Love: Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when... - FML

By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

RIP in peace

Miscommunication

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after months of random vomiting with no apparent cause, I finally got some tests done. The doctor says there's nothing wrong with me and that it's all just in my head. Great. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my friend told me that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Since he's my friend, I didn't want to call him out too bad, so I joked that 90% of statistics are made up on the spot. He called me an idiot and lectured me on how I'd just made that figure up myself. I need new friends. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/5/2020 20:00

So special

Today, my boyfriend gave me the best birthday ever, then promptly broke up with me at midnight to get back with his ex, because he "didn't want to ruin my special day." FML

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By C BOMB - Australia - Toowong

Today, I was getting coffee when I pulled my lip balm from my pocket and started playing with it in my hands, tapping it on my face and lip. There were there two gorgeous guys in front of me who kept turning around and staring at me. I was actually holding a tampon. FML

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By middleagednurse

Stay Safe!

Today, the cruise that I was looking forward to for over a year was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Trying to salvage what was left of my vacation, I booked a hotel for a few days near a local beach. They just announced that the beach was closed and the hotel is refusing to refund my money. FML

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By got got

Great help

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

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By sorry :/ - United States - Monroe Township

Today, my drunk mom told me to apologize for being born. FML

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By kitty - Australia

Today, I watched my neighbor shake cat food calling, "Come here Mollie" at his back door. I then saw my own cat run into his house. I now know why my cat is so fat and never replies to me calling her Bonnie. I guess I'm being cheated on. FML

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By K3you - United States

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

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By Kreen - China

Today, I realized that mixing alcohol with my medication causes me to lose my memory. I went to see my favorite band in concert last night and I can't remember a single song they played. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Iberia

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

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By ouch - United States

Today, I took a nap on the couch in the family room. My brother thought it would be hilarious to take clear packaging tape and put it on my chapped lips. Then rip it off. FML

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By mylifesucks - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

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By IloveMaroon5 - United States

Today, I found out that if your boss deletes you off Facebook, it's probably not a good sign. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Lady Lake

Today, my husband was being obnoxious, so I jokingly sprayed him with the dish hose. The floor got wet, and he slipped and busted his knees. Our daughter rushed over to him to see if he was okay, then slipped and busted her head on the floor. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I went to a movie with my boyfriend. In the lobby, I asked why the glasses were not working. I said, "Do they only work inside the theater?" My boyfriend replied, "3-D glasses just work inside the movie, everything else in the World is pretty much 3-D." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML

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By JpL

Today, I asked my Instagram followers out of curiosity who their favourite influencer was. Someone replied, without knowing it doesn’t come up anonymously, “Not you.” FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Mariposa

Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/7/2020 17:01

Bad timing

Today, my daughter locked herself in the bathroom having a tantrum after her boyfriend dumped her. So, out of sheer desperation, I had to sit in the kitchen sink for a pee, which is when my husband walked in with his mother and sister. FML

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By Kathleen Verhaegen - 30/4/2020 20:00

Lava lamp

Today, I'm so pale, my boss asked me whether I light up in the dark. FML

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By Anonymous - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, I had an asthma attack while in bed with my boyfriend. He interrupted my desperate coughing only to tell me to shut up. He then rolled over to go back to sleep. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

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By whoawhat - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

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By Garry - United States

Today, an exchange student was telling us how he once used a black light to detect semen stains on his "abstinent" ex-girlfriend's face. I called him out on the obvious lie, saying it's an old urban legend. He wigged out, screamed that I'm a "bastarding shite-wank" and ran out of class. FML

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By hawaiiansokkrboi - United States

Today, I was practicing soccer at my school. My team was practicing penalty kicks. It was my turn up and this cute girl that I like was watching off ten feet away from the goal. I was running to take the kick when I slipped and kicked the ball. It hit her head and now she won't talk to me. FML

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By whosurdaddy

Today, I'm attending a party where drunken women just can't seem to keep their clothes on. Those drunken women are my daughters. FML

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By Son of a Bitch - United States

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

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By Lonely - New Zealand

Today, I congratulated my friend for getting engaged. This is the fourth friend of mine this year that has become engaged. I haven't even had a boyfriend yet. FML

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By fuck gangnam style in the anus - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it came crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML

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By randomusername99 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got a new dentist. You know how most dentists play soft, relaxing music? Well this guy seems to like rap a lot, and it's kinda hard getting your teeth cleaned to the sound of bullets going off. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that the foundation I've been using for the past month isn't normal foundation, its skin darkening foundation. I look like an oompa loompa from the neck up. It won't go away for another month. FML

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By Creepster - United States

Today, I almost crashed my car because I was checking out an Old Navy mannequin wearing a bra. FML

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By DatAss

Today, I was out grocery shopping when some pervert decided to slap my ass as they walked by. As I turned around to confront them, I saw that the culprit was a 7 or 8-year-old boy. I was so shocked, speechless and angry that I couldn't even decide how to handle the situation. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my manager gave me hell for leaving the restaurant early yesterday. Guilty as charged, but only because I was rushed to the hospital after going into diabetic shock. This assmunch is convinced that I either faked it all to get off work early, or that I'd been eating our own stock. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having some intense sex with my boyfriend. I was wailing so loud that my neighbors decided to call the police on us. According to them, it sounded like I was "being tortured to death". FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

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By omnomnom - Canada

Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML

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By wtf - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by picture, during a game of Draw Something. FML

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Top comments

By ARealCarrot | 11

#6161415 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

she sure knows how to be rude, well good luck for your wedding :)

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161417 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Listen to your heart, not your relatives.

COMMENTS

By ARealCarrot | 11

#6161415 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

she sure knows how to be rude, well good luck for your wedding :)

Reply

desoxyn242 | 14

#6161452 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:33

She's got a point. I think OP should watch out....Just kidding

Reply

Jared900DUmpling | 30

#6161772 - Saturday 3 January 2015 18:25

I'd chime in with a "haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door"
No...
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

Reply

imyy | 20

#6161782 - Saturday 3 January 2015 18:43

That comment makes no sense. Why would she save the dress for the next GUY, when her SON is getting married? He's obviously straight, so...

Reply

anonymouseperson | 9

#6161795 - Saturday 3 January 2015 19:13

It's OP's soon-to-be mother-in-law.
His fiancé's mom.

By thinblue32 | 15

#6161416 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Monster in law haha good luck op

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161417 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Listen to your heart, not your relatives.

Reply

Just_A_Tree | 20

#6161492 - Saturday 3 January 2015 8:16

My heart beats, it's so abusive.

You should consider what your relatives have to say, but your relatives shouldn't be douchcanoes about whatever they say.

By emmatheamazingx | 17

#6161418 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Mary him and deal with your mother later today is your day!

Reply

emmatheamazingx | 17

#6161424 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:22

Her sorry(:

By devildog562 | 33

#6161419 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Freaking in laws. Good luck things may or may not get better. Some advice: never bad mouth a woman's mom.

By bombielol | 20

#6161427 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:23

mother in laws can be treacherous

By underthesea12 | 24

#6161429 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

She probably wasn't joking.

By kirbs19 | 37

#6161430 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

More like monster-in-law

By pastel_fml | 18

#6161431 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

Daaaaamn. Brutal. Good thing she's not the one you're marrying and you have your family for you guys to celebrate the holidays with still. Good luck and congrats!

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6161437 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:26

Just focus on getting married then deal with the monster in law after