Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of... - FML

01/08/2019 00:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend tried to use his “grief” at the death of a coworker to get butt sex, even though I know for a fact he didn’t like the guy that much, and just last week wished for the guy to get hit by a bus. Pretty despicable way to try get back door access if you ask me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 143

You deserved it 412

Compromises

You tried

Masterchef 2020

01/02/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, my friend was showing me pictures of her and her family. I told her to stop at one of the pictures. I started laughing my back off and said that she looked grotesque. She asked me if I was serious, I swore that I was. It was actually a picture of her sister, who died 1 year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 413

You deserved it 52 144

Was it me?

By PhantomShitter - 29/11/2019 20:00 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I read on Facebook that someone shat outside our block of flats. I laughed and showed it to my friend who was with me. She turned to me, and said, "That was you, we were locked outside last night and you needed to pee, but a poo slipped out." FML

I agree, your life sucks 730

You deserved it 2 253

Not. Helping.

By It's-only15-lbs-extra - 14/12/2017 15:00

Today, because of my full-time job, full-time courses, studying for the GRE, anxiety disorder, insomnia, and a recent pet death, I'm on the verge of a breakdown. My mother texted, "Looking through old photos, you were so skinny, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 373

You deserved it 431

21/07/2016 11:20 - United States - Troy

Today, my pregnant wife suggested we have fun tonight since we haven't had sex in 3 months. She also said we'll be having waffles and sausage. I'm actually more excited about the food than the sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 584

You deserved it 2 718

16/11/2018 05:00

Spicy

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 307

You deserved it 329

18/03/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my maths class and I had to sit through a slideshow of photos of our teacher's cat. The cat's name is Mr Cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 879

You deserved it 4 054

28/03/2019 00:00 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, after being constipated for four days post-surgery, I have gotten diarrhea. It doesn't actually help getting the hard plug out, but it has found slow passages around it, so I’m still left to my own devices. This is not the kind of gold I’d like to be digging for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 702

You deserved it 141

21/08/2013 23:45 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I was in love with his best friend. He confessed that he was too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 186

You deserved it 24 082

12/08/2011 07:44 - United States

Today, my friend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 7 076

Smelly Thrones

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 20:00

Today, I hate this time of year, not only because everything is pumpkin spice, but because of Bath and Body work sales. I work in an office full of women, and when Bath and Body has a sale, it's Game Of Smell Thrones in the office. My allergies then act up, and I handle the office phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 430

You deserved it 244

17/07/2013 14:20 - United States - Moline

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at his parents' house. I was overjoyed. His mom hugged me with tears in her eyes. His father, who never really spoke before, hugged me a few hours later when we were alone, his hands traveling to my ass and whispering, "I can change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 463

You deserved it 4 384

19/05/2011 23:32

Today, I'm the coach of a football team. To celebrate winning a game, they poured a cooler of blue Gatorade over my head. This would've been great, if not for the fact that I'm highly allergic to blue food dye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 132

You deserved it 3 437

16/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 330

You deserved it 5 584

We need to see the video!

By Lightweight - 08/03/2021 20:02

Today, I found out that while some people make out with others when drunk, I apparently sing a weird mash up between "Bad Romance" and Terry Pratchett’s Hedgehog song. My friends recorded it and posted it on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 295

22/02/2010 10:13 - Australia

Today, I witnessed my roommate pop a blister with a skewer and casually place it back in the kitchen drawer, before wiping what seeped out with the teatowel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 823

You deserved it 2 060

13/12/2016 16:54 - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 203

You deserved it 690

19/04/2012 12:37 - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 440

You deserved it 24 872

03/08/2010 22:37 - United States

Today, my family and I watched Madagascar 2. When we got to the part where Gloria the hippopotamus is praised for her chunkyness, my little sister looked at me and said, "If you were a hippo, maybe then you would get a date." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 049

You deserved it 7 390

28/07/2016 13:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Spicy

Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 187

You deserved it 1 606

14/03/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 563

You deserved it 38 346

Anxiety

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02 - Germany

Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 112

26/01/2009 14:58 - United States

Today, I woke up and it was Monday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 455

You deserved it 11 851

08/04/2012 14:30 - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and decided to make my mom a special Easter breakfast in bed. I pre-heated the oven to bake the sausage just the way she likes. Guess where my easter basket was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 702

You deserved it 6 983

Old Thug Life

By The Bad Guy - 09/03/2020 02:00 - Ireland

Today, an old lady came up to me and asked me to break a fifty for her. I gave her two twenties and a ten. I later used the fifty. It was counterfeit. I was conned by a pensioner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 489

You deserved it 365

16/05/2018 15:00

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 482

29/08/2013 09:38 - United Kingdom

Today, my house was broken into. They didn't take much, but they did paint spunking cocks on the walls and furniture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 740

You deserved it 2 723

13/09/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 927

You deserved it 4 318

18/06/2009 13:05 - United States

Today, I was installing the official 3.0 firmware update for my iPhone. Apple's authentication servers crashed. I now own an iBrick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 064

