Love: Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 102

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 110

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 41

27/10/2018 17:30

Today, my girlfriend's homophobic cousin claimed she saw me making out with my gay friend in public. I was home alone all day, but my girlfriend is crying and unconvinced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 397

You deserved it 146

Sorry…

Late term

The ole answer/forward conundrum

19/10/2011 05:38

Today, at work, I misheard a customer telling me a story. To be polite, I did a slight laugh and nodded my head. She actually told me her mum had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 093

You deserved it 22 046

07/12/2011 18:43

Today, after being yelled at by our boss because the office computer server has yet another virus, my co-worker and I did a bit of investigating. Apparently, the viruses aren't coming from client emails as we previously assumed. It seems that the problem is really our boss's porn addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 116

You deserved it 2 554

08/02/2011 23:29

Today, I went to get an ultrasound of my reproductive system done because I was having some abdominal pain. Everything was fine until the tech suddenly gasped and said, "Oh my God! You have two uteruses! Want me to print off a picture so you can show them off to your friends?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 752

You deserved it 3 561

20/09/2016 00:38

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 14 786

Bullshit reason

By Anonymous - 14/06/2020 23:02

Today, my husband wants a divorce. His reason, so he claims, is that he went to see a card reader a few months ago and she told him our relationship would not last. Apparently, our astrological signs or something are not compatible, so he thinks we shouldn't waste our time. We have been married for 8 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 803

You deserved it 151

22/09/2010 05:37

Spicy

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 13 764

Doing my part

By VonGore - 03/09/2021 14:00

Today, my professor stated that every student who had perfect attendance would be exempt from taking the final. Having perfect attendance so far, I was thrilled. Then come to find out I have jury duty the day before the exam; she won't excuse my absence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 100

Free healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 07/03/2021 02:00

Today, I learned that my MS medication is going to cost 25k a month. My insurance won't cover a cent. I don't even make that much in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 337

You deserved it 54

Tattoos are for life

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:01

Today, my husband cried more at the funeral of his tattoo artist than he did at his grandmother's funeral. Seriously, at the artist's funeral, he was crying; at his grandmother's, he kept checking the time on his phone and yawning. What man did I marry? FML

I agree, your life sucks 754

You deserved it 273

05/08/2014 02:00

Today, my blind date turned out to be my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 766

You deserved it 4 600

31/05/2016 19:05

Today, I went to a party. After asking several people about the ingredients in a cake, I took one bite and ended up in the hospital with a severe reaction to the nuts that "definitely weren't" in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 402

You deserved it 908

06/09/2010 04:25

Today, my boyfriend got scared of a fly, freaked out, and accidentally punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 165

You deserved it 4 126

15/11/2009 17:55

Today, I was really depressed so I talked on the phone with my best friend. She was telling me how a guy she really liked complimented her. I told her it was be nice to get at least one compliment. After a long silence she says, "You're really good with computers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 349

You deserved it 5 876

Rom-com

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 11:02

Today, I finally got the courage to tell my best friend who I'm crushing hard on that I like her. She gave me a look of revulsion and asked if I was joking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 070

You deserved it 127

The innocence of children

By Anonymous - 21/02/2020 01:00

Today, my 5 year old stabbed me in the back with a pencil because I stole her nose and wouldn’t give it back. My daughter has been sulking now for 3 hours and refuses to breathe until she has her nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 569

28/02/2011 16:26

Today, my assistant manager was arguing with a customer. I interjected letting the customer know that "we want everything to be copacetic." After the customer left, I received a write up for using "big words." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 830

You deserved it 5 369

17/12/2010 17:30

Today, my car heater finally died. I deliver pizzas. In Alaska. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 162

You deserved it 4 250

31/03/2012 18:53

Today, I was kicked out of my review lecture at community college, for "being a disturbance and refusing to stop whistling." I wasn't even given a chance to explain that I have a cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 433

You deserved it 2 481

07/12/2010 10:35

Today, I got a phone call from a friend, who lives in the same neighbourhood as me, wondering if it was my father she saw walking a dog by her house, wearing only his boxers. It was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 849

You deserved it 2 376

Not what you think

By WhataStrangeTripThisIs - 03/06/2021 11:01

Today, I got an unexpected call from my ex who I'd had been missing. He repeatedly called me a whore for having multiple hotel rooms in the last couple of weeks. I had them because I got a promotion at work and have been working out of town frequently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 917

You deserved it 92

29/02/2012 14:49

Today, I accidentally shaved part of my eyebrow. It now looks like I'm trying to raise one without moving the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 723

You deserved it 22 311

03/12/2016 09:54

Today, I've had so many family members die in the past 4 years, I now think of which pictures would look good at people's funerals when I look through photo albums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 883

