Health: Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday....

By Anonymous - 22/02/2015 16:09 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, my mother-in-law sent me a pedometer for my birthday. I've been confined to a wheelchair for most of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 930

You deserved it 2 137

Health

Sorry…

The smell detective is on the case

Nice try, fed

By Bubba - 23/09/2009 20:48 - United States

Today, I bought a fish bowl and a fish for $15. I brought him home and sat him on my desk. Everything was going well until the shelf gave out and his bowl slid off of the shelf... onto my $2,000 computer. The computer is fried and is not covered by the insurance, the fish is fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 605

You deserved it 11 046

By Anonymous - 15/01/2017 10:00

Today, I accidentally uploaded a video of me pleasing myself to my Snapchat story. Five people saw it before I could take it down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 957

You deserved it 14 937

New life

By Anonymous - 27/12/2020 17:04 - Germany

Today, after losing my job, my apartment and my man, I had to move back in with my mom, at 37. She’s a total slob; I can’t function without clean, organized spaces. So, hey, at least I have a new full-time job now: cleaning up after her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 155

By Anonymous - 21/02/2015 13:46

Today, my dad gave my younger brother condoms and a pat on the back, even though he doesn't have a girlfriend. This is after called me a whore after he saw me kissing my long-term boyfriend last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 923

You deserved it 4 020

By Arghh - 13/04/2011 13:34 - United States

Today, I had an allergic reaction to cranberry juice. The only reason I was drinking cranberry juice was to help with a bladder infection. Now I'm covered in what looks like a rash and peeing constantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 839

You deserved it 3 318

By loverpants - 14/08/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I made the "Good luck, We'll miss you!" sign for my own going away party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 756

You deserved it 5 526

Egg mode

By KillahCam - 26/01/2010 00:15 - United States

Today, my ten year-old brother told me that his thirteen year-old friend took one of my bras and two pairs of my underwear a few weeks ago. Apparently he took them out of my room, put them on, and has been sleeping with them ever since. He's coming to give them back tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 019

You deserved it 2 581

By m - 22/08/2012 01:59 - United States - Stamford

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. I was pretty upset, so one of my guy friends offered to comfort me and get some ice cream. Apparently his definition of "comforting" is to feel my tits and try to get me to give him head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 845

You deserved it 5 842

By dork - 02/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I was at dinner with my boyfriend and his family. We were talking about relationships, and I commented on how online dating was the dumbest thing ever. His mom and step-dad went on to tell me how they had met through an online dating service. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 832

You deserved it 50 063

By ksztte - 27/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremly selfish person, and that I do not love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a backrub in 2 weeks, sleep too much and have a hormonal problem. Once again, I AM PREGNANT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 000

You deserved it 5 850

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 20:57 - United States - Muskegon

Today, my boyfriend decided that he didn't need a real job. He wants to sell pot for a living. Or hang drywall. He can't decide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 259

You deserved it 6 701

By Anonymous - 19/04/2012 14:14 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I had a conversation about how Victoria Beckham ate fruit salad for her birthday, as if it was an important subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 436

You deserved it 24 790

By anonymous - 31/10/2014 04:24 - United States - Rancho Cordova

Today, my ex-girlfriend started dating the guy she told me not to worry about when we dated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 282

You deserved it 4 116

By child - 10/12/2015 02:24 - United States - Avon

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 369

You deserved it 1 549

Online classes can be tricky

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 046

By Wowthanks - 05/05/2014 00:13 - United States - Greeley

Today, I asked the girl I like if she had her eye on anyone, subtly hinting that I wanted to date her. I sat there while she confessed her love for her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 911

You deserved it 6 255

By an unlucky man - 05/08/2016 09:37 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my current wife left me for my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 895

You deserved it 3 080

By Anonymous - 12/09/2018 18:30

Today, my mother turned up drunk at my house with a chocolate cake for my 14th birthday. I'm 27, I haven’t seen her in 6 years, I'm allergic to chocolate, and when she saw I had 2 kids she wanted to know why I bothered since kids are always "such a disappointment". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 538

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 02/11/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, my mom learned how to use the text messaging on her smartphone. I've received 37 already, and she calls after every single one to make sure I understood her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 100

You deserved it 3 247

By Harry Dare - 02/09/2011 16:31 - United Kingdom

Today, just after waking up, I caught a glimpse of my girlfriend in the mirror. Not knowing I was awake, she sniffed at her armpits, started gagging, then quietly came back to bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 920

