Work: Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying... - FML

By badwaitress - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

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Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

Sorry…

By Anonymous - United States

Today, one my friends died. All my crying gave me a headache, so I asked my boyfriend to bring me some aspirin. My headache didn't go away. Instead, I got diarrhea because my boyfriend gave me laxatives instead of aspirin as a "joke" to cheer me up. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother gave me an early Christmas present; a Bissell mop so I can "do a better job" when I "clean her floors". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Saint-hubert

Good tasting

Today, my roommate left those powdered donuts in the kitchen. Hungry, I decided to try one. Turns out, the white powder wasn't sugar. It was cocaine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Seattle

Today, I dropped my knitting project while I was sitting down, but I managed to catch it between my legs. So my knitting needles also caught me. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/3/2021 02:01

Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

Today, I finally told my mom that it hurts me every time she calls me fat. She got offended that I'm offended. Now our whole entire extended family wants me to say sorry to her and them, because apparently they also call me fat behind my back. I'm a size small by the way. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, at my wedding, when my husband heard "you may now kiss the bride" he swung me down romantically and was about to plant one on me when his arm slipped, causing me to fall on the floor hitting my head, and getting a concussion. FML

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By FML - United Kingdom

Today, my dad drove me to work which is an hour away. 20 minutes into the job, I was told 'Didn't we tell you last week? We let you go.' Clearly, no, they didn't. I had to wait one awkward hour, with my colleagues who knew I was fired before I did, for my dad to collect me. FML

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By Kika - France

Today, the phone rang. I run to get the call, I trip, fall on a metal chair. Tears in my eyes and out of breath I pick up... "Hi, do you have a minute to answer a few questions? It's for a survey." FML

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By nr1234 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend gets a nose bleed every time he orgasms. FML

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By maddie! - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my boyfriend of 3 years. He stopped and knelt down in front of me. I started to panic, then he told me to calm down, my shoe was untied. FML

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By ihatethisjob - United States - Romulus

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML

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By never thought I'd say that - Norway - Stavanger

Today, I was the victim of a drive-by pissing by some drunken loon on a segway. FML

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By Unloved. - New Zealand

Today, I had dinner with my family in celebration of my 19th Birthday. I've been hinting that I need a new laptop for months now and I was sure my family had bought me one. I have got a pair of slipper socks. FML

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By righthook - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He was about to make me come so I lifted my arm above my head with pleasure. I accidently punched him in the eye, hard enough that he had to stop for a while because he said he felt dizzy. FML

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By gabxoxo03 - United States

Today, I snuck up on my girlfriend to give her a kiss. Only after I planted a big one did I realize it was not my girlfriend, or even a girl for that matter. FML

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By strwbrry - United States

Today, I came home early, and my boyfriend's car was in my driveway. Inside, he was talking to my parents. He walked right past me and left. My mother then says "He wanted me to tell you it's over." FML

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By Waterer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I watered a dying communal plant. I was fined $250 for littering. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I'm in the hospital because I sliced my leg open. Why? I jumped off my bed and scratched myself on the metal bed frame when Miss America was crowned to Miss Virginia. I'm 20 years old, and a man. FML

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By thanks babe - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

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By rebekah - United States

Today, my tampon string was hanging from my bathing suit. My boyfriend thought it was a thread hanging from my bikini bottom. He publicly pulled out my tampon. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was in the middle of an interview; it was going great until I started coughing. That coughing led to an asthma attack, which led to nonstop gagging. I couldn't even answer his final question, "Are you okay?" FML

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By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

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By fmlguy

Today, I've been considering breaking up with my girlfriend so I don't have to buy her a Christmas present. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my parents told me off for reading, as opposed to watching TV like the rest of the family, because it was "anti-social". FML

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By FalkensLabyrinth - 3/2/2021 19:57 - United States - Gardner

Tact

Today, my mother offered to give my overweight girlfriend the workout DVDs that she no longer needs. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Not now, 2020

Today, I found out I have endometriosis… Which doesn't mix well with a horny boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Torrance

Today, I was given the following pearls of wisdom: "My grandmother always told me, if you've got nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all. Anyway, she was a cunt and so are you." Thanks, dad. Thanks. FML

