Miscellaneous: Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our... - FML

By Busted - United States

Today, my friend and I doodled on a sheet of paper trashing our English teacher. Later, I went to English class, and my teacher asked for us to take out a sheet of loose sheet of paper and write an essay. It wasn't until I had written on the whole front and flipped to the back that I realized I was using the doodle sheet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6810

You deserved it

42755

Tweet

Share

Keep the peace

In-laws, in-fighting

Craft beer bores

By Blanerd - United States

Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29161

You deserved it

4275

Tweet

Share

By Godi - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33661

You deserved it

2950

Tweet

Share

By stressedmom36 - United States - Tampa

Today, my 4-year-old son's daycare called because he kissed a few girls. They explained he can't walk up and kiss little girls. I thought the situation was under control, until I was called an hour later to remove him from the premises for kissing little boys. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27274

You deserved it

2749

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Mexico

Today, my blanket got caught on my nose ring and it took my boyfriend over an hour to get it free. Afterwards, he admitted he was trying not to laugh because it reminded him of a bullfight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13530

You deserved it

30818

Tweet

Share

By Lovers lost...

Today, my crush won the bet that I made with him yesterday. The bet? That he couldn't land a date by the end of the day. Not only am I down $10, but a possible boyfriend too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1924

You deserved it

4725

Tweet

Share

By KS - United States

Today, at the end of a really long day my boyfriend was rubbing my back. I told him I appreciated how sensitive he was being. His response? "I was just trying to figure out how to unhook your bra." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49176

You deserved it

8919

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, my 4-year-old daughter figured out how to set a parental code lock on our television so we can't watch football because it scares her when we scream. She won't tell us no matter what we bribe her with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50024

You deserved it

26885

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to get me to shoplift. From the dollar store. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35716

You deserved it

2721

Tweet

Share

By yessir - United States

Today, my boyfriend rear ended a cop car because he was texting me. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18281

You deserved it

28027

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Rosthern

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37142

You deserved it

4134

Tweet

Share

By Michael - 5/2/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Give me strength

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

280

You deserved it

882

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, my boyfriend asked me to have phone sex with him. However, it seems he doesn't quite know what it is, so now he wants me to explain it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30443

You deserved it

4401

Tweet

Share

By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34881

You deserved it

3107

Tweet

Share

By Chubsley - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9804

You deserved it

50814

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 23:01 - Canada

Classic sting

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to prank my friend. When he came to pick me up in his car, I pulled up my mask, put on my toque, got in the back seat and yelled "This is a robbery! Don't talk! Drive now!" I'd hopped in the back of the wrong car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

192

You deserved it

1468

Tweet

Share

By Lonely - United States

Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37422

You deserved it

18872

Tweet

Share

By jackskellington - Australia - Bankstown

Today, I found out my dad ate my rabbit when I was 6 years old. He'd told me it ran away. I can't be mad at my dad; he's been dead for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36863

You deserved it

2825

Tweet

Share

By Poser - Canada

Today, I was at a bar and met this great guy. He was going outside for a smoke and I wanted to go too. Since I don't smoke, I decided to borrow one of my friends cigarettes as an excuse to go outside with him. As I was lighting the cigarette, he pointed out that I was lighting the wrong end. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6207

You deserved it

46020

Tweet

Share

By Jeanine - United States

Today, I returned to my apartment to find everything reduced to ashes, hidden in black clouds of smoke. Turns out there was a blackout, and my fiancé lit a candle on top of a stack of all our wedding papers. When he smelled the smoke, he got hungry for a taco and left instead of calling 911. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68635

You deserved it

5683

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/1/2021 05:02

The I in LGBTQA+

Today, like every day, I'm an intersex woman. I can't orgasm, have no vagina, and can't have my own kids. Every new partner I have requires an embarrassing explanation and biology lesson because no one knows what intersex means, even though it's quite common. At least I don't get periods? FML

I agree, your life sucks

940

You deserved it

264

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at QuickTrip. As I was leaving, I passed a woman who was saying "stay" very sternly through her open driver's side door. I smiled as I passed, saying "Your dog wants to follow you huh? I've been there." She glared at me and said "No. That's my son. He's mentally challenged." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51774

You deserved it

25992

Tweet

Share

By it's shitty, yeah, stfu - Sweden - Trollh?ttan

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said yes, and I excitedly called my mother to tell her about our engagement. She half-heartedly said, "Aww, that's nice", before changing the topic to what she'd found in her turd earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37245

You deserved it

2624

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my fiancé called and hung up right after I answered. He called back 5 minutes later demanding to know the name of the man who answered my phone. This "man" was me. I have bronchitis. Yes, he's aware of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33543

You deserved it

2637

Tweet

Share

By Master's_degree_in_failure - 17/10/2020 22:30

The ole answer/forward conundrum

Today, I "answered" an email instead of "forwarding" it. As a result, there is a chance that my Master's thesis supervisor gets a message from me starting by the F-word, and complaining about my bad work and inability to understand a deadline. FML

