Health: Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 100

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 575

You deserved it 92

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 40

14/03/2009 04:13

Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the check out line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was okay. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 94 691

You deserved it 8 258

Vulture

You tried

Good boy

16/06/2009 10:49

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 903

You deserved it 12 914

19/02/2009 16:24

Today, my boyfriend called me from a payphone because he lost his phone at the airport. When I texted his phone to get a response from someone who stole it [because it was still on whenever I called], I received a message back saying, "Love the pics. Send more ;]" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 261

You deserved it 8 671

04/11/2010 20:30

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 099

You deserved it 36 157

28/02/2012 21:03

Today, in bio class, we were studying the reproductive system. I don't like talking about this stuff, and I twitched every time my teacher said "penis" or "vagina." When I told my family, they laughed and kept repeating those words just to see me twitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 496

You deserved it 36 881

07/11/2009 06:55

Today, I had a police officer come to my house because I've been reported missing. My friends online decided to call the police because I haven't signed in for 6 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 589

You deserved it 6 679

Wakey wakey

By fuuuuck - 10/06/2021 16:27

Today, I had a big presentation to do at work, so I got up early and ran myself a bath. I woke up three hours later, extremely late, and still in the bath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 300

You deserved it 25 123

23/10/2011 02:06

Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 566

You deserved it 7 489

08/01/2012 00:50

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 202

You deserved it 3 231

10/11/2009 21:41

Today, I was teaching a ten year old how to play piano. Halfway through the lesson, she made a minor mistake, which, trying to be a good tutor, I corrected her. She smiled up at me, paused, then slammed the key cover down onto my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 245

You deserved it 3 519

12/02/2015 16:25

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after I beat her once again in a trivia game. She said that I was cheating, and if I was cheating on the game, I was definitely cheating on her as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 713

You deserved it 3 454

09/07/2009 07:29

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 390

You deserved it 3 223

24/02/2015 23:13

Today, I apologised to someone for my misuse of the word 'coloured' in a discussion about ethnic minority issues. They then got even more angry and said that to even quote the word in the context of an apology is evidence of my ignorance and inherent racism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 931

You deserved it 4 911

04/04/2011 19:47

Today, I returned home to find the key to my mailbox missing. I called the post office and was informed that a new key will cost me $15. I have no money, and my paycheck is in the mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 291

You deserved it 5 190

20/07/2016 23:03

Today, after driving to three drug testing clinics that were approved for my job, each one declined me saying they dont do testing anymore. Now I have to drive another 25 miles to see if someone will say, "You're clean." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 806

You deserved it 922

06/09/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend turned down my marriage proposal because the ring I gave her was bigger than the one her sister got at her proposal. Apparently she wouldn't be able to brag to her sister without "looking like a bitch for having a bigger ring". FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 155

You deserved it 268

22/07/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 889

You deserved it 1 109

16/06/2014 22:49

Today, I had a job interview. It went really well until I couldn't figure out how to open the slide door to get out of the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 6 160

29/05/2009 21:08

Today, I saw that Pixar had put out a teaser trailer for Toy Story 3. I got so excited to watch it that had to go lay in bed for a few minutes in order to calm myself down. I'm 19 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 48 771

21/05/2009 10:52

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 622

You deserved it 4 237

Good friends

By HelpStrandedOnShittyPlanet - 08/05/2021 20:08

Today, after I supported my friends through heartbreak, had long conversations at 4 a.m., stayed late at work to help through breakdowns, I finally broke after a series of bad experiences. I decided to reach out. All I got was, "lol that sucks", "Oh, would you believe the week I had" or simply no response. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 60

Chill out, Cathy

By creepystalkerguy - 14/10/2009 18:19

Today, a woman yelled at me to stop following her around the store. We were in IKEA. The only way to get through the store is to follow the arrows through a one-way path. Apparently, no one informed her of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 712

You deserved it 2 432

14/03/2013 10:52

Today, as I exited McDonald's after a quick lunch, a man in a jogging outfit ran past, snatching my handbag right off my shoulder as he tore past. He must have been at least 50. I broke down utterly exhausted before I could chase him even a single block. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 102

You deserved it 39 504

13/11/2015 12:34

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 694

You deserved it 1 544

03/05/2009 16:07

Today, I left the sliding glass door to our townhouse open because it was such a beautiful day. Our new puppy, whom we have been potty training, peed in the yard and I praised him relentlessly. He then walked inside the house, pooped on the carpet, and ran back outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 195

You deserved it 7 252

18/05/2009 18:38

Today, on the way to work, I pulled over at a postbox to post a letter. I walked up to the box with the letter in one hand, car key in the other. Guess which one I posted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 521

You deserved it 26 674

06/12/2015 15:36

Today, I found out that the $200 I reluctantly gave to my mother so she could rent a house was paid to a scammer. Now she wants to live with me, in my one bedroom apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 770

You deserved it 1 892

03/02/2009 22:16

Spicy

Today, when my boyfriend was about to orgasm, I suddenly sneezed all over his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 242

