Kids, Movies and Work: Shut up - FML

Shut up

By brad3720 - 14/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, I was working as a manager of the local movie theater. A six year-old came in with no parents or anyone else. When I asked him where his parents were, he looked at me and said, "Shut up white boy, I don't have to listen to your shit." I just got told by a six year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 445

You deserved it 7 521

Kids Movies Work

Age difference

Best teeth in the game

Broken heart

By Anonymous - 05/06/2019 14:06

Spicy

Today, my husband has always been clumsy, but am I alone in thinking it takes a special level of clumsy to trip over while naked and land with his penis in the mouth of the village slut across the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 401

You deserved it 262

By lizann - 03/04/2012 05:39 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 417

You deserved it 4 649

Compassion

By Anonymous - 02/12/2020 11:05

Today, one of my friends got upset with me because I’m leaving our high school. The high school I have been bullied at for the past 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 808

You deserved it 59

By Ambar - 15/02/2010 17:02 - Canada

Today, I was missing $20 from my wallet, so I decided to ask my sister if she had taken it. Her response? "That reminds me, I need to borrow another 50." She has a job. That was my Christmas money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 658

You deserved it 2 746

By oopsiecoffee - 09/04/2009 06:40 - Canada

Today, I went into a small coffee shop. In line, a guy came up to me and was like "I haven't seen you here before, are you new in town?" and I replied with "Oh, no I've lived here for years. The coffee here is crap, though, so I only come here when Starbucks is full" He's the owner of the shop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 282

You deserved it 76 564

By Already Broke Asf - 18/11/2015 01:51 - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my 19-year-old brother broke into my dorm and robbed me. When I tried to file a report, my brother went to my parents and told them that he took it because I owed him money on a bet. Guess who lost $92.50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 904

You deserved it 2 309

By Ahsan - 16/08/2019 01:02 - Pakistan - Multan

Today, I was late for a meeting. The meeting hall door was made of glass, and it said pull, but in my rush, I pushed the door so hard that it shattered into small pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 384

You deserved it 753

Music nerds of the world unite!

By Anonymous - 10/11/2020 05:03

Today, I woke up this morning to find out I have lost all ability to hear. Not only is that medically concerning, it also means that now I can’t listen to the new albums I just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 81

Bullshit merchants in the temple

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 00:30 - United States - Decatur

Today, I found out my mom has literally spent all her savings sending money to some bullshit-peddling megachurch televangelist, who apparently told her that giving them money would ensure her future fortune. Tithings, my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 78

By singlesoon - 25/08/2009 04:26 - Canada

Today, I bailed my soon to be ex-husband out of jail after he'd been arrested for soliciting. Soliciting an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 660

You deserved it 7 113

By yeahthatsme - 30/07/2009 20:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I placed a personal ad advertising myself as an overweight woman wanting sex. I sent pictures of me in lingerie to men who replied and was pleased that almost all were still interested. Then I sent face pics. As it turns out, being fat is not my problem. Apparently I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 742

You deserved it 29 308

By hoplessG - 24/12/2009 23:37 - United States

Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend. I told her best friend the plan the day before. I got reservations to a restaurant on the beach, and we were going to arrive via boat. She never showed. Her parents called me asking why she left town to go to Paris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 602

You deserved it 3 326

By Anonymous - 30/04/2012 04:44 - United States - Buena Park

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old daughter to remove the handcuffs her father had placed on her as a joke. He didn't know they were real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 771

You deserved it 2 503

By Anonymous - 15/12/2016 04:50

Today, my girlfriend gave me a choice of having a circumcision or breaking up with her. Either way I'm going to lose something I hold dear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 315

You deserved it 1 055

By cammy123 - 08/05/2009 05:25 - United States

Today, I went to Target. I was on my way to the bathroom when I find a huge mirror. No one was around so I started to see how my butt looked in my jeans, checked up my nose and fixed my bra. An older woman then walks out of a door next to the mirror and explains that it's a two-way mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 556

