Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking...

By Anonymous - 9/10/2018 16:00 - United States - Portsmouth

Today, my wife asked me to come talk to her in the bedroom. Thinking she wanted to have a quickie while her sister was spending time with our son, I rushed into the room. She didn't want a quickie, she wanted a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4755

You deserved it

425

Favorite

Love

Intimacy

Rock, hard place

Noise

This ain't working out

By Devil - 11/12/2012 06:07 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at the gas station, the automatic door didn't open when I approached it. I asked the cashier to open it for me, joking that because I'm a redhead, I didn't have a soul and it wouldn't open for me. The cashier freaked and wouldn't let me go until I proved I had a soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30426

You deserved it

5729

Favorite

By NotHauteCouture - 10/12/2009 20:52 - United States

Today, we had our annual office Christmas party. The theme of the party was "Ugliest Sweater". The winner was a sweater that I have an exact replica of in my closet. It's my favorite 'special occasion', 'family portrait' and 'holiday' sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25843

You deserved it

13311

Favorite

By madeline9322 - 20/12/2016 03:15 - Canada

Today, the lack of heating in my room has gotten to the point where I have to cuddle my clothes for the next day at night so they're not freezing when I wake up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8449

You deserved it

767

Favorite

By newlywed - 27/2/2011 05:18 - United States

Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50800

You deserved it

13326

Favorite

By sillvy - 13/1/2012 09:32 - United States

Today, I was on a date. I noticed he kept looking at my lips. Thinking he wanted to kiss me, I leaned in closer. Disgusted, he pulled away and said, "I'm sorry, but that pimple on your chin is, like, staring at me or something." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34893

You deserved it

5496

Favorite

By brandon - 10/1/2011 17:04 - Canada

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to unlock my garage door. After shouting several profanities, my roommate walked up to me, turned the key the other way, and unlocked it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7589

You deserved it

33212

Favorite

By aaaaahhhh - 6/4/2013 08:51 - Australia - Chatswood

Today, as a learner driver, I embarked on my longest drive ever: back home, from Sydney to Melbourne, which is around a 700km drive. I managed to get the whole way without any problems. I crashed into my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42727

You deserved it

7501

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/6/2014 23:38 - Canada - Dartmouth

Today, my boyfriend informed me of how I had really hurt his feelings. Apparently, not wanting to be sent a photo of his poop is hurtful. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44892

You deserved it

5876

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/2/2015 22:24 - United States - Southlake

Today, my mother called me, telling me how disappointed she was at how I let my room "become such a pigsty." I haven't lived there in three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32289

You deserved it

2283

Favorite

By Anonymous - 25/7/2015 04:20 - United States - Tempe

Today, after vacuuming, I struggled to pull the nozzle attachment out. I yanked it too hard and it flew out, hitting me in the face and causing my head to jerk back into the wall behind me. My girlfriend had to drive me to the hospital for my concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23194

You deserved it

3257

Favorite

By sandwhiched - 1/1/2015 08:52 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went on a road trip with my boyfriend and his best friend. What I thought was going to be a great, fun time ended up with me alone in a car with two large men who wouldn't stop farting for 14 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30546

You deserved it

4746

Favorite

By bitch - 27/8/2020 08:02 - United Kingdom - London

Tracked

Today, I noticed that on the calendar in my boyfriend’s apartment, for every week of the months when I have my period are coloured in red and over them, in block capitals, he has written 'BEWARE'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1059

You deserved it

678

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/4/2013 05:51

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29784

You deserved it

36677

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/8/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my Mom. I ran into my crush. A school dance is soon and he WAS just about to ask something but my mom glanced over and yelled "TAMPONS OR PADS, SWEETIE?!" He then changed his question to "Haha, so which?" And before I could say a word, my mother answered for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42883

You deserved it

3639

Favorite

By happyasaclam - 19/2/2009 00:55 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were hooking up while watching a movie. Just as I was getting really into it, he told me to move my head. He couldn't see the television. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38919

You deserved it

5987

Favorite

By John jacob - 13/6/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, I discovered a tick on my penis. After a long battle, he finally let go. Four hours later I'm in the hospital. My penis is twice the normal size. I may have won the battle but lost the war. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54391

You deserved it

6168

Favorite

By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20885

You deserved it

1685

Favorite

By CatofSteel - 5/3/2017 22:00

Today, my cat cracked my phone screen by sneezing on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4800

You deserved it

549

Favorite

By agentile - 2/12/2010 01:14 - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a v-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year old grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11604

You deserved it

60299

Favorite

By Sivvus - 20/4/2011 16:13 - Reserved

Today, I paid £140 for a train ticket. All the seats were full. When I sat in the corridor the guard yelled at me. I paid £140 to stand outside a stinking train toilet for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32730

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By lola1313 - 18/9/2013 02:17 - United States - Downers Grove

Today, I forgot my blind date's name 3 times during our conversation. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20509

You deserved it

40964

Favorite

By SleepObsessed - 5/8/2018 19:00

Today, even though I'm the most neat freak germophobe there is, I was diagnosed with scabies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2718

You deserved it

385

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/6/2009 07:03 - United States

Today, my toddler peed in his potty for the first time. He was so excited to show me that he flung the pot in the air dousing my face with his piss. Then he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

56413

You deserved it

5167

Favorite

By Anna - 6/4/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I had to give a speech on abstinence to a bunch of teenage boys, and surprisingly they were paying attention. After they left, I went to the bathroom and saw I had missed a few buttons on my blouse. The boys had a close up view of my cleavage for 3 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24492

You deserved it

64516

Favorite

By Anonymous - 2/11/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I was at Wal-Mart and I asked a guy who worked there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks

9992

You deserved it

31509

Favorite

By Having a pretty sister sucks. - 19/8/2013 01:36 - United States - College Station

Today, my sister had an emotional breakdown because two guys love her and she can't pick just one. Meanwhile I'm single and spend my time laying treats on my floor in a pattern and watching my rabbit run in circles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49209

You deserved it

4265

Favorite

By sleepingonthetoilet - 28/3/2018 08:00 - United States - Birmingham

Don't let the bedbugs bite!

