Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts,...

By epipen life - United States - Hesperia

Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3318

You deserved it

209

Favorite

Messed up

Late term

Backwards world

By Douche - 31/7/2020 23:01

Karma chameleon

Today, I flew from Texas to meet my new girlfriend's family in Georgia. Turns out her sister was a random hookup I had a year earlier on a business trip, she remembered me as the douchebag with premature ejaculation. Guess who’s flying home single? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1007

You deserved it

1733

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to go get my driver's license, only to be told that I need a copy of my birth certificate. In order to get the copy of my birth certificate, I need a driver's license or my passport. In order to get a passport, I need a copy of my birth certificate or a drivers license. I have none. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48589

You deserved it

5512

Favorite

By idiot - United States

Today, I was house sitting by myself and I texted my mom saying how thankful I was that she was trusting me and not checking up on me. That night I threw a party at the house. My mom showed up to check on me because my text was "suspicious". FML

I agree, your life sucks

9815

You deserved it

125903

Favorite

By Anonymous - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, we got my dad an iPad for his birthday. I had to repeatedly reassure him that he could in fact touch the screen without being shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41473

You deserved it

4011

Favorite

By FuckingDone - United States - Enterprise

Today, my brother's refused to shower after 2 weeks of dripping sweat and never changing clothes. He claims the smell is just his "manly musk" and if I can't handle it, then maybe I'm the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14011

You deserved it

1083

Favorite

By hopeless - United States - Annandale On Hudson

Today, I confessed my feelings to the only man I've ever loved. He asked me for dating advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10279

You deserved it

792

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Garden Grove

Today, at work, the girl I've been into for the past 6 months confessed that she liked me, but also confessed she had sex with our boss. Our boss happens to be my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29533

You deserved it

1820

Favorite

By swollenpenis - Canada - Calgary

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm severely allergic to latex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48292

You deserved it

4728

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Got a little a carried away there, Skippy

Today, one of the houses had actors with chainsaws. I ran away screaming and slammed into a wall. So much for being macho this Halloween. FML

I agree, your life sucks

676

You deserved it

1234

Favorite

By drivingmecrazy - United States - Stamford

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks

8173

You deserved it

685

Favorite

By SleepyKirsty - United Kingdom

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

I agree, your life sucks

120393

You deserved it

5683

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, my husband sent me a text before heading home from work. All it said was, "Need a fuck. Backed up to hell. You're about to shower face first in a fire hydrant." Love you too, hun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36854

You deserved it

5968

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had been telling me for the past two weeks that he had something planned for the occasion. His plan? Me watching TV with his parents, who hate me, while he went to work. His gift? A brand new Xbox 360 for himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34804

You deserved it

4110

Favorite

By fuck you right back, cockspit - Australia - Brisbane

Today, the creepy guy I turned down for a date almost six years ago, sent me a box of rotting flowers with a note calling me a cunt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48552

You deserved it

8304

Favorite

By ali - United States - Livingston

Today, I was having an argument with my girlfriend in front of our friends. I didn't want her to spoil my good time, so I ignored her until she disappeared. She re-appeared thirty minutes later just to throw a punch that would make Muhammad Ali jealous. Our friends' reaction? They clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10279

You deserved it

46543

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Forest

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, some homeless person came up to the window and started doing a voice-over. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38244

You deserved it

13829

Favorite

By ashley - United States

Today, my sister had her batmitzvah. During the party, there is a tradition where the batmitzvah gets lifted on a chair, and so does her family. It was my turn after my sister's. I got in the chair. They couldn't lift me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50158

You deserved it

28517

Favorite

By FattestUgliestPerson - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public she needs to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

51869

You deserved it

7616

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my 10-year-old brother got the bright idea to urinate in my oven to cool it off. My whole house smells like burnt piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36394

You deserved it

3211

Favorite

By FML FML FML!!

