Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview... - FML

By sifa - 10/4/2009 07:06 - Malaysia

Today, I went for a lunch interview for my dream job. The interview was great and at the end, I tried to seal the deal by complimenting my future boss. I said, "You're really hardworking. Do you always work on a Saturday?" He looked at me, smiled and then wrote something down. Today's Friday. FML

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Season finale

Basic Instinct

A beautiful truck decoration

By Anonymous - 24/4/2009 04:38 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with a couple of friends. While walking through the parking lot, we saw a very dirty car. You couldn't even see the inside of the car through the windows. I thought it would be funny to trace on the window, "Wash Me." After doing so, the driver got out of the car. FML

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By Nudge23 - 26/9/2011 07:26 - Australia

Today, I cleared out the messages in my voicemail. Of the 50+ messages, most were from my mother wanting to know when I'd be home. I'm 27. FML

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By Dgama - 17/11/2018 16:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I went to see my new boyfriend play in a band. I found out that groupies don't like even bass players having girlfriends. I was attacked by one because he smiled at me from the stage. FML

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By sadsongstress - 12/8/2009 11:18 - Belgium

Today, my ex got dumped by his girlfriend. Seeing my opportunity I sent him a song I wrote for him about how much I still love him. He sent it on to the girl who had just dumped him claiming he had written it. They are back together. FML

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By doomed - 21/4/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, I got a letter from my mother-in-law stating that demons made her spread rumors about me all over my hometown before my wedding. FML

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By anonymous - 20/9/2016 22:49 - United States - Avon

Today, I tried to jokingly hold the door shut so my friend, who I'd seen walking down the hall to our class, couldn't get in. It was funny, until my new teacher yelled "Open the damn door!" from the other side. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2009 09:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I flew my girlfriend to Paris for our one year anniversary. Little did I know that instead of going up the Eiffel Tower and over looking the most romantic city she would rather spend it in bed with a French man. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/8/2019 06:00

Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML

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By Unemployed - 17/9/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

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By BrokeAsHell - 30/5/2013 08:51 - Australia - Werribee

Today, my landlord emailed me, stating that she hasn't been receiving my rent. After some investigation, I found out she's been using the money to buy booze, and hasn't been putting it into the house owner's account. FML

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By ritualdevice - 15/12/2009 08:30 - France

Today, I have to train people overseas to do my job. If I succeed in teaching them what they need to know, then they get my job and I get fired. If they don't perform well, then as the trainer I get blamed, and get fired. FML

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By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

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By ihatemyparents - 22/1/2011 20:20 - United States

Today, my parents confiscated my iPod, because the parents' group they go to came to the conclusion that music is a gateway to anti-social behavior. FML

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By Jess - 30/5/2009 12:48 - United States

Today, I overheard my 5 year old daughter call a girl in her dance class a slut. Shocked, I asked her where she heard that word. Her response: "I heard you and Daddy say it about her Mommy." FML

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By Anonymous - 14/10/2013 07:13 - United States - Eagle Point

Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML

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By Wyomingwannbe - 30/4/2016 11:25 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

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By mcfatty - 14/8/2016 04:21 - India - Bangalore

Today, despite having a bunch of work and school related things to do, I made time to go visit family I hadn't seen in a while. The main topic of discussion was how fat I've gotten. FML

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By Embarassed - 24/8/2011 02:44 - United Kingdom

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

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By Jmdezy - 5/4/2016 15:45 - United States

Today, I was drunk and sent my friend a picture of my penis. He edited the picture and put hands and sunglasses on it before sending it to practically everyone I know. FML

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By Roida - 26/10/2009 10:15 - Australia

Today, my parents had a fight, which is a pretty normal occurrence at our house. But today, they fought over an orange. Dad is now sitting in his bedroom with the aforementioned orange. FML

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By pinpin - 13/11/2008 11:39 - France

Today, I helped my son do his maths homework. He got a C and won’t talk to me anymore. FML

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By RuasaLove - 30/7/2015 02:34 - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

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By StephD - 20/3/2009 03:41 - Canada

Today, driving some friends back from a party I said, "Did everyone see Lisa totally hanging off of Pat tonight?! It was hilarious!!". There was a long silence, then one of my friends said "...you know Lisa is in the car, right?" FML

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By 16seconds - 8/2/2010 01:56 - United States

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

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By The Towel Molester - 26/1/2012 14:49 - Australia

Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity". I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

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By mel - 18/1/2013 23:18 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/2/2020 01:00

