By limegreenpoopie - United States - Valrico Today, my boyfriend's obsession with card tricks reached a new low. He barged into the bathroom while I was taking a crap and asked me to pick a card. FML I agree, your life sucks 13420 You deserved it 1475 40 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Isle of Man - Douglas Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. As I started getting close to having my first ever orgasm, I got extremely short of breath and started hyperventilating. His reaction was to cover my mouth to shut me up. FML I agree, your life sucks 59063 You deserved it 7721 108 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By notaman - United States - Marion Today, I found out my insurance company denied my claim because they had me marked down as "male" and yet also pregnant. I now have to prove to them that I'm actually a woman. FML I agree, your life sucks 22386 You deserved it 1368 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - 17/3/2020 02:30 - New Zealand - Auckland Nokia 3310 FTW Today, while taking a rather large crap, I sent my sister a joking text saying, "I'm shitting my ass inside out." Turns out I sent it to my entire list of contacts. FML I agree, your life sucks 482 You deserved it 1891 7 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Beanzbeanz - Canada Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML I agree, your life sucks 50932 You deserved it 10477 266 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By unlucky_number13 - United States Today, my crush came over and we began to fool around. He started to kiss my stomach, and just when I was getting into it, he pulled away with a disgusted look on his face, wiped his mouth, and said, "We'll continue this when you get rid of all your bellybutton lint." FML I agree, your life sucks 21830 You deserved it 62465 168 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By . - Germany - Neuwied Today, I had to hide some Oreos inside my bra to motivate my husband to get close to me. FML I agree, your life sucks 18120 You deserved it 1851 39 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By sunny_funny - Cyprus - Nicosia Today, my car broke down. My colleague came to get me and then, later, my husband picked me up from work. We went to collect my abandoned car, but it was gone. It took 10 minutes of me panicking and thinking it had been stolen before he crumpled in laughter and told me he'd already collected it. FML I agree, your life sucks 7765 You deserved it 1050 15 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Lakeland Today, while on the way to Florida for spring break, I pointed out to my mom a bright blue car in the rear-view mirror. As the car overtook us, we both got a horrifyingly detailed view of the driver jerking off her passenger. FML I agree, your life sucks 45733 You deserved it 5241 106 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By snoooore - United Kingdom - Gloucester Today, I discovered I have narcolepsy. During a driving test. FML I agree, your life sucks 1576 You deserved it 115 5 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML I agree, your life sucks 33436 You deserved it 16701 49 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mandygeegoesnom - United States Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML I agree, your life sucks 31033 You deserved it 2517 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bummerdood - United States - Wichita Today, my girlfriend and I went to the drive-in theater, planning to have some fun during the movie. We were pretty excited that no cars were parked near us. As soon as the movie started, a bus full of little kids pulled up next to us. FML I agree, your life sucks 24678 You deserved it 7967 124 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By tillyg15 - United Kingdom - Droitwich Today, I had to ring up our local competitors to get prices for paint. I pretended I'd just bought a house and was doing it up, and I actually got excited about doing up a make-believe house. FML I agree, your life sucks 21236 You deserved it 4826 67 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By hejdixjeln - United States - Evanston Today, I advised my daughter to not drink a Coke before bed. She smiled at me and reassured me that it could be balanced out with sleeping pills. I'm raising a future drug addict. FML I agree, your life sucks 37904 You deserved it 7508 101 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By crizzy - United States Today, I dislocated my arm while trying to escape from underneath a flipped over kayak. Who saved me? My two brothers-in-law. Who didn't? My husband, because his "feet were hurting." FML I agree, your life sucks 40585 You deserved it 4221 163 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By WanstinChurchHill - United States Today, I met a nice girl and decided to ask her out. Later on she showed me a picture of her with her family, she was wearing red and everyone else black. I said jokingly "you look like the adopted child" only to find out that her had parents died and she was indeed adopted. FML I agree, your life sucks 18310 You deserved it 41142 55 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By M. Moore Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML I agree, your life sucks 2015 You deserved it 209 16 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Nirius Today, I spent 2 hours painstakingly making a berry tart for my best friend. As I was taking it out of the oven, the glass dish slipped from my hands and shattered all over the kitchen floor. Now I have no tart and I owe her housemate a new dish. FML I agree, your life sucks 3739 You deserved it 462 8 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States - Akron Today, I woke up and screamed: My older sister had placed a Furby right by my face while I was asleep. This is a common occurrence. FML I agree, your life sucks 42549 You deserved it 4940 98 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Az - United States - Dallas Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML I agree, your life sucks 29817 You deserved it 2370 181 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By BikerBuddy - France Today, I saw a blond-haired guy crouched by my bike fiddling with something as I came back from the shop. Thinking he was a thief, I slammed him across the head with my helmet, knocked him over - then I realised not only was he a kid barely in his teens, he was tying his shoes. FML I agree, your life sucks 8767 You deserved it 46136 178 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today, I found my dad smoking the weed he grounded me for having. FML I agree, your life sucks 4681 You deserved it 1025 13 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By fuckingdonuts - United States - Edmond Say yes Today, my boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to ask if I wanted to get donuts. FML I agree, your life sucks 32921 You deserved it 5152 133 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, my new girlfriend was telling me how she's attracted to "All-American" looking guys. Tall, manly body, handsome face. Then she says, "But it's ok, you're cute too." FML I agree, your life sucks 32957 You deserved it 3207 92 