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By Frustrated_lover - / Thursday 24 January 2019 00:00 /
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By  Noel J Reed  |  10

Give her some time,I know you’re frustrated. But a good idea might be talking to her about what about sex she doesn’t like and how you can make it more enjoyable for her. Mention that sex isn’t the reason you married her or love her but that you love being intimate with her because it’s always special and let’s you connect to her on another level. I would recommend just spending time with her, watching movies making dinner, and make more of an effort on all levels. I’ve noticed that being married makes you comfortable and those things kind of go away. Best of luck and let me know if you want any more advice!

By  MA_medQ  |  7

In addition to the above, you and your wife should probably figure out if she never enjoyed sex or if it’s a “recent” thing. If she never enjoyed it (with you or anyone else) she might be asexual and then you need to figure out how to handle that. If she used to enjoy it but no longer does, she may just have changed but it could also be a hormonal thing, which a doctor can probably help her with.

I hope the two of you figure out a solution that allows both of you to live happy, fulfilled lives!

Comments
By  Noel J Reed  |  10

Give her some time,I know you’re frustrated. But a good idea might be talking to her about what about sex she doesn’t like and how you can make it more enjoyable for her. Mention that sex isn’t the reason you married her or love her but that you love being intimate with her because it’s always special and let’s you connect to her on another level. I would recommend just spending time with her, watching movies making dinner, and make more of an effort on all levels. I’ve noticed that being married makes you comfortable and those things kind of go away. Best of luck and let me know if you want any more advice!

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  MA_medQ  |  7

In addition to the above, you and your wife should probably figure out if she never enjoyed sex or if it’s a “recent” thing. If she never enjoyed it (with you or anyone else) she might be asexual and then you need to figure out how to handle that. If she used to enjoy it but no longer does, she may just have changed but it could also be a hormonal thing, which a doctor can probably help her with.

I hope the two of you figure out a solution that allows both of you to live happy, fulfilled lives!

By  revidffum69  |  22

Sounds like you need to figure out how to make her cum, hard. Apparently she's been faking for 9 years. Get kinky with her. Break out the toys. Get freaky. Good luck.

Reply

Cheating isn’t the only reason a person would stop wanting to have sex with their SO. Hormones, medications, and mental issues also play a huge factor. It’s actually a side effect for many medicines, and depression can cause lack of interest in sex.

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  alycion  |  31

So can medical issues. Endometriosis can cause growths in spots that make you want to swear off sex forever. Fortunately, the surgery to remove the growths is pretty easy. Had to do it three times myself. Toss in medication issues and depression as possibilities, she needs help more than sex.

By  childlessmother  |  12

As I woman I can tell you this happens to all married women. The problem is they are struggling to work full time, care for kids and take care of the house. Then your husband wants to have sex after a long day and he gets to orgasm and you are stuck with your motor running and expected to finish on your own. I talked to my husband and told him how I felt. After that he made it all about me first and helped with the house and kids. Good luck

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  simmpandher  |  22

Mmm you can't generalize married women like that. I know tons of women with supportive husbands and don't go through something like this. What you mentioned maybe the case for you and some other ladies, but definitely not "all married women".

By  Mak9897  |  6

Whether this is an fml depends on what the ok looks like currently. For instance my colleague is 35, got married last year and though he was very chubby before, he has completely let himself go out of sheer greed and obnoxious laziness (He has no excuse since he has a well paid job and little stress). His bo is terrible, constantly has smelly digestion issues and yet still insists on gorging himself on junk food everyday. He's at a state where if he lay on his huge protruding belly the rest of his body wouldn't touch the ground.... His wife is a saint.

By  Magtec  |  9

In addition to some of the other very good advice here: Put some serious thought into marriage and sex counseling, if your wife is willing. Hope you're able to reach a compromise.

