Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter... - FML

By Anonymous - 2/11/2009 17:48 - United States

Today, I went to get a haircut. The hairdresser at the counter was kind of cute, so I had to say something non-standard. When she greeted me with her hello, I replied "Guess what I need from you today?" She looked at me, considered, and replied "An eyebrow wax?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

10424

You deserved it

39659

Tweet

Share

Family values

Fairytale ending

Headache

By Marcus - 20/1/2019 18:00

Today, my keys disappeared out of my car door during the 50 foot walk to the trash can. When I finally went to security after trying to find them, they said someone drove off with my car right as I walked in the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2218

You deserved it

855

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/1/2010 22:08 - Canada

Today, I was lying on the couch after having surgery on my stomach. My best friend and my mom thought that laughter would be the best medicine. Due to their medicine, I ripped out half my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33785

You deserved it

2560

Tweet

Share

By Jessica - 21/8/2012 08:21 - United States

Today, I found out that two kids were able to, without much effort, convince my 16-year-old daughter that her friend's house was used to smuggle out Jews during WWII. His house was built in 2007. We also live in America. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28841

You deserved it

3452

Tweet

Share

By looking - 25/9/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41282

You deserved it

17577

Tweet

Share

By NathanA - 8/7/2013 23:54 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer because her entrée was too fishy. I'm not the chef, just the waiter and I work at a fish grill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45185

You deserved it

2830

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 11/12/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, while standing in line at a local Mexican fast food place, I was feeling generous and let a little kid behind me go in front. Turns out he had a list, and was ordering food for his whole family. I had to wait 30 minutes to get my food. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28929

You deserved it

13464

Tweet

Share

By toolateabuckshort - 2/6/2017 12:11

I agree, your life sucks

3221

You deserved it

1834

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 22/1/2014 00:55 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47218

You deserved it

6169

Tweet

Share

By 1fungi - 7/12/2010 05:25

Today, it's my 26th birthday. My girlfriend gave me a matchbox car, a glow necklace, and a squirt gun. For her birthday, I bought her a new dress, rented a limo, and took her around to bar hop with her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34909

You deserved it

5395

Tweet

Share

By Nofriends - 9/7/2012 11:44 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, for my birthday, my family offered to take one of my friends to the movies with me. I had to pay a random person in my class to pose as a friend of mine, so that I wouldn't look pathetic in front of my parents. She forgot my name three times. They didn't buy it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19352

You deserved it

25024

Tweet

Share

By jessica071509 - 24/4/2012 05:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50177

You deserved it

3666

Tweet

Share

By Clare - 21/2/2011 23:15 - Canada

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40634

You deserved it

7567

Tweet

Share

By booooo - 7/3/2011 21:38 - France

Today, I withdrew €40 at the ATM to pay for dinner later tonight. It wasn't until I went to pay for it that I realized I'd taken the receipt, but left the cash in the ATM. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20337

You deserved it

41736

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/9/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33845

You deserved it

3327

Tweet

Share

By meeranda - 1/1/2010 05:07 - France

Today, my dad came home from work early only to walk in on me and the boy I'm not supposed to be seeing having sex. Did I mention doggie style? FML

I agree, your life sucks

11324

You deserved it

32632

Tweet

Share

By Forgotten - 11/3/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3073

You deserved it

173

Tweet

Share

By - 18/12/2018 12:00

Today, after two years of hard work, I finished writing my novel dedicated to my father. I timed everything so that the paperback would arrive at his house just before Christmas, then I booked a flight to surprise him so I could see his reaction in person. He just texted me, my mom told him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3110

Phew, glad it wasn't me

220

Tweet

Share

By ShouldICallYouDaddy - 30/4/2016 11:49 - United Kingdom - Grantham

Today, I discovered that the "hot, slutty, woman" my room mate has been dating is my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19095

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2371

Tweet

Share

By notcool - 15/9/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I learned that my anxious and obsessive mother is going to drive three hours every weekend to attend a Johns Hopkins medical course on stress reduction. Why is this bad? I just left home for college and have enjoyed my last two weeks of freedom without her around. I attend Johns Hopkins. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39206

You deserved it

3253

Tweet

Share

By stuff2710 - 5/3/2012 00:27 - United States

Today, my friend and I walked 3 miles to a Starbucks. We went inside, paid for our coffees and walked the 3 miles back to my house. We forgot to pick up our coffees. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10359

You deserved it

47845

Tweet

Share

By ohforcheese - 19/1/2012 20:19 - United States

Today, I learned that when microwaveable pizzas say "Caution, hot after cooking" what they really mean is that you should be prepared for the cardboard tray to fall apart when you try to pick it up and that boiling hot cheese is going to run down your arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29503

You deserved it

8491

Tweet

Share

By angela - 12/6/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, I thought my face was breaking out with pimples, and I thought it was weird because I never break out. And I noticed all these "bug bites" all over my body. When I got home, I realized those weren't bug bites. I have chicken pox, and my high school graduation is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64154

You deserved it

3690

Tweet

Share

By hairless - 30/7/2010 06:45 - Australia

Today, I got a XXX wax, because my boyfriend wouldn't go down on me as he didn't like the hair. Now he won't sleep with me at all because I look like a child with no pubic hair, and he "feels like a pedophile." FML

I agree, your life sucks

44190

You deserved it

10076

Tweet

Share

By titoutou222 - 22/10/2011 12:40 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter came home from school. It was cold and she was very tired. I said, "Take off your socks and blow your nose." She took off her socks and blew her nose into them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27394

You deserved it

18524

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 23:13

The Guru

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2151

You deserved it

247

Tweet

Share

By ohwell - 9/6/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I finally confessed to the guy I've liked for 2 years. I told him that I've really liked him for a long time and that I knew he had a girlfriend and I didn't expect anything from him, I just wanted him to know. His response: "Are you done? 'Cause I need to go to the bathroom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55110

