Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated... - FML

By Pon - 23/01/2017 18:00

Today, my girlfriend bought me a new hockey jersey and donated my old one. My old one was signed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 239

You deserved it 498

BO Central

There's no helping some people

Things can only get better

By send the army please - 02/05/2016 06:51 - United States - Elizabeth

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend, because her military father, who doesn't like me, continuously threatened my safety for dating her. Now he's threatening to kill me for dumping her. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 239

You deserved it 1 519

By Rachel8896 - 15/08/2013 11:28 - United States - Lakewood

Today, it was my birthday. I spent all day in bed, sick with the flu. My boyfriend then broke up with me by text, because he didn't want to risk getting sick by doing it in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 973

You deserved it 3 404

By jmitch1209 - 28/01/2010 17:55 - United States

Today, I was potty training my nephew. He had been on the toilet for almost twenty minutes and could not go. My phone started ringing, and as I went to pick it up he knocked it into the toilet. He then peed and pooped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 838

You deserved it 3 842

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 2 343

By Anonymous - 17/01/2015 18:11 - Australia - Perth

Today, I had to explain to my teenage daughter that The Interview wasn't a documentary and that Kim Jong-un wasn't actually assassinated by a pair of goofy reporters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 425

You deserved it 6 295

By leopard - 01/06/2018 19:00

Today, I was finally confident enough to buzz half my hair off into the style I've wanted since I was young. Turns out that I have a particularly large and angry-looking skin problem across my scalp that may well have been there for years. It'll take months to grow back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 331

You deserved it 818

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 068

You deserved it 7 768

By Anonymous - 28/09/2013 11:44 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out this girl I had sex with lied to me. They weren't razor burn bumps. And I now have them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 614

You deserved it 40 228

By millzee - 17/01/2009 17:41 - United States

Today, I spent 6 hours on an airplane next to an alcoholic Pink Floyd fanatic. I must've drifted off because when I took a trip to the bathroom I noticed that my pant leg that had been closest to the drunk man was soaking wet. I returned to my seat. He was on his side, facing me. I smelt the wet spot. Not beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 205

You deserved it 1 981

By snitchovich - 27/05/2009 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was sitting in a bar next to this gorgeous guy who kept eyeing me up and after about 30 minutes he finally leaned in to whisper something in my ear. What he said? "If I were you, I would get a push-up bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 745

You deserved it 6 025

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 536

You deserved it 8 749

Kinky

By huskynick - 18/06/2020 05:05

Spicy

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 591

You deserved it 579

By Anonymous - 13/02/2013 05:12 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, working as a waitress, I was asked by a customer, yet again, how my baby was doing. I don't have a baby, but I do look very similar to my 25-year-old coworker, who's a new mom. People confuse us all the time. Unfortunately, my crush, who was standing nearby, doesn't know that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 044

You deserved it 2 720

By Roommate - 28/09/2016 16:03 - United States - Olympia

Today, my new roommate sent me a picture of our toothbrushes bristles touching with the caption "Look! I made them kiss!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 016

You deserved it 927

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 219

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 05:15 - United States - Bronx

Today, my wife said she was going to her friend's place to help her with couponing. She started getting ready at 5pm; shaved her legs, did her hair, put on skin-tight leggings and a low-cut top. Left at 6pm, snuck back in at 2:50am. Shit, couponing must be really exciting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 030

You deserved it 2 862

By hunta331 - 14/07/2019 22:00

Today, I learned just how bad jellyfish stings hurt. Multiple times. On my testicles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 197

Smells like… victory

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 16:12 - United States

Today, they're pumping out the septic system in the building next door. I'm three months pregnant, suffering from morning sickness, and can smell everything within a three-mile radius. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 222

You deserved it 3 814

By LittleRed79 - 03/11/2016 04:49 - Canada

Today, it's difficult being a single woman in my city: The female/male ratio is 3:1, and the last 3 dates I've been on were with a guy who kept asking for nudes, an aggressive raging alcoholic, and what turned out to be a married man. I'm seriously considering adopting several more cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 827

You deserved it 1 015

By superfiedman - 04/08/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, I came home at noon from a long night out. I was surprised to see a woman I didn't recognize standing in my living room in a brown dress and heels. As I walked up to the door and knocked to be let in, the woman whipped around and I figured out who it was. My dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 418

You deserved it 3 413

By Anonymous - 01/07/2014 04:26 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, after losing his job, I reassured my boyfriend by telling him I'd rather be with him living in a cardboard box than to be without him. He responded by telling me he'd rather be dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 358

You deserved it 6 067

It is weird

By huh? - 28/09/2020 05:02 - United States

Today, my wife called me a pervert and a degenerate for lusting after a teenage girl. I’d found some old pictures from high school and remarked about how sexy she’s always been. It was her I was talking about. I said she’d always been attractive, but liking her as a teen is now weird I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 220

By Jim - 25/01/2011 08:27

Today, during PE I got hit in the face with the ball. Everyone cheered because we got 5 extra points. No one asked if I was okay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 336

You deserved it 4 282

By Sue Ellen - 21/04/2014 15:43 - United States - Providence

Spicy

Today, at my wedding, my husband stood up to give a speech. It started out beautiful, until he told everyone how he started to fall in love with me after I blew him on our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 254

You deserved it 15 276

By live2dance4ever - 06/07/2019 14:00

Today, I went to attend my summer school class again after being out sick for a week. When I said "Here" during roll call, everyone started cheering and clapping. Apparently, my professor has been badmouthing me while I've been absent for pretending to be sick. I'm sure my grade will be fantastic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 631

You deserved it 193

By Kidsthesedays - 09/11/2015 19:33 - United Kingdom - Saint Neots

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 729

You deserved it 3 263

By Anonymous - 04/01/2016 15:14 - United States - Dalton

Today, this beautiful girl that I've known for a long time told me that she just can't date me anymore because I remind her too much of her cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 340