By  menofsteel86  |  10

dont feel bad I am on my 15year of no sex .and I dont know if I am Stupid enough to stay or Stupid enough to leave 20 years married 5 years of sex and 3 kids 15 years no sex and three great children

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  FluffythePink  |  6

After 20 years loving your partner vastly more than most other people love anyone, you would be stupid to leave. You are one of the special ones that is worth more than you may ever realise. There are VERY few people willing to forego their own satisfaction for anyone else. Do not put yourself down. You are a brave and kind person who proves that actual, Real Love has little to do with the contents of peoples pants.
I salute you.

By  pro_panda_ganda  |  9

Funny. The wife here. Soooo, yeah:
1. Been asexual all my life, was honest from the start that 'sex is not important'.
2. Got harrassed, bullied into and coerced into anal sex, ATM and choking blow jobs because 'all my exes did it, what's your problem?'
3. Endured years of physical, financial, emotional and psychological abuse because every time 'it was my fault for provoking him' or 'he was just a broken human being'.
4. Still endure emotional abuse on a regular basis (every single thing listed here https://www.verywellmind.com/identify-and-cope-with-emotional-abuse-4156673), am the sole breadwinner and carer for our kids. Work most nights and all days, every day to make ends meet. Husband has an expensive hobby, that's all. Doesn't work because he doesn't 'want to give them his time in the 9-to-5 rat race'.
5. Despite numerous polite requests to drop his advances for things his exes did that I find painful and unpleasant, husband persists because 'all women love it, just give it time' and 'men can't go back sexually if they had their butthole licked'.
6. If and when wife asks for postponing sex for a few hours, husband throws a temper tantrum, so sex is usually had with a screaming baby in the next room or hungry children waiting for a meal. Kids get punished with withheld affection and occasional slaps when daddy doesn't immediately get his fix. after several months of always finishing him off with a bj after sex (he was forced to compromise with this because the rest is unavailable), he informs wife 'there is a lot of resentment built up due to the bare minimum he receives')

and, finally,

7. Wife approves and has advised husband to find and get sex elsewhere but husband moans that is 'a lot of work' since 'women are so entitled these days they expect to be wined and dined'.

sooooo, if one party hates receiving the 'bare minimum' and the other giving it - divorce, right? Problem is husband doesn't want to grant it...

any suggestions?

Reply

@onceuponatime456 Because marriage is more than just sex.

After reading this, I now understand why a grown man felt the need to complain about not getting sex and adding “I want to cry” at the end. He’s toxic and no good for you. Go see a therapist, see what your options are. You need to take care of yourself and your children, and obviously this grown manchild you married is not going to help. I wish you the best OP’s wife.

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  simmpandher  |  22

Alright honey, you're stuck in "the cycle of violence". This is abuse beyond belief. What you're dealing with is putting a damper on your quality of life. Having a screaming baby and children left hungry (not blaming you) is a sign of neglect. I don't know where you live but there should be a phone number you can call and talk to someone in confidentiality. Or, PM me and let me know where you live and I can find resources for you. I'm a social work student and can try my absolute best to help you. Also-- you have the right to say NO to sex. Sex needs to be consensual. Even if you enjoyed it once upon a time and no longer enjoy it but are being forced into it, that is abuse. One thing I don't quite understand is why you married this man.. was he showing abusive behavior before marriage or did this all happen after? Regardless, the way I see it, you need to be strong. Hold your head up high and see which facilities you can call or message me and I'll find them. You have little ones to think about hun. Just know, you are not alone.

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Thank you. I appreciate your kind words. Honestly, I live in a country that has very poor social care system and a social structure that blames women for all male weaknesses/actions/deeds. We are very 'you brought this upon yourself' and 'anything that goes on between a man and woman should stay behind closed doors' kind of people. Hell, people get beaten for being gay and everyone's alright with that. So if your husband is not a drunk, you've got no reason to complain they say (and my isn't). I have been looking for ways to get out, believe you me. I don't know why pulling the trigger is so hard. But seeing him whimper on fml on top of everything else is just adding insult to injury. Wish me luck.

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