Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying... - FML

By badwaitress - 5/6/2009 17:57 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working as a waitress at a wedding. I was trying to clear the tables as quickly as possible and decided to place a half bowl of soup on top of the pile of plates I was carrying. As I was hurrying back to the kitchen I tripped and spilt the soup all over the bride's ivory dress. FML

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Social distancing gone wrong

Deep-seated resentment

Risky business

By Hipnog - 7/11/2015 14:33 - Czech Republic

Today, I realised how damn creepy I am because I get nervous and smile when someone looks at me, and no it's not one of those smiles you'd love looking at, it's a smile straight out of a horror movie. I made a bunch of children run away. FML

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By BMike - 11/7/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I moved into my new house. I went over to my neighbors' house to introduce myself. As they opened the door I saw a telescope pointed at my house. FML

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By bail? - 29/8/2019 23:00 - United States - Omaha

Today, my daughter's idea of a prank was taking all of our money and getting herself arrested. FML

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By LOLOLOLOL - 20/8/2012 08:55 - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

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By Jack - 8/7/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, my family got together to read my grandpa's will. He gave all of his grandkids $400 each. Except me. It seems he thought I'd see the funny side in being bequeathed a blow-up sex doll. FML

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By ick - 31/7/2010 01:44 - United States

Today, I was repainting the walls in my room. While painting, I noticed a dark spot on the wall that wouldn't seem to go away no matter how much paint I put on it. A bucket of paint and hours later, I realized that "dark spot" was a shadow. FML

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By lol112 - 2/6/2012 12:47 - United States - Monroe Township

Today, when I was ordering pizza, I got a text from my mom saying "I love you". When the man thanked me I accidentally said, "I love you too." FML

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By NotBeingPaidEnough - 3/3/2016 13:17 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a crazy homeless guy got angry because I wouldn't sell him a bottle of vodka at half price. He got so irrationally mad, he put his fingers down his throat and threw up on my checkout. FML

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By BtoTheRtoTheTTK - 19/2/2017 14:00 - United States - Winter Haven

Holy stereotypes, mom!

Today, at a mall, my mom accused me of lying about being gay, just because I said I don't like shopping. FML

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By brokewithnocar - 21/1/2017 20:00

Today, my mom changed her mind about driving me to a job interview because she wants to attend a meeting at a church she told me she'd never go back to, full of people she hates. I can't drive because she refuses to teach me how. There's no public transportation. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 05:00

Stained

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

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By Screwed - 7/8/2009 23:35 - Canada

Today, I decided to surprise my husband by bringing home a case of beer and renting us a porno. He decided to surprise me by telling me he was leaving me for his pregnant girlfriend. FML

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By SplishSplash - 1/9/2013 01:21 - United States

Today, we went boating with friends. For some reason the bottom of our tube deflated, causing me to be bounced roughly up and down on the water. As a result, I had the most intense orgasm of my entire life, while sitting 2 inches away from my dad's friend. He definitely noticed. FML

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By nose hurts - 30/12/2013 01:01 - United States - Richmond

Today, I was leaning over cleaning a table at work, when my pretty coworker came up behind me and slapped me on the butt. I was so startled that I slipped and smashed my face into the table. Now she can't look at me without laughing. FML

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By HatedbyBras - 14/6/2009 21:37 - Netherlands

Today, I tried to take off my girlfriend's bra. When I finally unhooked it, it snapped back and hit me in the eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2017 00:00

Today, my hate for my mother-in-law now outweighs my love for my husband. FML

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By fviz - 7/2/2013 09:51 - United States

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

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By Nanabanana1 - 7/2/2012 01:23 - United States

Today, I was dumped. My boyfriend was too afraid to break up with me, so he sent the girl he cheated on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2014 12:11 - United States - Brevard

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

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By broussimousse - 10/3/2009 20:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a run with this cute guy I know. I was sweating untractively and profusely so I decided to discretly grab a leaf from a tree and wipe my face with it. A bird had done the same with his ass few minutes ago. FML

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By Churizmo - 19/7/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was at a party and I really had to use the bathroom. There were 30-40 people talking outside the door, so I thought it would be ok to make some noise. Just as I'm about to begin having explosive diarrhea, everyone falls silent as my dad begins to pray for our meal. FML

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By TheSickness - 28/5/2010 04:15 - United States

Today, the girl that I fancy was sick and I offered to hug her, but she protested saying that she didn't want to get me sick. I told her, "If hugging you gets me sick, then I'll just have to deal with being sick." She gave me the biggest hug she could. I haven't stopped puking since. FML

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By golfstar11 - 11/12/2012 02:05 - United States - Savannah

Today, I was doing a presentation in front of my boss. On the last slide, someone had put a picture of a man's cock. I later found out it was my boss who did it. It was his "good reason" to fire me. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2013 08:14 - United States - Mansfield

Today, my wife brought my 5-year-old daughter to visit me at the office. My boss has a speech impediment, and when she heard it, she exclaimed, "Hey my daddy can sound just like you! Show him daddy! Show him!" FML

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By SupposedlyAverage - 27/12/2014 14:55 - United States

Today, my fiancé proposed to me. He said, "I could have picked anyone, but I chose you. You're a solid 2, which is average. Not a 10, but I'm glad you're a 2. Less pressure, ya know." I'm not sure if I should be more upset with the fact that I'm "average", or the fact that he thought this was romantic. FML

