Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't... - FML

By notwasted39 - 13/7/2009 16:21 - United States

Today, I was walking to my mailbox and I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9am" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I am still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

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Or he's just becoming an old goober

Delayed proposal

Tidy your room

By bizzyizzy0121 - 21/11/2011 06:28 - United States

Today, I was called by a restricted number. The man on the phone then explained to me in detail what I was doing at every second that I was on the phone with him. I'm scared to leave my house. FML

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By Overflow - 16/8/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was desperate to teach my 2-year old to use her potty. I had to pee, and thought maybe she would learn by watching me use it. Everything was going well, until I realized that I had a long pee. So long that it overfilled her potty all over. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2014 16:07 - Australia

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

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By EwwGross - 31/8/2011 20:15 - United States

Today, I witnessed my neighbor draining his sewage-clogged plumbing into my backyard. FML

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By notenough - 29/8/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I was on the webcam with my boyfriend. I could see that he was on the couch, and alone, so I took off my shirt and smiled, waiting to see his reaction. He smiled at me but then kept looking in another direction. I playfully asked "What's so distracting?" His answer: "History Channel". FML

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By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Had any calls lately?

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

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By sucked_in - 23/7/2015 02:32 - Australia - Perth

Today, whilst vacuuming, I stupidly decided to vacuum the bathroom drain to see what would happen. Turns out it will cause stinking septic water to get sucked into the machine and spew all over the walls, ceiling and vanity. It also causes the vacuum cleaner to stop working. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/4/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my husband of three years told me he only proposed to me because his favorite football team was winning and he had been drunk. I had our second child three days ago. FML

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By that girl has a beard - 4/8/2015 07:33 - Canada

Today, I went to the movies. A really cute girl sat beside me. I tried to strike up a conversation with her until she turned to look at me and I realized he was a guy. I couldn't even finish the movie because I felt his judging eyes burn holes into me the entire time. FML

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By Zahkrii - 26/12/2018 16:00

Today, while returning from a class, I stopped to use the bathroom. While in said bath room, someone threw a chip bag filled with piss water into the stall I was using. FML

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By jam - 27/7/2020 08:01

Is that even legal?

Today, my boss told me that I'm being terminated. Apparently, being pregnant means I was going to quit soon anyway, so there's no point. Now I have to get job so I don't get deported. FML

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By LivingBroke - 21/8/2017 20:01

Today, I signed the lease for a flat that a mate and I decided to move into. About five minutes after leaving the renting agency, I received a text from my mate saying he couldn't move in with me after all. I am now the happy tenant of a large inner city flat that I can't afford. FML

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By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/3/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

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By longdrive - 25/7/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

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By calli - 25/12/2009 21:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I was working at the Soup Kitchen handing out special christmas dinners to the homeless. At the end of the day I collected my things and went home. It was only then I discovered that my wallet, phone, pager and (for some reason) my glasses has been stolen. FML

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By MynameisntToby - 10/12/2009 03:26 - United States

Today, it was raining downtown. I saw an elderly woman crossing the street so I lend her my umbrella and help her across. When we get to the other side, she says "Thank you Toby," and then refuses to give back "her" umbrella to me, loudly enough for a nearby cop to hear. FML

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By proteinboy - 16/11/2009 03:00 - United States

Today, I waited for 20 minutes to get a cab outside grand central station in New York (it was raining). Finally, to my relief, I found a cab but when I got in I let a little fart slip. Two minutes later the cabby kicked me out of his cab because I stunk. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2013 08:14 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I went to dinner with a guy I like and paid the $120 bill. After joking that he was an expensive date, he replied, "I laugh at how you think this is a date." FML

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By Miffy - 4/9/2018 23:00 - United States - San Augustine

Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML

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By Vassy - 4/12/2012 18:51 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/5/2020 08:00

Evil will always win

Today, I tried to suspend a junior accountant for turning up to work late and stoned 3 separate times. Turns out his uncle is a part owner of the business, so the accountant got to smile his smug little grin as I got yelled at for not minding my own business. FML

