By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 00:56 - United Kingdom - March

Today, my girlfriend tried to convince me that she never takes dumps. I told her that as long as she eats, it's a biological impossibility, but she seems to have genuinely deluded herself into thinking it's true, purely because she is a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks 26 067
You deserved it 3 283

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What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.

She's going to really hate motherhood someday.

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She can't be deluding herself if it's true.

I hope nobody starts saying puns like 'shit happens' or anything like that

Or in this case... shit doesn't happen.

Unicorns poop glitter.

HowAreYouToday 34

No, unicorns poop rainbows. Get your sh*t straight.

Oh, I wish girls were like that -.-

HowAreYouToday 34

Well, I wish I had a geass. Seriously though, were all human and people like you are the reason females have to hide normal bodily functions.

She's just too legit. Too legit to shit.

I want to believe that girls cant poop, so I choose to wrongly believe it

70- You wish girls didn't have the same bodily functions as men?

Perhaps calling it something else would confuse him! From now on, women don't fart, they 'pass gas'! Totally different.

Women don't fart, we fluff.

Girls don't pool

69, no pun intended?

And we don't sweat, we glisten.

Yeah! Get it straight like a rainbow...wait...

This post made me think of the south park episode when Stan's dad takes the biggest shit in the world... Maybe she's just trying to beat his record

178: Only attractive people glisten, male or female.

she's telling the truth. girls don't poop, or fart. that's a fact

Oh god :L People glistening is way too close-for-comfort to twilight *shudders*, then again ironically it is a load of shit haha

What a moron. I know girls who fart, burp, and shit more than a man.

Nope. One of my old friends actually. Everyone in school called her Shrek.

So you're telling me that you've never once in your life farted, burped or shit worse than a man? You're just as bad as OP!

Lol no, but I'm saying on a daily basis. Everyone gets the shits. Everyone farts and burps. But most women won't be open about it like some men will. And then there's people like OP, who will fully believe they don't ever do that.

*OP's girlfriend.

Wow Roevera, maybe you should actually read her comment(s)...

I don't know why, but this is the most disturbing thread for some reason...

I have a friend that claims that she has never farted. I keep telling her it's impossible but she says it's true..

I agree cuz that's what I'm like. For instance I'm checking fml while I'm on the crapper.. And I make crazy burps

My mom was like that, she never passed gas until after cancer surgery when she had 16 inches of colon removed.

Wow... Either she thinks you're stupid enough to believe that... Or she's a bit challenged herself.

I don't understand why she would even say that. She has to take a dump sometime where OP might be around.

Yeah how can she think that because she has to do it and then that's proof to her that she'd wrong. She just doesn't make sense.

She's going to really hate motherhood someday.

Careful OP. Knowing her idiotic logic, if you have a baby girl that poops, she might accuse you of cheating too..... "this is not my child, it poops!!"

Are you seriously encouraging this mental midget to breed?

46- Actually, giving birth will prove what a liar she is. A lot of women poop as they deliver their child. "What is this? What is this coming out? I have another hole there? What is going on?!?"

I'm with 165 idiots like this should not be allowed to contribute to the gene pool

Doesn't she know that when she was a baby that's what she spent most of her time doing?

I didn't mean to post this twice. The app messed up.

Doesn't she know that when she was a baby that's what she spent most of her time doing?

Um. Maybe taking dumps since this is what the FML is about.

Taking a dump

That's not actually a grammar rule, you know. It's stylistic. But you should consider correctly capitalizing your sentences before you criticize others' grammar. :)

172- Don't underestimate us Grammar Nazis.

Looks time its time to get a new and smarter girlfriend. :P

Y is that everyone's solution on this site.. Oh she said something stupid get rid of her get a new one.. Most likely the next one is going to say something stupid too.. And maybe OPs girlfriend just feels its inappropriate to discuss farting and pooping w him. Maybe she was raised not to talk like that

I disagree, if your girlfriend is stupid enough to legitimately believe she doesn't take a dump, it's time to be with someone who can understand bodily functions. Like the saying goes... Everyone poops.

138: I never understood why it was so taboo to talk about normal bodily functions. I understand if you don't want to disclose the surly, intricate details of each one of your bowel movements, but it should never be bad if you simply said that you took a shit. I hate people.

She's a blond... right?

On behalf of blonde women everywhere: Kindly fuck off. Thank you.

I was going to post a comment saying "Let me guess..she's a blonde." But I am a blonde now and a natural blonde as well. Not all of us are nitwits. :)

Definitely not. Some of the smartest people I know are blonde. Pretty sure the whole "blonde" joke was kind of phased out as the times changed.

Thank u #27 my words exactly

How do u know she's blonde maybe she is but that doesn't mean all blondes are stupid ok it's just being racist

Do you know what being racist means?

You mean hairist ... Haha Forgive me

People make the blonde jokes because when people bleach their hair the peroxide in the hair dye can cause brain damage. There you go folks, a brief explanation on how the blonde jokes came to be. And the media also has much to do with it as well.

Peroxide is the stuff you clean wounds with. I doubt it would do much damage to your brain cells even if there was peroxide in hair color.

this is neither criticism nor herald (nor judgment) of hair follicle colouration but for some reason wouldn't expect a blonde commenting about 'blondeness' to use the word 'nitwit'. However, I like some blondes and the word nitwit so hhmm I guess that's okay.

But we really don't poop...

You're full of shit.

That's not true. We shit rainbow and glitter.

Not unless you swallow an arts and crafts kit, you don't.

I see what you did there 24

Only Ke$ha shits rainbow and glitter.

If she never poops she sure is ;)

She is a ridiculous "singer" in the U.S. that sings about partying, drinking, doing drugs, and having sex. One of the many bad influences in today's society.

Wait for her to take a dump and then bust in and yell "Ha! Told you so!".

or put laxatives in her food when you hangout , she'll admit it eventually with all the bathroom trips!