Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of...

By Anonymous - 24/6/2011 17:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to do something new and borrowed some of my clothes. She's currently wearing a very small pair of short shorts and a very tight tank top. We're going to a very prestigious golf course and she won't change. FML

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Miscellaneous

KoBabe

Fashion Police

Alexa, play "Cannonball" by The Breeders

By willieboom - 30/5/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I turned 30 years old. My dad, the only living relative I have, gave me a call. Not to wish me a happy birthday, but to tell me about "a hot piece of ass" he nailed at the senior center last night. FML

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By Noname - 2/3/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I noticed some of my things in my slob of a roommate's piles of clothes. I found six pairs of my underwear that had gone missing. Turns out she hasn't done laundry recently so my underwear drawer was her own personal Victoria's Secret. I hadn't even worn a pair yet. All six were stained. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/12/2012 08:17 - United States

Today, I had plans for a romantic night with my boyfriend, who is perfect in every way possible. We were going to have sex for the first time as well. Unfortunately, I had a dream last night about him shitting all over me and I can't look at him with a straight face. FML

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By MonieIndmiddle - 13/11/2017 05:00

Today, my kids caught a virus from school. My husband stayed home with them since I make more money and he didn't want to risk me getting sick. Guess which adult has the runs and is puking every five seconds. Nope, not him. FML

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By Bad parenting101 - 8/1/2017 03:23 - United States - Denver

Today, my son shaved his eyebrows. Two days ago, I caught my 10-year-old daughter watching porn. I'm totally winning at parenting. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/6/2015 07:54 - United States - Wheatland

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

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By Disturbed son - 16/9/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

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By thisrllysucks - 5/9/2009 14:16 - United States

Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML

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By chellegbelle - 14/5/2014 21:46 - United States - Graham

Today, I found out my neighbor collects body-bags. FML

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By BadBreath - 9/4/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/4/2016 18:18 - Netherlands - Den Dungen

Today, I fell asleep while taking a dump. At work. FML

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By Bug - 15/10/2012 21:38 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

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By - 14/1/2017 08:00

Today, I have peace of mind that I am not pregnant, thanks to my IUD. It's not because of the effectiveness of the contraceptive, but my inability to touch my boyfriend. I haven't stopped bleeding since my doctor installed it 3 weeks ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2009 14:55 - United States

Today, I snuck out of my house in the middle of the night. I ran into my dad carrying wine into another house. I didn't assume he was cheating until he saw me and said "I won't tell if you don't tell, please don't tell your mother". FML

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By inconnue - 18/3/2013 22:34 - France - Lyon

Today, it was my first time with my boyfriend, at his house, in his Dora the Explorer sheets. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/3/2016 14:36 - United States - Arlington

Today, my acne reached a new low. Literally. I'm now getting bright red pimples on my penis. FML

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By Jesse - 10/5/2012 21:22 - United States - Bothell

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

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By woopwoop - 18/4/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, while standing in line at the grocery store, I noticed that myself and the woman in front of me were wearing the same shirt. As she was about to leave, I said to her "Hey! I'm wearing that shirt!" She turned to me and replied, "Not in THIS size you aren't." FML

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By hatedatwork - 2/9/2019 13:00 - United States - Shreveport

Thanks mom!

Today, my CEO called and spoke to me like I'm a child. Apparently, she has a surprise for me, "but only if I clean up my office first." She hasn't been to my office in months because she works in another state. Turns out, someone texted her a picture of my messy office. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/4/2013 18:49 - United States - Rice Lake

Today, my husband tried to annoy me by slurping on his almost-finished drink. I yelled at him to knock it off. Later, our daughter told her class that mommy and daddy had been fighting about his drinking during breakfast. FML

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By dtmfa - 31/10/2009 04:31 - United States

Today, I spent the night with my guy, whom I hadn't seen in ages. In the middle of sex, he answered his phone, told me to be quiet, talked to the girl on the other end about how boring his day was, then left the room to finish talking to her. When he came back he asked if I felt like swallowing. FML

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By Not A Pervert - 4/11/2014 00:00 - United Kingdom - Peterborough