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By smyp - Lithuania

Miracles

Today, my wife and I decided to celebrate Christmas Eve with her side of the family. When we arrived at her parents' house, I heard her mother say that Christmas miracles don't exist since my wife brought me along. FML

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By letmefallasleep

Checks and balances

Today, I found out my husband has racked up $3000 on our credit cards, and ruined my credit score. When confronted, all he had to say was, "Well you didn't tell me when you bought that ten-dollar t-shirt, so I guess we're even." FML

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By Y_Y - United States

Today, I saw my grandma had registered on Facebook, so I wrote a welcome post on her wall. She replied "Delete." several times, then called me, accusing me of "hacking" her and demanding that I remove my name from her page at once. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2021 23:01

You just had to be special

Today, all of my friends are complaining about weight gain due to the pandemic. Instead, I have remained the exact same size, but completely unable to sleep or digest my food. FML

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By whowhat - United States

Today, I came home at 1am to find my mom sitting on my couch, ranting about how I'm not supposed to stay up this late. I'm 26 and I don't know how she got into my house. FML

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By notready - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

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By Rex - United States - Camden

Do Not Pass Go

Today, I started at a new college. I bought my textbooks and went to my first class only to find out that they changed my schedule without telling me. I'd already opened the book. I could not get $200 back. FML

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By HM - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I invited a guy I've been crushing on for ages to my house, and I really wanted to make a good impression. We were sitting in the living room having drinks when my cat came in, dragging a pair of my dirty underwear and dropped them right in front of us. FML

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By immaturity all around - United States

Today, I came home in tears over finding out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. I told my seemingly sympathetic dad everything. His advice was to lure them both to our house with the promise of a three-way, after which he'd "kill the shit" out of them. Real mature, dad. FML

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Top comments

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

COMMENTS

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

Reply

austin_DGAF | 0

#1019391 - Saturday 5 June 2010 0:03

wow nice job!

NOT

Reply

nastenka_fml | 0

#1036025 - Saturday 19 June 2010 20:46

I hate people like you. I would kill you.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#2734899 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 6:56

Harsh much? You hate hard working people who have unfortunate mishaps enough to end their life and risk going to jail for the rest of yours AND not to mention jeopardizing your afterlife.. jeez hatred is powerful. OP! at least you can laugh about it right?

Reply

LunaaBluee | 27

#5959468 - Thursday 29 May 2014 8:22

Not sure why she would laugh about it.... Considering it was her wedding day. Some things such as what was said on this FML can be easily prevented. I mean when did it ever cross her mind that putting a bowl full of soup on top of the pile would be okaii ? If I was the boss I would've fired her no offence or anything but at a job like that you can't afford to screw up especially when it comes to messing up a brides gown.

Reply

Suzi_d16 | 26

#6670719 - Saturday 13 August 2016 17:11

You can't just fire people for the sake of it. We have something called "employment law" in the UK...

By Golem_fml | 1

#271799 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

Ouch! Hope she didn't assault you afterwards!

Reply

kingr456 | 1

#1253329 - Monday 16 August 2010 18:08

let's fuck her in the ass1

By Button_x | 0

#271803 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Wow. FHL. O_o

By AngelRaven89 | 0

#271809 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Haste makes waste!

By WaffleRain | 0

#271838 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:06

Ow... Hope she forgave you... For ruining her wedding... [gulp...]

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

Reply

dumdum2 | 2

#6107060 - Sunday 2 November 2014 1:13

Why would someone spend their life's savings on a wedding dress that they'll wear only once? I understand they're expensive but...

By Komatose | 0

#271853 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

More like F the bride's life.

By Lucicx0 | 0

#271855 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

someone will be getting fired ;]

Reply

fricknugget | 3

#1731284 - Sunday 21 November 2010 17:41

hattie

By 360_94 | 0

#271860 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

Thats what you get for trying to rush.

By jeffers | 0

#271861 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:09

why were you rushing? Haste makes waste. you deserve this one

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2526064 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 0:37

Yeah but the bride didn't.

Reply

Krispies_fml | 16

#6479088 - Monday 7 December 2015 6:28

Waiters are always rushing. It's a major part of the job to hurry up your ass.