Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 395

You deserved it 105

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 370

21/02/2009 22:11

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I cried and told him that I loved him. He gave me a quarter and told me to call someone who cared. I threw the quarter in his face and ran. I waited for the bus, but when I got on, I realized I was 25 cents short of the fare. I walked home in the rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298 401

You deserved it 67 262

Best teeth in the game

Commando

Asshat

03/11/2011 17:36

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 516

You deserved it 3 555

18/06/2013 23:27

Today, I tried to explain to my cat why I was single, but then I realized why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 450

You deserved it 21 881

Aaand blocked.

By wtf fml - 20/03/2018 17:30

Today, I was mourning the recent loss of a close family member. My ex's idea of comforting me was to ask if he could come over so I could “give him some bomb ass head” to take my mind off things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 341

You deserved it 493

08/02/2010 10:52

Today, I entered the crowded bus and one man sitting in the priority seat glanced at me. Upon seeing my protruding tummy, he quickly offered me his seat. I took the seat. I am not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 524

You deserved it 33 672

12/02/2009 00:06

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 732

You deserved it 4 178

15/05/2019 03:10

Today, I was playing beer pong at a party and managed to get the ball in a cup. I jumped a little bit in excitement and somehow managed to fracture my foot while doing so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 425

You deserved it 332

19/09/2011 00:23

Today, my boyfriend kindly informed me that if I ever got bitten during a zombie apocalypse, he'd love me enough to beat me to death with a tire iron. He said this because he's been having vivid dreams about it happening. I honestly don't know whether he's joking or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 884

You deserved it 3 551

What did you do?

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 06:01

Today, I realized that my husband's family hates me for something I did 10 years ago. When I was 18. I’m so done apologizing for it. My daughter does not deserve to see her mother treated like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 133

18/07/2009 11:26

Today, after my son's new friend spent the night, I commented on how his hair had such a straight line in it from one ear to the other. I joked about how he must have fallen asleep with headphones on, or had bad hat hair. He informed me it was a scar from brain surgery he had when he was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 242

You deserved it 59 764

14/09/2017 04:30

Today, I finally measured myself to find a properly fitted bra. I'm AAA, a size which doesn't technically exist. Goodbye self esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 501

You deserved it 328

23/09/2009 08:46

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 494

You deserved it 5 828

30/06/2011 01:32

Today, as I was walking home from work, my dad drove past, pulled over, rolled down the window and asked, "Are you tired of walking?" To which I replied "Yes!" Just as I reached for the car door, he yelled "RUN A WHILE" and sped off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 946

You deserved it 5 725

Not lovin' it

By jared576 - 05/06/2015 03:01

Today, I got kicked out of McDonalds for "skating" on the floor. The skating was actually me slipping on the wet floor and smacking my head into a table then getting bitched at for leaving blood on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 705

You deserved it 2 733

12/08/2013 14:30

Today, my 26-year-old boyfriend came to my apartment to spend the night for the first time. He brought a "blankie" that he insisted was the only thing that could help him sleep. That "blankie" was his ex-girlfriend's silk nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 802

You deserved it 4 394

29/12/2010 10:18

Today, I swapped a shift so I didn't have to work on new year's eve. An hour later I realized I didn't have anyone to spend it with. I swapped it back. I'll be ringing in the new year with my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 445

You deserved it 4 408

21/05/2013 16:09

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 697

You deserved it 12 956

15/09/2011 04:22

Spicy

Today, I had my parents over at my new apartment. As I was telling them how quiet and peaceful my new place is, we could hear my neighbors talking nasty to each other before launching into a full-blown sex ordeal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 041

You deserved it 3 130

03/02/2018 15:00

Today, I asked my crush if she wanted to see a movie with me. She said no because she already saw it. The movie is coming out next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 762

You deserved it 354

22/05/2009 05:12

Today, my grandpa took out the family for dinner and paid for everyone. He paid the bill and my family and I were waiting by the door. I realised I probably should thank him for dinner. I turn around without thinking and give him a big hug and say thanks for dinner Grandpa. It wasn't my grandpa. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 265

You deserved it 44 798

12/11/2011 05:34

Spicy

Today, I found a note on my door that said "I masturbate to your pictures on Facebook." Someone else wrote "like" at the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 866

You deserved it 8 423

10/08/2014 01:30

Today, I was mowing the lawn while wearing gym shorts. Because I had no pockets, I tucked my phone into the waistband of my shorts. I didn't notice my phone had slipped until the lawnmower started making an awful sound. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 217

You deserved it 22 406

Panic! At the high tea

By Anonymous - 01/11/2013 01:11

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "To put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 024

You deserved it 9 363

13/06/2011 19:23

Spicy

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend had been encouraging me to send him 'personal' videos was so he could sell them online to porn websites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 463

You deserved it 19 326

30/12/2015 00:58

Today, while babysitting a young girl, I put on the movie Bambi, as she told me it was her favorite movie. I didn't know that her parents always skipped the scene where Bambi's mom dies. Despite my attempts to comfort her, she was still upset when her parents returned. Her mom blamed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 083

You deserved it 1 669

13/03/2009 06:19

Today, I was walking my friend's dog around the neighborhood, as I was walking I noticed a little girl fall off her bike. I let go of the dog and ran over to help. The girl was ok but the dog ran into the street and got hit by a truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 529

