Parenting, Names, Babies, Parents and Kids: Knowledge is power - FML

Knowledge is power

By andy - 28/01/2013 04:36 - United States - Long Beach

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 236

You deserved it 2 833

Parenting Names Babies Parents Kids

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Womens' pockets liberation now!

Feeling let down

By Colton - 20/12/2011 02:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I grabbed some lotion to have a good old wank. However, I'd got it a bit wrong in my rush to spurt my man-mush into an old gym sock, and had picked up some concentrated bronzer. I now have neon-orange hands and genitals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 942

You deserved it 50 365

By madamefuxalittle - 08/07/2014 20:52 - United States - Stratford

Today, an elderly lady sat next to me on a bench, and started telling me out of the blue about how bad it is to have saggy boobs. I was uncomfortable enough at the unwanted info, without her then looking at my chest and adding, "But I expect you already know that, dear." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 738

You deserved it 4 586

By thisistypical - 14/09/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 366

You deserved it 3 061

By TriangularBanana - 06/05/2016 21:45 - United States - Cypress

Today, a girl stole my heart. She also stole my wallet, phone, and keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 1 568

By Anonymous - 08/04/2011 05:11 - United States

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I take a few swigs and notice a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I feel something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 650

You deserved it 6 244

By Anonymous - 10/08/2009 16:31 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend gets so upset when I make jokes about him and his best guy friend being lovers. It's because they are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 479

You deserved it 9 064

By Tiff676 - 16/08/2009 04:31 - Canada

Today, I was working at the theater as an Usher. A man comes up to me and gives me his ticket. At the same time, he takes a sip of water and suddenly felt the need to sneeze. The water came out from his nose and landed all over my face. I was covered with his mucus and had to wish him a good movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 876

You deserved it 2 667

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 05:18 - Australia

Today, I came home after a short trip. Walking through the door, an overpowering smell indicated that in my rush to leave I'd forgotten to bring the cat litter tray indoors. The place was covered in cat urine. It was as if I'd created a cycling ecosystem of evaporated urine turning into urine rain-clouds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 970

You deserved it 29 107

By Anonymous - 28/08/2018 04:30 - United States - Anchorage

Today, after several years of reforming myself politically, I married a black woman. At the wedding, when the priest asked for objections, one man stood up - the leader of my former Ku Klux Klan chapter. I really should have mentioned that earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 230

You deserved it 4 100

By promdump - 07/03/2009 02:55 - United States

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 326

You deserved it 7 727

A for effort

By SkinsCastSelection - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 6 425

Weight watcher

By depressedkiwi - 15/07/2020 08:01

Today, I found out my mother-in-law is trying to force me to lose weight, even though I am trying, and have a medical condition. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 641

By nobabies - 10/12/2017 01:30

Today, I attended my husband's holiday brunch at a company I also used to work for. I was excited to see former coworkers until one raced up, grabbed my belly, and in front of a crowded room, exclaimed, "You're pregnant!" Nope, just older and a bit fatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 187

You deserved it 452

Starved

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 22:01

Today, I'm so hopelessly lonely that I've agreed to meet up with my ex for some semblance of friendship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 195

Early wake-up

By Bir - 08/12/2019 14:00 - Nepal

Today, my nephew grabbed my balls to wake me up at 4 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 722

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 25/09/2010 14:45 - Malaysia

Today, I was trying to apply some toothpaste on my pimple to help dry it out. My mum came from behind and hugged me, making me accidentally apply minty toothpaste into my right eye instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 793

You deserved it 4 664

By Anonymous - 11/07/2017 14:40 - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was feeling down and decided to eat one of my roommate's chocolate Pop-Tarts to cheer myself up. I took a big bite and thought it tasted "off". It was full of live maggots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 182

You deserved it 2 580

By Jenny - 09/02/2009 04:10 - United States

Today, for our 8 month anniversary, my boyfriend bought me a hideous necklace with ugly charms hanging off it. I wore it anyway and got a rash from it on the side of my neck. After seeing the rash my boyfriend accused me of having a hickey from another guy and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 268