You deserved it 1 887

By IssacB - 17/07/2015 17:56 - United States

Today, I came home after just 3 weeks of being away. It seems like my pool now has its own mini-ecosystem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 791

You deserved it 5 471

By Sam - 01/11/2009 23:10 - Canada

Today, I bought an iTunes giftcard worth $50. I tried to scratch off the little silver thing covering the code with a pair of scissors. I scratched so much that it's now unreadable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 757

You deserved it 58 808

By hairless - 09/10/2011 03:53 - Canada

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 375

You deserved it 6 753

By Detroitman125 - 10/11/2018 03:00

Today, my parents told me that they think I've gone off the deep end. I don't drink or take drugs. What did I do? I got McDonald's a couple times after school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 620

You deserved it 216

By Anonymous - 02/11/2013 01:20 - United Kingdom - Ringwood

Spicy

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 334

You deserved it 6 222

Nice husband you've got there…

By dididikaisik - 01/08/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I received a call from my husband of 10 years from prison. He sobbed on the phone as he explained to me that his anger got the best of him, and couldn’t control himself. He beat the pulp out of a classmate of his for declining a date with him, and sent her to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 204

You deserved it 89

By anonymous - 25/01/2016 14:09 - United States - Waxhaw

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 001

You deserved it 2 025

Don't leave my baby boy

By Julia - 17/03/2021 02:01

Today, after a year of unemployment due to my industry shutdown, I finally got a job offer. It involves overseas travel. After being cooped up a year, I'm thrilled! My boyfriend's mother is willing to pay my rent and bills for me to stay home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 125

By Aaron - 26/08/2010 05:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a video about spiders. When I felt a tickle on my foot, I kicked hard in panic. It was one of our newborn kittens walking. I almost killed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 612

You deserved it 55 913

By ronnieG - 16/07/2013 16:06 - United States - Decatur

Today, my wife and I were having a fight, when she grabbed my car keys and threw them over into the neighbors overgrown junk yard. My car is a restored '59 Belvedere and the keys can't be replaced. I've been looking for hours and I still can't find them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 273

You deserved it 8 741

By Anonymous - 14/09/2010 02:56 - United States

Today, I had a conference with my dad, my counselor, and my history and English teachers because my dad was "concerned" about my grades in those two classes. We talked for a while and it was going well, then my counselor asked what I wanted to study in college. I said I wanted to be a teacher. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 736

You deserved it 4 657

By sbutler - 14/07/2011 20:14 - United States

Today, while at my job at a Christian summer camp, I overheard one of the kids swearing. I politely said, "Please, only speak as Jesus would." He paused for a moment and replied, "Go to hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 406

You deserved it 51 186

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 444

You deserved it 352

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Top comments

CamBamShamDaMan 26

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Wednesday 18 January 2017 0:54

Why do people think it's ok to sell another persons stuff without asking?

iswearimhuman 12

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Monday 23 January 2017 18:08

Well, she thought enough of you to try to surprise you? Albeit not the right kind of surprise. Let's all take this as a moral to STAY 10 FEET AWAY FROM THINGS THAT AREN'T OURS AND YES I'M LOOKING AT YOU MUM YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT MY GUY FIERI POSTERS Sorry OP. That sucks big time :/

Comments

CamBamShamDaMan 26

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 January 2017 0:54

Why do people think it's ok to sell another persons stuff without asking?

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Monday 23 January 2017 20:21

She didn't sell it, but I agree to not touch other people's shit.

tj4234 35

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Monday 23 January 2017 18:06

Wow... she'd quickly become an ex girlfriend if I were you OP.

iswearimhuman 12

Send a private message

Monday 23 January 2017 18:08

Well, she thought enough of you to try to surprise you? Albeit not the right kind of surprise. Let's all take this as a moral to STAY 10 FEET AWAY FROM THINGS THAT AREN'T OURS AND YES I'M LOOKING AT YOU MUM YOU WEREN'T EVEN SUPPOSED TO KNOW ABOUT MY GUY FIERI POSTERS Sorry OP. That sucks big time :/

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 23 January 2017 18:12

She's saying your old hockey jersey stunk.

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Monday 23 January 2017 18:45

Ouch. I'm sure she didn't know OP, and you can try to track it down! If she did know, well then donate her. Her mom can pay to have her back

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 23 January 2017 19:50

Not if I find it first

ColonelCusswords 24

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Monday 23 January 2017 19:43

On the plus side, somebody else's day is gonna be great

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Monday 23 January 2017 20:05

I'm sorry fam, thats a hard loss

Canadian0622 17

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Monday 23 January 2017 22:36

That is so sad! Who was it signed by?

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 24 January 2017 4:20

Peyton Manning. Ironic, huh?

poprocker11221 10

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Monday 23 January 2017 22:50

That sucks.

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Monday 23 January 2017 23:43

Can someone please enlighten me as to why the signed one is better than a new one?

DoomedGemini 37

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Tuesday 24 January 2017 1:15

Because it was probably was signed by a famous player or something?

silvermoon5033 26

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Tuesday 24 January 2017 1:47

lol seriously?

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Tuesday 24 January 2017 2:45

Is this an actual question?

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Tuesday 24 January 2017 14:27

well, signed jerseys are like double the price of a normal regular jersey and also its signed! It's like owning a limited edition item and 'as a surprise' you get the regular item and your limited edition item is gone. (i once had a signed hockey jersey... my grandmother decided i have "no use" for it since it was on my wall. sold it for 50 and gave me 5bucks. guess who i stopped talking to.

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Thursday 26 January 2017 0:17

signed is worth more and has sentimental value

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 85

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 87