Today, we had to do a scene from Romeo and Juliet. I was Romeo, and this really pretty girl was Juliet. When she found out she was with me, I heard her say "FML." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1936

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By Terry

Today, I opened the bathroom door and it broke my wife’s little toe. As revenge she ruined the ending of assassins creed which she had gotten me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2380

You deserved it

633

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I refused to share a toothbrush with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38711

You deserved it

6257

Favorite

By Airplane crap - United States - Leavenworth

Today, I got stuck on an airplane for a while before takeoff. Someone decided it was a great time to get diarrhea while on the toilet, and we couldn't take off for safety reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33888

You deserved it

4105

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Dewitt

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

I agree, your life sucks

39437

You deserved it

4662

Favorite

By facingit - Australia

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22721

You deserved it

3290

Favorite

By isaidfuckoff - United States

Today, my girlfriend came back from her mission trip with hickies all over her boobs. She said it wasn't cheating because she was doing God's work and that they canceled each other out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34210

You deserved it

2782

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Night terrors

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26453

You deserved it

2468

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while on my way to the break room, it seemed as if everyone was staring at me and giving me odd looks. I asked my friend, "Did I get prettier overnight or something?" She answered, "No, your shirt is just see-through." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11497

You deserved it

30805

Favorite

By thebabysitter - United States

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51834

You deserved it

5326

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Kansas City

Today, I uploaded a video to YouTube. I have around 20k subscribers, so I'm not a huge deal. I used a "fail" sound effect. I just got an email from YouTube saying that I got a copyright strike. They told me that it was the 4-second sound effect. They copyrighted 4 seconds of my video. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1404

You deserved it

461

Favorite

By socreepedouticanteven - United States - Procious

Today, there was a laundry basket of my clothes sitting in my room. My dad asked me if they were clean or not. When I said I didn't know, he picked up a piece of my clothing, sniffed it, and said it smelled fine. That piece of clothing just so happened to be my underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32418

You deserved it

6126

Favorite

By tumblrinas_at_work - United States - Woodland Hills

Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30670

You deserved it

2947

Favorite

By xkal174 - United States

Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

81193

You deserved it

4609

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - North Scituate

Today, I found a picture of my ex with a new boyfriend. This wouldn't be so bad if she didn't break up with me because she was lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22364

You deserved it

1851

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

84475

You deserved it

13082

Favorite

By cestquoicebordel?? - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26774

You deserved it

6171

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I was at the mall and I noticed this guy staring at me from across the food court. He smiled and waved at me so I walked over there and tried to talk to him. He was looking at his girlfriend the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21433

You deserved it

5043

Favorite

By windskurfer - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21962

You deserved it

2398

Favorite

By workworkwork

Today, at the winery, my boss proudly made a spectacle of the new, high quality bottles. After over a year of employment without breaking a bottle, I shattered 3 before lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3432

You deserved it

413

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I'm self-conscious about my B-cup breasts. About 20 minutes later, he pointed to another girl with a small chest and said, "See, you're not the only one with small tits!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

22720

You deserved it

2851

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MrCT | 22

#7779586 - Monday 11 March 2019 0:35

Have her arrested that is attempted murder.....

By acmariner99 | 24

#7779601 - Monday 11 March 2019 1:32

The slimmest grain of truth in an empire of lies. Certain allergens or poisons you can SLOWLY build up a tolerance to (but isn’t really a cure). Life threatening allergies like bees or peanuts? Not even close.

COMMENTS

By MrCT | 22

#7779586 - Monday 11 March 2019 0:35

Have her arrested that is attempted murder.....

By acmariner99 | 24

#7779601 - Monday 11 March 2019 1:32

tigergirl94 | 19

#7780718 - Wednesday 13 March 2019 12:09

I used to be severely allergic to refried beans as a kid but I can eat it now and just take a Benadryl and pass out.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7779609 - Monday 11 March 2019 1:53

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Your boyfriend’s mom basically gave you a few months of personal training.

By davidfong | 14

#7779614 - Monday 11 March 2019 2:13

I guess if you think the family is crazy enough then you will leave your boyfriend. But yes I would warn him if she tries to poison with nuts again then you will press charges.

P.s. want a payday?

By Charlie Given | 23

#7779642 - Monday 11 March 2019 4:17

Wow that's one stupid bitch you should press charges just on principles alone that's not right on so many levels

By Aphrodite | 19

#7779663 - Monday 11 March 2019 7:08

To be fair, i’ve heard of this method but it’s usually used on toddlers. Kind of like immunotherapy. However, definitely doesn’t work on a fully grown adult who has fully developed the allergy.

By melisssa87 | 30

#7779818 - Monday 11 March 2019 12:54

What did her ancestors do if someone was allergic to fire ants? Buried the person in it?

By bkwusa | 15

#7779883 - Monday 11 March 2019 15:22

In one way it is a cure to the allergy... as long as you consider death a cure...

By tiredofwaiting | 25

#7780117 - Tuesday 12 March 2019 5:36

Wow she sounds evil.

By Alexiskovich | 6

#7780245 - Tuesday 12 March 2019 12:17

That is attempted murder.