You deserved it

17252

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35076

You deserved it

9739

Tweet

Share

By -1 friend - 17/5/2013 21:16 - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in a big Skype chat, which somehow turned into a heated argument. My friend lost it, typed "your stupid" and called me a "looser." When I pointed out the irony of his messages, he rage-quit, drove all the way to my house, and punched me in the face at the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55177

You deserved it

14625

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/5/2012 04:59 - United States - Humble

Today, I went into my classroom to find a bag of shit on my desk with a note saying, "Thanks for failing me b*tch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

27077

You deserved it

7469

Tweet

Share

By booearns - 17/4/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, I visited my doctor upon coming home from University. I found out that I'm severely allergic to our pet bunny, which has resulted in a rash taking over my body. She suggested that we get rid of the bunny. I told my mom. She told me to come home less often. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26820

You deserved it

3135

Tweet

Share

By CzechMeOut - 4/8/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41310

You deserved it

3627

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2019 16:00

Today, I was hit with a sudden urge to shit. I knew it was going to be a bad one, so I ran out of the meeting. I made it to the toilet in time, but I forgot to lift the lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1469

You deserved it

567

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 3/7/2020 14:02

Boredom

Today, I'm so bored during quarantine that I'm looking forward to the virtual doctor's appointment I made for next week, about the potential erectile dysfunction I might have. I'm also 22 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

You deserved it

89

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 21/2/2011 05:01

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41784

You deserved it

14828

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2015 14:21 - Australia - Auburn

Today, I saw a dick for the first time in my life, on the early morning crowded train headed for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30294

You deserved it

2822

Tweet

Share

By Nola - 27/4/2017 12:00

Today, I watched my mother pull her pants down and, using her hands, feel her butt crack to check if she'd had had an accident. She then pulled her pants up, went into the kitchen and touched stuff in the refrigerator. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5128

You deserved it

310

Tweet

Share

By fucked up dad - 11/7/2013 19:50 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, after I got turned down for yet another job, my dad glanced up at me and casually remarked that porn is always a stable market. FML

I agree, your life sucks

62233

You deserved it

6548

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 10/2/2012 22:17 - Canada

Today, I was looking through some old family photos. I don't know what the hell was going on in my head, but I idly double-tapped on one to zoom in. They were prints. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10187

You deserved it

29311

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/2/2017 20:00 - United States - Warren

Grandpa's got game

Today, I tried out the high-tech eliptical at my gym. The 70-year-old man next to me who was also using one went faster and longer than I did, and unlike me didn't stop for a break. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6087

You deserved it

1247

Tweet

Share

By OiVey - 1/11/2017 18:30 - United States - Padre Island Ntl Seashor

Today, I found out that I've been taking the wrong math class all semester. We're only a few weeks from finals and I have no drops left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3209

You deserved it

1513

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By perdix | 29

#651125 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:22

Were you expecting "Blowjob?"

Hey, she just spotted an obvious problem and suggested an easy fix.

By LoveDemon | 19

#651105 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:09

try getting a better pick-up line next time ...

Comments

By cerebellum_fml | 0

#651087 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:04

mono brow

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#651149 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:40

What were you expecting "sammich"?

YDI

Reply

tko | 0

#651162 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:46

okay the_pleb, you're already #11, did you really need to reply to get even further up top? thats so f*cking annoying, why do you care if peopl say your name first??

Reply

The_Pleb | 0

#651211 - Monday 2 November 2009 21:13

Your #13, unlucky

Now go get your girlfriend to get you a sammich and a chillax pill

Reply

TheLetterZero | 7

#651318 - Monday 2 November 2009 22:33

Pleb, quit being a retard.

Reply

Flamersplamer | 0

#651346 - Monday 2 November 2009 23:01

moron can't help it, it is a pleb.

Reply

CFR | 0

#653995 - Wednesday 4 November 2009 14:54

What on earth is a pleb?
Lol at you OP. What sort of response were you expecting?

Reply

sicpupyz122 | 0

#883496 - Tuesday 23 February 2010 1:32

ooooo

By SueSylvester_fan | 0

#651101 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:08

Smooth move, ex-lax. hahah! I always wanted to say that

Reply

wyld3fyr3 | 3

#651280 - Monday 2 November 2009 22:03

feels great to say dosen't it?

By LoveDemon | 19

#651105 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:09

try getting a better pick-up line next time ...

Reply

Gorsbug823 | 0

#1005021 - Monday 24 May 2010 6:43

sad

By Drakon_fml | 7

#651112 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:11

Well, did you get the brow wax?

By Ligerie | 0

#651122 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:20

What was you're follow up line going to be if she said "I don't know" or something?

By perdix | 29

#651125 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:22

Were you expecting "Blowjob?"

Hey, she just spotted an obvious problem and suggested an easy fix.

By elliekinslurvsya | 0

#651130 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:27

haha fail
but hey just because you have bad eyebrows doesn't mean you're ugly or anything...look at old pictures of george harrison, his eyebrows were a disaster, but he was still gorgeous(=

By tko | 0

#651155 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:43

this makes me want a "no one cares" button

Reply

machete_fml | 0

#651217 - Monday 2 November 2009 21:21

more like WTF where's the punchline

Reply

Exhumed | 0

#651549 - Tuesday 3 November 2009 0:30

this

Reply

thats_my_job | 11

#3821661 - Monday 2 January 2012 21:25

Seriously.

By gdb3 | 0

#651174 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:54

that suck

By john_bell | 0

#651184 - Monday 2 November 2009 20:56

I think she likes you