Miscellaneous: Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 69

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 35

15/10/2009 23:23

Today, my father got married. He left me a voicemail to tell me all about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 2 242

Own it

Weird reason to leave, but OK

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

09/11/2015 19:33

Today, a kid came into the classroom I teach in to tell me there was "something" in the girls' toilets. "What kind of something", I asked? I was not expecting the answer "A period mural". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 728

You deserved it 3 263

11/08/2013 13:09

Today, someone told me that my initials really fit my personality. I took it as a strange compliment, until I realized my initials spell "ew". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 747

You deserved it 4 608

Like a virgin

By JustSomeGuy - 30/07/2013 03:43

Spicy

Today, while taking my boyfriend's virginity, he started moaning, "Oh God! Oh God! Oh God!" He then started crying and praying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 951

You deserved it 9 593

22/01/2011 08:49

Today, while skiing, I really needed to pee. The instructor pointed me towards some bushes. I slid over to them, and pulled my panties down. My skis then started sliding back down the slope. I ended up gliding through the bushes, all the way down to the rest of the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 908

You deserved it 8 271

29/07/2010 01:24

Today, I had to go to counselling as my mother thinks I have an eating disorder. All because I didn't want to eat the crap supermarket lasagna she bought for $2. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 4 151

13/09/2010 23:19

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 540

You deserved it 2 813

12/03/2010 03:46

Today, I went to get my first tattoo. When I told the man that I wanted Tinkerbell on my lower back area. He snorted and told me that I was way too old to have Tinkerbell on me, and that Disney characters are only cute on people 35 and younger. I'm 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 072

You deserved it 13 428

05/05/2013 20:49

Today, I babysat a 4-year-old child for my neighbor. It seems he had diarrhea. The evidence of this is in his pants, down his leg, on the couch, on the bathroom floor, smeared on my wall, and in the shape of a brown handprint on my shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 459

You deserved it 4 265

15/05/2013 07:20

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 626

You deserved it 10 096

01/02/2009 19:09

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 012

You deserved it 6 910

12/07/2011 16:46

Today, I was walking down the street to go to the movies, when I got punched in the back of the head. When I turned around, a stranger said, "HAHA! It's punch a random person day!" When I asked him why he chose me, he replied "You're ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 048

You deserved it 4 896

19/10/2013 15:04

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 530

You deserved it 5 544

12/07/2016 23:57

Today, a customer complained that her salad had "too much lettuce." Her bowl was less than half-filled with lettuce and the rest was cheese. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 204

You deserved it 761

26/11/2010 15:43

Today, I went to see a famous rapper perform. My girlfriend got us up to the front to get pictures with him. He went to give me a high-five, I thought it was a fist-bump, so I made a fist. So he made a fist while I made a palm to match his retracted high-five. Then I panicked, cupped his fist and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 117

You deserved it 31 729

24/03/2009 23:10

Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 993

You deserved it 87 962

09/01/2015 11:43

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 139

You deserved it 2 687

24/06/2013 20:26

Today, I took my girlfriend of nearly 2 years out to dinner so I could propose. When the waiter brought the check, I caused a bit of a scene to get everyone's attention. When I got on my knee and proposed, she said no and asked if I could hurry up and pay, because she was embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 654

You deserved it 18 214

15/07/2011 22:21

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend of two years. He asked me to turn off my webcam. I asked why, and he said to just trust him. Turns out it was because he didn't want to see my face as he broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 747

You deserved it 3 232

10/12/2009 10:38

Today, I didn't get promoted, but the guy who showed up to work drunk a few weeks ago did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 965

You deserved it 3 043

07/02/2012 15:07

Today, at my internship, I was told we were going to do something fun. I was excited, until I found out that this "fun" thing was labeling 500 folders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 087

You deserved it 3 619

15/12/2009 08:10

Today, I was excited when I saw a missed call. It wasn't my ex-boyfriend finally willing to talk, it was the creepy guy I met on the bus in November who I haven't seen since but has written me poetry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 065

You deserved it 6 584

Denied!

By Cyrah - 16/07/2019 18:15

Today, I got rejected from participating in a depression study that provides free medication, for not already being on antidepressants. That's because I can't afford health insurance or medication, which is why I applied to the study. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 278

You deserved it 265

05/05/2009 04:07

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 466

You deserved it 5 184

03/12/2013 00:56

Today, I opened my heart to my father-in-law, telling him how he was a very good example for us and how his name would be great for our first born son, he interrupted, saying, "Cut the cheesy crap, now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 698

You deserved it 6 183

02/11/2014 16:44

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 894

You deserved it 10 867

14/08/2016 13:13

Today, the price I paid to go on a kayaking trip in the sea was nothing compared to the price that my foot paid when it inadvertently stepped on a sea urchin halfway into the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 968

You deserved it 1 106

29/07/2015 12:04

Today, my sister and I were planning a trip to get away from things and visit some faraway friends. My dad then decided to insert himself into our plans. He got mad when we said no, and couldn't understand why we wanted to go by ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 716