You deserved it 8 979

03/02/2012 08:12 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad killed my pet rats. They were playing on the sofa, and he thought they were vermin. This would have been understandable if the reason he came over wasn't to meet them, and they hadn't been wearing bright pink walking harnesses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 915

You deserved it 7 195

02/01/2010 20:27 - France

Today, I got l disconnect notices for both my water and my electric. After looking over my budget, I realized that I can only pay for one until next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 082

You deserved it 7 333

18/09/2010 04:21 - United States

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 951

You deserved it 3 286

17/11/2009 04:01 - United States

Today, I was looking at the annoucements in the newspaper and find out that my boyfriend of the past 6 years is supposed to be married in 2 days to what I thought was his ex-girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 341

You deserved it 3 371

Great birthday

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 23:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets for his birthday to see our favorite band, and he told me he doesn't feel he loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 66

11/09/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was sick for the fourth day in a row. I stopped by her house to check on her and bring some necessities, only to find her ex's truck in the driveway, and the sounds of some very intense love making coming from inside. I guess she's not that sick after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 798

You deserved it 485

05/10/2010 21:27 - United States

Today, I told the girl I've been seeing for a while about the strong feelings that I have for her and that I was falling in love. She told me my words made her realize what it felt like to be in love. My words were so powerful, in fact, that she ran right back into the arms of her ex boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 241

You deserved it 3 681

08/06/2015 00:53 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I found out that my husband really thinks onion rings are seafood. He's 36. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 2 503

14/06/2010 13:50 - United States

Today, my husband purposefully said something to upset me. When I asked why he would do that, he told me it was to test my Prozac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 752

You deserved it 4 236

Start your Monday with a Song!

By inappropes - 08/07/2019 14:00

Today, I came into work early to clean equipment, with my headphones on, singing to myself. I lost track of time, and wound up with the entire office watching me belt tunes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 737

14/08/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 070

You deserved it 3 916

31/08/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I found some .pdf files on my wife's computer. They were forms that had been filled out except for the date and the "reason" section. They were divorce papers. When confronted about it she said, "Well, if you piss me off really bad, I want to write down why before I calm down." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 758

You deserved it 4 147

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Top comments

RichardPencil 30

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Thursday 1 August 2019 0:52

It doesn’t sound like any of the nice ways to get butt sex seem to be working on you. Your boyfriend sounds like a real asshole.

smartjaguargurl 17

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 2:08

Pretend you think he wants you to peg him.

Comments

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 0:14

Don’t knock it till you rock it

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 0:52

It doesn’t sound like any of the nice ways to get butt sex seem to be working on you. Your boyfriend sounds like a real asshole.

Send a private message

Friday 2 August 2019 2:28

an asshole that wants an assholeㅋㅋㅋ

TCRII 29

Thursday 1 August 2019 1:45

Tell him you want to try pegging....

smartjaguargurl 17

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 2:08

Pretend you think he wants you to peg him.

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Thursday 1 August 2019 2:59

Dump him by dumping on him, and leaving him handcuffed to his bed. He's a disgusting wretch.

ck87 7

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Saturday 3 August 2019 7:55

you sound fucking crazy

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Saturday 3 August 2019 15:56

I'm not crazy. Don't call me crazy. I'm just not user-friendly. Or, I'm not crazy. My mother had me tested. Take your pick.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 3:04

Time to move on. Or just nickname him Cornholio. Or both.

PenguinPal3017 19

Thursday 1 August 2019 6:35

Devil's advocate here, but if I actually told someone that I wished a guy would get hit by a bus and a few days later the guy died I'd be pretty upset.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 18:57

So his gf owes him anal? Because he's a terrible person?

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 11:56

that was shitty of him...lmbo... don't get big deal its sec he is your boyfriend if you would just give him ass access when he wanted wouldn't have to make up excuses...

404wan 19

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 14:21

If she doesnt want to take it up the arse and he tries things this desperate to convince her he's a shitbag who deserves no sex at all.

Send a private message

Friday 2 August 2019 2:58

so then you take it up the ass and tell me if you like it. If you're not willing to try it, why does she have to? He's getting vaginal sex, so he should be happy with that.

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 14:31

You called him out on it then, right? "Honey using your fake grief at a coworker you wished to get hit by a bus last week is a pitiful excuse to get you back door access, go away"

Isaac Shields 9

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 15:36

sounds like you need to start giving him back door access before he gets tired of begging you for it and starts looking elsewhere for it sounds more like an fml for your bf

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 18:56

lolololol women don't owe men access to anything, you vile fucking pig

Send a private message

Thursday 1 August 2019 20:52

You sound like you're one article away from ending up like Harvey, Bill, and Jeffery. Have fun in prison and remember, don't drop the soap.

Send a private message

Friday 2 August 2019 3:02

How about you take it up the ass and tell me how you like it. If you can't find a guy to do it, find a girl to use a dildo on you. If you don't want to receive anal, don't sit there requiring others to. Women don't owe you access to anything. With that type of mentality, you'll be forever single.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 115

Today, for the first time I had to lie to the man I intend to marry, because I had a very intense and hot dream about Leslie Nielsen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 136