You deserved it 47 135

By Anonymous - 24/12/2010 14:13 - United States

Today, as I was riding my bike, I saw a bunch of cute guys checking me out. Not paying attention, I then ran into a parked police car. Besides getting laughed at, I got a ticket for damaging police property. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 411

You deserved it 30 940

By annonymous - 19/09/2012 06:24 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was talking on the phone with my crush. After an hour of talking she told me, "If you were half as hot as you sound over the phone, I'd date you immediately." Maybe I should give up on love and start a phone sex line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 238

You deserved it 2 693

By Anonymous - 24/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 890

You deserved it 262

By lilipalmer - 13/02/2015 06:44 - France

Today, I awoke after 4 hours of surgery. The male nurse taking care of me is cute, very cute. I'm trying my best to seem fine and dandy when he tells me that I can't eat anything before my next poop, adding, "And don't flush it, OK? I need to check." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 439

You deserved it 3 402

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 381

You deserved it 66 286

By gmd05 - 31/07/2012 14:28 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's grandma for the first time. Trying to make a good impression, I offered to wash the dishes. I accidentally broke the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 725

You deserved it 3 692

By notnerb - 19/05/2009 10:13 - New Zealand

Today, I met up with a guy from a local dating site for coffee. He walked up, looked me over and said "Ummm, no", then walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 765

You deserved it 8 555

By veggiedude - 08/05/2014 03:01 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my girlfriend suggested we try something new and spontaneous. Excited to find out first-hand what she had in mind, and ready to fool around, I hurried over to her place. Turns out she's just taken up vegan cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 641

You deserved it 6 593

Nooooooo!

By ScarredEars - 12/08/2010 12:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been so bad if we weren't in the same hotel room. They thought I was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 193

You deserved it 3 770

By chicoallen - 31/08/2011 18:45 - United States

Today, after getting off work from a horrible 16 hour shift, I went out to my truck. My windows were completely covered in window chalk, to the point that I couldn't leave. I had to spend the next hour and a half washing it all off while my manager laughed about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 907

You deserved it 2 205

By Anonymous - 26/09/2012 14:23 - Canada

Today, I had to finally come to terms with the fact that I am obese when the doctor told me that my weird smell was not an infection but mold growing between my fat rolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 031

You deserved it 37 046

By razzipost1 - 05/10/2009 05:28 - Canada

Today, I came home from work to my basement flooding. With sewage. That wasn't from our house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 813

You deserved it 2 033

Red alert

By nobleach - 02/07/2009 14:05 - United States

Today, I was going to bleach my bikini line, as I have not been able to shave there due to some ingrown hairs, and I also have to lifeguard every day. As it turns out, I'm allergic to the bleach. There is now an angry red, burning rash on my crotch that you can see around my swimsuit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 562

You deserved it 13 937

By blahmylife - 15/12/2010 16:16 - United States

Today, my boss is being so cheap, he'd rather type in the dark, not fix our water heater or replace our cordless phone because he will not get his bonus if he goes over the budget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 064

You deserved it 2 486

By h - 20/12/2018 00:00

Today, while at a restaurant, my three year old daughter pointed at an African-American girl and yelled out “She’s ugly because she’s black!” Me and my wife got dirty looks for the entire rest of our meal. We have no idea where she learned that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 801

You deserved it 560

Alexa, play "Ironic" by Alanis Morrissette

By irony, huh? - 20/10/2019 14:00

Today, I got mugged. For an actual mug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 299

You deserved it 88

By Anonymous - 25/04/2016 05:38 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, while trying to open the packaging to my new headphones, I got startled by my cat suddenly meowing and cut through the headphone wire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 897

You deserved it 3 227

By oh ffs - 25/01/2013 01:13 - United States

Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 353

You deserved it 3 985

By unloved cat owner - 16/02/2014 00:50 - United States - Carmichael

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 593

You deserved it 9 440

By S. Fancyson - 16/04/2013 23:23 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a birthday present. For months she'd been talking about an expensive treadmill that she wanted, so I bought it. Her reaction when she saw it was to yell, "YOU THINK I'M FAT!" and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 343

