Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive... - FML

By oops - 18/5/2009 08:45 - United States

Today, I was working at my job as cashier. This really attractive girl that comes in walked in, so I mustered up the courage to ask her out, by writing my number on a dollar bill. She pays and a dollar is her change. I go to hand her the money when she sees it and says, "Keep the change". FML

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Instadrama

Live dumping

Rich people problems

By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 20:04 - United States - Piscataway

Today, I asked a traffic cop if it was okay to park my car briefly in a Monday to Friday only parking spot, since it's Saturday. She politely replied I could. I came back less than ten minutes later, only to find a parking ticket stuck to my windshield. FML

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By arbiter3 - 4/4/2011 10:13

Today, I was watching Animal Planet while babysitting my 4 year-old niece. A really cute baby bunny came on and I called her into the room, only for her to see it get killed by a Bald Eagle. Now she won't stop crying. FML

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By Kitcat034 - 22/1/2018 15:00

Today, I told my roommate that I was an atheist and she laughed. I left and returned to find her and her prayer group praying for my soul. She told me to accept Jesus Christ as my lord and savior. I said no. Then she told me to find somewhere else to live. FML

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By lawoman27 - 1/7/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I found out I was named after the woman my dad was having an affair on my mom with. FML

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By Thai that on for size - 25/9/2015 19:56 - New Zealand - Silverdale

Today, a guy kept flirting with me despite all my hints for him to kindly fuck off and die, so I lied and said I'm a lesbian. This didn't stop him. It got so bad, I had to claim I was born with a dick and say that's why I like girls. Only then did he say "Eeewww..." and back off. FML

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By safetyfirst - 14/7/2010 15:17 - Taiwan

Gift for you

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan. So I bought her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

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By Carmen - 26/2/2011 13:57 - United States

Today, I painted an area I had carefully sanded, cleaned, and taped off. I pulled a fan out of the closet to help dry it faster. I turned the fan on, and a million dust particles flew off onto the wet paint. FML

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By ihatebadkids - 24/6/2019 07:07 - United States - Hesperia

Today, I was uninvited from every family event henceforth, because I finally had it and told my sister that I can’t stand to be around her horribly misbehaved kids. They have screaming meltdown tantrums, throw and break things, start fights and steal. How am I the bad guy? FML

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By IcedTaco - 13/7/2016 19:40 - Ukraine

Today, the guy I was dating told me he thought I was a good person. His reasoning? I'm not ugly enough to be a bad person, but I'm not pretty enough, either. FML

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By cganon - 21/9/2010 12:44 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a store when a child looked at me and said to his mother "look at that tall man!" His mother replied "he's an evil giant isn't he, darling?" I then mimed being an evil giant to make the kid laugh. His mother slapped me. FML

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By Username - 1/12/2010 19:04 - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

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By anon - 31/1/2011 22:46 - United States

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

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By yeahno - 31/10/2010 16:10 - United States

Today, I wore my high school letterman jacket while I was out shopping. A man saw me and muttered to his wife about how sad it is some adults can't grow up and continue to wear their high school paraphernalia, constantly trying to relive their senior year. I am a senior. FML

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By comfylap - 28/5/2010 23:30 - United States

Today, on the train, I was sitting next to a cute girl I didn't know. She fell asleep on my lap by accident and I just let her for the whole train ride. This is the closest I've ever been with a woman. FML

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By mike oxsmall - 16/6/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I woke up to a burglar holding a gun. He yelled at me to get up so I did. He then paused and laughed. I was sleeping naked. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/3/2013 20:43 - United Kingdom - Retford

Today, I finally got the courage to tell the girl I like how I really feel about her, due in no small part to how flirty she's been towards me lately. Turns out she's really just a skank and was trying to make my best friend "jealous". He's gay. FML

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By ihatemyjob - 3/9/2015 03:37 - United States - Ridgeland

Today, my boss found me on a dating app. He found it perfectly acceptable to message me and didn't understand why I wasn't comfortable with it. He now wants to have a meeting with me about inappropriate behavior outside of work. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 13:41 - United States

Today, my best friend, with whom I have been in love for years, kissed me, hugged me, held my hand, hooked up with me and told me that he loved me more than anything and wanted to be with me... until he sobered up and his girlfriend got back to town. FML

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By uthinkucandraw - 27/2/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I flew into New Zealand to surprise my girlfriend on her trip. In the New Zealand Airport I received a text message saying she wanted to break up with me. I live in Michigan and just spent $1,500 for this romantic surprise. FML

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By why - 17/8/2013 14:18 - United States - Lexington

Today, we were having a family dinner with my boyfriend's parents and mine. In the kitchen, when we were getting the food ready, he proposed. I screamed. My dad thought he was hurting me, came in and tased him in the leg. FML

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By thanksad - 23/8/2013 01:38 - United States - Cerritos

Today, my 50-year-old dad was in a foul mood after taking an online test that put him in Slytherin house instead of Ravenclaw where he "belongs" because he's "so smart". FML

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By ditzen - 7/12/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, I went to pick up my paycheck at the convenience store I work at. While there, two frat boys came in and bought seventeen 30 packs of beer. That comes to about $300. They spent more at the store in one day than I get paid in two weeks. FML

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By Lulu - 17/9/2009 02:23 - United States

Today, I was washing some clothes in the laundry room at my apartment complex. I went back an hour later, passed my neighbor on the way in, and moved my clothes to the dryer. I just brought them back from the dryer, and all my underwear are missing. FML

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By ositsranielle - 13/2/2010 17:32 - United States