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By - 29/12/2018 12:00

Today, has been a very long day, so I shall simply say there is a car in my bedroom. Yes a car. It's entirely my husband's fault, we have no idea how we're supposed to remove it, and there's oil all down my favourite pyjamas. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my new "It's true, I'm a Ninja" shirt on. Suddenly an apple comes and hits me right in the eye. A little boy runs up to me, yells "You aren't a Ninja! A Ninja would have caught that!", and runs off. FML

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By lukey101 - 13/8/2020 05:01

Someone needs a hug

Today, I was out to lunch when someone in the distance proposed to his partner. She said yes, everyone clapped and cheered. I, on the other hand, burst into tears and couldn't stop bawling for about half an hour. I'm a 32 year old man and don't even know the happy couple. FML

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By sn-511 - 1/3/2013 22:54 - Italy - Naples

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML

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By Miguel - 20/8/2011 19:40 - United States

Today, in algebra, I took out my notebook. My Chinese teacher was so impressed with my "Chinese" writings on the cover that I'm now her "favorite student". Those "Chinese" symbols are actually Japanese, but I wanted someone to like me so badly that I didn't correct her. FML

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By I'm Not Dead Yet - 9/6/2014 19:37 - United States - Tucson

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

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By poor man - 26/11/2014 14:13 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I frantically told my parents that my bank account had no money. Turns out, they took the $1,600 I had saved up from a summer job and invested it in penny-stocks. I was grounded because they were "doing it for the family," and I'm being selfish. They also had lost it all in a matter of days. FML

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By serveandprotectyeahright - 20/11/2010 14:00 - United States

Today, a cop almost rear-ended my car, slammed on the gas with no warning, swerved around me, flipped me the bird, then cut me off and then drove a full ten miles under the speed limit. When I changed lanes to overtake him, he pulled me over for road rage. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2016 14:47

Today, I had a 10-hour shift that started at 5 a.m. We can't leave until relief comes and we don't get paid for overtime if our relief is late. The good news is my relief came early. The bad news is he went on a smoke break and never came back. They want me to stay until we close and I'm the only cashier. FML

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By marriedlesbian - 12/2/2019 16:00

Today, after a dangerous and painful emergency caesarean, I received an SMS from a guy I turned down for a date, saying he was crying and so excited to meet 'our' baby. I've barely even shaken hands with this guy. FML

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By Bogrbon - 21/4/2020 14:00

It's called fashion Dave, look it up

Today, since we can’t go out due to the quarantine, my wife decided she wanted to shave my back with a razor. Two hours later, I have a sore back and I look like I'm wearing the front half of the worlds ugliest sweater vest. FML

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By Australian Lifeguard - 22/10/2014 03:18 - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was giving lifeguard instructions to a couple of teens. When I quizzed them about what they should do when someone is choking, one of them said, "Take a step back" and winked at me. FML

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By FlyLikeABird - 16/11/2014 08:35 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I learned how birds feel when they fly into windows. I should be getting the hospital bill for my broken nose in the mail soon. FML

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By Skido - 20/2/2009 01:39 - United States

Today, I was watching a documentary on The World's Fattest Man. Half way through the show the reported started talking about his girlfriend. The Fattest Man in the world has a girlfriend. I'm 21 an have never had a girlfriend. FML

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By Noalixah - 27/10/2008 02:22 - Finland

Today, in the early hours of the morning, a worker started drilling the road right in front of my window. He stopped 5 minutes before my alarm clock rang. FML

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By Vkaz - 2/10/2014 18:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, in the men's room a guy using the adjacent toilet dropped his phone, and it fell right next to my foot. The screen was facing upward, and looked like he was taking pictures of his junk in the office toilet. FML

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By nekal - 21/9/2016 16:50 - United States - Nashville

Today, I tried to sneakily leave my boyfriend's house at 3 a.m. without his parents knowing. I had a flat tire. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/10/2014 20:46 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/11/2011 03:58 - United States

Today, I went to the bank to make a deposit. While I was waiting on my transaction, the bank tellers were making fun of me. I could tell cause I heard them through the speaker. FML

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Top comments

By live_my_life245 | 0

#393639 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:02

ohh that must suck! guess the neighbor isn't too nice...

By evanwilliams | 4

#393698 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:16

Hey, if you get drunk enough it won't hurt so much. And you'll live up to your neighbor's expectations as well. Problem solved. You're welcome.

