Love and Health: Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side... - FML

By Anonymous

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3350

You deserved it

335

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Commando

Running commentary

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked into my apartment to find my boyfriend of two years screwing my lifelong best friend. I immediately burst into tears. He looked at me and told me I was being too dramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37458

You deserved it

2708

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my grandma is refusing to talk to me because I didn't answer her phone calls while we were at a parade. I was in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29769

You deserved it

2052

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - Australia

Today, I was stuck in a room with a man who was catching flies. That I could cope with, until he insisted on turning the lights out because it was 'stressing out' his flies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25495

You deserved it

2379

Tweet

Share

By Iknoweverything - United States - Mankato

Today, my co-worker had a bad cold that stuffed up his ears and nose. This wouldn't have been a problem, except that he believed his farts were silent and scentless. They were so vile, they could have killed a horse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37635

You deserved it

3191

Tweet

Share

By Desertdryspell

Today, I dressed up in new lingerie I had bought to surprise my partner. He said "what do you want? Just go to bed instead". So much for that new confidence. FML.

I agree, your life sucks

2438

You deserved it

206

Tweet

Share

By depraved - United States

Today, taking the train to work after the worst hangover ever, two immense fat women start talking about rim jobs. I got up to switch cabins just in time for their conversation to switch over to RECEIVING rim jobs. I sprayed puke all over myself and an innocent bystander. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27167

You deserved it

4677

Tweet

Share

By Fuckup - United States - Naples

Today, I returned to work after a much-needed vacation. I got a lot of weird stares from my co-workers, and my boss eventually came over and told me to go home. Why? My work week starts tomorrow, not today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42898

You deserved it

10533

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Hollywood

Today, I joined a local interest website, hoping to make some friends in my area. I don't think I've ever met so many guys before who introduce themselves with pictures of their cocks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25485

You deserved it

5958

Tweet

Share

By Noname - United States

Today, I had a gymnastics meet. I thought I was done with my period, but when I was up on the beam warming up my routine, one of my coaches called me down and told me that I apparently wasn't. My coach goes around asking my teammates moms if they had any pads. My dad caught this all on tape. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75708

You deserved it

7643

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I actually considered my boyfriend romantic and deserving of an award when he didn't fart after sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38823

You deserved it

6684

Tweet

Share

By iamgermantoo - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I contacted my landlady to tell her that I approved of the girl she recommended for a sublet. She then told me she thinks this girl is a neo-Nazi. Why? The e-mails she sent to the girl were rejected as spam. Apparently, this and being German qualifies you to be a neo-Nazi. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6320

You deserved it

398

Tweet

Share

By WHY - United States - Fairfax

Today, I planned on "breaking up" with my best friend by confessing my love for her, hoping she would feel different and move on. She reciprocated. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8951

You deserved it

32809

Tweet

Share

By Sad - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

217847

You deserved it

15273

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36181

You deserved it

2903

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, the ugliest girl in school walked by me and said "ewwww". FML

I agree, your life sucks

30367

You deserved it

9147

Tweet

Share

By tikizombie - Canada

Today, I went with my family to go see a notoriously creepy abandoned house. We noticed the people had left a lot of stuff behind so we loaded up the car with books, records, etc. As we were leaving, we saw the family who lived there drive up. I robbed a house with my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12655

You deserved it

50183

Tweet

Share

By cardsftw - United States - Compton

Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36069

You deserved it

8358

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Pencil in the ass time

Today, I was in art class in which we were drawing mythical creatures. I spent the entire hour and a half drawing a Minotaur, which turned out extremely well. It turned out so well that the teacher thought I had traced it, and told me to start over right before the bell rang. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1697

You deserved it

107

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mother in law basically said I deserve my breast cancer, all because I declined to take part in one of her "March Against Cancer" events a while ago. I guess donating money to cancer research instead of going on a meaningless march really messed up my karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28777

You deserved it

1770

Tweet

Share

By Her - Canada - Montr?al

Today, the guy I've been dating for 3 months told me he doesn't know how he feels about me because he's not excited when we meet and doesn't miss me when we don't text for a while. He decides to tell me this while we're laying in bed right after having sex for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12871

You deserved it

1173

Tweet

Share

By botheredgf - New Zealand

Today, my boyfriend drunkenly decided to let his friends cut his hair into a mullet. He won't change it. I'm supposed to introduce him to my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27505

You deserved it

4407

Tweet

Share

By lonely - United States

Today, my dad brought me home after I was in the hospital for a week. He gets me to my room, hands me a glass of water and some granola bars, then leaves me on my own so he can go play golf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30663

You deserved it

4035

Tweet

Share

By roze198765 - United States

Today, my cat died in the process of eating, and choking on, my hamster. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45748

You deserved it

4363

Tweet

Share

By ILTali - United States

Today, I was at a party and we were all playing Seven Minutes in Heaven. It was my crush's turn to spin the bottle so my heart started pounding. The bottle pointed towards me! Then my crush said, "With her it'd be 'Seven Minutes in Hell'. Just skip me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

121602

You deserved it

8154

Tweet

Share

By Potato_Lord - United States - Madison

Today, not only did someone steal my bike, they also managed to get wasted and drunkenly ride my stolen bike through my new screened-in front porch, destroying it and the bike. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22685