Today, while at work, I was shown CCTV footage of myself staring at the chest belonging to a teenager I was serving. I was accused of being a paedophile and nearly fired, all because I wanted to know what version of Spider-Man was on her T-shirt. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/4/2015 15:42 - Belgium

Today, what started with me forcing a shit a little too hard ended up with me being rushed to the hospital with appendicitis. FML

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By SinkingShip - 24/9/2014 07:15 - South Africa

Today, it's been two months since I started a three-year contract at a new job. So far, 5 people have resigned. Pretty sure I've joined a sinking ship. FML

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By OhMeGerd - 5/10/2012 14:56 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

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By Addicted2FML303 - 6/12/2010 22:50 - United States

Today, I was on the couch, about to make out with the guy I've been dating. As soon as our lips touched, my overprotective dog ran up and bit him. He bled. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/8/2020 14:00

I've been… held up

Today, I was finally able to see my gran for the first time since lockdown. She told me off for not visiting sooner. FML

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By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2014 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

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By Labro9 - 23/10/2016 08:20

Today, as I was transcribing my manager's recorded orated memo, I heard an unmistakable grunt and splash of an impromptu "bathroom deposit". Seems my manager is economising his time like never before. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/6/2013 17:52 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, my grandparents went around bragging to people that I'm taking my STD test. They meant to say SAT. FML

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By Noname - 14/3/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I yelled at my spouse in front of 20 guests for not coming to blow out his birthday cake candles. Turns out he was in the other room, quietly changing his disabled friend's diaper. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/7/2015 18:02 - United States - Greensburg

Today, I had lunch with an old friend I've had a crush on for years. We're both single, so I figured it to be kind of like a date. Until he started talking about how he told his brother last night that we would never be a thing. FML

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By Lil_bit - 4/1/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I backed into our new garage door. The same new garage door that we purchased because I broke our old one by backing into it. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2013 06:13 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I waited over an hour for my bus. As I finally saw it approaching, I reached into my purse to grab my ticket. The lady next to me then gave the driver a hand signal to keep driving. FML

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By EFFED4LIFE - 11/3/2009 05:33 - United States

Today, I was late to school for the third time this week because my alarm clock didn't go off. I clearly remembered setting it, so I videotaped myself sleeping. It turns out I've been turning off my alarm clock in my sleep. FML

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By Rejected. - 22/11/2009 17:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2013 05:47 - United States - Sanford

Today, I had to pee in my cat's litter box, just to avoid witnessing my mom having sex in the living room on my way to the bathroom. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/8/2009 14:20 - United States

Today, my mother told me she's disappointed in me for not going to a better college, and that if I was in the top ten of my class that the rest of those ten must be really dumb. Fact is, I threw away the acceptance letters to Carnegie Mellon and Cornell because I didn't want her to have to pay. FML

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By waitwhat - 18/3/2012 20:46 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I was browsing some hardcore porn sites. My mum decided to barge into my room uninvited, so I quickly switched tabs. Unfortunately for me, all five other tabs were also parked on porn galleries. Now my computer and phone are confiscated, and I can only get online at the local library. FML

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By number2 - 18/10/2011 01:14 - United States

Today, while sitting on the toilet, my phone pocket dialed my boss's cell. He was in the next stall. He answered. FML

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Top comments

By lifesabeach1213 | 7

#2752115 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:53

And the lesson is... don't judge teens by their parents and don't judge parents by their teens.

By OCDC | 9

#2752123 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:54

She's just reliving her hooker days.

COMMENTS

By lifesabeach1213 | 7

#2752115 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:53

And the lesson is... don't judge teens by their parents and don't judge parents by their teens.

ahhhFYL | 0

#2752131 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:55

hot stuff.

worldcupcheer17 | 0

#2752183 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:59

midlife crisis? oh yes.

NabbdjuretPerry | 0

#2752401 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:26

Tiger Woods are going to like it

ravensunnyd | 0

#2752679 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:13

does she weigh like 300 pounds?

imacreeper | 3

#2752778 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:35

69, I don't care if my mom weighed 300 lbs or 0 lbs, if she walked out of the house like that I would beg HER to disown me

Fmyspam | 0

#2752809 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:43

If she weighed zero, she wouldn't be walking.

imacreeper | 3

#2753057 - Saturday 25 June 2011 2:19

of course not. i wasn't being literal.

LordGoober | 13

#2753329 - Saturday 25 June 2011 3:10

I think that's how OP's mom pays the fees at the "prestigious golf course"

EagorLuvsBigFoot | 8

#2753392 - Saturday 25 June 2011 3:31

I wouldn't even go to the golf course. Thats like wanting a pie to be smashed into your face at school; totally embarrassing.

CareFace | 16

#2753471 - Saturday 25 June 2011 3:52

The lesson is.. Women shouldn't be playing golf in the first place.

TheTwistedOtaku | 16

#2753718 - Saturday 25 June 2011 4:53

Unless you a zombie.

gabstahhh | 8

#2753737 - Saturday 25 June 2011 4:57

Dear Jesus.

TheFakeFamilyGuy | 9

#2755151 - Saturday 25 June 2011 10:29

Kill her.

lerouxmaster | 7

#2756168 - Saturday 25 June 2011 16:35

Yeah, I agree ! Kill the bitch !
>:-D

Angi95 | 3

#2760106 - Sunday 26 June 2011 2:43

There your cloths.

thrAsHeRr9081 | 16

#2764004 - Sunday 26 June 2011 18:56

For Christ's sake, 178...

By YurTriniFantasy | 1

#2752121 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:54

you shud just take her to a different golf course then leave her there and you go to the real golf course tada!

volley4eva1698 | 0

#2752219 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:03

yuup that'll work for sure...

athena3100 | 9

#2752293 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:11

Or not play golf. Its so fucking boring!!!

kenji212 | 8

#2752472 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:38

i go with # 28 SI! !

kenji212 | 8

#2752491 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:41

heh it reminds me of tiger woods... heh ...heh heh! he shouldnt have messed with those other 18 holes!

daisyloo | 7

#2752801 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:40

Golf is usually pretty fun to play, but suuuper boring to watch:P

Idonebeenhad | 17

#2753434 - Saturday 25 June 2011 3:43

You should like stop being stupid yeah that'll work!!

MaskedAspen | 6

#2753676 - Saturday 25 June 2011 4:48

that comeback was utterly terrible, broski.

whitesox365 | 0

#2754822 - Saturday 25 June 2011 8:19

^^ i like how her pic matches her comment

TheFakeFamilyGuy | 9

#2755148 - Saturday 25 June 2011 10:28

Stfu 2

By OCDC | 9

#2752123 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:54

She's just reliving her hooker days.

qjdb | 8

#2752144 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:55

Or maybe she's trying to show you that your clothes are "hookerish"

WCARlover | 34

#2752149 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:56

...when OP was conceived :o

Lostdonut | 3

#2752395 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:25

Had to pay the membership somehow lol.

ThorneCrossed | 9

#2752806 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:41

milf stage: one of the best stages, right after teenagers

ThorneCrossed | 9

#2752814 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:43

18 and 19 for clarifycation

iSitt | 0

#2754751 - Saturday 25 June 2011 8:07

they used to call her the "19th hole"

By WCARlover | 34

#2752127 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:54

awkward...

EatnBeef | 7

#2752356 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:19

slap her with a condom. that worked for everything back in my day.

Civilianswilldie | 0

#2752363 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:21

oh beef, your comments are the best hahaha

Bubbles1354 | 0

#2752670 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:11

dude i love your picture

niw_fml | 0

#2761918 - Sunday 26 June 2011 8:46

i love your tits

By hedgerow | 0

#2752137 - Friday 24 June 2011 23:55

Be proud of your mom! She's the best woman in your life.

tracyjanay | 0

#2752438 - Saturday 25 June 2011 0:33

very true

yourshootingstar | 4

#2752938 - Saturday 25 June 2011 1:59

no I would flat out refuse to be seen with my mom if she did that.

duckdragon31 | 0

#3647744 - Sunday 27 November 2011 11:45

My mom pulled me out of catholic school and threw me into the "black" school and made my sister join a cult. We seriously need a category about parents fucking up