Work: Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed...

By SMV - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

31707

You deserved it

5885

Favorite

Work

Coherence dude, do you have it?

Medicare for all, please

Clean break

By fml - United States

Today, I agreed to let my boyfriend cover every inch of my body in whipped cream and lick it off. We were both enjoying it until his 9 year old sister walked in and started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14605

You deserved it

24816

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my friend told me that he was having a scrabble tournament at his house with a bunch of our friends. I told my dad about the tournament and he gave me a special scrabble dictionary to bring. Hesitantly, I brought the dictionary and as I walked in everyone was playing beer pong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40340

You deserved it

12956

Favorite

By apparentlyweird

Haters Gonna Hate

Today, my dad's new girlfriend's daughter came over with them. She had a tantrum because my brand new computer, which I worked and saved for, was better than her notebook, which was bought for her. So what did she do? Oh, she threw it off my desk. For some reason I'm being yelled at. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3887

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By pinky - United Kingdom

Today, my 5 month old son decided that my lip ring was a toy. Thinking it would be ok, I let him touch it. He got his finger caught and pulled his hand back. The lip ring is still in, but now I have a huge gaping hole in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11485

You deserved it

53689

Favorite

By Depression... - United States

We finally made it

Today, I had my first orgasm. Unfortunately, it was during breakup sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35009

You deserved it

9073

Favorite

By sunitgir

Gordon Ramsey is furious

Today, my mother decided to cook dinner for us and used rice that she had in her cupboard. While helping out, I stirred the dish and noticed black flecks. Turns out they were rice weevils. She tried to convince me it was "burnt garlic" and served it to the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1572

You deserved it

124

Favorite

By Anonymous - India - Mumbai

Today, I found a piece of erotic fiction on my brother's computer. It involved two lesbian teenagers, who just so happened to have the same names and physical descriptions as my sister and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48505

You deserved it

4520

Favorite

By sgibson982136

Today, I spent 30 minutes ringing up a Guinea pig and supplies for a customer who talked like a sloth, all while she argued with over the price of everything, only for her to return it all 5 minutes later because her sister "changed her mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1762

You deserved it

107

Favorite

By Anonymous

Whack-a-Mole

Today, I had to pick my daughter up from pre-school because she repeatedly hit another kid with a stick. Apparently, my parents have been letting her watch violent action movies again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1426

You deserved it

260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after having spent days working on it, I finished off a really elaborate seasonal greetings card for my boss. When I gave it to him, he took one look at it, flicked it in his trash can and said, "Fuck off, Steve." So much for a Christmas bonus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23456

You deserved it

19002

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1567

You deserved it

452

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got my first tattoo. When I showed my boyfriend, he asked where I got the design. I told him I saw it in a sketch book of his. He designed it for his last girlfriend, who got it in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20110

You deserved it

61118

Favorite

By HALIFAAA - Germany - Braunschweig

Today, my boss sent me a Word document that he wanted me to make into a PowerPoint presentation for him. It was a set of proposals for the board of directors about cost-saving options. The third option was to eliminate my position in the company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33288

You deserved it

2174

Favorite

By FUCK THE PIGS - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37361

You deserved it

4150

Favorite

By ss - Australia

Today, I took my new iPhone into a technician to complain that when people called me, the audio was very quiet and muffled. Convinced it was a fault, I demanded a replacement. That is when he peeled off the factory issued protective screen that covered the ear piece. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8239

You deserved it

53761

Favorite

By Kathrynn - United States

Today, I overheard my parents having sex. Trying to be the reasonable person I was, I dismissed it, realizing that sex is just normal. I quickly walked past their room when my cat ran past me into their room, cracking open the door. Now my parents think I was peeping and need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

78602

You deserved it

5276

Favorite

By loueb17 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34105

You deserved it

9689

Favorite

By dire-rear - Singapore

Today, I was stuck on the toilet with a huge stomachache after eating bad food the day before. I got up to flush when I noticed that there was a cockroach struggling feebly in the pile of crap. I'll never know if it got there before or after I crapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38997

You deserved it

3640

Favorite

By DidntCheckTheCalendar - Kuwait

Today, I hired a professional makeup artist to apply my makeup for a wedding. After paying her $500 for the excellent job she does, and getting dressed, I grabbed the invitation to check out the address, and it said the wedding was on December 2. Today is December 3. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13762

You deserved it

60484

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Butler

Today, after working the night shift, I accidentally left my iPod at the office. I woke up later and went on Facebook. To my dismay, I saw some coworker had posted stuff on my wall, such as, "I really have to take a shit!" and "Yes, my tits are real!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

43933

You deserved it

11973

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42507

You deserved it

3260

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Ridge

Today, my wife complained that the coffee grounds I swept into the sink grossed her out. Yesterday, I removed several panty-liners from her soiled underwear before doing the laundry. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40046

You deserved it

2984

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I drove 45 min from my college to surprise my girlfriend with roses after she got off work. She responded by taking the roses, dumping them in her back seat, and speeding off because she couldn't miss Survivor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33006

You deserved it

3310

Favorite

By daragnan - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39376

You deserved it

3063

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in the market for a new girlfriend. How? He used my credit card to sign up for 3 dating sites. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38304

You deserved it

3149

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my boyfriend's parents decided that I was untrustworthy and that if they ever saw him with me he'd be heavily punished. They're travelling hundreds of miles just to make sure he stays in the house and doesn't talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18647

You deserved it

1527

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lancaster

Today, we decided to go to an aquarium for a little family get-away. At the end was a shark viewing deck, and I leaned over the rails to get a better look. How did I find out that my glasses needed to be adjusted? They fell off and sunk right to the bottom of the shark-infested waters. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45307

You deserved it

13576

Favorite

By shary - 12/1/2021 01:59

Unreasonable

Today, I was terminated from my job because my boss “felt like it.” My parents have made it clear to me that if I am ever fired from a job, for any reason, they will kick me out on the street and never speak to me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

979

You deserved it

Favorite

By wtf babe? - 29/6/2020 14:02

Intruders!

