Miscellaneous: Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom"....

By quickfingers100 - 22/05/2011 09:31 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 288

You deserved it 4 227

Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

Operation time!

Sounds like a scam

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 22:14

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 105

You deserved it 198

By GodDamnFan - 27/05/2009 11:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 2 in the morning by my phone ringing. As I groggily reached for it I managed to knock my fan onto my head, leaving a grate-shaped bruise. The best part? My phone wasn't ringing, I dreamed myself awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 147

You deserved it 5 776

By airhead2015 - 12/02/2014 17:57 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 351

You deserved it 5 665

By teejayrn - 18/12/2012 10:03

Today, I saw my daughter dusting her furniture with the white handkerchief I gave her as a wedding present. It's been in our family for 4 generations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 903

You deserved it 5 728

By stubblebutt - 13/11/2009 12:17 - Australia

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 656

You deserved it 5 970

By hazlanz216 - 06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 860

You deserved it 2 160

By Anonymous - 15/08/2012 04:04 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 424

You deserved it 2 517

By Anonymous - 01/07/2015 17:54 - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I spent nearly half an hour looking for my favourite pair of shoes. I ended up getting so pissed off that I accused my boyfriend of stealing them. He then pointed out that I was wearing them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 802

You deserved it 34 124

By Fatlady43 - 19/01/2010 05:08 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 188

You deserved it 6 483

By Noname - 28/02/2009 20:57 - United States

Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 401

You deserved it 19 279

By lostforlife - 13/07/2012 00:52 - United States - Camden

Today, I asked my teenage daughter to read off directions from my iPhone while I drove. She went on Instagram instead. We missed the turn by 32 miles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 754

You deserved it 6 878

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 22:00

Today, I went to a haunted hayride with my crush and friends. I got scared and screamed so he put his arm around me and hugged me. I took this as a good sign and leaned in. Turns out his friend was handing him something and he wasn't putting his arm around me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 921

You deserved it 327

By Anonymous - 15/10/2013 00:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend texted me from a bar, saying they had just called my name in a raffle to win a trip to Aspen, CO. You had to be at the bar to claim the prize. I had left the bar half-an-hour earlier, not knowing they were even having a raffle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 591

You deserved it 4 416

By theuglyone - 14/11/2016 19:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 068

You deserved it 815

By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 142

You deserved it 3 133

By smidgit - 19/05/2016 17:32

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 869

You deserved it 9 762

By Mom of 3 - 07/10/2018 15:30

Today, I was washing dishes while my 2-year-old was napping... or so I thought. When I finished and went to check on her, I found she'd taken off her diaper and smeared poop all over the carpet. She must have been up a while because it was everywhere. I spent the next hour scrubbing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 836

You deserved it 395

By Anonymous - 18/02/2012 23:32 - United States

Today, I checked over my notes from yesterday's midterm review so I could study for the test on Monday. It seems I was so exhausted, I'd done nothing but scribble unintelligibly all over the first page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 089

You deserved it 8 062

By feminist - 17/06/2009 15:25 - Canada

Today, I got into a heated argument at a restaurant with a guy I am seeing because he refused to let me pay for the bill and I thought it was sexist. When he finally agreed, I gave the waiter my card, only to have him return a minute later telling me it was declined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 228

You deserved it 77 496

By colts609380 - 17/05/2012 21:07 - United States - Corona

Today, I finally gained the nerve to ask out the girl of my dreams. She responded by saying, "You need to lower your standards." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 785

You deserved it 3 101

By Foreverathome - 28/09/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, after months of telling my parents I was going to live on my own, I finally moved out. Not even 24 hours being out of their house, some reject burned down the apartment complex I live in. Guess who's moving back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 838

You deserved it 2 561

By Anonymous - 20/01/2010 06:50 - United States

Today, my older brother and I were teasing our mom about her age. When we jokingly told her it was hard for us to watch our parents get old, she responded by saying "yeah, well, it's hard for me to watch my kids grow up and not have anyone who wants to marry them". FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 309

You deserved it 47 353

By annoyed - 19/12/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I recieved a phone call from a good guy friend of mine, someone I haven't seen for years. He tells me he has "deep" feelings for me, and wants to know since my husband is deployed, if it would be okay if we "dated" because he told his parents I'm his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 978

You deserved it 2 870

By Anonymous - 16/08/2010 23:05 - United States

Today, I came home to a dead fish duct-taped to the wall of my dorm room. I can't reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 065

You deserved it 3 937

Nice choice

By walken away - 25/06/2020 23:00

Today I had the dirtiest, kinkiest, most vividly realistic sex dream of my life. I was getting it on with Christopher Walken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 241

You deserved it 329

Fight Yoga, try anxiety!

By thegoalie - 16/09/2019 04:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I overheard this girl I don't really know say that she had cramps. Trying to be helpful, I turned round and told her she should stretch out where she had them. She then asked how the fuck she was supposed to stretch her ovaries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 2 607

By Anonymous - 09/05/2009 14:48 - United States

Today, I decided I would eat healthy in order to lose weight. Feeling powerful, I threw away all of the icecream in my freezer. An hour later, I picked the icecream carton out of the garbage and ate the entire half-melted carton. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 395

You deserved it 119 037

By why me - 29/06/2016 04:41 - United States - Milford

Today, I bought a brand new Wii U. My cat must have thought the wires looked tasty because he chewed through each of them, which will now cost me another $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 319

You deserved it 1 899

My boss, the shitgibbon

By Anonymous - 23/08/2021 10:59 - United States - Steele

Today, my 17-year-old, clinically depressed son was having terrible anxiety about the first day of school tomorrow. I tried to be a good parent, so I took the day off to console him. That proved to be a bad idea, because apparently, putting your son's mental health first is a valid reason for your boss to fire you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 13/01/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mother, seconds upon meeting me, gave me a hug, smiled at me, and said: "It's so nice to finally meet you! All I ever hear is 'Emma this', and 'Emma that', 'I love Emma!'. He never stops talking about you!" My name's not Emma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 137