It's just me

Today, I stopped by my elderly mother’s house to drop off some groceries. I decided to clean the place while I was there, just to be nice. In true Three Bears fashion, I fell asleep on the couch. I was awoken by a police officer pointing his gun at me. My mom woke up and thought I was a burglar. FML

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By hottytodday - 12/12/2019 05:00 - United States - Oxford

Courtesy visit

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend on our couch. Meanwhile, my parents came to visit us without telling me. FML

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By whattalife - 2/9/2011 22:53 - United States

Today, out of sheer boredom, I took a career personality test. The "best match" for me was the position of funeral director. Not only do I have a promising future with death, I got genuinely excited at how accurate the result was. FML

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By Female_Lucifer - 20/10/2013 13:02 - United States - New Lebanon

Today, my father was taking pictures of my friend and me as we got ready for homecoming. After the pictures were taken, he offered to show us. He scrolled one picture too far and ended up showing us a picture of his penis. FML

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By Wmsys32pr9 - 30/3/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, a 7-year-old girl came up to me and told me to go fuck myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard the conversation; she came up to me and told me to go fuck myself as well. FML

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By misTreated - 30/5/2010 04:01 - United States

Today, I was spelling T-R-E-A-T to my fiancé so that the dog wouldn't understand what I was talking about. Turns out, neither could my fiancé. FML

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By JPPUDLY - 11/12/2012 23:03 - United States - Los Gatos

Today, I had to create a perfect society in English class; the best society has their grade go up a full letter. After tons of preparation and thinking, I lost to an island made only of cheese. FML

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By FML! - 7/8/2011 00:27 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend freaked out on me because I answered her call on the first ring. According to her, it implies that I'm desperate, always horny, and just want her for the sex. Just last week she got pissed because I waited three rings to answer. Apparently that means I'm cheating on her. FML

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By smells like ass - 29/12/2016 03:05

Today, my brother tried to ninja-kick his dirty underwear up into his hand. He failed and it landed on my face. FML

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By pappy - 3/5/2019 13:00 - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

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By Talented73 - 25/4/2017 20:00

Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2011 00:36 - United States

Today, one of my neighbors dressed up in the exact same costume as me. Every house I go to refuses to give me candy because my neighbor has already been there. FML

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By NeverGonnaGetIt - 27/4/2019 12:00 - United States - Wayne

Today, I went on my 56th job interview since graduating from college 3 months ago. I am 31 years old and I spent 11 years in college. I only graduated with a Bachelor's Degree after all those years, but I am still not qualified for anything due to how long it took me to complete my degree. FML

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By KMO - 26/2/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, I decided to take a peek in my fiancé's vow book to see how far he's got. The only thing in there was the lyrics to a song from the movie Shrek. FML

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Top comments

By rukusrazor | 0

#99054 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:05

Don't really see how that would effect the rest of the interview.

By plethora | 3

#99050 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:04

How do you not know what day of the week it is?
Especially if you have an important appointment like a job interview.

COMMENTS

By plethora | 3

#99050 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:04

How do you not know what day of the week it is?
Especially if you have an important appointment like a job interview.

Reply

liquidfireKAN | 0

#2443213 - Monday 2 May 2011 5:19

lol honest mistake dont blame him

Reply

chrisbeaudoin | 26

#6430284 - Friday 9 October 2015 1:10

Could've just been a bit nervous too

By rukusrazor | 0

#99054 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:05

Don't really see how that would effect the rest of the interview.

By suadelaaa | 0

#99058 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:06

I'll put five on that you didn't get the job?

By SamuraiDeli | 0

#99087 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:14

#2 - I think someone be less enthused to hire an employee that forgets the days of the week. As in the employee might not show up for work one day because they thought it was a Saturday, when it was actually a Friday.

By mf_fml | 0

#99098 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:16

sounds like something i'd do.

By Sue21 | 0

#99103 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:18

At least you was close

By greysgal15 | 0

#99109 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:20

haha that sounds like something I'd do. Sorry but YDI lol

By may_cause_fail | 0

#99111 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:21

Doesn't like it should big too big of a deal.

But if this site has taught me anything, it's that showing off often leads to failure.

By Jordan10la | 0

#99121 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:25

Yeah I would do that,

By plethora | 3

#99126 - Friday 10 April 2009 16:26

#4: I'm not sure that much thought would've gone into it. More like, "S/he doesn't know what day it is? What an idiot!"