As bad as it is for you, if you are his superior officer I think that this will rapidly become a Fuck His Life.

Wrong. Being former Navy I'm familiar with this. CO's don't go after subordinates for wrecking a car or dating their daughters like tv portrays.

Good luck to him, as a former Marines I know what happens next lol..

BOHICA?

How do you total a parked car??

I mean, if he hit the parked car hard enough to bend the frame, either with his moving vehicle alone or by pushing it into a pillar or wall, it's totaled.

You hit it really hard.

You smack into it really hard. Assuming it was in a parking lot he must've been speeding pretty badly

The same way you total a car at a stoplight

Hoo-hah! Drop and give me twenty ... thousand dollars!

While it was bad that they totaled 2 car, assuming they new your car was the other that got totaled I think they were just being responsible and telling you what happened.

The green weenie strikes again

The green weenie strikes again

He's gonna be doing ALL the push-ups

how did 2 cars, let alone 1 car, get totalled in a parking garage? how fast was he going?

Marines are a special type of people. They regularly do things that no human should be dumb enough to do