You deserved it 4 301

By Anonymous - 06/05/2013 08:35 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I went to go see my granddad in the hospital and asked if he needed anything. He replied, "I need you to get out and send that hot nurse in, I may be old but I still got it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 627

You deserved it 6 581

Which is worse

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 19:01 - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I found out that my best friend of 25 years, who doesn't believe that her boyfriend raped me, unfriended me on Nintendo Switch online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 113

Always Google things before accepting

By Anonymous - 29/11/2021 17:02

Today, after a coworker had invited me over for a "Mukbang" and I'd agreed, thinking it was just some sort of exotic delicacy, I found out that he expected me to eat like a million calories of food on camera for his YouTube channel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 369

Hello Alanis ? We've got something for you.

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 00:30 - Germany - Wolfsburg

Today, two people at work - both higher up than me - called me out for "stomping" when I walk up stairs. I have a disability that causes this. We work at a place specifically for disabled people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 46

By Lespoon - 25/02/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, my mom drove my family to the desert for a themed family photo. We had to wear big frumpy old western-looking clothes in 115 degree weather. Hot and agitated, I muttered, "This is the ugliest thing I've ever had to wear." My mom, looking hurt, replied, "That's my wedding dress." FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 159

You deserved it 29 001

By Anonymous - 27/06/2010 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a party. No one there was under 60. I'm 16 and it was the only party I've been to all year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 136

You deserved it 7 819

By BX - 17/10/2015 12:09 - Netherlands

Today, I found out the hard way that if you spontaneously begin to lose weight, you may have cancer, not an increased metabolism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 971

You deserved it 1 793

By Bunni - 22/10/2009 22:22 - Australia

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 800

You deserved it 30 034

By Idiots - 05/09/2009 20:54 - Canada

Today, I was at a party when I got covered in the liquid from a glow stick. Thinking it wasn't a big deal I went to rub it off, but it stuck to my clothes. The cops came so everyone ran and hid in the bushes because we were all drunk. The cops arrested fifteen people because I glowed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 510

You deserved it 47 059

By Anonymous - 06/05/2017 02:20

Today, as I was pulling out of my apartment complex, I was rear-ended. When I got out of my car to see how bad the damage was, I wondered why the other guy wasn't getting out of his. As it turns out, he was busy pleasing himself. I found out when I approached his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 822

You deserved it 433

Wrong number

By Lovesickgal - 26/11/2019 14:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my ex-boyfriend texted me, saying, "I love you." Stupidly, I was very excited and replied, "At last! I still love you", to which he replied, "wrong number sorry, I don't love you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 882

You deserved it 601

By Numb - 11/04/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I got my wisdom teeth pulled. My usually detached and unromantic boyfriend rushed right over after work with flowers and movies. A little while later, he admitted excitedly that he'd heard the numbing medication also works on gag reflexes and wanted to test the theory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 364

You deserved it 7 015

By 2for1 - 28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 141

By Honest mistake - 18/04/2018 05:00

Today, I bought a tail for my girlfriend to dress as a cat at a hen party. She put the box in her suitcase, then left to catch her plane. I checked my purchase history and realised it's a cat tail butt plug. Now she keeps ringing me, but I'm too chicken to answer the phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 392

You deserved it 5 091

By anonymous - 08/12/2011 10:37 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 252

By Guitar-ZERO - 12/06/2009 20:40 - United States

Today, my band had a show. We played a love song, and during the bridge, I ask out a friend of mine who was in the crowd, over the mic, in front of at least 200 people. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 322

You deserved it 22 262

By mediocreboobs - 18/02/2009 22:31 - United States

Today, I was home alone tanning in my backyard which is fairly secluded. I took my top off and laid there for awhile before I looked over and saw the UPS guy standing at my gate with a package because nobody answered the door. I looked horrified and he said not to worry, he'd seen better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 375

You deserved it 8 820

By hopeless cluts - 29/01/2012 07:36 - Canada

Today, as I was crossing the slush covered street to catch the bus, I slipped and fell right in the middle of the road. A woman in a car rolled down her window. She didn't ask if I was okay but just laughed and took a picture of me covered in cold, wet slush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 042

You deserved it 2 371

By bearprint - 06/07/2016 18:45

Today, I lost my job to the individual I just finished training. Within 2 hours after being escorted out, my old boss called and yelled at me for doing a lousy job. He was angry that the training was deficient and because the new person is as bad as I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 238

You deserved it 1 371

By RePete - 04/11/2016 01:44

Today, thanks to downsizing and corporate restructuring, I was "promoted" to the entry level position I had 10 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 295

You deserved it 655

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

nix1993 41

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:12

For her birthday send her mens clothing, like socks, boxer shorts shirts etc. but take out the labels and make sure they wouldn't fit her husband.

vikky538 28

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:09

there's a reason people call mother-in-law a monster...