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Iamthatgirl - United States - Ada Today, my boyfriend and I were having a conversation about the lack of communication in our relationship. I told him that sometimes I feel like he doesn't really care about me at all. If he did, he would listen more. His response? "I know your name, don't I?" FML I agree, your life sucks 42292 You deserved it 5809 75 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Bribri - United States Today, my mom's "hobby" of rescuing homeless people became very real. We now have 3 more people living in our house, and none of them have a sense of personal space. I wake up to their faces in my windows. Thanks mom. FML I agree, your life sucks 36720 You deserved it 2452 76 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By SuperShy - United States - Massillon Today, I realized just how shy and awkward I really am when I averted my eyes to avoid making eye contact with someone who turned out to be a cardboard cut-out. FML I agree, your life sucks 14178 You deserved it 2103 32 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By thewhompingwillow - United States - Springfield Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 38680 You deserved it 11874 146 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - Australia - Brunswick Today, I ran into a new guy at work who told me the regional manager was visiting today to evaluate the staff. I scoffed and said that everything I'd heard about the manager made him seem like a total prick. His reply? "Maybe, but I'm a prick who can FIRE people." FML I agree, your life sucks 10268 You deserved it 27003 46 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bob - United States Today, I saw my mom run across the house naked for a condom. FML I agree, your life sucks 57039 You deserved it 4199 134 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous - United States Today, while on vacation, I called my home phone to check the messages. Someone answered. FML I agree, your life sucks 51046 You deserved it 2803 66 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By HtotheFtotheS - United Kingdom - Wisbech Today, I used an air freshener in my room to make it smell good. At first, the smell was pretty pleasant. However, by the time it'd "soaked in" it smelled just like weed. My whole room stinks of it, and now my mum is convinced I've been smoking pot in my room. FML I agree, your life sucks 28054 You deserved it 3793 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By nodullmoment - United States - Lafayette Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML I agree, your life sucks 56026 You deserved it 3233 78 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By bzygirl - United States Today, was my first day at my new job in a shop. 10 minutes after my first customer leaves I realize she managed to steal $200 worth of merchandise while she had me getting stuff for her from the back room. FML I agree, your life sucks 36855 You deserved it 7793 68 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Anonymous Today I sneezed and shit myself in bed. It was the first time I ever slept at my girlfriends house, and probably the last time as well. FML I agree, your life sucks 2726 You deserved it 363 14 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mumblingdope - Indonesia - Jakarta Today, I decided to have a hot cup of coffee. Then I stumbled on a chair and somehow spilled the hot liquid on my privates. The searing pain worked better to wake me up than the coffee itself. FML I agree, your life sucks 10865 You deserved it 1169 28 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Username - United States Today, I found out how painful it is when your ceiling fan falls on you. FML I agree, your life sucks 38370 You deserved it 3240 189 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By mehdi Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML I agree, your life sucks 326120 Phew, glad it wasn't me 33645 294 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By whymomwhy - United States - Salem Today, my mother talked shit about me to the cat while I was in the room. FML I agree, your life sucks 27260 You deserved it 2866 53 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Whatthehell - United States - Soddy Daisy Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML I agree, your life sucks 21923 You deserved it 2451 63 Comments Favorite Tweet Share
By Tripartita | 44 #6694566 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07 You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick… Send a private message 113 4 Reply
By WCARlover | 34 #6694569 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12 He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two Send a private message 85 5 Reply
By extrasnipes | 22 #6694565 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:02 Sounds like a very magical moment Send a private message 20 6 Reply
By Tripartita | 44 #6694566 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:07 You don't want to know where he was going to pull your card from after pretending to mess up the trick… Send a private message 113 4 Reply
By WCARlover | 34 #6694569 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:12 He just wanted you to pick the number two while you were going number two Send a private message 85 5 Reply
By StormfrontX33_fml | 24 #6694571 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:16 Tell him that next time he does that, you're going to make him pick a turd. Send a private message 10 23 Reply
Reply almost_there44 | 26 #6694654 - Saturday 24 September 2016 5:46 Stop. Send a private message 9 3 Reply
Reply soulreaper12296 | 28 #6694787 - Saturday 24 September 2016 16:18 You try way to hard to be funny dude...it's time to stop. Send a private message 5 2 Reply
By 9473820484 | 17 #6694572 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:18 He want to make shitting a magical experience. Send a private message 16 2 Reply
By ragnarok1540 | 39 #6694573 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:30 The cards are obviously just a distraction ... the real trick was turning your poop lime green! Send a private message 22 1 Reply
By claudiajean | 24 #6694574 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:34 Bit of a crap hobby to pursue. I hate myself too dw Send a private message 6 7 Reply
By creditless | 14 #6694577 - Saturday 24 September 2016 2:42 deuces wild? I'm sorry, that was awful... I'll let myself out Send a private message 8 1 Reply
By wanted_2_want | 40 #6694582 - Saturday 24 September 2016 3:14 If only there was an ACEhole card!!! Send a private message 6 12 Reply
Reply thatweirdasian | 22 #6694649 - Saturday 24 September 2016 5:38 You're trying a bit too hard there, buddy. Send a private message 3 8 Reply
By captain_hero89 | 21 #6694583 - Saturday 24 September 2016 3:16 did he get your card right? Send a private message 2 0 Reply
Today, my dad asked my mom to flash him. He didn't forget I was in the room, he just couldn't be bothered to wait. My mom obliged. FML I agree, your life sucks 476 You deserved it 67 4 Comments
Today, like every other day for the past two weeks, my husband was not in the mood for sex. He told me this while masturbating. FML I agree, your life sucks 659 You deserved it 81 8 Comments