You deserved it 9 616

Give me strength

By Michael - 05/02/2021 21:30 - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I wanted to clean my house. Of course the vacuum cleaner got stuck behind furniture multiple times. After the fifth time or so, I gave it a good pull. Now my vacuum cleaner is broken and the socket is off the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 901

By TheBetterRedhead - 28/03/2017 12:00

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 769

You deserved it 504

By Anonymous - 23/10/2011 21:16 - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 551

You deserved it 3 551

By Rosies - 30/11/2008 02:34 - France

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my parents. We all looked together at family photos on the computer. The first picture was a close up of my mother, bare breasts in full view. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 464

You deserved it 2 937

Zing!

By Anonymous - 30/09/2019 02:00

Today, I overheard my wife and teenage daughter arguing. My wife was complaining that our daughter is unappreciative. "You should thank me for giving you life," she said. My daughter snapped, "I thank God for that, not you." My wife sighed and said, "He didn't have to sleep with your father." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 852

You deserved it 198

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:42

Ah, the youth of today. Yep, we're screwed.

DisturbedDriver 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:27

Ouch... Kids these days and the stuff they say.

Comments

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:26

fake, this guy probably saw the little black kid yelling at the asian cashier and thought of an fml because he has nothing better to do

sexybeastsexybea 0

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Sunday 17 October 2010 2:41

kids say the darndest things

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Tuesday 3 January 2012 23:44

Could have been an angry midget?

DisturbedDriver 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:27

Ouch... Kids these days and the stuff they say.

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Friday 12 March 2010 15:06

that kid needs a whipping, no jk jk but DAMN that kids been raised wrong

soccerfreak878 0

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Friday 16 April 2010 18:46

learn how to spell "theater"

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Friday 30 April 2010 4:26

L.,,,.M.....F......A....O! 

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Tuesday 1 June 2010 3:25

I'd like to say alot of kids have been raised this way but not all of them atleast /:

lexielovesyou 0

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Monday 19 July 2010 11:16

haha , w o a h[x i would slap the taste outa his mouth! xD

Nixot 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 22:11

171, learn how to spell "theatre".

Nixot 0

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Sunday 22 August 2010 22:11

171, learn how to spell "theatre".

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:27

kick his fking arse!

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Friday 26 March 2010 1:39

fuckin racist nigga

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:42

Ah, the youth of today. Yep, we're screwed.

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Monday 3 May 2010 17:43

haha… very funny ( sarcasm) I'ma come through this screen and shove a strainting iron up ur ass bitch

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Thursday 27 May 2010 18:56

...Why? All he did was, kinda, make a little sarcastic joke. No need to blow a gasket.

xleanne_aLly 23

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Tuesday 23 August 2011 8:04

174, ahaha idiot you just proved his point and made the rest of us look bad.

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:45

#4's suggestion is an excellent one.

deliciouskaek 1

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:46

I'm not sure why, but I lol'd. Then I felt bad. ):

sleepingprincess 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:46

haha thats funny. but why did he have to bring your skin color into it? lol RACIST!

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 8:31

Fucking crackers. O wait...

Ikasu 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:49

Kick him out/kick his ass/call the cops.

Amkii 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 10:53

Ahh, racist parents and the way they raise their children... just adorable. Seriously, you should have smacked him and told him to watch his mouth and his back. ;)

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Monday 12 September 2011 1:06

Commenting on his race didn't really make the little boy or his parents racist...He just made a true statement, saying the OP is white when he is isn't offensive, it only would be if he said something *about* him being white.

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Monday 12 September 2011 1:06

Commenting on his race didn't really make the little boy or his parents racist...He just made a true statement, saying the OP is white when he is isn't offensive, it only would be if he said something *about* him being white.

BlackCloudedSldr 5

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Friday 20 January 2012 13:18

But of course if a white man says stfu black boy... All hell breaks loose. Oh but it wasn't racist. I was just stating a fact.

TheKitchenSink 0

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Tuesday 14 April 2009 11:07

I didn't get the vibe that the kid was black, just stupid. Also the last line in this FML rhymed.

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 274