TheCookieComet 23

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:05

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

beaglegal 42

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:57

What would OP sue her for exactly?

laden_swallow09 34

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:06

He's just thinking he's funny. Pay him no mind.

1dvs_bstd 41

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:14

I would say it's sarcasm but what exactly will he sue her for? being a monster-in-law?

TheCookieComet 23

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:53

Yes 32 it was sarcasm... no one on FML seems to understand what that is

SystemofaBlink41 27

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 23:00

It seems to be the upvote/downvote ratio... If there are a certain amount of downvotes, people choose to ignore the sarcasm.

1dvs_bstd 41

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 23:03

yeah #44, it's like 'hey let's all jump on the downvote wagon and not have an opinion of our own.'

SystemofaBlink41 27

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 23:13

I actually thought your joke was funny, #46. But, whatever... FML seems to be pretty picky with its humor lately.

Firuzzy 10

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:07

Wow what a bitch.

immaMonsta 8

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:07

The only excuse for this is if the two of you have never met. If you have met, shame on her for sending something like that.

mif_fml 27

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:20

How often is it that you never meet your mother in law? Like not even at the wedding?

immaMonsta 8

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:56

We don't really know the situation. Maybe the person OP married has a bad relationship with their mother and didn't want their mother at the wedding.

juturnaamo 29

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 1:00

My husband didn't meet my mother until we'd been married about a year and a half. I was in the military and we eloped.

Eyeslick 33

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 5:44

For all we know she could have just married her dad and never met Op.

Crypticedge 6

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 23:18

My sister in law hasn't met her mother in law, but that's because my brother and I have disowned her due to shit she pulled when we were growing up.

vikky538 28

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:09

there's a reason people call mother-in-law a monster...

khyr33 4

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 4:52

Mother in law and woman hitter are spelled with the same letters...

Cookiee04 15

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 8:32

hitler*

Hellishowl 17

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

xMaeLA 24

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 9:44

Really...?

cheeeksss 29

Send a private message

Tuesday 24 February 2015 13:05

Dude...

aabbccddeeffmmll 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 25 February 2015 2:05

No, just, just, no

GuyOnBridge 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 15 March 2016 4:02

ha!

Pixelatedpotato 28

Send a private message

Monday 29 August 2016 18:49

I'm debating whether to upvote or downvote this...

feven 32

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:09

She probably doesn't know the difference between an odometer and a pedometer.

chickenlips23 16

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:09

I agree wit #1 It solves everything.

Noah197099 17

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:52

They why don't you just reply to his comment instead of making an entirely new comment?

chickenlips23 16

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:57

because im a rebal and in America you can do what ever the FUCK you want 8--->

laden_swallow09 34

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:08

Yeah, rebel without a clue. The song "Young, Dumb, and Ugly" comes to mind.

unidentifieduser 23

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:12

And the 2015 winner of the "Worst Mother-In-Law of the Year" award goes to this woman.

MzZombicidal 36

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 22:11

It's only February! Let's not jump to any conclusions! lol! Gotta give the other monsters-in-law a fair chance. ;P

nix1993 41

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:12

For her birthday send her mens clothing, like socks, boxer shorts shirts etc. but take out the labels and make sure they wouldn't fit her husband.

magickitten 26

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 2:02

OP should buy her some crutches for her birthday....

Stazza11 27

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 2:55

Or just send it back with a note saying that a speedometer and an electric motor would have been preferred. ^__^

Crypticedge 6

Send a private message

Monday 23 February 2015 23:20

Take the pedometer to home Depot and leave it on the paint shaker. Send it back after it gets high enough and see what she says.

_kyleG_ 34

Send a private message

Sunday 22 February 2015 21:26

The monster-in-law strikes again

Nearly

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 8

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 9

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 124

Today, my wife announced she wants to incorporate a saddle into our lovemaking. This might be fine, except she wants me to wear an actual 30-pound saddle, and I have bad knees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 689

You deserved it 84

New life

Egg mode

Online classes can be tricky

Which is worse

Always Google things before accepting

Hello Alanis ? We've got something for you.

Wrong number

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments