By best_mom_ever - 19/10/2012 07:59 - United States - Mount Juliet
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62, that's a great plan. I was adopted at birth, and my mother never hid it from me or from my brother. She let us set our own boundaries and explore with questions. By the time we knew where babies come from, we perfectly understood why we were adopted - my mother is incapable of bearing children, though my parents tried very hard - and that we were actually chosen. We felt very special and very loved.
Thats what i plan on, Grimmerie :) being someone who is pursuing a career in the environment, sustainability is something that's important to me, so because the human population is growing so quickly, I think it would be selfish of me to have more than one biological child (I don't think anyone is selfish for wanting more than one biological child and this shouldn't be policed at all, but for me it's important). So, I have thought about adoption quite a lot. I think it's the least I could do to give back to humanity, and so many kids need loving homes.
135- You can't unadopt a child. As a 15 year old that knows nothing about legal stuff, I'm even aware of the fact that unless it's dealing with foster parents and not the legal parents, you can't just give a kid up because you don't want them anymore. A better suggestion would be to kick her out when she turns 18.
kyleekay; I really wasn't referring to joking about it here, one of the main reasons why I like FML so much is because it's super sarcastic and I enjoy sarcasm very much. I was actually referring to Sinandraide's suggestion to say, "Just kidding!" to their adopted child or biological child. It's a very overwhelming situation.
She is a teenager. Most teenager wish they were adopted. Don't take it personal. :-) I felt that way when I was her age.
Pfft, I'm a teenager and I'm glad I'm not adopted, because this one girl at my school said a 13 year old girl (her real mum) got raped by a 42 year old man and she got put up for adoption right after she was born. But she gets harassed a lot because of it. Screw high school :(
No, you don't. The system is brutal, and getting adopted by a good, caring family is like playing Russian Roulette. That isn't to say that there aren't wonderful, kind-hearted people that have adopted. But there are plenty of abusive homes out there as well. Don't be ungrateful. Be happy you have a nagging mother/father/guardian. As annoying and irritating as they can be, they do it because they love you and care about your future. If you think I'm an adult trying to tell you what's best, I'm not; I'm 16 years old.
Well, ManInTheMachine, you are making quite an assumption there. For all you know, Kate may very well have horrible abusive parents that treat her like shit. Also, adoption agencies, private ones that match adoptive parents with children before they're born, do thorough background checks. Adoption is also a lengthy and expensive process. You're actually less likely to be abused in an adopted family. Just wanted to contribute my two cents.
You're absolutely right, grace. I completely agree, actually. However, as she provided zero information concerning her relationship status between her and her parents, and based on the fact that she's most likely using a phone/computer/laptop, I would say that her parents don't neglect her, and chances are she didn't spend any of her own money on these items (allowance doesn't count, as it is your parents giving you their own money). But yes, I was making an assumption, just like you are by stating her parents could be abusive. Honestly, I had no choice but to assume considering she gave zero information concerning her family's relationship.
Well I don't think access to a computer or smartphone necessarily makes a happy home, but yes, she'd probably get more sympathy if she gave a reason. Without one, it could be anything from, "my parents are inbred drug addicted low lifes who are constantly in and out of jail and beat the shit out of me," to ,"my parents have nooooo fashion sense whatsoever. It's so embarrassing! I mean, white socks with a black suit??? OMG!!!"
#59 & #46 i have to say," you both got good points there" but when i was 14-15 i use to hope that i was adopted too, only because my younger brother was their fav. However as i grew up i found out that its normal as all the parents are like this (mostly). Therefore it could be just some stupid/meaningless reason that kate have, while i am also assuming that it could be vice versa i.e. abusive parents. Although ManInMachine: its not tough to buy mobile/laptop/computer at the age of 14/15/16 as i had it by working as a photo editor. Or she could be the one going to cafe to use computer or school, as parents are abusive and she cannot buy anything like phone/laptop etc even if she can :....
78, I wasn't saying abuse never happens in adoptive homes. Just that it's less likely. In any case, abuse is certainly no more common in adoptive families than biological ones. I just take issue when people suggest that adoption and abuse go hand-in-hand. I think it's a terrible disservice to all the great adoptive parents out there who take in a child in need when they didn't have to.
79, I'm sorry that happened to you. I don't know the circumstances of your adoption or what your adoptive parents were like, but I do know that there was a reason your mother put you up for adoption. Your adoption may not have been ideal, but if you read the comments on here there are some very wonderful stories about adoption too. Everyone has their struggles growing up and that happened to be yours. I was born in England to a former US Navy sailor and a Royal airman. I spent the first six years of my life on a Royal Air Force base where I pretty much had freedom to go wherever I wanted in my neighborhood. Then when my family moved to America I had to give up most of my toys and become accustomed to being stuck in my house for my own safety. I also had an accent coupled with a speech impediment until I was about twelve. Being constantly teased every time I spoke was not an easy thing to deal with for six years of my early life. I also had severe ADHD, which made both school and socializing even more difficult. Now those things are far behind me, though. I speak like any other American, and I've learned to cope with my ADHD without medication. Someday you too may be at peace with your adoption and the things that happened to you, if only you let them stay in the past.
You should be happy she's taking it so well! :) I'm sure she was kidding.
Well, at least you can be happy that there isn't any super-bitch in your DNA. Give her a nice long chore list. Oh, she wanted to go out with her friends? Lol nope, she's grounded...
I don't think she should be punished for that. She just learned that she was adopted and that can be extremely devastating emotionally and mentally. She just found out that the only people she knew as mom and dad aren't her biological parents and that her biological parents are possibly dead, in prison for a very long time, couldn't afford a child, were teens when she was born and couldn't support her, her mother could have been a rape victim and didn't want a child that reminded her of that trauma but didn't want to abort her, etc. That's a lot for anyone, especially a teen, to take in. She may have responded that way as a defense mechanism to hide the fact that she was overwhelmed by this revelation and was possibly very hurt that her biological parents gave her up for adoption.
A sensitive time for the parents? For fucking sake, that girl, who's right in the middle of puberty, just heard that her beloved mommy and daddy are not her real mommy and daddy. Give her a break, could you? If anyone is to blame, it are the parents. Like there never was a better (and sooner!) moment to tell her.
And you're completely right, Doc! But be honest, what would your first reaction be if your parents told you now that you were adopted? Would it be A) My parents will always be my real parents, adopted or not! or B) Omfg?! I'm adopted? Who's my real mother and father? Why didn't they want me? Who am i? I don't know about you, but I go for option B. And I'm not even an insecure sixteen year old. And to 34: the parents choose to adopt her, they knew that they would have to tell her. In my opinion, they have waited to long with. Difficult or not, it's more easier for a child to deal with it if it's not a surprise which they've been waiting on for friggin' sixteen years.
DjeePee- I am going to have to disagree. If you tell a child to soon that they are adopted, they can start doubting themselves. They don't understand, then wonder would set in; "Why didn't my parents want me?"- "Is something wrong with me?".... Self blame, then therapists. They may not be mature enough to understand. You shouldn't tell them to early and you shouldn't wait too long. But to be honest, they'd know when the right time was if they raised her. The parents would know what their child could handle and when. If they paid attention. Not to mention, there are plenty of parents who wait until their children are married or maybe even never. So this isn't so bad.