Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I...

By DamnThatsHarsh - 16/10/2009 18:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were fooling around on camera. I was mostly naked and putting on a show for her, when I noticed that she was looking off to the side instead of where she normally looks when she's talking to me. She was playing solitaire on her computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 296

You deserved it 4 314

Intimacy

BO Central

Best teeth in the game

Sorry…

By kiwi023 - 14/02/2012 06:50 - Canada

Today, I spent an hour cleaning my already-clean house to avoid any form of conversation with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 255

You deserved it 27 903

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 00:27 - United States

Today, I found a surveillance camera in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 200

You deserved it 4 087

By Anonymous - 05/02/2010 21:07 - United States

Today, I was anxiously waiting for the guy I had a crush on to pick me up for our first date. He shows up with his son, whom I never knew about, and takes us to Chuck E. Cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 773

You deserved it 5 364

By trafficfail - 01/06/2011 16:43

Today, as I was driving to work, I glanced in my rear view mirror to see an old man behind me using binoculars to see in front of him since we were stuck in a huge traffic jam. He rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 2 808

By Anonymous - 21/05/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 138

You deserved it 3 308

By herve - 22/05/2009 19:50 - Lebanon

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years and I decided to have sex for the first time. When we were in the room, finally ready to start, she confessed that she had never seen a penis before. To make her more comfortable, I showed her mine. At the sight of it, well, she actually fainted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 797

You deserved it 11 573

By thankzbabe - 04/01/2012 12:32 - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that my vagina reminds him of ham. But that's okay, because ham is his favorite food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 107

You deserved it 5 535

By Anonymous - 25/05/2013 04:50 - United States - Clifton

Today, I locked my keys in my car. Good thing I went to Lowe's to make spares, which are also now locked in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 555

You deserved it 18 296

Hormones

By HormonesSuck - 25/03/2021 23:30 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I'm 23 weeks pregnant and super horny. I also cried during sex with my husband because I can't orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 167

By Wow - 13/03/2012 04:38 - United States

Today, I realized that I am so sexually deprived that I get aroused when plugging my headphones into my computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 501

You deserved it 8 844

By KP - 25/06/2009 16:22 - United States

Today, while I was working a customer notified me that the men's restroom need some attention. Thinking that there was just a small mess, I walked into the restroom only to discover someone had taken a crap in the sink. Guess who got to clean it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 046

You deserved it 3 077

Denied

By uglyswimmer - 23/04/2009 01:58 - United States

Today, I was talking to a swimmer I just met. I saw a cute guy and whispered to her, "That guy is hot." She asked "Who?" I pointed at him. She turned to see him, then turned back to me and said "Ew, that's my brother." She went to him, whispered something. He turned around to see me and said, "EW." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 555

You deserved it 7 714

By Wtfbro - 24/12/2013 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of five years got me a ring for Christmas. When I opened it, I was speechless and overjoyed. He then said, "It's just a ring. It doesn't mean anything." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 953

You deserved it 5 777

By Anonymous - 21/02/2014 07:02

Today, I was let go from work because they need "younger people". I'm 19 and I work at a flower market. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 522

You deserved it 3 313

In the cold

By the dog won - 16/07/2020 14:01

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 236

Moving day

By Anonymous - 11/09/2015 18:49 - Canada - Brampton

Today, I told to my girlfriend of 5 years that I'm depressed about having no friends, no job and a difficult family life. I told her that she's the one constant that keeps me going. She decided this was a good time to break up with me to "find" herself, since I was being so mopey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 285

You deserved it 3 809

By GodDamnFan - 27/05/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 146

You deserved it 5 775

He protecc

By arianelagolden - 04/08/2016 07:27

Today, I saw our boss, visiting from the USA, press the button on the coffee machine, probably thinking a cup will drop automatically. I grab a cup in the cupboard and put it under the now pouring coffee. Next thing I knew, I'm lying on the floor, my boss's bodyguard on top of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 103

You deserved it 1 336

By kafreen - 30/08/2016 19:35 - United States - Tucson

Today, I arrived at work early. I noticed the plants on the side of my classroom could use some water so I went out to do so. On the way, I found a beer can. Not wanting the kids to see it, I picked it up but some spilled on my dress. I quickly noticed a familiar smell. No, not beer. Urine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 606

You deserved it 1 252

Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 549

You deserved it 9 495

By wellthisisawkward80 - 06/11/2011 05:15 - United States

Today, I was attending my bachelor party. I watched a very attractive young girl dancing on a pole, giving me a seductive look. As she walked up to me, I realized it was my soon-to-be wife's younger sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 555

You deserved it 17 916

By clkoko - 27/11/2015 02:47 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I noticed that the eye drops I have been using 3 times a day for the past week expired when the Jonas Brothers were popular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 393

You deserved it 5 534

By Anonymous - 25/10/2014 01:23 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my husband told me he cheated on me two years ago with his ex-fiancée. In the process, he got her pregnant, but said it was okay, because she didn't keep it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 067

