Miscellaneous: Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young....

By Noname - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. So I said 'yeah I was funny huh?' She replied 'Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35462

You deserved it

2623

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Caught red-handed

Life is unfair…

By EK - United States

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42831

You deserved it

7792

Favorite

By Mojo_Jojo - China

Today, my crush came to my house to watch movies with me. We were sitting on the couch when he turned to me and said that he had had a dream about me the night before. I moved in to kiss him, thinking he liked me. He then added that I had fallen of a cliff and he had pissed himself laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53884

You deserved it

6647

Favorite

By obese_chicken - Australia

Today, I went out to celebrate my birthday with a big group of friends. After waiting in line to get into a club, the bouncer looked me up and down and said, "No fat chicks." My friends went into the club without me and left me to take a $100 taxi home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44904

You deserved it

8286

Favorite

By Jim

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28313

You deserved it

4278

Favorite

By Emma - United States

Today, I had to hide the entire drawer of kitchen knives under my bed just to keep my mother from stabbing her cheating boyfriend, and slashing his tires. This happens more often than I'd like to admit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22148

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By workworkwork

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3431

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By ow - United States

Today, I learned that when you put duct tape over your mouth because you are bored, it really hurts taking it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6224

You deserved it

69603

Favorite

By changeddaily - Australia

Today, I was telling my friend how lonely I am on Skype. He responded by deleting me as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35360

You deserved it

11282

Favorite

By Matt L - 21/8/2020 14:07 - United States - Staten Island

Bad day

Today, I discovered a nail in the tire of my car and a nice sized crack on the screen of my phone. I didn't think the day could get worse, until on my way to fix my tire, the cherry of my cigarette fell off and burned a huge hole in my driver's seat. This was my day off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

761

You deserved it

1208

Favorite

By ehcanadianeh - Canada - Toronto

Today, I found $20 under my car seat, so I put it in the cup holder, only for it to fly out of the window while going down the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20651

You deserved it

11984

Favorite

By MakeMeASandwich - United States

Today, I found out that as a supervisor, if you reprimand a female worker and end the conversation with "Now get back to making sandwiches," your boss will consider it sexism and suspend you. I work at Subway. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57198

You deserved it

8893

Favorite

By Sam - Belgium

Today, on the way to an exam I saw a car accident happen. I stopped, helped the woman who was injured and waited for the paramedics. I was too late at school, the teacher didn't buy my excuse and I failed the exam. It was an examination of my first aid skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

77866

You deserved it

4292

Favorite

By Balls - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, for my family, my most impressive quality is I can make spaghetti and meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3357

You deserved it

511

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38258

You deserved it

2607

Favorite

By dude5028 - United States

Today, I switched from a pediatrician to an adult doctor. The guy was really persistant about a few personal questions. Then he brought my parents in the room and told them that I have an abnormally small penis and what remedies he knows of to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60006

You deserved it

4082

Favorite

By Mr IT - Sweden

Today, the company offering the job position that I've been applying for called me up. I wasn't there to answer so they got redirected to my voice mail in which I'm acting like a drunk David Hasselhoff chewing on a cheeseburger. They called me 5 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6737

You deserved it

42963

Favorite

By fucked by sex ed - United States - Manchester

Today, my 19-year-old son told me his girlfriend is pregnant, and was diagnosed with an STD. He's sure that he's the father. He's also sure he doesn't have an STD, because he's a virgin. I had to give him the sex talk that his school never did, as well as explain to him that his girlfriend is a cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50719

You deserved it

16912

Favorite

By max - United States

Today, I thought I was going on a date. About 20 minutes into it, after giving her my arm to hold (like a true gentleman) it came up in conversation that my brother is gay. Her response: "oh, so both you and your brother are gay?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

40310

You deserved it

2920

Favorite

By that's methed up, darling - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40793

You deserved it

6057

Favorite

By neighbour hell - Norway - Kristiansand

Today, after 2 months of my new neighbours' kids throwing rocks at our cars, constantly swearing at us, bullying my siblings in and out of school, and vandalising our property, their mother has convinced the landlord that we're the ones out of control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50943

You deserved it

2680

Favorite

By Lonely - Australia

Today, I found out that despite having attended every university party held over the last two years, the only physical contact I have had with a member of the opposite sex is when the security guard stamps my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35492

You deserved it

8363

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I put up an ad on Craig's List to find a best friend. I don't know what's more pathetic: looking for a best friend online, or the ad being removed almost instantly. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13630

You deserved it

31001

Favorite

By I don't trust them.