You deserved it 640

Parenting is exhausting

By ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - 28/12/2015 05:43

Spicy

Today, our daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid-blow job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 218

You deserved it 2 858

15/09/2017 07:00

Today, I frantically finished a paper that I needed to complete before midnight about the competencies of my pharmacy school. When it came time to submit, I accidentally selected the file below my paper, which was my personal log of beer reviews and personal favorites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 158

You deserved it 3 070

11/03/2011 05:20

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 465

You deserved it 4 595

Marriage story

By collegekid - 17/05/2020 14:00

Today, after 25 years of marriage, my parents decided to get a very nasty and extremely expensive divorce. Using my college tuition to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 892

You deserved it 147

22/09/2011 10:31

Today, my boyfriend confessed that after every fight we have, he dips my toothbrush in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 289

You deserved it 5 408

21/12/2009 05:20

Today, I was sleeping in my room when I awoke to an unfamiliar female voice in my apartment followed by a thud. I walked out to find a drunk girl I've never met collapsed in my doorway. After puking all over the place, she had me call her father who picked her up 10 minutes later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 386

You deserved it 3 153

15/07/2009 23:22

Today, I was at the grocery with my 4 year old daughter. She needed me to tie one of her shoes so I bent down. When I was done, I tickled her under the armpit and she screamed "Don't touch me there!". Everyone in the store turned to stare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 429

You deserved it 7 222

07/10/2016 20:22

Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 865

You deserved it 1 138

30/12/2009 02:10

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 236

You deserved it 37 876

25/10/2012 02:36

Today, my friend and I were walking home when we saw a patch of wet cement. Taking a page out of every single Disney movie ever made, we wrote our names in it. What Disney movies don't show is when the neighbors tattle on you and you have to pay $500 to get the cement redone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 405

You deserved it 34 625

24/04/2013 21:15

Spicy

Today, I found out that my roommate has a masturbation problem; the problem is that he does it in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 650

You deserved it 4 900

10/06/2009 20:05

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and I when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 922

You deserved it 43 357

10/04/2019 18:00

Today, at 2:30am, I heard my baby crying on the monitor. As I got out of bed, she stopped crying and started laughing. There's nobody else in the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 001

You deserved it 224

17/01/2015 21:12

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 845

You deserved it 5 753

06/11/2010 17:24

Today, my boyfriend ditched me, saying he had some important things to do. When I checked on him a while later, I found out what was so "important". A game called Robot Unicorn Attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 765

You deserved it 9 452

Quickie

By HolyyMolyy - 11/07/2016 10:24

Today, I was ecstatic to have received a friend request from my crush of grade 4 after 11 years. He's grown up to be such a hottie. I quickly accepted his request, he messaged me and we ended up chatting for hours. Later, when I messaged him, he called me clingy and unfriended me from Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 600

You deserved it 1 993

30/07/2013 01:32

Today, my daughter's biggest aspiration is to create a time machine for the sole purpose of going to the '70s to see the Ramones in concert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 758

You deserved it 9 361

14/09/2015 23:58

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 842

You deserved it 19 263

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Top comments

Deez_Knots 10

Saturday 27 October 2018 19:37

Her cousin is definitely gay but won’t admit it

Chloe555_fml 27

Send a private message

Saturday 27 October 2018 18:20

Back away slowly and run... don’t look back.

Comments

Chloe555_fml 27

Send a private message

Saturday 27 October 2018 18:20

Back away slowly and run... don’t look back.

Deez_Knots 10

Saturday 27 October 2018 19:37

Her cousin is definitely gay but won’t admit it

Send a private message

Saturday 27 October 2018 20:00

I hate to say this, but maybe it's best not to persue the relationship any longer. Your girlfriend clearly has a toxic relative who is trying to sabatoge the relationship. This won't be the last time he pulls something like this, and it'll only get worse. She was also quick to believe her asshole, toxic cousin over you without evidence. Would you really want to stay with someone who not only has a horrible relative willing to kill the relationship but who is easily fooled? Whichever decision you choose, I wish you luck.

whiskey'swino 15

Send a private message

Saturday 27 October 2018 22:06

I hope he is not saying this to instigate a threesome. Seriously though, sounds like this family has more issues than vogue. Run.

Austin Schmit 10

Send a private message

Sunday 28 October 2018 6:06

Clearly the cousin is a female. Multiple people have made the same wrong assumption. Says something about our society...whether that is about reading comprehension or sexism regarding homophobia is up in the air.

onceuponatime456 16

Send a private message

Sunday 28 October 2018 1:01

Get rid of her if she believes her cousin over you! She is not worth the agony!

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:51

Someone needs a punch