I agree, your life sucks

325

You deserved it

1004

Tweet

Share

By disgusted - United States - East Waterboro

Today, while working as a teacher at a daycare, a two year-old girl decided the best way to share that she had pooped was to reach in her diaper and attempt to hand some to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35179

You deserved it

3442

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was telling my friends that I'd gotten a paid position to cover a worker's bereavement leave for the next three weeks. They then called me an insensitive bitch for 'profiting from someone else's misfortune'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30512

You deserved it

2842

Tweet

Share

By Funyearahead - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15556

You deserved it

930

Tweet

Share

By Why Me - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my neighbor finally decided that when she walks her dog, she should pick up his poop. She also decided to leave the poop-filled bags in my driveway. I confronted her about this and she claimed it's never happened. I've watched her multiple times from my front window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33969

You deserved it

2773

Tweet

Share

By KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33062

You deserved it

3571

Tweet

Share

By IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50532

You deserved it

5334

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I found out my dog is allergic to all forms of animal. His new vegetarian food is $90 a bag, and he refuses to eat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14253

You deserved it

1086

Tweet

Share

By anon - United States

Today, I removed all my online dating profiles. Apparently my ex-husband finds stalking me online preferable to spending time with his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26940

You deserved it

2991

Tweet

Share

By dogpatch087 - United States - Ventura

Shout the victory

Today, while climbing a mountain, I got to the top and then put both of my arms up in a victory kind of way only to trip on a rock and fall into a cactus plant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1688

You deserved it

466

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Croydon

Today, I was babysitting this 12 year old. We were watching a movie, and he was being an angel just laying with his head in my lap. He fell asleep so I closed my eyes and had a little nap. When I woke up he had taken my shirt off and was feeling up my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46414

You deserved it

14379

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Greeley

Today, I got threatened with a gun at the drive-thru, all because my coworker forgot to include extra fries in the guy's order. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14052

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1591

Tweet

Share

By Helmet - United States

Today, I needed to buy a new crash-helmet. I went to the motorbike shop and saw one I liked the look of. It was a bit of a tight fit, and I got my head stuck in it. I had to get the guy behind the counter to help me pull it off. My ears are still numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22018

You deserved it

8959

Tweet

Share

By oops - United States

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51242

You deserved it

8819

Tweet

Share

By slut - United States

Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66439

You deserved it

8632

Tweet

Share

By shikushiku - United States - Plano

Today, my father went missing. Naturally worried, we searched his workplace, hospitals, and other locations. Ends up he got arrested for driving around town drunk out of his mind. Oh, and it's my birthday. Thanks for throwing me a great (search) party, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14274

You deserved it

961

Tweet

Share

By AloneAgainNaturally - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I found nudes on my boyfriend's phone. We've been together 14 years. They weren't of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18146

You deserved it

1859

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By The_Disturbed | 5

#771082 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:09

Welcome to Karma OP. You slag someone off, you'll get your spritual arse bitten off :D YDI

By ragingflame | 0

#771088 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:10

Eraser or throw something at your teacher and jump out a window

COMMENTS

By The_Disturbed | 5

#771082 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:09

Welcome to Karma OP. You slag someone off, you'll get your spritual arse bitten off :D YDI

Reply

Reyo | 2

#771187 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 2:08

I hope to God you're in Middle school OP...

By MrTrueRedneck | 0

#771086 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:10

Erase Dumbass

Reply

crazycornn | 0

#971569 - Wednesday 31 March 2010 4:02

pen??

Reply

minesbiggerr | 25

#5807303 - Saturday 28 December 2013 4:21

White out??

By ragingflame | 0

#771088 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:10

Eraser or throw something at your teacher and jump out a window

Reply

Ascaryrobot | 0

#771991 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 15:05

Bang and clear, while she's on the floor after being flashbanged you run like hell.

By ddawg468 | 0

#771098 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:15

that's what u get for doing stuff like that lol

By tman118 | 0

#771109 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:20

punk-ass bitch

By npk88 | 0

#771110 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:20

yeah, you won't be getting much sympathy for this. Sorry. YDI.

By Pearljammer001 | 0

#771119 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:24

all I have to say is that English sucks ass

Reply

Akazuki | 26

#3762130 - Tuesday 20 December 2011 20:33

^ Attitudes like that are the reason why some people can't tell the difference between their, there and they're >.>

By toomuchcrap | 0

#771134 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:37

lol on last commet, pic says o got this-message I don't get it wow
ok-yea eraser and scribbling and eraser again, also don't be stupid and keep it. stash it on someone else/burn/shredder/out of school trashcan

By XFlyingxPiranhaX | 0

#771135 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:38

No sympathy. You always look at all sides of the paper that you are planning on using. That said, maybe you could just copy it to another piece of paper? most of the time spent is just thinking.

also,
first! (not really, but nobody else said it. )

By sfsteve15 | 0

#771139 - Wednesday 13 January 2010 1:40

These are the idiots that teachers have to deal with.