You deserved it

1451

Tweet

Share

By Eric Rivera - 29/1/2021 23:01 - United States - Philadelphia

I've just got one of those faces

Today, while walking to the corner store, I noticed a car full of teenage girls. As I got closer to the store, one of them who was still getting in, says, "Hurry, here comes a pedo!" I turned to look and see who they were talking about, but there was no one behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

848

You deserved it

91

Tweet

Share

By mottephobe - United States

Today, I subbed for a first grade class. They were releasing butterflies. Butterflies scare me shitless. A bunch of 7 year-olds watched as I screamed hysterically when one landed on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23340

You deserved it

36824

Tweet

Share

By pea - United States

Today, I had a lady come in to order a pizza. She wanted to use a free delivery coupon. After telling her several times that she couldn't use a free delivery coupon, unless she was having the pizza delivered, she told me I have horrible people skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33296

You deserved it

3008

Tweet

Share

By Scarred for life

Frozen

Today, while volunteering at a senior care center, I witnessed a woman begin to remove her trousers. Then she began tearing apart her diaper. She then began to explore her body. I was unable to stop her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1520

You deserved it

128

Tweet

Share

By Myself - United States

Today, after a few months of my neighbors friend parking outside his house and honking until he came outside, I happened to be out doing lawn work. I politely screamed "STOP HONKING YOUR F***ING HORN!" To which they responded by moving in front of MY house and holding down their horn. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38336

You deserved it

16940

Tweet

Share

By sleepysophie - United States - Helena

Today, I slept over at my friend's house. Her dad made breakfast for us. While fixing a plate, my friend said, "Careful, my dad clips his nails in the kitchen." She said it with a sarcastic, joking tone, and laughed afterwards. While eating, I found a toenail in my food. Her response? "I told you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

50515

You deserved it

5542

Tweet

Share

By fark - Ireland

Today, I slipped on a wet floor at the supermarket and busted my nose. It wouldn't be as embarrassing if I hadn't missed the "CAUTION: WET FLOOR" sign that I'd put there myself just 30 minutes earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31403

You deserved it

9463

Tweet

Share

By MY fault!?

Today, my mom invited my asshole cousin to my daughter's 10th birthday party, saying that this is the best time for me to apologize for having him imprisoned 3 years ago. He’s the same cousin who held my daughter hostage after the cops cornered him in a drug bust. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6039

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. Extremely upset, I called my parents, because it was their car and I didn't know what to do. I told them what happened, and asked if they were on their way to where I was. My dad's response was "Hell no, we're eating dinner." FML

I agree, your life sucks

48960

You deserved it

8884

Tweet

Share

By manymisfortunes - Canada - Lachine

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have a quickie in the car. We had left a window open so it wasn't too hot, and I was holding onto the edge of the window, fingers hanging over. In the midst of it all, my boyfriend managed to close the window by hitting the button. My finger is broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40915

You deserved it

12368

Tweet

Share

By mizzy - United States

Today, my four year old got mad that he couldn't find his favorite character on the Wii. So, he decided to smash the Wii remote into my $700 LCD TV, shattering the screen. That was the only TV in the house, and the $80 service plan I bought doesn't cover accidental damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32274

You deserved it

8732

Tweet

Share

By Jessika - United Kingdom

Today, I finished a ballet class with a group of seven-and-unders. Afterwards, a new student's mother came up to me and thanked me, saying she was glad that her daughter had a "role model with a, ahem, fuller figure" and "not to worry about my weight." I have never thought I was fat before. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48253

You deserved it

3846

Tweet

Share

By dane - United States

Today, I bought a used car from a friend of mine. After getting the car home and further inspecting it, I found one of my wife's earrings in the backseat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

70379

You deserved it

4546

Tweet

Share

By fml - United States

Today, my mom tried to diagnose my sickness with advice she'd gotten from a dog magazine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28016

You deserved it

2358

Tweet

Share

By fmlll - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

26068

You deserved it

59722

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7707797 - Friday 12 October 2018 16:24

All of those people are only related by your parents' marriage, so it's technically legal, even if it does feel gross. Or do you just feel left out of the pseudo-incest lovin'?

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7716283 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 12:42

it's not inbreeding but it sure sounds like you live in the sticks

COMMENTS

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7707797 - Friday 12 October 2018 16:24

All of those people are only related by your parents' marriage, so it's technically legal, even if it does feel gross. Or do you just feel left out of the pseudo-incest lovin'?

By whyisitincapital | 25

#7707929 - Friday 12 October 2018 22:13

Sounds like the Bold and the Beautiful.

Reply

Yudith | 20

#7716433 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 17:50

Sounds more like "Down and Dirty", the Italian movie.

By KebbyWebby | 9

#7716280 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 12:40

Your family is just like mine.

Reply

lilfuzzy | 10

#7716441 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 18:04

Plot twist, you’re related!

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7716282 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 12:41

Incest is best...relatively speaking...

By wmayrhofer | 18

#7716283 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 12:42

it's not inbreeding but it sure sounds like you live in the sticks

By skippydoda | 32

#7716299 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:19

A family that plays together stays together.

By Zekfen | 17

#7716308 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:32

Is that you Honey Boo boo?

By Jay Bourgeois | 8

#7716324 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 13:57

Plot twist: mom and dad are bro and sis

By BasketBallForever293 | 17

#7716371 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 15:40

Quick get outta there

By 1DisGR8 | 32

#7716381 - Tuesday 30 October 2018 15:55

At least they're not blood-related... Although it will be weird telling people your brother married your sister...