fake Rolex?

Reply

HWICUNow | 10

#6462175 - Sunday 15 November 2015 22:22

or... A "Faux-Lex"
can I let myself out ..?

By angelitared | 27

#5687688 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:10

What an asshat!!

Reply

iAlissa | 34

#5687866 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 18:28

Yes, OP already made it clear he was an asshat.

By jensen21 | 19

#5687697 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:12

Every cent counts, I guess.

Reply

9echo | 17

#5687725 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:21

I wonder what book it was...

How to be Stingy for Dummies?

By alligator729 | 15

#5687699 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:12

I hate people. A lot.

By asnakelovinbabe | 16

#5687701 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:12

It's probably fake.

Reply

Dracoboxer357 | 35

#5687718 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:17

Likely so is he. Sounds like some petty little insecure man, looking to feel important over some irrelevant, triviality by making a big show in public.
Translation: A loser by choice. :p

Reply

FirestarPwns | 8

#5688115 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 21:21

Do you forget what the rules said?

By DocBastard | 38

#5687709 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:15

That was probably a Folex, not a Rolex. And that 10 cents was probably all it cost to make.

Reply

Enslaved | 36

#5687774 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:54

You can tell a real Rolex vs a fake one by the way the second hand sweeps around the face, instead of that "tick-tick" motion. :P

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#5687803 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 17:21

Yeah, but OP probably didn't have enough observation time to check that out.

Reply

OscarDV | 8

#5687868 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 18:29

Its also a possibility that it was a gift.

Reply

raininginseattle | 9

#5688162 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 22:05

Not really 26. With cheap movements out there, even the fakes have sweeping second hands.

Reply

asnakelovinbabe | 16

#5688734 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 6:36

WHAT THE HELL DOC. I comment above this saying the watch is probably fake and people hate it. You say the same and people love it. TEACH ME YOUR WAYS.

Reply

thatonename | 7

#5688770 - Wednesday 25 September 2013 7:40

81) no offense to doc, but it's just proof most of the fml community are sheep. His comments will very rarely, if ever, be down voted just because of who he is. Don't get me wrong, most of his comments are funny, but we all know the second part is also partially true...

Reply

michael666 | 7

#5693999 - Sunday 29 September 2013 0:44

he had more details, you only said "its probably fake" while the good ol' doc here explained in a more detailed manner, its all in the presentation.

By Chanti_fml | 26

#5687712 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:15

That's how he saved up to buy that Rolex!

By jrock9093 | 18

#5687714 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:16

What a di^* you just smile and know that he never grew up and lives off mommys nipple still have a better day op

Reply

Welshite | 39

#5687763 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:46

Dine, diss, dice, died, dive?

So many possibilities.

Reply

Sinistra_Blue | 12

#5687858 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 18:17

Dime! I think he was trying to say dime.

By purebliss_fml | 19

#5687719 - Tuesday 24 September 2013 16:17

Sounds like he has anger issues... If you get angry in a library you must be a special kind of pathetic.