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By purrykitty - 23/4/2011 20:18 - United States

Today, I tried to spice things up in the bedroom by making love to my husband in a tight leather corset. I ended up passing out. FML

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By Tanner_6969 - 11/5/2019 04:00

Today, my boss told me I can't use the computer for entertainment. This coming from the same person who spends hours at a time every day on Facebook and other similar websites. I'm also not allowed to sit down while using the computer, which I use about half of the day. FML

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By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

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By firefighter - 8/9/2009 22:10 - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

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By Suzie - 18/2/2019 16:00

Today, the family posted my mother in law’s obituary. My husband was listed as a survivor, with no mention of me, while all the other spouses were named. Also listed as a survivor - his ex-wife. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/3/2016 16:16 - United States - Smyrna

PUA

Today, while jogging in the park, a confused elderly gentleman asked me for directions, so I told him how to get to where he needed to go. He paused for a long moment, then asked me if he could eat me out. FML

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By aginglikemilk - 14/3/2017 18:00

They weren't wrong...

Today, I had a customer tell me that I don't look a day over 39. I'm 35. FML

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By Anon - 26/1/2016 11:40 - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

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By mister_pinky - 15/7/2014 22:04 - United States - Portland

Today, I returned to my teaching job at a local community college after surfing for the weekend. I'd got sunburned, one student immediately noticed and said to me, "Morning, Mr. Pinky!" Now they all do it. My students are assholes. I hate teaching. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 09:42 - United States

Today, I tried on the new dress I bought for myself. I, for once, thought I looked pretty all right. I asked my dog, "How do I look?" and she threw up on my pillow. My brother can't stop laughing. FML

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By tinaburrito - 26/1/2010 21:33 - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

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By DJ - 11/12/2011 01:01 - United States

Today, my creepy, stalker ex-girlfriend was given an anonymous love letter. She's convinced it's from me. FML

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By Missyangel - 31/12/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, my 7 year old looks at me and states, "When I grow up Mommy I want to be fat just like you." FML

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By Yudansha - 14/2/2009 03:10 - Canada

Today, we wrote valentine's day poems in class. I wrote a very depressing poem about how I was rejected by all the girls I like and how it hurt to be alone. When it was read to the class, they laughed and told me it was hilarious. Even the teacher. FML

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Top comments

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

COMMENTS

By littlemisslee | 0

#271796 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

And I bet everyone gave you nasty looks the rest of the night!

Reply

austin_DGAF | 0

#1019391 - Saturday 5 June 2010 0:03

wow nice job!

NOT

Reply

nastenka_fml | 0

#1036025 - Saturday 19 June 2010 20:46

I hate people like you. I would kill you.

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#2734899 - Wednesday 22 June 2011 6:56

Harsh much? You hate hard working people who have unfortunate mishaps enough to end their life and risk going to jail for the rest of yours AND not to mention jeopardizing your afterlife.. jeez hatred is powerful. OP! at least you can laugh about it right?

Reply

LunaaBluee | 27

#5959468 - Thursday 29 May 2014 8:22

Not sure why she would laugh about it.... Considering it was her wedding day. Some things such as what was said on this FML can be easily prevented. I mean when did it ever cross her mind that putting a bowl full of soup on top of the pile would be okaii ? If I was the boss I would've fired her no offence or anything but at a job like that you can't afford to screw up especially when it comes to messing up a brides gown.

Reply

Suzi_d16 | 26

#6670719 - Saturday 13 August 2016 17:11

You can't just fire people for the sake of it. We have something called "employment law" in the UK...

By Golem_fml | 1

#271799 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:02

Ouch! Hope she didn't assault you afterwards!

Reply

kingr456 | 1

#1253329 - Monday 16 August 2010 18:08

let's fuck her in the ass1

By Button_x | 0

#271803 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Wow. FHL. O_o

By AngelRaven89 | 0

#271809 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:03

Haste makes waste!

By WaffleRain | 0

#271838 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:06

Ow... Hope she forgave you... For ruining her wedding... [gulp...]

By misssweetie | 0

#271849 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:07

FBL (F brides life)

great wedding memory.

Hey honey, remember our storybook wedding when someone completely ruined the dress that you spent your life savings on?

Reply

dumdum2 | 2

#6107060 - Sunday 2 November 2014 1:13

Why would someone spend their life's savings on a wedding dress that they'll wear only once? I understand they're expensive but...

By Komatose | 0

#271853 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

More like F the bride's life.

By Lucicx0 | 0

#271855 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

someone will be getting fired ;]

Reply

fricknugget | 3

#1731284 - Sunday 21 November 2010 17:41

hattie

By 360_94 | 0

#271860 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:08

Thats what you get for trying to rush.

By jeffers | 0

#271861 - Friday 5 June 2009 23:09

why were you rushing? Haste makes waste. you deserve this one

Reply

jessthebest3 | 0

#2526064 - Wednesday 18 May 2011 0:37

Yeah but the bride didn't.

Reply

Krispies_fml | 16

#6479088 - Monday 7 December 2015 6:28

Waiters are always rushing. It's a major part of the job to hurry up your ass.