Today, I came home to find my husband allowed several of his family members to move in without even asking me. His parents are in the spare room, his brother and wife are in my den and they expect me to make my daughter share her bed with two older cousins. I’m ready to take the kids and leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2199

You deserved it

119

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, I won the lottery. My ex-girlfriend has the ticket. I just broke up with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54717

You deserved it

28334

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Castle Rock

Today, after eight months of unemployment, I finally started at my new night job. Shortly after walking in, my boss came up behind me, whispered "hooorse dicksss" in my ear, and walked off without another word. I am terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26980

You deserved it

2168

Favorite

By 3lavyaa - United Kingdom

Good morning!

Today, I woke up and the sun was blinding me through my attic window. I have no blinds so I got a poster from my wall and stuck it to the wood on my window with nails. Turn's out I have woodrot, and my entire window fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33919

You deserved it

4756

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40984

You deserved it

4384

Favorite

By stickers - United States

Today, I was going through my moms closet. On one of the shelves, I found two baby books. One was mine, the other was one for a dog she owned before I was born. I looked through them both. The dog's baby book was filled out more than mine was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49505

You deserved it

4240

Favorite

By literature - this FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff

Poor old George Orwell…

Today, we are reading Animal Farm in class. Almost the entire class think it's about animal abuse. Including the teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42298

You deserved it

3053

Favorite

By BrokenPoke - United States - Elkhart

PokeCrash

Today, my wife screamed to stop the car in an intersection, so I slammed on the brakes. From the left, an SUV rammed full force into us. My wife is unharmed, but I now have a broken left arm and our car is totaled. On the bright side, she caught the Pokémon in the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5472

You deserved it

896

Favorite

By TPelekakis - United States - Kingsport

Today, I lost the 5 pounds I had gained over the last few weeks. I had vowed to do whatever it took to lose that weight, and I actually did, when I caught a horrible stomach bug. I'd eat my words, but I'm pretty sure I'd just end up throwing them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11686

You deserved it

1020

Favorite

By probably on death row soon - United States - Winter Park

Thanks, "Bro"

Today, my brother "pranked" me by dropping my new laptop out my bedroom window. He'd set up a saran wrap safety net below to catch my laptop safely, but he didn't secure it well enough. My laptop is completely fucked and he won't accept responsibility because he didn't mean to break it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28072

You deserved it

1581

Favorite

By Pooping - Canada - Aldergrove

Today, while I was at work, a coworker began ranting about his theory that the government is going to create a disease that sterilises everyone, and use the antidote to control the population. I was just trying to take a crap in the stall next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21791

You deserved it

1888

Favorite

By Well okay then - United States - Palmdale

Today, after letting the painters working on my house know that they're more than welcome to use my restroom, I walked outside only to find three of them pissing in my garden. One even aimed for my tomatoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11224

You deserved it

744

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By pommeblossom | 0

#88225 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 0:58

I don't get it..

By CHILL222 | 0

#226698 - Sunday 24 May 2009 23:06

i dont get it either

COMMENTS

By xMooMoox | 0

#73020 - Tuesday 31 March 2009 21:39

Next time put a note on your fridge! You will see it as all living things need to eat! ;)

Boomi | 38

#6689534 - Wednesday 14 September 2016 17:35

That's a good idea.

By pommeblossom | 0

#88225 - Tuesday 7 April 2009 0:58

I don't get it..

cornyrob | 33

#6055666 - Wednesday 3 September 2014 18:53

Yes, it's confusing because it says TODAY the company is organizing. Then the boss said OP missed it yesterday.

By igotbigdick | 0

#172434 - Wednesday 6 May 2009 0:04

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Kazze | 31

#6355272 - Monday 20 July 2015 0:03

Irony...

By CHILL222 | 0

#226698 - Sunday 24 May 2009 23:06

i dont get it either

By dorkasaur | 0

#256674 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 0:22

Is this an fml? I agree with everyone else. Idgi

By Notaneyo | 0

#261929 - Wednesday 3 June 2009 22:16

I think she got the dates wrong.

ygdrassil | 17

#3959844 - Sunday 29 January 2012 4:39

Does she not go to work every day? Only when there's a party?

linyah | 11

#4890457 - Monday 3 September 2012 6:08

she could of had the day off when the party was.

By DuoFace | 0

#269401 - Friday 5 June 2009 7:54

hahaha, that sucks. and 4 those of u who dont get it, they missed the party. it was a day before.

By oopsie_daisy8446 | 0

#466186 - Friday 7 August 2009 14:40

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

bidsababe | 1

#2827485 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 23:20

you're 9th .

By happyhak | 5

#763985 - Saturday 9 January 2010 15:10

ur not 10th ur 9th...idiot...
btw, OP, you really need to get a calender!

By happyhak | 5

#764232 - Saturday 9 January 2010 17:09

btw #9, where in the FML does it say the OP "kicked puppies"? Epic fail