Intimacy: Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It... - FML

By Anonymous - Malta

Today, my parents were out so I invited my girlfriend over. It was the afternoon, and things started to heat up. We were having sex, and I was about to finish. Then I looked through the window, to see a construction worker (who was fixing the house next to mine) giving me a thumbs up. He's her dad. FML

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By justmyluck25 - United States

Today, my parents met my fiancée's parents for the first time in a large family gathering two weeks before our formal wedding. Both sets of parents were telling funny stories about our pasts. My dad's story won. He told how I spent a week in jail earlier this year. FML

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By huwauw - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was informed after submitting my request to have Christmas off about 2 weeks prior to Thanksgiving that I was denied. About 15 minutes later, I overheard the person that denied my request talking with another agent, who put their request in today, that they were granted the holiday off. FML

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By Binks - United States - Bonneau

Today, my dad took away my Xbox because "You never do anything active." I had just run a 5K. FML

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By Cogibbt - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, as I was walking into CVS, two older men outside said to me "Young lady, please consider us on your way out." Thinking they were hitting on me, I rolled my eyes and said "Screw you." When I walked back outside, I realized they were asking for AIDS donations. FML

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By Something I said? - United States - Bronx

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

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By Sigh - United Kingdom - Waltham Abbey

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

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By Saucy - United States

Today, I got marinara sauce on my new white shirt. I went in my desk for my Tide-To-Go pen and started using it on the spot. Turns out orange highlighters look a lot like Tide-To-Go pens when you don't look closely enough. FML

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By marriedlesbian

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

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By kissrocks4 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I got whiplash from sneezing. FML

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By hellokitty133 - United States

Today, the boys who sit at my math table decided it would be funny to throw broken pencils at my boobs to see if they were real. They did this the entire class period. I have to work with this group for the rest of the school year. FML

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By Anonymous - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

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By Missyangel - United States

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

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By Ackbar - United States

Today, I fell out of the shower. It was still on. Bracing my fall, I reached into the toilet. It wasn't flushed. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2021 17:01 - Luxembourg

Useless

Today, I was forced to write a job application letter that boils down to, "I can't do this job, please don't hire me." FML

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By apparently_disabled - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was trying to make a good impression with my fiancé's friends. After a few hours, I thought all was going well. As I walked to the washroom, I heard, "So what disability does she have? No one can be like that without something wrong in their brain." FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were asleep. Evidently, he was dreaming about being a UFC fighter, because, out of no where, he grabs the back of my head and punches me in the nose. I haven't been able to breathe right out of my nose all day. FML

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By John - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

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By mommylife - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my 3-year-old broke his glasses, clogged the toilet with Hot Wheel cars, and covered the whole house with Cheerios. All in a matter of roughly 6 minutes while I was putting laundry away. FML

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By SterlingSilver91 - Canada

Today, I woke up to a text from a girl I had slept with two nights ago. It read, "Please don't get mad if you notice a rash on your private parts. Sorry in advance." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Desoto

Today, hours after being turned down for sex, I woke up to my boyfriend sitting at the computer, jacking off to a picture of my deceased mom. FML

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By freakofnature - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML

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By anne - United States

Today, my husband called me to the bedroom to show me something. This "something" was him demonstrating his seemingly well-trained ability to accurately type out a sentence on my phone using nothing but his erect penis. FML

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By ilovebigmacs - United States - San Francisco

Today, I spotted an elderly man trying to use the ladder at work. Knowing customers aren't supposed to use these, I went over and helped. Not only did I fall from the ladder, but I landed on the old man's foot, breaking my elbow and fracturing his toe. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Ontario

Today, I found myself admiring my eyelids for being the only parts of my face not covered in acne. FML

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By Alex - Belgium

Today, I was notified that I've been going to the wrong courses for 4 weeks. A friend of mine was the only person to tell me that the administration had taken the privilege to change my courses. I have now failed 5 courses due to absences and have been suspended from college for 6 months. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Akron

Today, I found out that I'm going to be a father. Too bad I can't tell my wife. FML

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By Kay Jacline Salvatierra

Shivering Herbert

Today, it's the third night in a row that I have had a sexual dream involving another woman. I'm married and when I tried talking to my husband about pleasing me better, he told me he doesn't want to go down on me because it makes him nervous. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I found out that the doctors accidentally perforated my left ear drum performing a routine wax syringing. I was at the doctor's for a completely different reason, having crushed my pinky at the gym. They can't fix either and my finger needs surgery, which can't happen until next week. FML

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By FrOsTy25

Today, I ran a red light in front of a cop and got pulled over. My friend thought it would be funny to throw a knife in my lap and scream "Help me officer, he has a knife!" FML

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By lonely otaku - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

