Love: Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed...

By deanlazore - 23/06/2016 03:09 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 530

You deserved it 1 992

Love

Sorry…

Compromises

Addams Family Values

Cool moves

By Anonymous - 21/01/2021 23:01

Today, I tried pouring water on myself like in Coyote Ugly to the song "Pour Some Sugar On Me." I ended up waterboarding myself and I didn’t stop until the pitcher was done. I felt like I was drowning the whole time, and my partner knew from the choking sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 479

By DrunkenValor - 06/09/2009 04:03 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend got drunk. We tried to get him into a cab, he punched me in the face, three chavs then accosted me, accusing me of trying to mug him. I was then beaten up by said chavs and then the police charged me for being drunk and disorderly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 183

You deserved it 3 452

By Anonymous - 24/06/2015 03:16 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 011

You deserved it 2 146

By snownerd - 03/11/2011 16:13 - United States

Today, while I was shopping, I saw my old friend from high school. After a bit of talking, I ended up giving her my phone number. I wrote it on an old receipt. Little did I remember, the receipt was from when I bought lube and condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 732

You deserved it 39 586

By car - 21/08/2010 05:25 - Australia

Today, after a costly fix for my brakes that failed a while back as I was going down a hill, I found a $130 bill in the mail attached to a speed camera photo of me shitting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 648

You deserved it 4 084

By Anonymous - 27/07/2013 17:51 - Finland

Today, I was babysitting a kid for the first time. She asked if she could watch a movie, so I downloaded Cinderella for her. An hour later, this 10-year-old girl was lecturing me about unrealistic standards of beauty and abusive relationships, and how I suck for liking the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 004

You deserved it 8 741

By wtf - 10/01/2014 16:47 - United States - Delmar

Today, my grandpa took my face in both hands, kissed me on the lips, said "Now you can tell all your friends you've had your first kiss," and walked out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 930

You deserved it 4 961

By marlow - 15/01/2009 02:25 - Canada

Today, the guy sitting beside me on the bus fell asleep and just drooled on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 804

You deserved it 2 695

By gmd05 - 31/07/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 726

You deserved it 3 695

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 10:05 - United States - Palmdale

Today, out of partying reflex, I downed Communion wine like a vodka shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 480

You deserved it 49 229

Birthday Girl

By Anonymous - 14/05/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I got just three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office, to sing me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 412 507

You deserved it 21 708

By Anonymous - 18/02/2019 18:00

Today, I found myself crying my eyes out over my two favourite fictional characters' deaths. It happened over 6 years ago and has affected me more than real peoples' deaths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 648

You deserved it 922

By Anonymous - 22/12/2012 06:31

Today, due to bad weather, my dad let me take his car to drive to my apartment 3 hours away. I only realized when I got there that my keys were still sitting on my parents' kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 034

You deserved it 11 298

By CanadianEH - 08/11/2016 23:39

Today, my dog ate my underwear. This is the twenty-seventh pair that he has eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 597

You deserved it 3 195

By Whatthehell - 21/02/2016 01:35 - United States - Soddy Daisy

Today, I completed driving school. After 30 hours of classwork, 6 hours of driving lessons, and a very tough driving test, I passed and can now get a 15% safe driver insurance discount. My friend just told me he only had to watch a 15 minute video to get the same discount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 948

You deserved it 2 459

By hatesmellyfeet - 20/01/2010 13:47 - United States

Today, I boarded my flight and sat next to a man. I told him I had hoped he was a hot woman and he concurred. He said at least I wasn't obese and I replied "At least you aren't smelly". Minutes later I realize he had the most disgusting foot odour ever... the barefoot kind. I suffered for 11 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 579

You deserved it 5 031

By LosTits - 03/09/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, I saw my boyfriend after not seeing him for 7 months. During this time I have lost a lot of weight and am proud of it. My boyfriend didn't say anything about the lost weight. When we were alone and things started to heat up, he took off my bra and said "I think your tits are smaller." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 699

You deserved it 5 232

By waste of effort - 15/05/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 104

You deserved it 3 730

By Eodowoiono - 06/08/2013 16:20 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, as a joke, my friend put my bus money in the vending machine. Not only did the machine not return my money, it wouldn't give me an item in return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 237

You deserved it 4 584

Damn

By zzzgrady - 27/10/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, after having the worst night of my life, my boss chewing me out and acid reflux all morning, I went to the snack machine at work to get the only thing that makes me happy, Reese's PB cups. I had just enough money to buy the very last one in the machine, and it got stuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 089

You deserved it 4 120

By ninjapup - 02/01/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, I was at a party, chatting up this guy while we were petting my friends dog. The dog had just been outside and was kinda wet, I assumed it was raining out. Just then someone came up and said "Um, that dog's covered in pee." Apparently someone peed off the deck onto the dog as it walked by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 073

You deserved it 2 953

By Anonynommer - 13/09/2013 23:13 - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 3 348

By painfetish8021 - 17/09/2012 00:50 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 782

You deserved it 4 469

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 763

You deserved it 248

By Jenn - 16/08/2014 12:10 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I complained to my two roommates about housework not being done. They both put their hands over their ears and started screaming at the top of their voice. They do this pretty much whenever I say anything to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 331

You deserved it 5 584

By NeedTea - 21/12/2018 06:00 - United States

Today i stopped at Starbucks to get a tea before work and was surprised that there wasn't a line. As i was leaving the automatic door closed knocking my out of my hand. I headed back in only to discover a huge line had formed and they made me pay for the replacement that their door spilled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 908

You deserved it 732

By AmberKCole - 08/07/2009 18:45 - United States

Today, the car in front of me was going slow and I flashed my lights and honked. I floored it and passed the car, flipping off the driver. Just as I went around the next corner I got pulled over by a motorcycle cop. A few seconds later, the guy I flipped off drove by honked and waved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 100 363