You deserved it 4 811

By older - 10/06/2009 08:18 - United States

Today, I was walking downtown. I'm 57 years old, and I'm pretty well along in terms of hair loss. On top of that, I recently hurt my left leg and am walking with a crutch. I passed two teenagers, who were looking at me, and I overheard "Yeah, I agree. I'm much more scared of aging than death." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 828

You deserved it 2 785

Meanwhile, in 1953…

By nope! - 04/03/2020 12:00

Today, I had my first date in more than two years. As soon as I sat down, the first words out of his mouth were, "How many people have you had sex with? Not just recently, but ever. I don’t date women who’ve had more than 5 partners." I left before we'd even ordered drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 249

By missingno007 - 28/08/2017 07:00 - United States - Clarkesville

Today, my first day of college, the textbooks I ordered a month in advance still haven't arrived. My first class of the semester is College Readiness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 310

You deserved it 342

Running commentary

By well crap... - 21/06/2020 14:18

Spicy

Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 179

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 19:50 - United States - Powell

Today, after having multiple dreams where I have a daughter with my boyfriend, I'm now emotionally attached to a child who isn't real, and I get depressed when I can't be with her in real life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 807

You deserved it 9 092

By Flighted - 22/09/2012 04:54 - Canada - Georgetown

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 545

You deserved it 3 033

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 902

You deserved it 7 174

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Spicy

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 527

You deserved it 6 029

By Anonymous - 09/12/2014 21:14 - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 519

You deserved it 3 125

By Anonymous - 26/03/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 799

You deserved it 17 326

Close enough

By Anonymous - 02/06/2020 08:00

Today, I finished writing a 60-page essay on the history and people of Australia. Turns out it's supposed to be on Austria. It's due this morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 169

You deserved it 1 400

Lookalike

By titmeister - 28/06/2016 16:30 - United States - Bayonne

Spicy

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend is dating me is because I look like his favorite Hentai character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 539

You deserved it 1 551

By stalkered - 22/07/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 017

You deserved it 3 085

By cdestarac - 10/01/2012 06:07 - United States

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 136

You deserved it 37 682

By joonsson - 22/03/2017 20:00

Today, I had to get an EKG device attached for a 24-hour test. Not too bad, but I have to wear a string vest over it, and every time I move, it chafes something crazy. My nipples in particular. Only 22 hours to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 946

You deserved it 275

Pro gamer move

By Anonymous - 28/11/2020 07:04 - France

Today, I wanted to play Among Us for a little distraction. I ended up having a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 204

By booger - 18/07/2013 07:41 - United States - Plano

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend began to stroke my nose. "You can pick your girlfriend, but you can't pick your girlfriend's nose," I said playfully. In response, he shouted "Yes, I can!" before painfully jamming his pinky up my left nostril. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 671

You deserved it 14 972

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on my first vacation in over two years, due to my hellish work schedule. The Governor essentially just vetoed my vacation with evacuation orders. Thanks, Hurricane Irene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 807

You deserved it 2 907

By Anonymous - 15/02/2013 01:55 - United States - Portland

Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 465

You deserved it 45 837

By Michael - 04/01/2010 08:50 - Australia

Today, my 4 year old daughter was ripping out photos of the family photo book, I asked her why she was doing it she answered, "I saw mummy doing it to another book." The only other family photo book was the day we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 009

You deserved it 2 907

By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 682

You deserved it 30 351

Chemical warfare

By Danielle Heichelbech - 08/11/2020 08:02 - United States

Today, my 28-year-old husband lifted one cheek, strained so hard I thought he'd shat himself, and screamed, "Fire one!" as he released from his ass a stench so awful all my eyebrows and eyelashes are now permanently curly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 140

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:51

i can see that name becoming infectious...

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:52

What a dumb bitch. I feel bad for that kid already.

Comments

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:51

i can see that name becoming infectious...

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:55

I feel sad for the baby :(

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:04

here's hoping that she has a boy!

Joshmokahontas 6

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:07

guess we can all assume she didn't read the rest of that billboard.

7yzz 18

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:12

Future Prom Queen? :D

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:27

I guess you could call the child 'Clammy' or 'Dicky' as a nickname ... On second thoughts, nevermind.

