Animals: Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat...

By CatOwner - 12/07/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, my father spent half an hour trying to convert my cat to Christianity. He has already done this with my other two cats. He's completely serious and thinks they are born-again Christians. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 725

You deserved it 3 272

Animals

Broken heart

Mama's boy

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 24/07/2019 22:00

Today, I found out that I'm not my girlfriend's only boyfriend. The other guy sells shoes on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 110

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 563

You deserved it 4 722

By MySistersDogisStupid - 13/01/2017 22:00

Today, I took mine and my sister's dog for a walk in the park near my house. The dog managed to find a large piece of rotting, frozen meat buried in the snow and tried to eat it. I had to pry it from his mouth and can't get the smell out of my gloves and coat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 791

You deserved it 776

Febreze time of the month

By Lunar-Spice - 24/07/2021 02:01 - United States - Midlothian

Today, like every month, I'm able to tell when my period is going to come, down to the exact day. It becomes increasingly smelly, even before I've started, to the point where everyone around me can barely stand it. I can't do anything to get rid of the stench before it's actually started. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 93

By Anonymous - 07/06/2009 14:26 - United States

Today, my crush was walking up to me and I put my earphones in, playing hard to get. When I heard him say something about a date I take an earphone out and say, "Oh, I didn't see you there!" His response, "They're not connected to anything," holds up the end of my earphones and walks away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 370

You deserved it 131 789

By tattooed - 30/11/2010 15:50 - Ireland

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 496

You deserved it 3 712

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 06:47 - United States

Today, I was drinking in the park with my friends. Being drunk, I relieved myself on a nearby tree. Unknown to me, a 4 year old was having her birthday party 100 yards away. I was arrested for public intoxication and exposing myself to a minor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 907

You deserved it 73 569

By Anonymous - 21/04/2016 04:55 - India - New Delhi

Today, while trying to get my boss to reconsider laying off much of my department, I accidentally convinced him to lay me off too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 910

You deserved it 6 116

By stardustveins - 24/09/2015 01:14 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was waiting in the McDonald's drive-thru and listening to some music. I was tapping my non-driving foot to the song when I accidentally tapped the wrong foot and rear ended the cop car in front of me. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 021

You deserved it 27 816

By guyshithappensto - 22/05/2010 02:41 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in class. If that wasn't bad enough, I awoke gasping for air. I almost drowned in my arm fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 099

You deserved it 41 655

By Anonymous - 11/07/2019 02:00

Today, I felt so lonely that when I was watching a ghost show, I wished my house was haunted so at least some sort of presence was with me, even if it was in another dimension. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 246

By Madzison - 06/02/2012 10:08 - Australia

Today, I had to have a serious talk with my boyfriend about his Miley Cyrus obsession. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 941

You deserved it 4 675

By Zannanana - 30/10/2018 05:00

Today, I realised my parrot loves to masturbate on anything soft I own, like my sweater, house socks, blanket, and even my hair bun on the top of my head. I only realised this when my boyfriend pointed out that my parrot was humping my bun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 663

You deserved it 303

By Not Again! - 14/06/2019 04:16

Today, while riding a massive draft horse, the horse thought it would be fun to walk under a very low apple tree that sat level with his back. A branch hit me and made me fall off onto a coil of barbed wire, twisting my ankle in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 641

You deserved it 328

By xXWhiteSheepXx - 08/04/2016 02:28 - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 700

You deserved it 2 402

By bursteardrums - 16/08/2011 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I introduced my parrot to oranges. Now she makes a high pitched scream if I don't give her any, and I've just run out of oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 287

You deserved it 11 195

By very punny - 03/09/2014 03:18 - United States - Odenton

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with a ring from Kay Jewelers. She saw the box, started giggling, whispered, "'Kay", and then started laughing so hard at her joke she had to excuse herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 541

You deserved it 6 397

Snug as a bug…

By Anonymous - 02/10/2019 02:01

Today, my nose had been feeling weirdly uncomfortable all day. After I got home, I blew my nose really hard. I found that a bug had been resting inside my nose the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 714

You deserved it 141

By Luke - 07/11/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that if you are being mugged, never tell your mugger you are going to call the police because he will come back and steal your phone too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 343

You deserved it 36 306

The Gordon Ramsey of Racism

By dumbass stereotypes - 25/03/2020 20:00

Today, I was chatting with a guy on a dating site. He accused me of being a liar and trying to catfish him after I told him I like my steak medium-rare. According to him, that can’t possibly be true because black people only eat their steaks well done. No exceptions. What an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 069

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 02/09/2015 15:41 - Australia

Today, I finally got the results of months of extensive psychological testing to determine why I did so well in my course but performed so terribly on the job. Turns out I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 882

You deserved it 1 747

Stay Safe!