Cats are Satan's Minions

Today, I learned that our cats love to knock over glasses and cups, particularly if they have liquid in them. The latest victim of their antics? My expensive computer keyboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4122

You deserved it

957

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend threw my football over a wall, so we hopped over to go and get it. Next thing we know, we're both surrounded by men pointing guns in our faces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38295

You deserved it

7487

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend repeatedly whispering in my ear, "You want to give me a blowjob". Yes, he actually thought it would work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34861

You deserved it

4631

Favorite

By Cxisbest - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44887

You deserved it

10616

Favorite

By bad friend - United States - Monterey Park

Hissy fit incoming!

Today, my boyfriend’s female "best friend" hates me for absolutely no other reason other than she, "just doesn’t get along with girls." Boyfriend doesn’t see a problem with this, and insists I should just accept it since, "that’s just how she is." Time to throw the whole man away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1787

You deserved it

308

Favorite

By fashionVictim - United States

Today, a guy informed me that the cute, really tiny little leather bracelet with little silver hearts and several snaps that I'd found in a head shop is actually a cock ring. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44553

You deserved it

12930

Favorite

By ambulancedriver - Poland

Today, I was on the job as an ambulance driver, I got a call about a man who claimed he'd had a heart attack. When I got to the house, it turned out the man was fine. I did however manage to hit a dog on the way there in fear of the man dying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41295

You deserved it

5446

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was blaring the radio to drown out the sound of the kids in the apartment upstairs. They then started jumping in time with the music. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3453

You deserved it

795

Favorite

By nojob - Canada

Today, I was desperately handing out resumes. I came to my local grocery store and asked for a job application, the customer service rep told me all she needed was my resume. I smiled and gave it to her only to see her read it, laugh and put it straight in the garbage as I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50025

You deserved it

4435

Favorite

By XxOx - France

Today, my mom is going with me for a general check-up at the doctor's office. She just told me she had a nightmare last night that she went to the doctor with me, and he told her I'm pregnant. I am pregnant. I was about to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34546

You deserved it

7664

Favorite

By sasd32 - United States

Today, I called a potential employer. I left a message asking him to return my call. When he did, my drunk friend answered my phone with "I make a sexy-time with my mother in-law." I called him back twice immediately to explain. No answer. That was my last hope for a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49988

You deserved it

8838

Favorite

By NotFunny - United States

Today, I missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46947

You deserved it

4360

Favorite

By wiifantcso - United States - Sturtevant

Today, my sister was upset because she felt like no one liked her. Without thinking, I replied, "It's okay. If I acted like you, people would probably hate me, too." This sounded sympathetic in my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37961

You deserved it

24036

Favorite

Today, after 3 years of unemployment and 6 months of hard studying, I found out I hadn't actually registered myself for the public service exam that will happen later this month and could finally get me a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5419

You deserved it

2420

Favorite

By anonymous-canada

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26715

You deserved it

4256

Favorite

By malloreigh - Australia

Today, I was eating a meatball sub when a meatball fell out and rolled into my hair and all down my shirt. I couldn't find the missing meatball anywhere. I found it later, in my handbag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26660

You deserved it

4490

Favorite

By masterfail - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6442

You deserved it

19688

Favorite

By littl3storm

Today, I was trying on bras in a shop when a little kid stuck their head under my stall. I was completely topless and completely surprised when they asked if I was their mommy. I'm 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2192

You deserved it

157

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By k_tumble | 0

#22851 - Monday 9 March 2009 5:43

Hah that's ace - FYL.

Though she could have been talking just about you... saying you're funny and pretty.

By 2random | 0

#678 - Sunday 8 February 2009 16:08

LOL mums are the best

COMMENTS

By 2random | 0

#678 - Sunday 8 February 2009 16:08

LOL mums are the best

By k_tumble | 0

#22851 - Monday 9 March 2009 5:43

Hah that's ace - FYL.

Though she could have been talking just about you... saying you're funny and pretty.

By happygoluckyhh | 0

#301193 - Saturday 13 June 2009 17:56

Awww I feel so bad. I would have put on a sad face, walked away, and locked myself in my room for hours and hours and not talk to her until she appoliges. What a bitch!

darthtrey | 0

#4244515 - Sunday 1 April 2012 5:33

You're a loser. Get over yourself

By milgalo | 0

#325688 - Sunday 21 June 2009 4:55

Aww that sucks. D:

By Darraghscoot | 0

#908897 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 0:12

wow your gay it was a joke dont cry

By mariahrawks | 0

#909687 - Wednesday 3 March 2010 3:54

awwww.
Atleast she loves youu.

By Quidikic | 9

#1410124 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 21:52

win

By maybaybe | 0

#1977737 - Monday 17 January 2011 14:10

Aww. So mean :/

By thedawson890 | 0

#2916279 - Sunday 17 July 2011 21:31

it is better to be funny then to be pretty :D

By doglover100 | 28

#5175653 - Friday 23 November 2012 0:11

That's mean.