Work: Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing,... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 295

You deserved it 73

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 1 144

16/07/2019 22:30

Today, I watched a customer open a bottle of salad dressing, taste it, then just put it back on the shelf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 111

There's no helping some people

Commando

Unionize

17/03/2011 18:57

Today, after speeding home due to an overflowing bladder, I ran to the bathroom, forgetting that the toilet seat was broken. While doing my business, the toilet seat and I both slid off the bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 952

You deserved it 6 998

18/01/2011 20:53

Today, my friends were acting strange around me. This afternoon, I got a text asking me to meet them out for a couple of drinks. Because of all the strange acting, I decided to tell them I'd go and then not go. I just found out they had been planning me a surprise party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 606

You deserved it 52 198

25/01/2011 03:18

Today, my apartment got robbed. My 'book-in-progress' should keep them company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 772

You deserved it 2 642

12/12/2011 03:38

Today, I found out that my father died a little over a year ago. I don't know what's worse; the fact that I don't care or the fact that in his will all he wanted was me not to attend his funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 799

You deserved it 6 846

06/06/2014 06:24

Today, I am so shy and friendless that my mother is literally setting up a play-date with one of her friend's daughters. I'm 25 years old and this is my best chance at making a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 638

You deserved it 8 865

08/01/2010 01:07

Spicy

Today, after having sexual intercourse with my boyfriend, we went downstairs to find his parents had come home early and had heard everything. I then received a long scolding from his mother of how I'd disrespected her house. My boyfriend received a high-five and a thumbs-up from his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 803

You deserved it 5 412

14/12/2009 07:49

Today, I went to the doctor to get a pulled arm muscle checked. I told him I had been bowling, and it had just started to hurt badly. He said it was normal for a man of my age (35) to pull a muscle when lifting a ball of 12-15 pounds. I then told him it was on my son's Wii. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 898

You deserved it 28 944

12/03/2009 09:01

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 618

You deserved it 26 496

01/05/2009 21:15

Today, I did my laundry in my dorm. After dragging 2 hampers down 4 flights of stairs, my ID card with money on it was rejected. After dragging it back upstairs, I scrounged up enough quarters from friends. 30 minutes after finally starting my laundry, I realized I forgot to add detergent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 713

You deserved it 48 803

06/10/2011 15:14

Today, at work, I refused a customer a refund because there was nothing wrong with the item, and she didn't have the packaging. I then watched as she and her son rummaged through a public bin for the packaging. When I refused her again, she called me a "fucking idiot". FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 925

You deserved it 6 984

23/09/2009 10:23

Today, I was playing hide and seek with my eight year old cousin. For the past two turns, he had been hiding in the bathroom. I saw the bathroom lights on, yet again, and opened the door with a triumphant "AHA!" It was my Grandma, taking a smelly dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 381

You deserved it 38 039

22/12/2011 17:26

Spicy

Today, I started undressing in front of my boyfriend. He politely said, "Excuse me, please" because I was blocking the T.V. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 924

You deserved it 7 944

08/08/2012 05:59

Today, I was driving down a dark country road with the windows down. Suddenly, a giant barn owl flew through my side-window and smacked into my head, causing me to drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 112

You deserved it 2 837

Double standard

By Anonymous - 09/01/2012 05:01

Today, I spent five hours sobbing in my room due to antidepressant withdrawal. My mother refused to come and talk to me, because I'm "a terrible, hateful child who only cares about herself." Last week, I spent two hours comforting her because my brother hadn't called in a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 115

You deserved it 3 669

23/07/2012 15:41

Today, while bussing at my restaurant job, I felt a cold, wet animal slither down my leg. I started shrieking loudly and dancing dementedly to get it off, and everyone in the restaurant turned to stare. Then I realized there was a hole in my pocket and some quarters had slid out down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 970

You deserved it 8 208

04/02/2015 15:16

Spicy

Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 941

You deserved it 4 900

25/07/2019 04:00

Today, my fiancé's ex-wife thought it was perfectly acceptable to give herself a part in our upcoming wedding. She wants to "give" him away to me, the same way a father does to a bride. Apparently, I'm being unreasonable and selfish for denying her request. My fiancé told me to at least think about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 082

You deserved it 161

Yeah, fuck the poor

By Anonymous - 13/11/2020 23:02

Today, I discovered my deadbeat ex-husband will not have to pay child support anymore, because while he sat on CERB the entire pandemic, I was an essential worker, and will be punished for having had an actual income. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031

You deserved it 113

01/05/2013 00:31

Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 859

You deserved it 5 718

05/11/2010 23:17

Spicy

Today, my twin sister sent a nude picture to her boyfriend, who then forwarded it on to everyone else. Everyone else thinks it's me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 478

You deserved it 3 110

Stuck

By robzzz - 16/02/2012 07:13

Spicy

Today, I'm forced to eat half a package of saltine crackers in my room for dinner. I can't go downstairs to the kitchen because my two roommates are going at it on our kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 546