Today, while I was painting, my little nephew came in and started watching me. I left to clean my brushes. When I came back into the room, my nephew had spilled paint all over the carpet making a rainbow. It took me 5 hours to clean it up. FML

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By shuffling man - 12/8/2018 01:30

YDI Fosho

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to try anal, praise the lord hallelujah. As we were getting into position, she let out a rancid fart she'd been saving for my face. Apparently it was revenge for me seeing Mamma Mia 2 without her while she was at work yesterday. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/10/2015 22:22 - United States - Ashburn

Today, my parents pranked me hard. They spent breakfast messing with my head, all to convince me that I was dreaming. I got so excited at finally having a lucid dream that I ran outside in my pajamas, yelling "Woo-hoo!" and trying to fly. Nothing happened. People saw. FML

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By oliverP123 - 22/7/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2010 14:22 - United States

Today, I took my best friend to an 80's party. She drank too much and ended up puking all over the interior and exterior of my car as well as inside my right legwarmer on the 30 mile trip back home. FML

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By "Courtney Edwards" - 30/6/2017 03:00 - United Kingdom - Cwmbran

Today, I was taking care of the general public as a first aider in a massive event. Since the temperature was high, we were expecting many of the older-than-middle-aged women to collapse of heat exhaustion and need to be treated. I didn't realise I would be one of those affected. FML

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By dumb dancer - 5/12/2014 01:54 - United States - Saginaw

Today, I injured my knee during dance class. When it started to feel a little bit better, I tried dancing again. I tripped, fell, and broke my wrist. FML

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By jolene11 - 17/5/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

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By ThisGuy97 - 12/8/2011 20:46 - United States

Today, I pulled a muscle. Not in any kind of sport or exercise, but while reaching for my computer mouse. FML

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By mayerstexmex69 - 8/11/2012 15:52 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, while in class, I was called down to the office. The principal showed me a video of 2 guys fighting in the school parking lot. I'm accused of being one of those guys. I'm a girl. FML

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By "cowboy_gold " - 25/1/2020 05:00

Don't ignore neighbor

Today, I came back to my dorm only to find the noise of my neighbor having loud sex. I thought I was talking in my head when I said at least do it against the other wall. But, when I was leaving later, he walked by apologizing and said that he thought that I was not there, then promised to do more quietly next time. FML

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By Patricia - 1/10/2011 23:30 - United States

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend three times, but every time he insisted that he wasn't in the mood. I left to get food and when I came home he was masturbating. FML

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By Erin - 15/1/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/9/2013 04:02 - United States

Today, my teenage son tried to huff a can of spray paint. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2018 03:00

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk from town, busted the toilet door open crying, and proposed to me with a ring and all. I was literally mid-shit. FML

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By chippuh - 26/4/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, my family and I drove to a mall an hour away. We split up, and I went into a store by myself. A little later, I get a call from my brother asking me where I am. They had already left to go home and didn't notice me missing from the car. They were already halfway home. FML

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Top comments

By boatiebanter | 0

#208880 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:15

If someone came up to you and just wordlessly handed you their phonenumber, would you really be inclined to call them? I don't see how this is considered a reasonable strategy for asking someone out. Surely asking for their phone number is a better way to show interest, because honestly just expecting some stranger to call you because you gave them your number is a bit arrogant.

By Headcase | 0

#208905 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:24

That's a really great way to make some extra cash. Keep it up.

COMMENTS

By flipsisfantastic | 0

#208863 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:06

Ouch...hahahaha. First!

Reply

00yoda4 | 0

#1077798 - Sunday 11 July 2010 4:03

why are you complaining you made a buck

Reply

CRlovers123 | 0

#1241472 - Saturday 14 August 2010 20:03

ouch. make sure she saw it tho.

By alwayzbored | 0

#208865 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:06

are you sure she saw it?

By thelonelylurker | 0

#208868 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:09

What makes you think she wants to go out with a cashier?

Reply

ximenita0731 | 0

#2811155 - Sunday 3 July 2011 6:22

whats so bad about it?

Reply

trippyshitt | 1

#3419744 - Wednesday 12 October 2011 2:55

What if he's under 18? Not everyone's a doctor or a lawyer at age 16, smart ass. -.-

Reply

thekalebdoes | 4

#3901858 - Wednesday 18 January 2012 5:24

If the best way to ask a girl out in his mind is to write his number on a bill and hand it to her there is no way he is out of high school...

By ptrek85 | 0

#208874 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:13

#3 lmao good one

By boatiebanter | 0

#208880 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:15

If someone came up to you and just wordlessly handed you their phonenumber, would you really be inclined to call them? I don't see how this is considered a reasonable strategy for asking someone out. Surely asking for their phone number is a better way to show interest, because honestly just expecting some stranger to call you because you gave them your number is a bit arrogant.

Reply

wasted0087 | 0

#947492 - Sunday 14 March 2010 23:16

Actually, if anyone gave me a number I'd call it. :)

By J0HNYR0773N | 0

#208881 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:15

your a f-in tool.. grow some balls and do it

By myLifeIsSoBoring | 0

#208886 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:16

i figure it was less of her thinking you are ugly/fat and more of the fact you just gave her your number; this is combined with the fact you don't actually know the girl. now i know that in a society which passes for stereotypical guys like hot girls. but believe me, girls prefer you to actually know them

By Curtieeeez | 0

#208891 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:19

Unlucky :

You should get to know someone first, right? o_O

By Stunt_fml | 5

#208894 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:20

That was pretty funny. Sorry dude.

By mobius8 | 0

#208901 - Monday 18 May 2009 16:23

Pretty sure it's illegal to write on a dollar bill actually. And why would she go out with someone who couldn't even work up the courage to say hi to her?