StalkerChick 13

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:50

Sad thing is, I knew a girl named Klamidya (pronounced Chlamydia). I wonder if she ever got a legal name change. I would've done that exactly on my 18th birthday.

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Monday 28 January 2013 14:13

@47 I had a guy in my class named Castrat...

sexxxysydney 14

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Monday 28 January 2013 18:26

A girl in my high school art class was named shithead, pronounced "Sha Theed"

SerenaSerenadex3 13

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Monday 28 January 2013 22:08

Someone in my math class's last name is Fokanov, pronounced fuckinoff.

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Monday 28 January 2013 22:52

I went to school with an Asian girl named, no lie, Atomic Ho.

7yzz 18

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Tuesday 29 January 2013 0:33

@129 LOL! and this girl is in Sydney??

hiitisbrooke 26

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Tuesday 29 January 2013 1:37

I know a girl named La-a, pronounced Ladasha.

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:52

God bless "chlamydia"!

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Monday 28 January 2013 15:33

Let it all happen... She will be the ruler of FML in the future.

heygirlie777 21

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Monday 28 January 2013 22:54

I read this comment to the tune of God Bless America...

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:52

What a dumb bitch. I feel bad for that kid already.

herpderpherpderp 13

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:12

many years of bullying ahead..

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Monday 28 January 2013 11:44

Couldn't the father step in to change the name?

Mister_Triangle 21

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Monday 28 January 2013 12:13

I'm going to assume that a stupid mom who doesn't know what chlamydia is, is single and/or doesn't know who the father is

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Monday 28 January 2013 15:13

Either that or he learned his lesson and ran long ago.

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Monday 28 January 2013 16:24

Or homeschooled and sheltered her entire life.

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Monday 28 January 2013 16:48

Dumb bitch she is. I bet she didn't even finish highschool to know what other STD's there are.

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Monday 28 January 2013 17:42

100 - homeschooled? Seriously? I take offense to that statement, but then again. Everything on here is offensive in one way or the other.

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Monday 28 January 2013 22:14

Leave that woman alone! She's done her piece.

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Monday 28 January 2013 23:47

100- ooh, a homeschooling joke! Really, not all of us are sheltered, stupid, anti-social little hobbits who's only friends are their siblings. I was homeschooled for 12 years and I turned out just fine.

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:53

Maybe you should have suggested Melena as an alternative?

Mister_Triangle 21

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Monday 28 January 2013 12:15

Or Chocolate Beefcake, or literally anything else short of Hitler AIDS

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Monday 28 January 2013 21:04

Melena would only work if their last name was stool. GOOGLE IT, PEOPLE!

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:53

its better than "gonorrhoea" I suppose

BlackBlazeCobra 16

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:54

I hope she googled it once she got home...if not, the hospital better give her a serious lecture once the baby is born.

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Monday 28 January 2013 15:47

More like scolding, clearly she didn't pay attention to the lecture of what it was the first time around.

thatsucks4you 7

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Monday 28 January 2013 17:54

A woman like her probably isn't smart enough to use google, let alone a computer.

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:54

Will be the most tortured child at school!

swagmaster6969 4

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Monday 28 January 2013 21:11

My dad told me about how a former student of his was named Placenta. That was probably pretty rough also.

MakeTodayADTR 20

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:55

I can sense a new TLC program in the works...

nattynatters 14

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Monday 28 January 2013 12:15

I sense a new trend where kids sue their parents for pain and suffering caused by terrible names. Could TLC make a show out of that? What would it be called?

MakeTodayADTR 20

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Monday 28 January 2013 12:39

A Boy Named Sue :P

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Monday 28 January 2013 15:55

"My parents gave me an STD...for a name!"

RedPillSucks 31

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Monday 28 January 2013 17:17

She could be named Rhea, with a nickname of Ghona or Dia

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Monday 28 January 2013 22:19

"Growing Up Chlamydia" We might just be onto something...

ks23 9

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:56

F that kids life. And any other kids that moron might have.

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Monday 28 January 2013 10:58

Poor baby girl! That girl is going to be teased!

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Monday 28 January 2013 18:14

Worse so if it's a baby boy!

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 16

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 28

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 929

You deserved it 70