Miscellaneous: Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something...

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 13:24 - Ireland

Today, I went shopping with my sister. Looking for something to say, I told her how one of my friends had been burgled. Then I realised it was Bree on Desperate Housewives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 084

You deserved it 61 105

Miscellaneous

BO Central

Compromises

Addams Family Values

By ithappenswhenithappens - 03/07/2017 04:25 - United States - Gresham

Today, I've been in my old hometown visiting because my sister is having her baby. I scheduled the trip a full week after her due date, and still no baby. We tried everything to start her labor. I had to go back home, and as soon as my plane landed, I got a text saying she just gave birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 948

You deserved it 626

By theorifice - 16/06/2010 16:28 - Canada

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 141

You deserved it 43 204

By Regina - 03/07/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I got a job selling knives. I had training for 11 hours. At the end of the training session, the instructor promptly informed everyone that they had to pay $145 for a set of demo knives. I paid the $145. I went home and learned that it was a scam. I went back for a refund. They said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 384

You deserved it 55 450

Carry that weight

By Anonymous - 09/11/2021 18:00 - Australia - Moorebank

Today, I was getting up from sitting on the floor. I lent on the coffee table to help support my weight and heard a pop. I'd bruised the tendons in my wrist and now have to wear a wrist guard for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 126

By Big bootay - 28/01/2019 16:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my 4 year old son pointed to a lady and exclaimed “Mom, her butt is even bigger than yours!” FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2 153

You deserved it 340

By Anonymous - 25/08/2015 07:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was undressing for my girlfriend. I thought I was being all smooth and sexy, until I went to sit on the side of the bed and beckon her over. Instead, I sat heavily on my balls, screamed, then fell off the bed sobbing like a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 235

You deserved it 7 083

By sad-boing - 02/10/2015 21:01 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had to retire to my room for a wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 839

You deserved it 6 848

Outlaw

By me_the_maniak - 12/01/2012 10:14 - India

Today, my parents want me to become a lawyer, all because our family members keep getting into feuds and court cases. I'm a successful developer, and run my own company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 733

You deserved it 2 432

By ChessNut - 27/11/2018 12:00

Today, a girl I'd been crushing on for a little while and I were talking about autism. Some of the last words she said were "I try to not find autistic people so fucking annoying, but I can't help it. But can you blame me?” I'm autistic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 339

By InAnAwkwardSituation - 25/08/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my new college roommate holding his cock. He said "Hi I'm Jeffrey, and this is Jeffrey junior" while directing attention towards his penis. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 238

You deserved it 3 014

By WellThere'sThat - 26/11/2017 15:00

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 960

You deserved it 805

By RektForLyfe - 25/07/2016 03:32 - United States - Wickliffe

Today, I was accepted to the college of my dreams. Then I checked the address. Turns out, the letter was meant for my neighbor. I was actually denied. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 505

You deserved it 1 222

By Crying - 29/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, I started crying in class because of a sad part in the book I was reading. I got pulled out into the hallway and my male teacher asked, "Is it your special time?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 925

You deserved it 8 548

Dried out

By Anonymous - 20/12/2020 20:01 - Canada

Today, after spending $300 replacing a dryer and getting the vents cleaned out when our tenants complained their clothes weren't getting dry, my husband and I realized that it was actually the washing machine that was broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 235

By Uwrongfodat - 09/05/2013 10:11 - United States - Denton

Today, I had my college graduation ceremony. As I was walking across the stage, some asshat, in front of over 55,000 students and staff, brazenly ran across the stage, snatched my diploma up out of the president's hand, and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 706

You deserved it 4 260

By Embarrassed Swimmer - 11/12/2011 07:23 - Australia

Today, I went to the pool with my new white bathers. I felt really good about myself because everyone was staring at me until this hot guy came up to me and said "Dude, your bathers are see-through. You need to shave!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 710

You deserved it 18 514

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 20:07 - Switzerland

Today, my father took me out for some driving lessons. Out of nowhere, a huge, apparently suicidal bird dove into the windshield, putting a crack in it. My father yelled at me as if it was my fault, and is demanding I pay for the repairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 067

You deserved it 3 834

By rachelllynne - 09/05/2013 17:44 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, the woman I babysat for blamed me for the cut on her son's face, and fired me with no pay for not looking after him properly. He already had the cut when I arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 765

You deserved it 3 131

By failphone - 07/01/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I lost my third phone in a year. Making it a grand total of 11 telephones lost or stolen in the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 938

You deserved it 31 452

By familyofpsychos - 26/10/2012 04:38 - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 2 333

By Wet dreamer - 17/01/2018 19:00

Today, I slept in my boyfriend's room for the first time. I also wet the bed for the first time in a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 828

You deserved it 742

Uptight girl, she's been living in her uptight world…

By TheVirginJenny - 07/10/2012 00:05 - United States - Spanaway

Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 918

You deserved it 7 754

By licensed_ginger - 08/01/2015 18:44 - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 381

You deserved it 4 336

By Noname - 16/01/2009 20:43 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I smell like vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 585

