Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when... - FML

By bingalingading - United States - Owosso

Today, my fiancée and I were making plans for our wedding when my soon-to-be mother-in-law chimed in with, "You know, she can still get out of this. I got the dress for her but we can save it for the next guy." I'm not sure if she's joking or not. FML

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The View

And probably giggling

Deadly cocktail

By Anonymous - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

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By ducklover1 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I got to see a waterfall up close. Too bad it was in my bedroom. FML

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By wellokaythen - Canada - Brampton

Today, I heard noises outside my front door. I looked out through the window, only to see my boyfriend encouraging his dog to take a dump on my welcome mat. FML

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By FlatFoot - United States - New York

Move, bitch! Get out the way!

Today, my dad ran over my foot with his work truck. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Corona

Today, my brother got pantsed by his idiot friends. It was a surprise to everyone that he was wearing women's underwear at the time, but even more of a surprise for me that the underwear belonged to me. FML

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By mala_19 - Sweden

Today, at work, I had to help a teenager who was stuck in a toy car for kids, and no, it was not in one piece when she finally got out. FML

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By Lexi801 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I had a volleyball game, and we were down by 13 points. I looked up at the crowd, and my mom was shaking her head in disappointment. When it was my turn to serve, I aced them, and tied the score. When I looked up she was gone. She'd left. When I got home, I heard how I sucked for an hour. FML

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By Brooke - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

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By "7thwardlord"

Today, I decided to be nice and "drop" a twenty in my grandma's house for her to find. She injured her back while picking it up. FML

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By Rakib - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I put aside my weekend plans to help my aunt with the extermination guy spraying her new house down to prevent cockroaches. After he left, my aunt asked me to go in and turn off the lights because the fumes were very deadly. If I chose not to, she would tell my mom I did nothing all day. FML

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By nofriends - United States

Today, after going to T-Mobile thinking my phone won't receive texts, I found out that my phone is perfectly fine, my friends just don't text me back. FML

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By badhairday - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

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By yamuda - Ireland - Carlow

Today, I walked into the kitchen to see my dad peeing into a cup. We made eye contact and he quickly threw the cup into the sink. Not one word has been spoken about what happened, and I saw my mom use the same cup later on that day. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, at 9 o’clock in the morning while I was working, I made the mistake of being comfortable with a machine that literally bends and breaks steel bars. I lost my entire middle finger and the top third of my pinky and ring fingers. FML

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By Pissed - New Zealand

Today, I was standing in the gas station, pulling out my wallet to pay the $100 of gas I just filled my car with. I opened my wallet and found a note saying "borrowed money for food". FML

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By megan228 - United States

Today, my older brother and some of his cute friends came over. When we got inside my mom yells to me "I got you some bigger tampons because you leaked all over your new underwear." They all started laughing. FML

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By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

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By Confused - 23/9/2020 17:01 - Australia - Perth

Suspicious

Today, I texted my boyfriend, asking him to meet me when he finished work. Paranoid as he is, he took this to mean that I wanted to break up with him, and is ghosting me into oblivion. All I wanted was to see him on our 4-year anniversary. FML

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By Lolaa123 - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I was worried about passing an exam, so I hid a note under my skirt. When the guy next to me was finished, I had to get up so he could leave. With no time to hide the note, I stood in front of the entire class, hand over my crotch, looking as if I had to pee. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - North Bend

Today, my mother bitched me out for filing divorce papers against my abusive husband. According to her, it's a "slap in God's face". She's the one who's divorced two husbands so far because they weren't getting job promotions fast enough to support her hoarding habit. FML

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By Disappointed - United States - Angleton

Today, the girl I've secretly loved for years finally noticed me. That is, after I ran over her foot with my truck. FML

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By Mee - Kuwait

Self-care

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

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By MollyMadamme

Today, I decided to wake my fiancé up by giving him a blow-job. When he finally started to wake up he called me by his ex's name. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ate some hardboiled eggs for breakfast, not knowing they were practically rotten. My whole day has consisted of vomit-inducing sulfuric farts and diarrhea. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Louisville

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was so insecure, I got scared of what people might think of my fingers. FML

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By Mumbling Mutt101 - Australia

Today, I came home to find a window broken and my neighbours searching inside my house. Apparently, they'd heard a small child asking for help inside my house. I recently taught my dog to "talk." FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I sent my long-distance girlfriend the first photo of me I'd sent her in a while. It was a photo of me with some of my friends, she didn't know which one I was. FML

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By rejected - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he has "commitment issues". He said he "cared" for me but didn't "love" me. He did this 30 minutes after we'd hooked up and said we loved each other. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my brother flicked a huge bug onto my foot, making me freak out and fall into my outdoors pool. The water was so cold that I started hyperventilating. My brother left to "get help". I finally managed to get out, and found him watching TV. FML

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By cman - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned there are people who will beat you up if you don't give them your spot on a bench. FML

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By Moon_Glade

Today, at work, I have discovered the wonderful feeling of having a paper cut, with metal, under your nail, on all your nails. FML

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By meens42 - United States

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, walking by myself, I was caught up in a group of people that got arrested, and we all got fined for creating a public disturbance. When I explained I wasn't with them, the group backed me up. The police thought I was the ringleader, and now I have to go to court. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By Lackadaisical - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

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By misc - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 8 months dumped me over the phone in between telling the Subway employees what he wanted on his sandwich. FML

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Top comments

By ARealCarrot | 11

#6161415 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

she sure knows how to be rude, well good luck for your wedding :)

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161417 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Listen to your heart, not your relatives.

COMMENTS

By ARealCarrot | 11

#6161415 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

she sure knows how to be rude, well good luck for your wedding :)

Reply

desoxyn242 | 14

#6161452 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:33

She's got a point. I think OP should watch out....Just kidding

Reply

CamBen42 | 29

#6161772 - Saturday 3 January 2015 18:25

I'd chime in with a "haven't you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door"
No...
It's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality

Reply

imyy | 20

#6161782 - Saturday 3 January 2015 18:43

That comment makes no sense. Why would she save the dress for the next GUY, when her SON is getting married? He's obviously straight, so...

Reply

anonymouseperson | 9

#6161795 - Saturday 3 January 2015 19:13

It's OP's soon-to-be mother-in-law.
His fiancé's mom.

By thinblue32 | 15

#6161416 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Monster in law haha good luck op

By wheresmymary | 22

#6161417 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Listen to your heart, not your relatives.

Reply

Just_A_Tree | 20

#6161492 - Saturday 3 January 2015 8:16

My heart beats, it's so abusive.

You should consider what your relatives have to say, but your relatives shouldn't be douchcanoes about whatever they say.

By emmatheamazingx | 17

#6161418 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Mary him and deal with your mother later today is your day!

Reply

emmatheamazingx | 17

#6161424 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:22

Her sorry(:

By devildog562 | 33

#6161419 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:21

Freaking in laws. Good luck things may or may not get better. Some advice: never bad mouth a woman's mom.

By bombielol | 20

#6161427 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:23

mother in laws can be treacherous

By underthesea12 | 24

#6161429 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

She probably wasn't joking.

By kirbs19 | 37

#6161430 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

More like monster-in-law

By pastel_fml | 18

#6161431 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:24

Daaaaamn. Brutal. Good thing she's not the one you're marrying and you have your family for you guys to celebrate the holidays with still. Good luck and congrats!

By xluciferx666 | 21

#6161437 - Saturday 3 January 2015 7:26

Just focus on getting married then deal with the monster in law after