Today, my supervisor locked me in the women's bathroom as I was cleaning it. I heard the owner scolding him, so I waited for the door to open, thinking he got in trouble. It wasn't until I heard the front gate locking that I realized I'm staying the night in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4127

You deserved it

356

Favorite

By Anon - 28/5/2012 05:01 - United States

Today, while at the mall, a kid no older than 5 pushed a stroller into my heel, which caught the back of my shoe and caused me to face-plant the floor in the middle of a very crowded department store. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25231

You deserved it

2400

Favorite

By Caroline - 24/2/2013 09:34 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, I went to the doctor to get a blood test and I started crying when I saw the needle. I planned on becoming a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28041

You deserved it

13477

Favorite

By imsorry - 14/1/2015 23:57 - United States - Oakland

SORRY!

Today, I found out how whipped I am when, at the climax of sex, I moaned, "I'm sorry!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

33045

You deserved it

7749

Favorite

By RogerReady - 31/1/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, I was offered a job. It only took me a year and 17 interviews to get an offer, and I have a PhD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32332

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By Emmpag - 2/2/2020 01:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

And then.....

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2160

You deserved it

740

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 00:18 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, in my second year at university, I took a pregnancy test. It is the only test I've passed all month. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35400

You deserved it

51548

Favorite

By life_isnt_fair - 9/3/2011 08:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me and dumped me. Thirty minutes later he called asking for me back. When I asked why, he said "The other girl dumped me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48496

You deserved it

4539

Favorite

By FMarinasL - 30/6/2011 23:43 - United States

Today, I asked my mother to pay back the $50 she owes me. Rather than paying me back, she raced off to "work". She's been unemployed for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30939

You deserved it

4390

Favorite

By CassieMarieee - 10/12/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I had to jump into my car while it was still moving. Apparently, just because you put it in park and turn it off, doesn't mean it won't take off towards a ditch without warning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24927

You deserved it

8781

Favorite

By wowsucks - 30/1/2010 09:40 - United States

Today, I realized that the only reason my boyfriend has been coming over to hang out at my house for the past two months is because my little brother has an N64. I have become a third wheel to their mario kart dates. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29736

You deserved it

4073

Favorite

By firefire - 30/7/2020 08:01

Scoville scale

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1707

You deserved it

256

Favorite

By jmove - 7/8/2019 06:00 - United States

One Word: Diabeetus

Today, I carhopped some food, enough to feed 6 people, out to this beat-up car. Inside were two huge ladies, who probably hadn't showered for a few days, sweating away from the hot weather. As I skated to the door, she said, "Hang on a moment," as she gave herself an insulin shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1477

You deserved it

257

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/2/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37036

You deserved it

4744

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By melisssa87 | 30

#7706380 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:22

Well you did get fucked

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698752 - Tuesday 25 September 2018 10:34

A quickie divorce?

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7698752 - Tuesday 25 September 2018 10:34

A quickie divorce?

acmariner99 | 23

#7706446 - Wednesday 10 October 2018 0:35

You beat me to it. That was quick.

By silentbabydeer | 10

#7706373 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:06

Oh ouch!

By melisssa87 | 30

#7706380 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:22

Well you did get fucked

By tipsyone | 20

#7706383 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:24

I don’t understand how divorce comes as a surprise! What kind of women/men do people seem to marry??

Anyway, I feel for you man! Hang in there

teaspoon04 | 15

#7706389 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:27

It happens sometimes. You might think you’re having a small issue and really it’s that they’re polyamorous and fucking their trans best friend. No? Just me? Ok...

raven_of_azarath | 32

#7706451 - Wednesday 10 October 2018 0:44

When my parents got divorced, it was a surprise for my mom. Yeah, they fought a lot, but she tried everything to keep the marriage together, and thought my dad was doing the same. Instead, he came home from a vacation and announced that he was leaving her. She had no clue it was coming.

By Chris Reid | 8

#7706388 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:27

Read the room wrong on that one

By GamerChickxoxo | 16

#7706404 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 22:55

you Cumming in 30 seconds doesn't make it "a quickie" for her

By RichardPencil | 28

#7706416 - Tuesday 9 October 2018 23:37

That’s a “slowie”. A very expensive slowie!

By Cody Vertigo Bonthoux | 15

#7706470 - Wednesday 10 October 2018 2:56

if a quickie was your first thought then your marriage musta been on the rocks for a while

By Envy22 | 32

#7706519 - Wednesday 10 October 2018 7:11

Praying for you.

By MannyWasHere | 12

#7706539 - Wednesday 10 October 2018 8:06

Break up sex?