Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying... - FML

By badwaitress - 5/6/2009 17:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

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Rock, hard place

Boozehound

Superficial World

By effmylife - 6/9/2009 23:12 - Canada

Today, when I was finished eating at McDonalds, I went to Shoppers to pick up a new toothbrush. I got back to my car only to find the windows smashed in. The only thing that was missing from my car was the Hello Kitty toy I got from McDonalds. Someone broke into my car for a 10 cent toy. FML

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By Kwalker3 - 6/5/2012 06:39 - United States - Tracy

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I was really close to climaxing, when he suddenly stopped, smirked, and said, "Hang on, I'm buffering." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/4/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML

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By MeowApp - 1/2/2017 10:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, in my early morning haze, I tried to find the setting on my phone that would stop my cat meowing for his breakfast. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 09:11 - United States

Today, I couldn't get to work because I couldn't find my car keys. It turns out, my mother took them and put them "somewhere safe." She can't remember where they are. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2010 05:39 - United States

Today, my boss told me when I transfer to a Target in Orlando I should work in the clothing department. He said it would be a good way for me to meet chicks. I told him all the girls who work in clothing in that store are ugly as hell. Apparently his daughters work there. I never knew that. FML

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By fatgirl - 16/5/2010 04:08 - United States

Today, I was eating pizza with my boyfriend and my friends. I was laughing and talking and went for another piece when my boyfriend grabbed my wrist and said that I had had enough. My friends all backed him up. FML

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By rita - 15/4/2018 19:00

Today, my 10-year-old daughter hid in her closet all day and did not come out. The reason? She didn't want to eat my pot roast. I didn't realize my cooking was that bad. FML

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By smellay - 14/4/2020 23:00

Close quarters

Today, I had to shit really bad while I was in bed with my girlfriend. Luckily she was sleeping. I didn’t want to be obvious, so I closed all the doors, crept into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I accidentally let out the loudest fart. I got a text saying, “Walls are thin, you good?” FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2016 03:01 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I just got my windshield fixed due to a rock hitting it off the highway. Just one hour later on my way home, a large stick flew off the back of a landscaping truck. My windshield is cracked again. FML.

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By HassledAirfarer - 7/12/2009 02:08 - United States

Today, I was on a red-eye flight, and the woman beside me was chattering loudly to her friend. I opened my laptop and got to work. Suddenly, one of the women turned to me and told me that the clicking of my keyboard was too loud. She then called me an inconsiderate selfish bitch. FML

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By Ashlee - 15/2/2010 15:21 - United States

Today, while on a date with my boyfriend, he broke up with me. The reason why? Because I took a dump in his bathroom and "that's inappropriate for girls." FML

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By :O - 5/4/2015 22:19 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my brother in law brought a dead rabbit to my nephew saying, "I found the Easter Bunny!" My nephew started crying hours ago and hasn't stopped. FML

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By krray - 11/3/2017 22:00

Suspense

Today, I was walking up the stairs with my lunch behind a heavy co-worker. His arms were full, and step by step, as we went up the stairs his pants dropped a little further. By the time we reached the top, his knickers were below his knees and it was a full moon. I prayed he wouldn't fart on my food. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2013 10:58 - United States - Ellicott City

Today, my crush kissed me for the first time. However, my hair was falling into my face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML

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By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By Grauncho - 22/9/2012 14:12 - United States - Chicago

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

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By thatsfine - 14/7/2013 22:52 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, my sister announced her pregnancy at my husband's funeral. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/4/2013 18:01 - United States

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

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By anonymous - 23/12/2014 11:28 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/7/2013 00:10 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 11-year-old daughter heard the quote, "If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, it's yours forever. If it doesn't, then it was never meant to be." She decided to test this out by letting our new puppy out of the front door. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/6/2014 22:59 - United States - Imperial

Today, I started a new internship. I couldn't do anything until I was trained, and I couldn't be trained until I had a login. I stared at a wall for three hours. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2012 00:58 - United States

Today, it's been one week since my demented grandma babysat my five-year-old daughter while my husband took me to a fancy restaurant. Now she's taken to screaming and calling me a "damn commie" whenever I discipline or say no to her. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/6/2019 20:00

Today, I was walking on the street when a woman in front of me dropped a couple of dollars. I picked them up and chased her to return it all. She insisted that it wasn't hers. I tried to tell her it was, but she wouldn't accept it. A cop saw me and arrested me for solicitation. FML

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By in_hardik - 11/6/2012 01:14 - United States

Today, at my workplace, I saw a system crashing. I mean literally, my manager was throwing my colleague's laptop at him while shouting around the office. This is only my second day. FML

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By Lickmylovepump - 19/1/2012 04:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend insisted that we try phone sex. He started telling me all the things he wanted to do to me while breathing heavily. Unfortunately, it sounded so ridiculous, I burst out laughing. He hung up on me, and has refused to pick up since. FML