You deserved it 2 946

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 267

You deserved it 6 006

By Anonymous - 23/07/2009 07:00 - United States

Today, I saw an elderly man struggling to make it across a busy street. I jumped up from my table at Starbucks to help him, leaving my things behind. When I got back to my table feeling good, I found that my coffee had disappeared. So had my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 300

You deserved it 25 638

By nerd - 16/10/2009 15:08 - Singapore

Today, I was on cloud nine when the beautiful waitress I frequently ordered takeaways from told me she didn't need to take my name as she remembers me from before. When I got my food I saw the sales slip. On it she had written, "Cheeseburger - Fries - Coke - nerdy guy with bad haircut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 332

You deserved it 5 719

By annonn - 24/03/2016 11:11 - Brunei Darussalam - Bandar Seri Begawan

Today, I found out that people know when you're screenshooting their snaps on Snapchat, by the guy I have a crush on, asking me why I keep doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 088

You deserved it 17 974

By asdfasdf - 03/03/2009 15:38 - United States

Today, I was sitting beside this cute guy on a bench. Suddenly, he goes, "I know we don't know each other very well, but would you like to have dinner on Saturday?" I turn to him with a goofy smile, and exclaim "I'D LOVE TO!" He gives me a weird look, turns his head and points to his Bluetooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 800

You deserved it 22 486

By Anonymous - 26/04/2011 13:56 - United Kingdom

Today, I lied to my diary about my weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 153

You deserved it 51 548

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 20/03/2021 03:01 - United States - Trenton

Today, while spacing out about my hot male boss, he called my name for something and I replied, "Yes Daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 1 282

Not now, mate

By yuen - 16/06/2009 14:59 - Australia

Today, I went to take a shit and found my boss shaving in the toilet. While in the cubicle, he asked me about my work and the conversation lasted 15 minutes. I stayed in there even though I'd finished shitting after 5 minutes, during which 3 people heard my progress report while shitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 517

You deserved it 4 724

Spawned a monster

By Anonymous - 30/10/2021 17:00

Today, I'm ashamed at ever having become a parent after I found out my daughter has been leading an online bullying campaign against a girl at her school who has disabilities, both mental and physical. Some of the language she was using in the online messages were just disgusting and unforgivable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 284

You deserved it 338

By devigsgirl - 26/08/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out that the only reason my boyfriend wants to move in with me is so he has better internet connection and won't get kicked off of Xbox live while playing MW2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 773

You deserved it 5 943

By sofuckingembarassing. - 11/02/2013 19:19 - United States

Today, I spoke to my crush for the first time, and after a while he asked for my number. Ecstatic, I took the first piece of paper I saw out of my purse. I wrote it down and gave it to him, but he handed it back and said, "You might need this." It was an appointment card for my therapist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 144

You deserved it 7 952

By yikes :/ - 22/05/2017 18:00

Today, the cute coworker who's been flirting with me drove me home. While I was contemplating asking him to kiss me, he politely told me to, "Please get out, I promised my girlfriend I'd pick her up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 003

You deserved it 1 013

By fatty - 17/11/2014 21:05 - United States - Gloucester

Today, my parents gave me fat burner pills for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 881

You deserved it 5 721

I am what I am

By MimiFufu - 22/09/2019 16:00

Today, yet again I got delayed in airport security. One month ago, I thought it was a good idea to wear make-up when renewing my passport. It turns out I look nothing like myself without makeup. Hello shattered confidence and 5 years of needing to wear makeup for every flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 937

The classic switcheroo

By Anonymous - 16/07/2021 16:01

Today, I accidentally texted my very strict and judgemental mom instead of my boyfriend. The text said, "I wanna lick ice cream off your dick." FML

I agree, your life sucks 432

You deserved it 1 282

By Anonymous - 27/04/2009 05:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend met my parents for the first time. The first thing my mom said to my girlfriend was, "Honey, are you ok? You look like you got hives." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 297

You deserved it 3 493

By anonymous - 06/11/2009 23:55 - United States

Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 635

You deserved it 45 557

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Top comments

perdix 29

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Saturday 17 October 2009 0:14

What do you mean "mostly naked?" You're a dude! A woman can be topless OR bottomless and call that "mostly naked," with men, it's all or nothing. What? Did you have just one ball hanging out?

danis_fml 12

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:18

you probably bore her to death because solitaire isn't really that fun either

ghostfacekillah 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:15

who cares

nam3 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:15

2nd

danis_fml 12

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:18

you probably bore her to death because solitaire isn't really that fun either

ilikeu12 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:31

and yor getting solitary in the bedroom tonight

Trippyfalla 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 23:46

you should grow a bigger cock and better dance moves then

22cute 17

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Thursday 22 September 2011 23:04

No, that probably wouldn't help either. Men are just not as good to look at as women are. And most women are not into visuals like men are. You prove your glam with a woman in the way you touch, the way you make her feel & pay her compliments and attention.

perdix 29

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Saturday 17 October 2009 0:14

What do you mean "mostly naked?" You're a dude! A woman can be topless OR bottomless and call that "mostly naked," with men, it's all or nothing. What? Did you have just one ball hanging out?