By ChrissySoltys - 02/05/2011 06:39 - Canada

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 440

You deserved it 56 640

By Scarlett - 26/04/2011 17:28 - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 501

You deserved it 6 124

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 06:37 - United States

Today, I got an allergic reaction to Nair. It was so bad I had to have my girlfriend take me to the hospital at 2am. Where was the allergic reaction? On my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 185

You deserved it 21 996

By Username - 10/07/2012 15:27 - United States

Today, I got mugged in broad daylight, in a park, by a teenage girl. To top it off, I'm a grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 136

You deserved it 9 357

Mindfullness

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out I was pregnant. I told my boyfriend, who held me and promised it'd be alright, and he'd never leave me. One sandwich later, he'd forgotten about the whole thing, and dumped me when I reminded him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 267

You deserved it 6 006

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 16/09/2020 16:01 - United Kingdom

Today, I’ve been working 4 months to cover people isolating, so I was finally looking forward to a Saturday of fishing, a date night then a lazy Sunday watching TV. Only my wife who, as soon as she heard I had a whole weekend free, handed me a list of vital house jobs that need doing, “NOW NOW NOW.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 184

By kaitlynn - 01/02/2010 20:56 - France

Today, at four in the morning, I was asleep with my boyfriend beside me. I started yelling at him in my sleep and broke up with him. When I woke up, he was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 803

You deserved it 10 216

By paulwatson93 - 17/05/2011 04:28 - United States

Today, I went bowling with some friends. After a few beers I was showing off spinning the ball around on the tip of my finger. One trip to the ER and two crushed nuts later, I've found that mixing alcohol and heavy shiny balls is not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 340

You deserved it 51 638

By Anonymous - 16/10/2012 16:38 - United States - Raleigh

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 324

You deserved it 1 576

By MB - 28/11/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I called a friend of mine who was recently in an accident. She told me that the head trauma has caused her to lose all sense of smell and taste. To try and cheer her up, I suggested I take her out to lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 769

You deserved it 33 964

By gassy - 15/07/2015 11:15 - United States - Winter Garden

Today, whilst still trying to potty train my puppy and keep her from both peeing and pooping in the house, my lactose intolerance kicked in full fledge. Every time I pass gas, she smells poop and believes it's okay to immediately drop a deuce on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 226

You deserved it 3 997

By feelsterrible - 09/08/2012 19:51 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 306

You deserved it 54 358

Gummy

By speechless - 02/11/2010 17:20 - Canada

Today, I had a toothache and applied some numbing gel to soothe the pain. Too much came out and made my whole mouth numb. A man came into my work, thought I was making fun of his lisp, and stormed out really upset. He later called to complain about me. The boss just called me to his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 872

You deserved it 3 733

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Top comments

Tripartita 44

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:14

*seductive voice* "You know, back in my day, VHS And Chill was all the rage… but you could convert my analog heart, you digital temptress."

soodytheboi 23

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:17

Your best friend has an interesting sense of humor. FYL cuz thats really weird on their part and a little excessive on the age.

Tripartita 44

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:14

*seductive voice* "You know, back in my day, VHS And Chill was all the rage… but you could convert my analog heart, you digital temptress."

zyero 9

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Monday 27 June 2016 1:36

You sir win the internet

soodytheboi 23

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:17

Your best friend has an interesting sense of humor. FYL cuz thats really weird on their part and a little excessive on the age.

ThatOneChick856 36

Friday 24 June 2016 22:15

It would be weird if OP's friend was being serious. However, I think it could've just been a harmless prank- one that's easy to laugh at later on, in my opinion.

rldostie 19

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Saturday 25 June 2016 2:25

I don't think it's that harmless of a prank to the guy she sent over. It's a bit mean and hurtful to be the butt of a joke, especially if it's just for age. He's a person too.

_Peppermint_ 34

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:21

I wouldn't be surprised if my best friend pulled the same thing.

Qandol 26

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:22

Maybe next time tell your Bestfriend what do you mean by older men, give age limit maybe?

interesting33 36

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:23

Sorry - to your HOUSE? It is one thing to meet in a bar and public place, but giving our your address to people you do not know (even if the friend know's them) is not okay. If you gave them permission OP I owuld seriously consider revoking and saying that in future you want to meet your date in a public place - they might be friends with your friends but be safe and you don't know how they will act once they know your address.

noellebelle626 19

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Friday 24 June 2016 19:26

Best. Friend. Ever.

nix1993 41

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Friday 24 June 2016 20:58

Yeah sending random old guys who are expecting sex to someones house? Brilliant idea.

noellebelle626 19

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Saturday 25 June 2016 4:18

In that sense it's not funny. But in reality I found it funny. Now if it was my shoes then at the time no it would t. Don't get ur ass in a bunch.

Zanquis 22

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Friday 24 June 2016 20:00

Yeah but what is your age, makes a difference between 18, 40 or 60 yourself. Anyway just tell her not to send her ex-boyfriends over.

LyricaSilvan 29

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Friday 24 June 2016 20:09

Sounds like something one of my close friends would do, honestly.

Mysterybounty 6

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Friday 24 June 2016 20:23

I'm 26, single and ready to mingle let's do this.

DoomedGemini 37

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Friday 24 June 2016 20:29

Honestly unless the guy is in on it, isn't it a bit cruel for both of you? Getting your hopes up like that? And as someone mentioned, giving out your address is a really bad idea..

rldostie 19

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Saturday 25 June 2016 2:27

And mean to the guy if the friend knew he was going to be rejected because of his age. Just because he's older doesn't mean he's not a person with feelings. Older people have to deal with enough when it involves coming to terms with ones age--being the butt of a joke certainly isn't going to help anything.