You deserved it 2 544

04/10/2012 09:33

Today, I have so much ass-acne that it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 312

You deserved it 6 263

14/05/2015 02:41

Today, I was walking my dog through a park with a lake. My dog was swimming in said lake, and then appeared to be having trouble keeping his head up. I put my phone and keys on the ground and waded to my dog. He was fine, but I turned around in time to see someone run off with my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 365

You deserved it 3 501

14/08/2012 09:06

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 893

You deserved it 2 075

Contradictions everywhere

By Anonymous - 14/05/2020 02:00

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 448

You deserved it 134

19/10/2013 18:48

Today, I finally found a place to stay after being kicked out by my parents. The psycho owner waited till now to tell me that my bathroom door will remain locked at all times, and that whenever I want to go in there, I have to ask him to unlock it, then do my business while he waits outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 649

You deserved it 3 648

22/01/2017 20:00

Today, while delivering pizza I was yet again given $0.04 over the total bill and told condescendingly to "keep the change". This happens on every shift. My pay is reduced during deliveries, and I drive my own car and use my own gas. For $0.04. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 973

You deserved it 767

11/11/2015 08:51

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 1 643

18/03/2010 10:24

Spicy

Today, the love of my life sent me a text saying "touch my pork". Somehow I don't think my feelings are mutual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 407

You deserved it 4 247

22/11/2017 13:00

Today, I booked my holiday flights. There's 700 miles between the small country I live in and the family I'm visiting, normally one 3-hour flight. Thanks to hurricanes Irma and Maria, the only available route traverses 1700 miles and will take 26 continuous hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 340

You deserved it 303

18/12/2011 05:18

Today, I caught my mother attempting to write a $1400 cheque. To whom? The proprietor of a "Christian charity fund" with whom she had been having Internet conversations. The proprietor's name, and that on the cheque, was "Herp McDerpington". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 835

You deserved it 2 858

05/11/2012 02:08

Today, while I was cleaning out my son's room, I came across his diary. Opening it out of curiosity, I found ramblings about how blacks, Jews, and other "inferior breeds" should be forcibly sterilized "for the common good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 771

You deserved it 9 809

Call CPS!

By Daddo - 20/03/2018 14:00

Today, picking up my children from school, I overheard some kids saying what a rotten person their dad was, and how they hated him. It was my kids talking to their friends about me! Why? Because I didn't buy them a bag of jelly beans the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 136

You deserved it 405

19/05/2017 17:08

Today, I hit a new low in my diet. There was a danish sitting on the table in the break room at work, and I wanted it. At the end of day, one of the guys threw it into the dumpster. Guess who just ate a dumpster danish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 451

You deserved it 5 443

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:48

Maybe his wife is so ugly he didn't want you to see her. Perfectly understandable! Nah, I'm joking, he's an ass. Make her a widow.

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:22

Must have eloped

Comments

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:20

first!!!

Les_Paul_Player 0

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Sunday 18 October 2009 23:07

well, look on the bright side....its better than him paying some random guy to tattoo "Im Gettin Married! Love, Dad" on their chest and flash you

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Wednesday 10 February 2010 8:33

YDI he probably thought u would try too have sex with a rihno

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Wednesday 9 June 2010 4:21

lol win OP's name

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:22

Must have eloped

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:23

f u mr.1st. anyways, did you curse his ass out? what a dick!

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:43

*Tries to see buried comment* :O I wonder if this is a new feature or if the website is just fucked...

rainbow_laces 0

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Friday 16 October 2009 16:39

Me too :S

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:36

well I learned oft fathers marriage through an announcement in the newspaper after it happened, read to me by his supposed girlfriend and mother of 2 of his children...so it could be worse

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:45

Found out via newpaper too. Same with when he had a kid.

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Friday 16 October 2009 17:06

I found out my dad got married through pictures on his website three months after the wedding.

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Saturday 17 October 2009 1:41

I found out about my dads marriage through Myspace. Laaaaaame. & He didnt even tell me. I asked his ex girlfriend & she told me that i was right, that they had gotten married.

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Monday 19 October 2009 20:06

I found out about my mother's most recent marriage (#3) on April 4th. She got married April 2nd.

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Friday 16 October 2009 9:51

you'll be getting a voicemail from me next.. oh, by the way im your new step mommy ;)

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:05

maybe daddy doesn't like u o.O sry man fyl

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:17

Wow, a voicemail? How thoughtful. Now this is the part where you sell his car and inform him with an e-mail.

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:48

Maybe his wife is so ugly he didn't want you to see her. Perfectly understandable! Nah, I'm joking, he's an ass. Make her a widow.

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Friday 16 October 2009 10:53

hahaha I love u intoxicunt :)

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Friday 16 October 2009 14:40

Lol funnily enough the same happened to me except he called me and told me he was married as a side note a whole month after it happened and trust me with time that wound will heal (a long time)