By middleagednurse - 18/03/2020 17:00

Today, the cruise that I was looking forward to for over a year was cancelled due to the coronavirus. Trying to salvage what was left of my vacation, I booked a hotel for a few days near a local beach. They just announced that the beach was closed and the hotel is refusing to refund my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 610

You deserved it 881

By Disturbed - 30/12/2008 20:27 - United States

Today, I just found out that my brother in law and his wife frequent a swingers establishment that me and the wife have visited. Which is OK I suppose (providing we never see each other there) but he told me his parents go there too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 164

You deserved it 6 343

By thefuckedupbunny - 18/08/2019 20:00

Today, while on the train with my dad, my boyfriend sent me a message. It was a nude, and when I looked, my dad saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 816

By Anonymous - 12/05/2018 19:00

Today, according to my girlfriend's instant messenger, which she left open on my laptop, I am her rough shag on the side while she searches for a guy who is husband material that her parents will approve of. I guess the engagement ring in my bag is going back to the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 200

You deserved it 293

By unprofessional - 13/04/2015 05:20 - United States - Portland

Today, I filled out an online application for a internship. I didn't have all the info I need to complete it, but it wouldn't let me leave anything blank so to move along I filled in crap answers. I pressed "Save". It sent my draft in. I now have to explain that "Jesus" isn't actually my reference. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 928

You deserved it 24 345

Generosity

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 20:04

Today, my granny died. My aunt wants to throw away all her books and furniture. When I offered to take care of selling it, or giving it away, like granny would have wanted, my aunt said she would let me "keep a percentage" of the few bucks I’d get for my troubles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 413

You deserved it 109

By hashtag67 - 05/11/2016 09:08

Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 138

You deserved it 1 517

Watch where you're going

By Marriage at it's finest.. - 22/05/2021 13:59

Today, I was riding my scooter and humming a tune while doing so. It happened to be the tune you hear at weddings. I got married to the garage door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 657

By **(: - 09/08/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, I learned that if you stare down an attractive man while pumping gas, he'll stare back. Then he might ask for your number. At which point his girlfriend will get out of the car and threaten to kick your ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 488

You deserved it 12 548

By vicious circle - 22/12/2015 13:08 - Sint Maarten (Dutch part)

Today, I called the HR department of a big company, inquiring about a vacancy for a website designer. Boy, do they need one; there are dead links, malware warnings, and a layout from the '90s, but no info at all about recruitment. The lady just angrily referred me to the website and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 545

You deserved it 1 670

By Anonymous - 04/06/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 260

You deserved it 6 132

By Myboyfriendisaromanticslob - 10/03/2011 05:09 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend set up a very romantic dinner. Afterwards, he offered to wash the dishes while I went upstairs and relaxed. His way of washing the dishes was to scrape all the food off, then wipe the juices off the dishes with a paper towel before putting them back in the cupboards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 347

You deserved it 6 450

By loser - 09/11/2012 16:07 - United States - Washington

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 520

You deserved it 5 987

By Anonymous - 07/12/2012 04:49 - United States - Moorhead

Today, my daughter finally gave birth to twin boys. She informed me that she named them Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck. My grandsons are named after Hobbits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 202

You deserved it 6 259

By Margaret - 26/12/2018 02:00

Today, I saw some random iTunes charge on my bank account so I called who I thought was iTunes customer support to figure out the $5 charge, then got scammed into buying $1,400 worth of gift cards. The man on the phone was not with iTunes and took all my money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 084

You deserved it 5 431

By crackie - 16/06/2016 17:45 - Korea, Republic of

Today, my job as a supervisor has become increasingly ridiculous because one employee doesn't want to do the tasks I give her. My supervisor tells me to keep working with her and giving her work. When she goes directly to him, he tells her she doesn't have to do them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 471

You deserved it 717

By damnit - 25/08/2009 06:44 - Australia

Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 757

You deserved it 63 965

Tired as hell

By Anonymous - 17/08/2021 02:01

Today, I have to wake up in 3 hours for work, the medicine that should've made me sleep 8 hours straight failed and I woke up an hour later, not being able to sleep anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 795

You deserved it 51

By Tigerlily - 03/05/2017 22:00

Today, my cat thanked me for buying her a new litterbox by peeing in all of my plants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 597

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Top comments

pwincessa23 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 8:58

hahaha wtf?! this is hilarious though! I'd probably play along or tell him they're Jewish or something.

MrFlintstone 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:04

ops dad: I comand u to believe cat: meow?!?! ops dad: believe or you'll be damned cat: meow!!! (running away) ops dad: you can't run from god!!!!!!!!!

pwincessa23 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 8:58

hahaha wtf?! this is hilarious though! I'd probably play along or tell him they're Jewish or something.

man_in_black08 28

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:02

hey..

dummbrunette 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:02

"I now pronounce you...a Christian." "Meow."

changetheworld 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:06

Well shit, he wants his cats to go to heaven with him. The man loves his cats, no harm in that.

gamercanadian 11

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:14

ahh cats these days !!!!!

Quacki 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:20

I know right?

cudi504 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:30

pray for them

ayooBrandon 12

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:33

lmao I'm not laughing at the comment ^^^

zekecastro 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:47

I'll pray for you 43

BMXbrett 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 10:04

Ha. Real G's move in silence like lasagna.