You deserved it 3 811

Misunderstanding

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 03:00

Today, my boss sent me to remove a tree from a client's home. So I went and cut down the tree, only for my boss to show up an hour later, speechless. I was supposed to remove a sapling that had sprouted through the driveway tarmac, not the 100-year-old prizewinning Japanese cherry tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 314

You deserved it 3 293

23/05/2016 10:49

Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 123

You deserved it 1 242

05/12/2018 05:00

Today, as I was about to go to bed, the lid came off a brand new bottle of laundry detergent and it toppled down my carpeted basement steps. 3 hours, 2 dozen microfiber cloths, and a bucket of water later and my steps are still full of suds. I went to bed at 3 am and my 10 week old was up at 4 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 617

You deserved it 283

01/05/2016 05:39

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 111

You deserved it 1 713

16/05/2012 22:38

Today, my boyfriend got mad at me because I refused to keep him company while he took a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 929

You deserved it 3 807

Oh, hello

By kikuhime - 17/01/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, I came early from my job, just to find my boyfriend in bed, with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 858

You deserved it 88

25/09/2016 07:11

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 437

You deserved it 717

14/08/2016 19:21

Today, I asked out this girl at work who I've had a crush on for a while. She looked oddly familiar, aside from the fact that we worked together. It was almost like we'd met outside of work. Two hours and one Snapchat story later, I realized I'd asked out my best friend's girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 368

You deserved it 4 951

04/11/2013 12:08

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 946

You deserved it 3 526

31/08/2011 16:04

Today, I started my first day working at a toddler day care center. At one point I decided to play "got your nose" with one of the kids. It turns out this kid has a physical birth abnormality on his face. I got his nose... his prosthetic nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 13 222

16/11/2013 01:53

Today, I was lying beside my 5-year-old son to help him get to sleep. He turned his head and asked, "Daddy, why do you suck so much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 762

You deserved it 4 763

11/12/2011 06:42

Today, I rode the public bus. When I got off, I put my hood up only to discover that the old man who sat behind me had used my hood as a trashcan for his gum and used Kleenex. I can't get the gum out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 716

You deserved it 2 646

19/11/2014 19:04

Spicy

Today, I am 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long 12 hour drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 3 128

28/03/2011 13:51

Today, I was waiting for the bus while wearing my FML shirt. A passer-by stopped, stared at me for a moment, and said, "I agree, your life sucks." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 067

You deserved it 58 552

Trust

By Anonymous - 29/08/2021 06:01

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 288

16/06/2010 16:28

Today, I was unbearably hungry, so I went to Wendy's, bought myself a Baconator and took it outside to eat on the patio. One bite in, I went back to grab a few napkins. Within seconds of my departure, a seagull snatched it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 139

You deserved it 43 197

15/04/2009 06:19

Today, I saw a commercial for some sort of meaty beef dish. The camera zoomed in and my mouth watered because it looked so delicious. Then flashed the next scene: golden retrievers running through a field and eating from their bowl. My mouth just watered for a dog food commerical. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 404

You deserved it 24 407

29/10/2014 04:55

Today, I had my first job interview. The manager asks me to sell him his pen. Thinking I'm all smart, I reenact the scene from the Wolf of Wall Street and say, 'Write down your name'. He calmly reaches into his drawer, takes out another pen and writes his name down. He then looks at me and laughs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 650

You deserved it 9 086

24/07/2018 20:36

Today, I worked security by myself in an office, which meant I had to eat at the desk and wasn't allowed to leave. I got written up for my husband dropping off my lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 622

You deserved it 347

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Top comments

BurnInDemonFire 32

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Tuesday 16 July 2019 23:46

That's 20 years in the pen. Get that dirty motherfucker sent down.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 July 2019 23:53

It’s a new challenge that should never have happened. All because 1 woman decided to be gross. Call the cops and have them charged with consumer tampering. Ever since the Tylenol murders stuff like this has been illegal.

Comments

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 July 2019 22:47

it is a new gross and disgusting challenge

BurnInDemonFire 32

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 July 2019 23:46

That's 20 years in the pen. Get that dirty motherfucker sent down.

Send a private message

Tuesday 16 July 2019 23:53

It’s a new challenge that should never have happened. All because 1 woman decided to be gross. Call the cops and have them charged with consumer tampering. Ever since the Tylenol murders stuff like this has been illegal.

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 July 2019 10:35

This actually happens alot Have bought things like peanut butter etc from the store...at home i could see it got fingered

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Wednesday 17 July 2019 1:06

You taste it, you buy it? Since a seal was broken "you break it, you but it" works too.

Memnoc 26

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Wednesday 17 July 2019 5:41

Are you sure they were tasting it, or were they spitting in it? That's more along the lines of the stupid challenges going around.

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Wednesday 17 July 2019 9:54

I hope you reported it. And made sure it was taken off of the shelf. Witnessing and doing nothing is just as bad as doing it.

Henry8cooper 15

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Wednesday 17 July 2019 13:54

Well - what do you want him to do? Buy it? He obviously didn't like it 😂

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Wednesday 17 July 2019 15:16

Please tell me you reported that to the store you were in.