You deserved it 2 696

By cherbear1000 - 04/09/2013 21:07 - United States - Newville

Today, I put scribbles, lines, shapes and random words on my calendar just to make it seem like I was busy. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 945

You deserved it 8 969

By Anonymous - 12/12/2014 18:46 - United States

Today, I took my Spanish exam. One of the questions was to translate "Mark is lazy and antisocial." My name is Mark. Everyone kept giving me weird looks the whole test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 2 777

Road rage

By Justwantedathankyou - 18/08/2017 06:00 - United States - Loudon

Today, I noticed that an SUV forgot to put their gas cap back on, so I tried honking and flashing my lights to get their attention. They slammed on their brakes, causing me to rear-end them. So much for good karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 511

You deserved it 1 288

Call 'em now

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 02:01

Today, I had to tell my adult daughter that living in a pigsty house, breastfeeding when she can be bothered, changing a nappy only once a day, and leaving the baby at any relative's house while she shops is not adequate parenting, and unless she improves, I’m getting social services involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 109

By crazystuff23 - 01/06/2009 16:44 - United States

Today, I saw the following message on my Facebook News Feed: "Morning Sex: [My mom] and [My dad] are fans. Click here to Join" FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 601

You deserved it 5 815

By mugs - 12/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I asked my parents if the outfit I was wearing made me look fat. My mom looked at me and paused for a while; my dad said, "Honey, that outfit doesn't make you look fat. Your fat makes you look fat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 540

You deserved it 23 915

By ImNotFat - 07/08/2013 06:04 - United States - Havertown

Today, I was video chatting with my boyfriend and his friends. When I stood up, he told his friend "See, she's not a twig!" I jokingly replied with, "So I'm fat?" After a few seconds of silence, his friend yelled, "It's a trap!" and left the chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 779

You deserved it 15 487

By FFS - 06/05/2018 01:30

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 339

By Stella Grubner - 16/03/2010 06:42

Today, I chose a cute tank top and some shorts to wear. Later, I was shopping at Target with my dad when he pointed to a girl in the same isle and said to me, "Don't ever dress like that. It looks cute on her, but you couldn't pull it off." She was wearing shorts and a tank top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 110

You deserved it 4 630

By EmBAREassed - 31/07/2009 13:43 - United States

Today, I was walking around Walmart feeling pretty good about myself as I received numerous looks from guys in passing. All of a sudden a man approached me to tell me that my dress was extremely see-through. And, since I was wearing a thong, he and everyone else could totally see my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 462

You deserved it 60 203

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CateXOX 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:14

I think your dad has some serious issues...

Astroman129 7

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:12

whatever. She can't control what comes out of your mouth.

Astroman129 7

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:12

whatever. She can't control what comes out of your mouth.

zmoney314 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:47

That is just wrong, there should be a law against this.

livin_plur 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 18:12

67- against free speech?

Synyster430 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 23:50

or what goes in....haha....ha

ishida1235 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 3:00

dumb picture dora

marilynmanson646 0

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Monday 23 May 2011 17:58

and he can't control what goes into hers..

spikey818 9

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:12

start bonding

evermore8404 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 18:42

what r u insane hell no?

bluegoldfish 7

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Monday 23 May 2011 11:28

ohh 138...yeah its called sarcasm...sigh...

HahaNoGoAway 11

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Friday 30 May 2014 23:34

They probably bonded a lot in highschool.

thkn368 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 16:13

something is better then nothing

seenyou 3

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:26

that's wasn't the point of OPs fml . u got it wrong :/

xxlauruh 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:58

I think it was sarcasm.

smlz4me 1

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Sunday 22 May 2011 19:41

no, nothing is better when youre older than your mom

pancakechick 8

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Sunday 22 May 2011 16:13

That sucks.

iReadFmlsFml 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 17:07

Since you've obviously passed High School. and are probably finished College or in it, I think it's time to move out, time to be a man and leave your Dad

sxe_beast 11

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Sunday 22 May 2011 17:34

@80- Your comment makes no sense at all. Your making assumptions that are completely off-topic and have nothing to do with anything. There are so many things wrong with your comment. 1) We do not know whether the poster is a female or male. So your very outdated advice of "manning up" could very well be invalid. Even if they were a male, its still a retarded statement. GO BE A MAN......... RAWR?!? Yeah okay. 2) What's wrong with living with your parents whilst in college if said college is nearby? Its more economical that way. It would save your parents money (rent, bills, etc. for an apartment) and/or allow you not to have to get a job so you can focus more on your studies. In addition to this according to a recent news story I saw: more and more college graduates are moving back in with their parents because they can't find jobs. You can't just move out and be a grown up. 3) No where in this FML does it indicate whether they live with their father. Even if they were living on their own or took your advice of moving out they would still have to deal with the step-mother. Most civilized people keep contact with their parents after they move out. /rantoff

iReadFmlsFml 0

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Sunday 22 May 2011 20:31

I thought the original poster was a male, after I had posted I realized my mistake. I honestly don't think it's bad to stay with your parents during your period of college, I was with my parents during my first year. But if this situation is really annoying you, it's time to move on to the next stage of your life. Get an apartment, move into a dorm, finish college, find a job, what have you. And as for your second point, yes, you can be a man and get out there in the world, everyone does, or you can wait, it's not a problem. And I think that visiting your parents is quite different from LIVING with them. No need to rant on me, I was just offering my opinion.