WCARlover 34

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 11:30

that is SO funny...guess he wants to make an "All Cats Go to Heaven"

Lexi_Ray 5

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:05

lol @20

bennetts211 2

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:12

This is why I'm happy to be an Atheist.

simply_improper 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:20

After two years i still dont know what religion my cat is. He refuses to talk about religion with me. I hope he doesnt go to hell. :(

diidiimi 10

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:03

my cat's Muslim. It never occurred to me to ask her before this, but I just did and she told me. Our family is mostly Christian and atheist, but apparently she was born into a muslim cat-family, and has been devout since she was a kitten. it's why she's so fussy about food and personal hygiene.

MissFukMyLuck 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:11

as controversy as religion is, it makes me happy to see people devoted to SOMETHING! yay

monkeygristle 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:53

Cats are buddhists. They want their nine lives.

ut_hates_me 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:24

I would rather see them devoted to ANYTHING else. all cats are atheists btw.

bennetts211 2

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:00

Not atheists, just uninformed.

kathuzada 6

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 20:10

No, Muslim.

BaMaBelle11 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:19

I bet the baptism doesn't go so well... cats+holy water= "holy shit get it off of me"

thesunsetglow_fml 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:40

My cat once tried to convert me to Scientology. I guess Tom cruise got to her first.

fymother 13

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:29

cats are themselves gods so there is no convincing them of an alternative religion!

ImanAzol 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:58

The Egyptians worshiped cats as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

YoungBanks 3

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 3:22

your picture is epic because it's perfect for the kid under your comment (not me the next comment)

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:04

He should be proud of his cat if he's Jewish.

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:18

no u should go put little yamicas (I have no clue how to spell that) and be like TAKE THAT DAD!

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:20

^atleast you would know your cat would be smart and successful then...

MrCrane3113 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 8:58

Praise Jesus

Xaviour 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:49

he is a fag

YacL 15

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 10:07

Sorry, I'm a firm believer in the Jedi religion.

WiderWille 11

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:15

Is Jesus the cat?

purdyphish 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 17:58

screw the Jedi, the Sith are way better

Pawned71 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:37

well, like Soviets used to say "Religion is one hell of a drug!"

nickiforever21 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:17

Amen!

CaptainDoorknob 7

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Tuesday 18 September 2012 20:50

Religion is a retarded disease. All it does is slow down the progress of science. The Bible, which is a fiction novel written by schizophrenics with delusions of grandure, is no more the truth than what OJ Simpson told his jury. (;

lolthatonedude 5

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Saturday 19 April 2014 3:45

Youre retarded. Youve probably never read the bible.

LacyWings 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 8:59

I feel bad for those cats. :(

omgcookeys 15

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:04

3 cats? if your single and over thirty, you qualify as a lonely old cat lady.

beatleschick1940 9

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 17:12

I don't think she'd be living with her crazy dad at over thirty.

cumverg 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 18:23

Man, imagine if OP's dad met Nyan Cat... He's got a rainbow, he has to be gay

LacyWings 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 21:03

That comment just made my day. :)

Tgyr34 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 5:42

train the cats to die for Allah!

chester75 5

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 6:14

fuck off mate

ayooBrandon 12

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:00

he's a firm believer good for him!

gingersnapp 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:24

amen.:)

applesuckers 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 11:31

slickrasta 1

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:52

hahahaha

iSurf_fml 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:04

Yeah, but it can go too far.

browniegrl 4

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 22:28

a "firm believer" would know that, according to the Christian doctrine, animals don't have souls and therefore cannot be born again. not that I believe in any of that, but that's the word.

misfits911 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:00

at least they won't go to hell?

baddud300 6

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 12:59

I hear cat hell is pretty bad.

OWNZ 0

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 14:00

kitty hell Is horrible! They dont even bother changing the litter boxes, only get food twice a week and its that cheapo meijer brand! And the dogs...THEYRE EVERYWHERE!!

ibitehard 9

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 16:50

118, I've seen cats attack my dogs, cats are vicious @[email protected]

AnonymousOne234 3

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Tuesday 12 July 2011 19:31

is hell really thar bad? ive been twice, satans actually an okay guy xD even though him and hitler r butt buddies

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:01

Just because you're not Christian doesn't mean you are going to hell. Get your shit straight.

jeover 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 4:43

Actually, just because you aren't a christian, in fact DOES mean you're going to hell. Nice try though.

Imgonnahaveabf 9

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 7:24

Really? Did God tell you that? Last time I heard, Jewish people were the chosen ones. Also, Jesus, your savior was Jewish. ALL MEN ARE EQUAL, DUMBASS. Well, unless you're like a terrorist or something.. Actually, nobody really knows for sure.. So just stfu.

lilkamarciano 0

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Wednesday 13 July 2011 9:05

228- your right. it says in the bible that anyone who believes and accepts jesus's name will enter into the kingdom of heaven. dosent matter who you Are. but it also says how the Jewish people betrayed him. no one is really "chosen" were all equal in his eyes.