COMMENTS

By live_my_life245 | 0

#393639 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:02

ohh that must suck! guess the neighbor isn't too nice...

Reply

Kttttt | 0

#393696 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:15

Help! I have fallen and I can't get up!

Reply

DrAwesome | 6

#393737 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:27

LifeAlert is there for you!

Reply

djb23 | 0

#393767 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:37

look on the bright side, when your old neighbor breaks his hip getting the mail and calls you for help you can walk by him and say "looks like you could use a drink.." and keep walking

Reply

thatrocker | 0

#393833 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 0:01

rofl, nice one

Reply

caneut | 0

#393992 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 0:57

YDI, why don't you have something called crutches to help keep pressure off your hip? duh

Reply

BBGood_fml | 0

#394034 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 1:15

lmao nice

Reply

volleyballgirl16 | 0

#394140 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 1:48

ha nice well played sir well played

Reply

Suekoff16 | 3

#394366 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 3:15

That was exactly what I was waiting for someone to say. Thats what I thought of when I saw I fell and couldn't get up and I started laughing thinking of the commercial

Reply

xTIGERxLILYx | 0

#394504 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 4:18

#19: NIICCCEE!!!!

i can't believe over 300 ppl said the OP deserved it. god forbid anything serious happen to them.

Reply

elseany | 0

#396123 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 19:38

#32 caneut you are a retard. shes probably past the crutches stage of recovery, and even if she wasnt quite, a short walk to the mailbox is a good way to build the muscles and get steadier

Reply

hey2341 | 0

#397888 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 6:55

yesss this was my thot as soon as i saw "i've fallen and i can't get up"

Reply

WindsorDog | 0

#398015 - Wednesday 15 July 2009 8:17

That's just it, he/she didn't ask for help. A simple explanation and an ask for help would probably gotten you up.

Reply

bored690 | 0

#667772 - Thursday 12 November 2009 14:25

the fact that they had time to post it on fml indicates that they're ok

Reply

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1585028 - Friday 22 October 2010 8:41

damn... I was going to say something about lifealert..

Reply

D3llo | 0

#1710539 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 14:50

O.d that ain't right (:

By StoneColdNigga | 0

#393649 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:04

You didn't say anything dumbass?

Reply

Inked2009 | 0

#393669 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:08

Asshole, they did not ask for you to be a royal bitch. She shouldn't have to say anything a good person would go ahead and help. Not make a jackass remark,and keep going.

Reply

Crash92 | 0

#393682 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:11

you would think that this would be pretty easy to explain.

Reply

AnaMaree | 0

#394052 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 1:26

Even if he was drunk the polite thing to do would be to help him back in his house.

By Crunchy_fml | 0

#393661 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:06

oh sorry, you were that kid?

Reply

soninlaw2be | 0

#393731 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:26

you were that guy?

By acranine11 | 0

#393675 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:08

Umm maybe tell him you're not drunk and you need help.. Try thinking next time

Reply

kionnalexus | 0

#393755 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:32

I think there would be a difference between drunk and in pain and I'm usually not trying to explain things when I get hurt.

Reply

jadeddream | 0

#394016 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 1:05

regardless, the neighbor should've helped her up without needing an explanation. It's just the right thing to do.

Reply

divineinstrument | 2

#395154 - Tuesday 14 July 2009 12:27

I have to agree with #5. You can't really expect people to help you. if you want help, you have to ask for it.

By lendmeyourteeth | 0

#393679 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:10

at least you didn't know the old man.. && say something, explain to him what happened and ask for help! idk why this is an fml lol you didn't even know him.. gna die soon anyways

By justdance45 | 0

#393688 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:12

you should have asked him to help you up then kicked him in the balls

By InsomniaCafe | 11

#393693 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:13

Pfuh! What's wrong with people these days? So judgmental!

By evanwilliams | 4

#393698 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:16

Hey, if you get drunk enough it won't hurt so much. And you'll live up to your neighbor's expectations as well. Problem solved. You're welcome.

By portablecupid | 3

#393702 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:16

i hope you explained it to him and made him feel like crap

By EJade | 0

#393734 - Monday 13 July 2009 23:27

Your neighbor is a jackass.