Love: Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how...

By aphre - 18/03/2009 12:35 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of over a year and I were discussing how neither of us is the other's usual 'type'. I explained that I usually go for insular asshole types and then asked him what made me different from his usual choices. He said 'Oh, well, I usually go for the attractive ones.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 732

You deserved it 11 854

Love

Vulture

Compromises

Mother of the year

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were snuggling and telling eachother nice things. The nicest thing he could think of to say to me was "Well, I see you shaved your mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 638

You deserved it 6 386

By Broken Leg, Broken Job - 10/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was fired for not having a reliable mode of transportation. I’ve only had to take the bus recently because three days ago, my boss’s son was messing around in the parking garage, lost control, and totaled my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 254

You deserved it 207

By okaythen - 04/10/2013 09:37 - Egypt - Cairo

Today, a cute guy ditched his date and walked up to me, calling me beautiful. Not knowing how to reply, I just blushed. His date got angry and left. "Sorry. I take that back," he then said. "I was just trying to get rid of her. Thanks anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 201

You deserved it 3 678

By Anonymous - 02/12/2018 15:30

Today, I learned after weeks of waiting that my order of vinyl siding had been shipped to a contractor in another state, who installed it without realizing it was the wrong style and color. I would have to wait weeks for a new shipment, except the manufacturer has discontinued it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 635

You deserved it 149

Slicey slicey

By tas2013kid - 01/12/2020 17:03 - Taiwan

Today, I found out I had three strands of pubic hair beside my nipple, so I decided to cut it off with a scissor since I'm going swimming tomorrow. In an attempt to cut off my third strand, I instead excised the cap of my left nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 1 064

By sydstreet - 09/04/2012 05:31 - United States - Arlington

Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 616

You deserved it 5 667

Ball Is Life

By Anonymous - 17/09/2018 12:00

Today, my wife tried to be sexy by climbing on top of me wearing nothing but a thong. Unfortunately, her knee came down in just the wrong spot and I passed out instantly from the pain of my testicle rupturing. I'm in hospital now recovering from the removal surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 784

You deserved it 229

By me - 19/12/2010 03:20 - United States

Today, after buying some groceries, I walked back to my car. After trying several times to get in the door, I finally look up and see a terrified little boy holding onto his teacup poodle for dear life, frantically waving me away. My car was two spots over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 885

You deserved it 28 510

By Loser - 04/05/2009 20:15 - Canada

Today, I decided to modify my resume since I've handed out over 30 of them in the past couple of weeks and I haven't gotten any calls back. As soon as I opened it on word document, I noticed that I had forgotten to include my phone number for employers to contact me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 402

You deserved it 73 970

By biglady - 17/02/2011 07:02 - Canada

Today, I downloaded an application for my phone that reads whatever you type out loud. I started making it say things like "You like it when daddy spanks your tight little ass don't you?" Just as the message was playing back out loud, my mom walked up the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 490

You deserved it 55 429

By bubblzzz - 21/06/2019 16:01

Today, my father called the cops saying I stole his car. It's my car, but his name is on the title. Why did he report it stolen? Because rather than taking him to a bar and being his designated driver, I went to a job interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 124

By whatashame - 01/04/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my dad was on the couch and I sat down next to him. As I was reading a text message, I saw my dad's fat stomach sticking out so I patted it. After the first two pats, I realized I was patting in the wrong place. I patted the family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 401

You deserved it 80 131

By wetboy - 05/07/2009 10:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 361

You deserved it 8 871

Top brass

By Lipstick lez - 15/05/2021 11:02

Today, my boss told me to kick out of the hotel anyone who was clearly a prostitute trolling for men. I spotted a woman in a miniskirt approaching a guy in the bar, so I told her politely to leave. Despite the skirt, turns out she's the hotel manager and the man was her fiancé. I got fired so hard and fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 750

By Waterfalls - 07/10/2014 11:33 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I stood up too quickly and got dizzy, so I sat on the edge of the bed to regain my balance. I started dozing off to sleep again, got confused, and peed down the side of my bed thinking I was on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 211

You deserved it 10 621

By pummy - 30/09/2009 00:48 - United States

Today, I got an iPhone, I was excited and because I have a new number I wanted to mess with my girl a little. I started sending her provocative messages, and after 4 or 5 of them, I discovered I had entered her number wrong and was talking dirty to a man named Noah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 214

You deserved it 33 688

Don't let it come to this

By Anonymous - 27/08/2021 02:01

Today, we had the cops called on us because my son was panicking so much about his first COVID jab, his older sister got fed up, took him outside, put him in a headlock and choked him unconscious so the nurse could jab him. Instead, the nurse called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 1 130

By mybad - 11/09/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 332

You deserved it 3 257

By xHoho - 26/11/2013 05:50 - United States - West Fargo

Today, I took my girlfriend to a scary movie, hoping I could comfort her at a scary part. Instead when a scary part came on, she reacted by throwing up all over my lap and the person in front of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 221

You deserved it 8 684

By meh - 04/01/2010 22:29 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to the dentist to get a baby tooth which had decayed removed. After almost an hour, I came out with a numb mouth and a missing tooth for life. It was not a baby tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 009

You deserved it 6 501

Thanks Rufo…

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, I found out that my mom is planning on going to my high school's board meeting to complain about her latest boogeyman, Critical Race Theory, being taught. I graduated 17 years ago. She doesn't really know what it is, either. I really wish she could get over her bonkers Facebook groups addiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 225

By Username - 23/07/2011 21:27 - United States

Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 198

You deserved it 3 210

By ohemmgeee - 31/12/2010 11:11 - Australia

Today, I found out that my boyfriend purposely makes me cry because it makes him feel special. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 034

You deserved it 5 227

By Dariya - 13/02/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I asked my mom how much she had set aside for college. She then looked and me as if I were crazy and said "Why the hell would I do anything like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 637

You deserved it 4 649

Chronic

By sick not siiiick - 02/08/2021 18:01 - Australia

Today, after years of being unable to work because of chronic illness, I finished my second week of a new job. I'm so utterly and completely wiped out, I don't know if I can continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 93

Force of habit, or just mean?