You deserved it 6 622

By Etrius - 17/08/2014 15:19 - United States - La Grande

Today, I went to get my hair cut. My stylist had the greatest tattoo of a rat on her arm. I spent the whole appointment thinking about how cool the tattoo was, and what an interesting person she must be to choose such a thing. So I complimented her on it and she said, "Oh it's a wolf." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 261

You deserved it 7 149

By grantsidiots - 27/11/2013 05:51 - Australia

Today, my fiancée broke up with me over text message while I was away for work. She later posted photos of her and her new boyfriend on Facebook, while still wearing my engagement ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 732

You deserved it 3 131

By jll14 - 31/03/2013 22:27 - Malaysia - Kota Kinabalu

Today, my mom has forbidden me from drinking skim milk, because my sister is upset that I'm skinnier than her. The same sister who refuses to drink any other milk than 2% chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 549

You deserved it 2 830

Being a parent 101

By Shavaughn Riley - 31/10/2020 23:03 - New Zealand - Kawerau

Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 234

By mylifeblows - 19/08/2010 06:15 - United States

Today, I found out my husband put a parental block on the TV so I couldn't rent a movie. I'm 42. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 968

You deserved it 8 468

For the life of him indeed

By Anonymous - 20/10/2020 08:08

Today, my significant other decided it’s safe to travel to Brazil for Christmas break, even though they are heavily impacted by Covid. He doesn't understand for the life of him why we should skip this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 980

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 06:16 - United States

Today, while making a move in a board game that helped my boyfriend win, he got all excited and said "I love you, babe." I smiled until I realized this was the first time he told me that other than when he wants a blow-job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 749

You deserved it 6 281

Doin' it for the 'gram

By My sister is a scumbag - 09/04/2021 17:00

Today, my sister refuses to talk to me because I didn't post her a "Happy birthday" in an Instagram story. It seems that the iPhone 12 I gave her as a present is just not enough. She's 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 94

By slut - 29/08/2011 16:22 - Canada

Today, I finally found out that the tattoo on my lower back means "slut" in Chinese, instead of "good fortune" as I always thought it did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 335

You deserved it 59 167

By aprilfooled - 02/04/2009 04:22 - United States

Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 950

You deserved it 76 670

Online classes can be tricky

By Daniella - 12/11/2020 11:03 - Indonesia - Jakarta

Today, I accidentally unmuted my mic during a class, and normally it would've just been silence, but dumb old me just had to sing a song at the top of my lungs, and I only stopped when my phone blew up with notifications. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 322

You deserved it 1 045

By avanti - 24/04/2009 06:41 - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 572

You deserved it 7 902

Worker rise up!

By Username - 04/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 953

You deserved it 25 298

By LuvShawn - 27/02/2009 18:39 - United States

Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 335

You deserved it 67 331

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 01:08

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to take a break. At least she gave me a parting gift. Lice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 173

You deserved it 949

Get away from me

By Anonymous - 19/10/2021 11:00 - United States

Today, my mother snapped and took her frustrations out on me. Whenever she has a problem with other family members, it falls on me because she can't show them her true face to them. And she wonders why I hide away all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 74

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Top comments

emer_helena 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:17

It's your sister, you shouldn't need to search for something to say. You should just argue about the first thing that comes to mind like most siblings!

greendaygirl999 5

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 21:18

Burgled?

drano 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:09

wow

paperfox_fml 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:09

You kind of fail. =/

greendaygirl999 5

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Wednesday 17 March 2010 21:18

Burgled?

ilikepie789 0

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Monday 5 April 2010 6:30

is that even a word?

hellokittywhore 0

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Tuesday 20 April 2010 9:44

I don't think it is, I think it Is burglarized. don't wanna be the next snckerdoddle tho. lol I love that show but apperently not as much as you do, ya freak!!! lol jkk

blankaex 0

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Sunday 20 June 2010 17:01

British: Burgled American: Burglarized

TheMegaFridge 0

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Thursday 18 November 2010 7:03

yeah what ever happend to that bitch anyway?

himan235 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:11

fail you have no friends

may_cause_fail 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:12

YDI for watching Desperate Housewives. Double YDI for not being able to remember that it's a TV show.

noobgang7 5

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Saturday 27 February 2010 3:14

hey I love that show

perfectbride14 7

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Friday 21 September 2012 5:34

Hey it's an amazing show!!

guitardedman 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:12

hmm perhaps leave the house and socialize once in a while? if you can't separate things youve seen on tv from your actual life, your shit is weak and needs to change

kfnnnp 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:16

Wow. Your life really is fucked. Not because of the one event, just your life in general, if you know what i mean =/

lazyyygirl 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:16

yeah, and my best friend is tila tequila. Oh those crazy nights we've had, like when she picked bobby to be her boyfriend! Good times, good times.

onemoreweekend 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:16

O_o uhm...... just.....wow

jakerman3 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:17

i agree with #5

emer_helena 0

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Sunday 17 May 2009 20:17

It's your sister, you shouldn't need to search for something to say. You should just argue about the first thing that comes to mind like most siblings!