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By Anonymous - Egypt

Today, I asked out a girl I like to a movie. She said "I hate babysitting." FML

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By Don’t know what to think

Today, my boyfriend cheated on me with an Eagles cheerleader. I found out when his dad proudly posted about it on Facebook. FML

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By Jazzyfayyye - United States

Today, my boy friend said "you know who you remind me of? Sarah Palin." And then for the next 15 minutes continued to discuss how ugly she is. FML

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By Stupid Drunk - United States

Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML

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By InDisbelief - United States - Racine

Today, my girlfriend's parents were out of town, so I stayed the night, hoping for some fun. Somehow, we started talking about conspiracy theories, and she spent the next half hour ranting at me about how Osama bin Laden is really still alive. FML

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By Jay - United States

Today, I discovered our AOL billing information. Turns out we've been paying for dial-up via automatic bill paying that we thought we cancelled in 2000. $1,800 later, we called to cancel. Customer service congratulated us on being loyal members for over 13 years. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I received a notification that someone opened a fraudulent credit card in my name. I'm not sure what's worse: that they were approved at all with my terrible credit, or that I was denied for this exact card when I applied out of desperation last month to pay for my service dog's surgery. FML

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By condiments - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

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Top comments

By MistAtMarseilles | 0

#50491 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:06

awesome dad

By ChrisFrancia | 0

#50495 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:07

at least the family is supportive

did he give you any pointers? haha

COMMENTS

By MistAtMarseilles | 0

#50491 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:06

awesome dad

Reply

soccerfreak878 | 0

#981124 - Sunday 18 April 2010 1:24

YDI because her dad was working on your house and you still invited her over

Reply

piinkbunnii | 1

#1009578 - Thursday 27 May 2010 20:05

The dad was actually giving you a thumbs up, because he nailed her also!!!

:-/

Reply

kashman95 | 1

#1048706 - Tuesday 29 June 2010 13:59

I doubt he knew it was his daughter

Reply

rymadness | 0

#1087543 - Wednesday 14 July 2010 6:11

if u read correctly you'll see thathe was working on the house next door. not op's. stupid.

Reply

zanguard | 0

#1112219 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 5:39

well you obviously have his approval!

Reply

VladAlex | 0

#2228257 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 7:03

thats pretty awesome, kinda creepy though

Reply

isnipin | 0

#2417546 - Wednesday 27 April 2011 17:19

fuck yeah

Reply

Herropreez17 | 0

#2683042 - Wednesday 15 June 2011 1:56

On the bright side he didn't go on a rampage like some overly protective dads.

Reply

jromeike | 0

#2835374 - Thursday 7 July 2011 3:22

that's not even close to an fml that's something to be proud of

Reply

aimzskee | 30

#6001736 - Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:03

Also a very strange dad.

By ChrisFrancia | 0

#50495 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:07

at least the family is supportive

did he give you any pointers? haha

Reply

ThogTheCaveman | 7

#3711883 - Saturday 10 December 2011 17:42

Put some back into it, son.

By Tratsing | 0

#50501 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:08

haha! does she know?

By djtelekinesis | 0

#50505 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:09

paternal approval FTW. this is not an FML by any means.

Reply

Adrian66_fml | 0

#970226 - Monday 29 March 2010 0:42

That's what I was thinking. Better he gives you a thumbs up than be pointing a 12-gauge at you.

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#1227613 - Thursday 12 August 2010 10:00

double barrel or bolt action rifle

We do it redneck style

Reply

writergirl23 | 19

#4252458 - Tuesday 3 April 2012 3:37

Lol considering he was watching his daughter do it ...

By pinkfrenchrose | 5

#50508 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:10

That's awesome.

By meetmeinhell | 0

#50509 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:10

BLUE BALLS

By Root123 | 0

#50510 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:10

Why don't you fuck with the blinds closed and the lights off like normal people?

Reply

bartholemew4life | 0

#427062 - Saturday 25 July 2009 6:01

omg hilarious

Reply

Seelu | 0

#1133876 - Saturday 24 July 2010 17:29

srsly

Reply

hamster_10 | 2

#2517585 - Monday 16 May 2011 9:34

cos the people we're fucking don't want to pretend their fucking someone else so don't mind seeing our faces

By hk_fml | 9

#50516 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:12

oh man. O__O;;;;;
how weird is that

By Meow34 | 0

#50517 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:12

At least he approved of you guys having sex ;)

By marz88 | 0

#50522 - Sunday 22 March 2009 20:14

Hmmm...what are the odds lol
You should have given him a thumbs up as well. Maybe hold up a sign that says "I'm doing your daughter"

Reply

bgonebryce | 7

#2053302 - Monday 7 February 2011 4:29

hahahahahahaha!!!!!