You deserved it 9 089

The geyser

By Anonymous - 15/05/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was on top in reverse cowgirl. After she orgasmed, all I heard was, "Oh fuck" and she clenched her butt to try stop, but it was too late, she shot diarrhoea up my stomach, chest and neck. The only reason I didn’t get any in my mouth was because it all got caught in my beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 233

You deserved it 311

Well hello there…

By acinorev - 07/08/2021 22:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend's antisocial father actually decided to talk to me. Too bad I couldn't respond, due to the fact that I still had his son's penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 423

24/04/2014 15:30

Today, I received a friend request on Facebook from a girl I've had a crush on for a while. As I was about to accept it, it vanished. She explained later that she clicked on my name by accident, and didn't actually want to be friends at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 521

You deserved it 4 005

10/05/2011 16:08

Today, I was stuck at the airport overnight waiting for my flight for about 5 hours. I then went and looked at the departures board. It said that my flight had already departed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 742

You deserved it 20 291

15/03/2011 22:57

Today, I got into a bad car accident, where I got severe whiplash, swollen knees, and cuts everywhere. I called my boss to let him know I wouldn't be able to make it in and he fired me for being 'not dependable'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 409

You deserved it 3 649

18/03/2009 03:40

Today, I was talking to this really nice guy who likes me, and he tells me he's packing. I asked him where he was going, he said Puerto Rico. And I said "LUCKY!" He replied "it's for the funeral". I forgot his grandma had died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 855

You deserved it 61 941

27/05/2015 14:21

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 102

You deserved it 2 786

01/03/2013 15:52

Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 131

You deserved it 2 765

Paper-thin walls

By Lauren Davies - 17/09/2019 06:00

Today, I had to tell my 4 year-old, "I'm wiping my butt right now, I can't get you a drink. Please wait a minute." I distinctly heard my neighbor laughing through the bathroom window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 281

23/08/2018 23:30

Today, I bought a different car because I was having to constantly repair my old one. On the way home from the dealer, the check engine light came on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 766

You deserved it 197

26/10/2009 21:37

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 051

You deserved it 5 936

14/11/2011 05:09

Today, I found pictures in my boyfriend's phone of our dog eating treats out of my mouth while I'm sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 4 636

07/11/2016 06:47

Today, I discovered that alcohol makes me red-faced, extremely gassy and eager to discuss my virginity with everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 197

You deserved it 2 376

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Top comments

UnofficialBlonde 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 12:05

you should say that whenever she chokes.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 14:48

lmao that's like someone dropping on the floor having an epileptic seizure and then their mother going it's ok, she likes to fantasize that she's a fish out of water.

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UnofficialBlonde 0

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Saturday 14 March 2009 12:05

you should say that whenever she chokes.

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Tuesday 9 February 2010 6:14

if only she could stop chocking on my cock. zing!

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Wednesday 24 March 2010 23:10

lol! #70 FTW

hawxfighter_fml 0

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Saturday 1 May 2010 18:39

beautiful, 70

TheNonBeliever 0

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Thursday 10 June 2010 16:35

Choking? naw, that sound is her fighting back the laughter at your 3 inches.

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Friday 21 September 2012 0:36

It may be 3 inches long, but it's a foot around

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Friday 4 January 2013 23:01

At its just in Walmart, not a store that actually counts.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 12:12

You should seriously talk to your Mother. :|

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Saturday 14 March 2009 12:14

Eating while shopping? Strange habit I must say. :-o

22cute 17

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Wednesday 28 September 2011 23:46

Exactly why YDI

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Friday 6 January 2012 7:31

Nothin wrong with it.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 13:04

Its normal that people do eat while they shop.. I know some of my co-workers do it :D Your mom is kinda biatch... it just wrong of her acting like that.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 13:36

Is choking something you do often then?

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Saturday 14 March 2009 14:24

Since when do people eat in Walmart?

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Friday 27 July 2012 5:34

Why would anyone want to shop there in the first place?

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Thursday 22 January 2015 5:34

#82 The walmart I go to is actually normal, it's really the only store I go to.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 14:27

Let me guess. You were eating salt and vinegar flavored chips, right? lol btw, your mom's an asshole

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Saturday 14 March 2009 14:48

lmao that's like someone dropping on the floor having an epileptic seizure and then their mother going it's ok, she likes to fantasize that she's a fish out of water.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 15:43

This reminds me of a friend of ours. One day in 5th grade, we had a substitute teacher. As we were doing doing popcorn reading, our friend started to have a severe asthma attack. We told sub how he needed to go to the nurse for his inhaler, but she wouldn't let him go. We were pleading with her, "He can't breath.. he needs to go to the nurses office. He has asthma." She still wouldn't let him fucking leave the room.

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Monday 4 April 2011 17:45

did he die?

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Thursday 15 May 2014 16:15

I don't think he died, that seems like a thing #9 would have mentioned.

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Thursday 22 January 2015 5:38

If the kid did die, or his lungs were hurt or something, i'm not really sure but I think the sub would be put in jail.

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Saturday 14 March 2009 15:44

damn, wtf?