By leogs23 - 02/03/2021 20:01

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 57

By verrine - 19/06/2009 08:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I was mugged on my way to the bus stop. With no money or mobile I started to panic about the exam I had and ran the 3.5 miles to get to there. When I staggered up to the building only 20mins after the exam started, the university staff wouldn't let me sit it as I couldn't prove my identity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 855

You deserved it 2 986

Stay safe

By notaslut - 08/01/2020 22:00 - United States - Greeley

Today, I walked into my best friend's house and her mom threw a box of condoms at me and said, "Stay safe, slut." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 621

You deserved it 579

Oops...

By the other woman - 26/06/2018 01:30

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 009

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 26/09/2015 12:08 - United States

Today, I found out that my contact name in my girlfriend's phone is "Dipshit McFucktard". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 863

You deserved it 3 960

By motheroftwo - 06/01/2010 08:41 - Norway

Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 565

You deserved it 6 655

By Anonymous - 19/12/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, my last remaining pet, a hamster, died. Even he thinks it's better to drown in his water dish than brave the world living with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 054

You deserved it 7 177

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 02:00

Today, I realized the cute guy in my Spanish class only talks to me so he can steal my answers. He asked if I'd give him the answers for the final as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 533

You deserved it 216

By roomingwithevil - 09/05/2012 23:26 - United States - Slinger

Today, I found out who my randomly assigned roommate was. Out of 10,000+ people, I just happen to get assigned a girl who threatened to kill me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 2 049

By lily389 - 21/03/2011 05:02

Today, my boyfriend had a bad dream that a horse was biting his fingers off. He punched the horse in the neck, and in real life punched me in the spine. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 229

You deserved it 4 066

By exiledliscense - 09/11/2011 19:18 - United States

Today, my dad made me quit my online school classes and go back to public school, because apparently when I'm on the computer, it makes his video games lag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 045

You deserved it 5 865

By creepedout - 20/07/2015 03:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I received a text with my last name spelled wrong. A short conversation revealed he got my number from me, through Tinder. I don't have an account, but he insisted he knew that I like it 'hard and rough'. He knew my first name. I still don't know how he got my phone number or name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 963

You deserved it 2 325

By namenlos - 27/05/2012 21:53 - Australia

Today, on Facebook, my sister posted a ton of photos of herself wearing a skimpy bikini, commenting that she looked hideous and fat. I can't stand attention-seeking fuckballs, so I called her on it. My mother then condemned me for "mocking" my sister, and grounded me for an entire month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 107

You deserved it 6 135

By hairless - 30/07/2010 06:45 - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 283

You deserved it 10 084

By notbrowsingnow - 08/05/2014 23:46 - United States

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 742

You deserved it 51 247

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

wafflemonger 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:02

Looks like he's your type after all.

Bstaut 8

Send a private message

Thursday 17 May 2012 23:54

Who is Smile Jesus? Is there also a Frown Jesus?

wafflemonger 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:02

Looks like he's your type after all.

lakergurl91 0

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2009 22:44

#1 is right good luck finding your next boyfriend!! Smile Jesus loves you =)

alexk92 6

Send a private message

Tuesday 17 April 2012 11:50

^^ slightly pointless comment...

Bstaut 8

Send a private message

Thursday 17 May 2012 23:54

Who is Smile Jesus? Is there also a Frown Jesus?

BigRedDilDoTIME 1

Send a private message

Monday 5 November 2012 8:41

#1 dont ask then

niamhyo 13

Send a private message

Sunday 1 June 2014 17:06

#80 made me laugh so much

TEAZO 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:04

well you got what u wanted. u had to bring it up. least now you know ur not pretty.

UnluckyChicka 0

Send a private message

Friday 3 September 2010 12:44

yup ur rite Shadic person...

Anti_Sora 31

Send a private message

Monday 7 December 2015 19:47

I lk smrter by ctng my wrds dwn by a tn. I am sorry for your eye cancer for reading that.

Shadic 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:04

#1 hit that right on the head. Haha.

Silhouette_fml 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:05

At least he's not shallow...

KingreX32 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 4 June 2014 0:17

thats a plus.......i guess. Lol probably could have said it better though.

kittykat1501 31

Send a private message

Friday 7 August 2015 7:29

He is shallow!

proxay 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:05

LOL #1 nailed it. So, how is this a FML again (since you got what you want)? :P

1D9a 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:05

Haha. How ironic. =]

redpowerlady 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:12

And you promptly dumped him right?? How insensitive of him. I guess he is your type after all.

InigoMontoya 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:16

It was obviously a joke. Grow thicker skin and a sense of humor.

PJB4466 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:18

Agree with #8, he's just smart. You said you usually date assholes, so he acted like one for a second. :)

interventions 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 18 March 2009 20:19

i think it was a joke too. a rather cruel one if that. because he has to be attracted to you to have been dating you for a year

Nearly

Today, I live in Turkey and the dollar has risen to 13 lira. Just turks understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 4

Today, I realized the cute girl with a nice ass, long hair and a great personality I've been talking to is actually a very gay dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 57

Spicy

Today, I was diagnosed with a meat allergy. You can imagine the jokes my boyfriend has been thinking up since we found out I can’t "handle his meat" in my mouth anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 51

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 113

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments