Intimacy: Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the...

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

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Intimacy

And today, on Dr Phil…

Sister of the year

Freak Scene

By MGZ - United States

Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I started college after a night out. I'd got tipsy at the club and started dancing with a cute guy. He asked for my number. I didn't want to give it to him, so I gave him a rejection number. Guess who's the new professor for my bio class? And yes, he recognized me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I washed my face and grabbed the towel to dry it, I felt something moving down my forehead, thinking it was a drop of water. Upon looking in the mirror, I found it hadn't been a drop of water. Unless the water drop had legs and was gooey. FML

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By public pooper - United States

Today, I was hanging out with a guy I really like. I let him use my phone, forgetting about the messages I'd sent about the consistency of my bowel movements. FML

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By gottalovefriends - United States - Atkinson

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

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By cantunhear - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

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By Mimo - Egypt

Today, my best friend told me she's been in love with me for over 4 years. I'm getting married to the man of my dreams in a month and she's supposed to be my bridesmaid. "Awkward" doesn't even begin to describe our friendship right now. FML

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By bluten - Canada

Today, I was watching this TV show where a man was describing how much he loved this woman, how he made every opportunity to see her, and how he loved her in a way nobody else could. I smiled, because that's exactly the way I feel about my crush. Then I realized the program was about stalkers. FML

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By Sarah1330 - United States

Today, while trying to sleep, I heard what sounded like someone breaking into my house. I ran downstairs, only to find my cat had ripped down my blinds and was tangled up in them, thrashing around the floor like a fish. FML

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By Anonymous

Out and about

Today, my grandfather found my diary laying in the living room, and for some reason thought it was an interesting reading material. Oh well, he found out that I'm a lesbian, then panicked and basically outed me to my entire family. I really hope they have reservations in Hell. FML

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By AnonCat - Canada - Vegreville

Today, my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven, a dryer, a dishwasher, a toilet, and a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

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By astalkerindeed - United States - Pasadena

Today, I found out that my cell phone bill was much higher than normal. After investigating, I realized that a text conversation I had with my stalker, telling him multiple times not to contact me anymore, was to an international cell phone. I have to pay to be stalked. FML

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By Scarred4Life - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

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By Anonymous

"At least you've got a job" - Mr. Missingthepoint

Today, I drove an hour to work, did nothing for 8 hours, drove an hour back, and then studied for 4 hours. This has been happening for weeks. FML

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By freakedout - United States - Louisa

Today, my neighbor asked to come over and use my laptop. She showed up drunk, grabbed my boobs, and asked if I'd ever had a lesbian experience. We both have husbands and kids; the kids were in the room. FML

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By epistaxis - Australia

Today, I am staying with my grandmother and overheard her having phone sex. FML

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By Lindsey - United States

Today, I took my driving test. I had pulled out of my three point turn in a neighborhood and started driving again, thinking something wasn't quite right. The lady testing me looked over at me and said, "Sweetie, you're driving on the wrong side of the road." FML

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By Marleck - United States

Today, the girl I love told me she was sick of guys. I replied that I happened to be a guy. She laughed and said "No, I mean the boyfriend type!" FML

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By kirrby - United States

Today, I tried to break up with my girlfriend because I feel unappreciated. She fell asleep while I was attempting this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

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By izzie - Canada

Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML

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By verycre8tive - Romania

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

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By Around - United States

Today, after doing a graveyard shift at work, I took the bus home. I fell asleep on the way and woke up 25 miles away from my bus stop. I took another bus heading back and couldn't stay awake. I then woke up where I started from. FML

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By Thanks a lot - United States - Chestnut Hill

Today, I babysat for my neighbor's brat kid. The mom gave me $15 for 5 hours. I complained to my mom when I got home because last time I got $15/hour. Turns out my mom had told my neighbor that she thought they'd paid me too much last time. Thanks mom. Thanks. FML

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By blehhh - United States

Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML

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By N - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after being single for a while now, I unwillingly went on a blind date with a guy my friend convinced me would be perfect for me. He took me to McDonald's; his father was with him the whole entire time. He is 27. FML

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By Mommy - United States

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

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By Jen - Canada

Today, I was watching 'Caillou'. It was a Christmas special for pre-schoolers. I was quite enjoying myself, when it hit me that my kid had been in bed for an hour. I forget what adult TV is. FML

