Today is Japan’s Naked Festival!

You’re fed up with the never-ending festivals of cinema, theater, music… in place of events you’ll really remember! Unusual, dangerous, or gross, there’s something for everyone. This is a judgment-free zone!

10 - Hadaka Matsuri – Okayama, Japon - The Naked Festival

This Japanese festival has been around for 300 years. Free yourself of your necktie, heels, bra, and pants to celebrate your body! Don’t imagine yourself completely nude though, because you’ll have to wear a Japanese loincloth. It’s basically a big diaper with string. So when's the bearing of the butts? The 18th of February, 2017.

The naked FML:

Today, I went downstairs completely naked to get water, completely forgetting that my daughter had a sleepover and they were in the living room. The ice dispenser woke some of them up, including my daughter. FML

9 - Ginger Pride Rally – Melbourne, Australia – The Redhead Festival

Allowing those who are different to band together, Melbourne annually brings together 2% of the world’s redheads! In reality, redheads are superheroes! I mean, like Spiderman, they have a gene that mutated and *poof* they’re not like the rest of us muggles!  Calling all redheads: find your fellow carrots in Melbourne on April 29, 2017.

PS : To the non-redheads, don’t bother trying to sneak in. Honestly, this soulless red tide is kind of creepy.

A redheaded FML:

Today, I told my parents that I wanted to donate blood. My dad helpfully interjected, "Sorry, they don't accept blood from gingers." FML

8 - Mule Day – Columbia, United States

There’s no reason why horses, pure-breeds, or stallions should have a monopoly on equestrian idolatry. The lower class of Equidae will have its moment!  Ride in on your best mule for races, sales, local products, parades and the election of the Queen of Mules (a real woman, but what bad taste!) await you from March 27 to April 2, 2017.

An equine FML:

Today, my horse learned a new acrobatic trick. Unfortunately, I was still on top of him when he tried to somersault. The horse is fine. I'm in the hospital, fresh out of surgery for a broken femur. FML

7 - The Mud Festival – Boryeong, South Korea

The last one to get dirty loses! On Daecheon Beach in South Korea, once a year the inhabitants rush into enormous inflatable rooms filled with mud. There’s magic in this mud because it’s full of nutrients and minerals. It makes the skin as soft as a baby’s bottom! Mud races, wrestling competitions, concerts, mud slides, mud baths, and massages await the biggest dirtbags from July 21 to 30, 2017.

Putting the "Mud" in "FML": 

Today, while riding my bike in the rain to a counselling appointment about my depression, my shoelace came untied and got caught around my pedal, causing me to go flying off my bike directly in a huge muddy puddle right in front of a busy street of people. No one offered to help me. FML

6 - Emma Crawford Coffin Races & Parade – Manitou Springs, United States

Dying of laughter or wanting to know what it’s like to be in a coffin… either way, why not? Like they say, this festival puts the fun in funeral, uniting the craziest goths on the planet. On the other hand, there’s no point in sending you off in a simple wooden crate. No, here we go to the grim reaper (the finish line, of course) with style and class. No need to write your will before the starting signal on October 3, 2017.

An FML from almost beyond the grave:

Today, at an Aunt's wake, my five year old son walked up to the coffin, and, with the whole family around him, exclaimed, "Well that's good, I was wondering where she's been." FML

5 - La Tomatina – Bunol, Spain – The Great Tomato Battle

You've always dreamed of slinging tomatoes at that guy you can’t stand because of his stupid voice/face/ t-shirt color... or do you just want to bathe in a pool of tomato blood? Either way, come satisfy your Machiavellian desires in Bunol by participating in the great battle of tomatoes! La Tomatina is August 30, 2017. Keep calm, at the end of the day you’re offered a giant shower thanks to some supersized jets of water.

FML takes a trip:

Today, the firm I work at informed all the employees about our annual staff trip. So, we're going to a tomato festival and everything is already planned and booked. I'm allergic to tomatoes. FML

4 - Wisconsin State Cow Chip Throw and Festival – Wisconsin, United States

Now for something weird. Really, really weird. We’ve never seen this before, perhaps for good reason. So… why? We can't say for sure. This event brings together throwing cow dung, parades of cow floats, cow-based food (like burgers), and real cows, of course. Prepare your nose clips for September 1 and 2, 2017, because it certainly won’t smell like roses.

A bovine FML:

Today, my best friend told me to face my fear of cows and hop over the fence in with them. This resulted in me being chased by a raging cow, and thrusting myself head first over a fence. FML

3 - Cooper’s Hill Cheese-Rolling and Wake – Gloucester, England

What would you do for good cheese? Each year in Gloucester, a cheese (Double Gloucester), weighing 3.2 kg, is let loose at the top of Cooper's Hill. The goal: catch the cheese or be the first to make it down the hill alive. You thought the most dangerous thing with cheese was mold. Wrong! The hill is muddy, the grass is slippery, and the slope has a 50% incline so somersaults, injuries, falls, and tumbles are to be expected. You’ll have 5 chances to catch your cheese on May 29, 2017.

A cheesy FML:

Today, while on break from work, I went to the cafeteria and bought cheese cubes. One of my coworkers, who is usually very pleasant, asked to try some and I said yes. She ate all the cheddar cubes in the bowl, which are the only ones I like. I wasted $3 for someone else to eat my food. FML

2 - Mobile Phone Throwing World Championships - Savonlinna, Finland

Tired of your boss who calls you every two minutes to reprimand you? Want to break free from social networks? Well, it’s now or never to chuck your cellphone as far as possible! Cut loose and try to break the 97.73m record of the Finnish Riku Haverinen. Time of death for telephonic harassment: March 11, 2017.

A phoned-in FML:

Today, I called my mobile phone provider to end my contract. A sales rep spent over half an hour trying to convince me to reconsider, and I kept refusing. I ended up breaking down and accepting a "more economical" contract, which I didn't notice costs almost twice as much as the last one. FML

1 - El Salta del Colacho – Murcia, Spain – The Baby-Jumping Festival

Every year Murcia celebrates an interesting tradition: jumping over babies. The basic idea is that a man is dressed up in a Colacho (red and yellow) costume and jumps over babies lying on a mattress in the street. The goal is to purify the newborns and protect them from the devil. Better than Lourdes or Fatima, Murcia is the new sanctuary for believers. It’s on June 18, 2017 and not to be missed. (Note that we find this one off-sides. Like, seriously?)

The Omen, part FML:

Today, my babysitter told me to find a replacement, so I tried to bribe her into staying by offering her a raise. She told me that the money would be better spent on an exorcist. FML

Enjoy this weekend's Naked Festival, whether you're in Japan or not. It's a nice transition from Valentine's Day. Just… don't do it public, it's mostly frowned upon.