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By Jacklyn - 18/3/2012 19:18 - United States - Chicago

Today, my fiancé and I decided to have a romantic rendezvous on the trampoline in our backyard. Or at least it was romantic, until I accidentally rolled off and all but crushed our dog. FML

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By forgotten - 19/10/2014 18:19 - United States - Folsom

Today, the kids on my cross country team were planning a big surprise party for one of the girls, whose birthday is in a few weeks. It's my birthday today. FML

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By newlyengaged - 8/1/2017 18:11 - United States - Atlanta

Today, my mother excitedly jumped up and down, announcing that one of her sweet younger coworkers got engaged. I wished she'd had the same reaction to my engagement when I announced it to her a few days earlier. FML

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By toughlove - 9/11/2009 01:27 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years told me he had feelings for someone else. He also told me he wanted to continue dating me until things progressed further with the other woman. FML

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By Starchaser - 16/4/2017 19:23

Today, I helped my children dye Easter eggs. They did great. My husband, however, is covered in dye spots and glitter from "helping." FML

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By Omi - 20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

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By iskalion - 10/10/2015 05:39 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents over lunch. Unfortunately, I showed my dad her Facebook profile beforehand and he wouldn't stop making cracks about her duckfacing. It started with "Don't let her eat the bread, it'll puff up in her stomach and kill her", and ended in tears. FML

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By - 30/1/2020 20:00

Someone else

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend when I noticed a hickey near her hip. I said, "wow, last night was crazy, I don't even remember doing that!". Without even interrupting the action, she simply said, "You didn't". FML

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By GM38 - 23/6/2012 02:57 - United States - Melbourne

Today, I divorced my husband of 20 years. The only positive thing about my day was my pregnancy test. Yes, it was his. FML

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By "nzfireman" - 4/9/2017 13:00

Today, while going into the fire station for a call out, I opened my locker door on our only available driver and knocked him out. FML

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By LifeSucks - 8/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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By new 2 twitter - 10/1/2017 23:23

Today, I had to make a Twitter account, because that is apparently the best way to get news from our new president. FML

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By notsoaloneanymore - 17/6/2016 04:32 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my parents left on vacation for the week. Taking advantage of my freedom, I was planning on having my boyfriend over. My grandparents just showed up as they 'thought I would be lonely'. I can't get rid of them. Looks like I'm not having any fun this week. FML

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Top comments

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

Comments

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

Reply

austin_DGAF | 0

#1019391 - Saturday 5 June 2010 0:03

wow nice job!

NOT

Reply

nastenka_fml | 0

#1036025 - Saturday 19 June 2010 20:46

I hate people like you. I would kill you.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#2734899 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 6:56

Harsh much? You hate hard working people who have unfortunate mishaps enough to end their life and risk going to jail for the rest of yours AND not to mention jeopardizing your afterlife.. jeez hatred is powerful. OP! at least you can laugh about it right?

Reply

LunaaBluee | 27

#5959468 - Thursday 29 May 2014 8:22

Not sure why she would laugh about it.... Considering it was her wedding day. Some things such as what was said on this FML can be easily prevented. I mean when did it ever cross her mind that putting a bowl full of soup on top of the pile would be okaii ? If I was the boss I would've fired her no offence or anything but at a job like that you can't afford to screw up especially when it comes to messing up a brides gown.

Reply

Suzi_d16 | 26

#6670719 - Saturday 13 August 2016 17:11

You can't just fire people for the sake of it. We have something called "employment law" in the UK...

By Golem_fml | 1

#271799 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

Ouch! Hope she didn't assault you afterwards!

Reply

kingr456 | 1

#1253329 - Monday 16 August 2010 18:08

let's fuck her in the ass1

By Button_x | 0

#271803 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Wow. FHL. O_o

By AngelRaven89 | 0

#271809 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Haste makes waste!

By WaffleRain | 0

#271838 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:06

Ow... Hope she forgave you... For ruining her wedding... [gulp...]

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

Reply

dumdum2 | 2

#6107060 - Sunday 2 November 2014 1:13

Why would someone spend their life's savings on a wedding dress that they'll wear only once? I understand they're expensive but...

By Komatose | 0

#271853 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

More like F the bride's life.

By Lucicx0 | 0

#271855 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

someone will be getting fired ;]

Reply

fricknugget | 3

#1731284 - Sunday 21 November 2010 17:41

hattie

By 360_94 | 0

#271860 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

Thats what you get for trying to rush.

By jeffers | 0

#271861 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:09

why were you rushing? Haste makes waste. you deserve this one

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2526064 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 0:37

Yeah but the bride didn't.

Reply

Krispies_fml | 16

#6479088 - Monday 7 December 2015 6:28

Waiters are always rushing. It's a major part of the job to hurry up your ass.