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By Minecraftwhyyy - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I reached that point in our relationship where just a simple phone conversation was too boring. His idea to spice things up? Playing Minecraft together. FML

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By Rawf - United States

Today, at work, a customer called in and asked me to read off every item on our menu, along with their ingredients. I work at Jamba Juice so that's a lot of reading. After about 10 minutes of this, I found out it was actually my stupid co-worker calling from the back phone. FML

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By chew toy - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I went to see my sister and took a couple of dog biscuits for her dog. I forgot about them until later when I realised I had a hole in my pocket, near my crotch. The dog pointed this out by chomping my balls to get to the biscuits. My attempts to remove him resulted in more vigorous chewing. FML

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By hereforfmls - United States - Jasper

Played a blinder

Today, I felt something hit my eye as I was riding on my bike. My glasses ended up falling off. I looked for them for ten minutes before giving up. I ran over them. FML

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By ToobyFrank - United States

Today, my mother told me she didn't want my girlfriend spending the night anymore. I asked why, she said she heard us doing the nasty the night before and I denied it, hoping I could call her bluff. She paused for a moment and moaned EXACTLY like my girlfriend does. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Plaquemine

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My bestfriend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

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By Floof - United States

Today, I was skiing in Vermont for the third day straight. Since I was getting very little sleep, on the top of the chairlift I let out a huge yawn, pulling a muscle in my face. As I slid down the ramp, everyone saw me thrashing my head around and making funny, painful faces as I fell down. FML

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By stubblebutt - Australia

Today, my date arrived far earlier than expected to pick me up. Apparently my mother decided to show him to my room anyway. When the door swung open, I happened to be butt naked in front of the mirror, trying to pick out an ingrown hair on my bum. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with a client, when the gum I was casually chewing fell out of my mouth and down my shirt. While I was trying to dig it out, two of our newest customers walked into the lobby to see what looked like me fondling my breasts. FML

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By davincourt - United States - Apollo Beach

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend wiping a booger off her finger and onto my lip. FML

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By Ari - United States

Today, a man came up to me and punched me in the face. He turned out to be the guy my ex-girlfriend cheated on me with. Apparently, she told him we broke up because I used to beat her. FML

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By Nickki - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

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Top comments

By mohit88 | 0

#534294 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 17:32

So u think u can dance?...in the shower

By Aska_fml | 0

#534408 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 18:28

I really doubt that dancing naked would ever impress anyone. More like, make you laugh... :P

COMMENTS

By mastory96 | 0

#534084 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:22

... were you at least being safe? ;)

benny2465 | 0

#1492348 - Sunday 3 October 2010 18:25

2 immature? for trying to impress someone?

therealdavid | 0

#1984976 - Wednesday 19 January 2011 11:39

Yeah, cause what's more impressive than dancing in the shower.

By renegade_angel08 | 0

#534087 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:24

No offense but that's what happens when you shower with immature people. Kick your bf's ass!

T_Young96 | 13

#6110624 - Thursday 6 November 2014 0:18

Not to fun you are.. Have relationship you probably do not.

By Squirrellord911 | 0

#534094 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:26

definition of fail

By fungigiby7 | 0

#534102 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 16:30

UNSAFE SEX IS BAD AS YOU CAN SEEE YDI for playing around in the shower

By mohit88 | 0

#534294 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 17:32

So u think u can dance?...in the shower

By Aska_fml | 0

#534408 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 18:28

I really doubt that dancing naked would ever impress anyone. More like, make you laugh... :P

By themaintroll | 0

#534962 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 22:24

YDI for having a boyfriend who thinks he's a Jedi

T_Young96 | 13

#6110627 - Thursday 6 November 2014 0:19

Jedi he was not...

By mccaincracker | 6

#535039 - Wednesday 2 September 2009 23:04

Aha this 1 made my day... Fyl and his. It's be funny if he posted this fml from his point of view

By mastory96 | 0

#535225 - Thursday 3 September 2009 0:03

haha! I didn't even know I was first. that made my day.

XFlyingxPiranhaX | 0

#1081964 - Monday 12 July 2010 21:29

you're number 1!.......0.

By g33ktr0n | 0

#535252 - Thursday 3 September 2009 0:15

Lmao! FAIL!!