You deserved it 24 515

08/05/2019 01:00

Today, I parked in the parking lot at work feeling like I had to sneeze. As I was walking in, the sneeze finally came. Apparently, my nose was bleeding so when I sneezed, blood got all over the floor and my brand new work clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 869

You deserved it 118

02/05/2014 03:13

Today, it's been a week since I found an egg in the street that had seemingly fallen out of a nest. I'd bought a cage and an expensive incubator lamp to save it. It's thus been a week that I've been trying to save a mouldy old potato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 761

You deserved it 48 628

01/12/2011 09:49

Today, my car was towed. After taking a cab all the way to the lot for $45 and paying the $250 fee to get my car back, my car broke down in the impound lot and needed to be towed to the nearest shop, where it took another $200 to fix, and $50 for the towing. I still have a 3 hour drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 072

You deserved it 3 510

11/08/2009 08:58

Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 908

You deserved it 44 773

14/08/2018 13:00

Today, the water company found that a water main has been leaking steadily possibly for decades and has turned the land my house is built on into an underground bog. Cracks have been appearing in my walls for a while, apparently because my house is slowly sinking into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 666

You deserved it 124

20/02/2016 09:55

Today, I had to console my bawling 6-year-old son and explain that his sister was lying when she told him that when boys in our family turn 13, they turn into girls. I'm not sure who disappoints me more right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 352

You deserved it 2 375

12/01/2015 02:41

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His father was completely wasted, his mom was high, and his 11-year-old sister was talking about her favorite alcoholic drinks at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 003

You deserved it 3 281

31/03/2009 20:33

Today, I told my husband I was pregnant. He laughed and said, “April Fools, right?” then left the room, still laughing like it was the dumbest thing ever. Tomorrow's April Fools day. I really am pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 482

You deserved it 4 273

05/04/2012 20:07

Today, I got my license. Instead of congratulating me, my buddies created a betting pool for when I get into a serious accident. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 779

You deserved it 3 811

18/11/2009 19:52

Today, a woman cursed me out, called me a perverted freak, and said I should be ashamed of myself because I had asked her "How much for one night?." She works in a toy shop, I was with my five year old daughter, and was pointing to the sign, "Rent A Helium Tank!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 116

You deserved it 3 291

01/03/2014 08:30

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 477

You deserved it 44 077

Cake is everything

By Anonymous - 28/08/2020 01:08

Today, at my maternal grandmother’s wake, I decided I deserved a piece of cake as it had been a hard day. I was serving myself a slice when my paternal grandma caught my eye from across the room, making a “fat face” at me. She called out, loudly, “You don’t need it Pudgy.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 731

You deserved it 651

10/04/2009 01:15

Spicy

Today, I was reminded that I used by dad's camera all summer to take naked pictures for boyfriend when my dad sent me an email saying: "FYI: when you delete pictures directly off the camera they get uploaded as trash files when the camera is connected to the computer." He saw them all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 85 102

10/08/2016 20:05

Today, I found a parking spot in front of my work. I parked and another car pulled into the spot just in front of me. The next thing I know, the car in front backs up and slams into my car. Turns out she didn't notice the fire hydrant next to her spot and screamed at me cause I, "stole her spot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 521

You deserved it 1 087

Black out

By Rude awakening - 28/10/2020 14:01

Today, I blacked out while riding my electric scooter. Luckily, I was quickly jolted awake when my chin hit the tarmac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 954

You deserved it 179

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Top comments

CanadAssassiN 0

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:00

Oh my gosh, that's horrible. That's makes me want to cry... I hope you feel better... i~i

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:02

guys can be dicks, but we are always thinking ahead. hahaha

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CanadAssassiN 0

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:00

Oh my gosh, that's horrible. That's makes me want to cry... I hope you feel better... i~i

ManlyDunsparce 3

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Sunday 22 January 2012 2:27

An assassin that cries? You must be a shitty assassin. -stabs politician to death while crying- I'm so sorry! The pay is so good I couldn't refuse!

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 7:20

(V) (;,,;) (V)

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Tuesday 23 July 2013 21:46

what the hell are you making a zoidberg emoticon for?

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Thursday 28 August 2014 0:17

Zoidberg is awesome!!

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 3 May 2010 17:35

#3 were also always thinking of head ;)

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Monday 21 June 2010 17:51

^^^ lol

ky765 0

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Friday 13 May 2011 0:13

amazing

holynemesis1208 3

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Saturday 5 February 2011 21:12

no he's not he's effin hilarious

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Wednesday 7 December 2011 4:28

4- I agree. He's a bastard.

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:05

wow...that dude is a dick.

sensual_kidney 0

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:21

wow... I feel horrible about laughing at the irony of that situation... You're ex sounds like a dick, good thing you broke up with him anyway. Call me :)

potentpotable 0

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:42

For once in my life...I find it hard to differentiate between YLIF and YDI...! I'm cruel.

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:49

He was a prick.

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Sunday 22 February 2009 1:58

That's so horrible, funny, but horrible. ):

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Sunday 22 February 2009 2:11

Always sad to hear about a break up. Seriously unlucky on the money front, though I must admit it did make me laugh :)

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Sunday 22 February 2009 2:12

God hates you