Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really...

By uhhggggg - 2/1/2010 17:16 - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20395

You deserved it

4272

Favorite

Intimacy

Tense

The end of the road

Non-baby fever

By innocent72 - 19/11/2013 21:07 - United States - Canonsburg

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44700

You deserved it

3687

Favorite

By lonely one - 14/9/2012 10:17 - United States

Today, it's been a week since I've been in hospital. No one has been to visit me. The nurses have nicknamed me "The Lonely One." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32555

You deserved it

1985

Favorite

By Anonymous - 14/4/2009 14:07 - United States

Today, I was walking through the park eating fries. There was an old woman feeding a few pigeons. They didn't seem too interested, so I threw some fries down as I walked by to try and help her out. About 2 minutes later, I heard screaming. A huge group of pigeons were attacking the old woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57414

You deserved it

19838

Favorite

By Clueless - 21/4/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks

11009

You deserved it

30993

Favorite

By htothecr - 3/5/2009 21:05 - United States

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

I agree, your life sucks

25156

You deserved it

140787

Favorite

By Roll Tide of Tears - 17/1/2016 03:28 - United States

Today, on my college visit, I met a perfect girl for me, sweet, gorgeous, on the same career path. I remember everything we talked about, where she is from, what sport she plays, and her recent internship. But when I went to look her up online, I couldn't remember one thing, her name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24728

You deserved it

5640

Favorite

By my_way_1213 - 9/6/2018 20:30

Smart kid.

Today, at 2 in the afternoon, I walked in on my 6-year-old making coffee. When I asked what he was doing, he said, "You were being grumpy, and you said coffee makes you not so grumpy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

2212

You deserved it

3636

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44865

You deserved it

29904

Favorite

By rert - 16/7/2019 06:00

Today, after my girlfriend told her mother that she is seeing a different guy than me because her mother doesn’t approve of me, I learned that she is also seeing said guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1509

You deserved it

115

Favorite

By Fat Bastard - 20/5/2019 04:02

Today, my son bought me some Slimfast for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1677

You deserved it

275

Favorite

By replik - 25/1/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24085

You deserved it

2140

Favorite

By potheadloljk - 2/12/2012 02:01 - United States - East Machias

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house when I got a call from my parents. They told me to come home immediately. Panicking, I rushed home. My dad pulled out a clear tube filled with dried leaves. They accused me of having marijuana. It was catnip for my kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28187

You deserved it

2104

Favorite

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36444

You deserved it

2572

Favorite

By Anonymous - 11/8/2019 04:00

Today, my drunk neighbor informed me that if I don't keep my skunk out of his yard, he's going to call the cops. I live in town, and it's a wild skunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1555

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - 26/3/2009 14:54 - United States

Today, I texted this girl that I really like. I got a message back saying "Your message to 903-***-**** could not go through due to a disconnection, thanks, Alltel services." I overheard her later at lunch saying she sent the message, and laughed with her friends about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

65629

You deserved it

9938

Favorite

By munckncruncj15 - 22/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, at lunch, a fly was buzzing around my food. I managed to kill the fly in my napkin in midair. I continued my lunch, pleased with my amazing ninja skills. When I was done with my lunch, I wiped my mouth with the napkin. I can still taste bug guts. Karma. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12189

You deserved it

36767

Favorite

By Person - 11/11/2016 02:04

Today, my cousin invited me to an event that would be on Saturday night. The first thing I did after she texted me, was ask my mom if I could go. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8370

You deserved it

2187

Favorite

By BaMiTsAnYa - 16/9/2013 01:21 - United States - Orlando

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

I agree, your life sucks

45050

You deserved it

12805

Favorite

By RickTooBomb - 5/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12661

You deserved it

801

Favorite

By Angela - 4/1/2012 19:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28450

You deserved it

5560

Favorite

By Anonymous - 23/2/2013 18:27 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29215

You deserved it

48233

Favorite

By guy - 15/3/2013 05:31 - Canada - Port Coquitlam

Today, I met my mom's fiancé. He's a nice guy, he's also my wife's dad. I'll soon call my wife my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52633

You deserved it

3341

Favorite

By corgi problems - 15/9/2020 20:05

Doggy dog world

Today, I walked into my house after my nightshift as a nurse and my corgi had the house turned upside down, with things everywhere. I have people coming to look at the house in 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1074

You deserved it

239

Favorite

By mohit - 7/11/2017 15:00

Today, I found out that my neighbor's son is supposed to be giving me gas money for driving him to school each morning. He's using it to buy drugs instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4545

You deserved it

342

Favorite

By - 19/3/2019 06:00 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, after a 3-month dry spell because I am recovering after having a baby, I was finally in the mood to get intimate with my husband. Foreplay was great, the sex was great until my back gave out right as I was about to cum. I can't move without intense pain. I just wanted to orgasm! FML

I agree, your life sucks

2447

You deserved it

207

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/2/2012 10:07 - United States

Today, after getting a pat of appreciation from my girlfriend's father for taking it slow, he found me later, in her room, with my head between her thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19493

You deserved it

49184

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, my ceiling fan was rocking violently so I turned it off. I stood under it trying to figure out what the problem is, it fell on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36457

You deserved it

13087

Favorite

By TCRII - 13/6/2018 15:52

Today, my estranged wife, who I am divorcing, asked me to find homes for our animals. I have a dog, which I am keeping. She has 3 dogs, 4 cats, 1 pig, 3 goats, 2 horses and 54 chickens. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3379

You deserved it

369

Favorite

By Embarrassed - 6/12/2018 03:00

Today, I managed to give myself a blowjob and it was great. The only problem is that I got stuck between the wall and my bed while I was doing it. I had to call for help and my whole family came to see what was wrong. They all knew what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1318

You deserved it

5788

Favorite

By nickorion12 - 28/6/2016 14:21 - United States - Shawnee

Today, it's my birthday. My children decided to make me "breakfast in bed", only to end up catching the kitchen on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11513

You deserved it

1262

Favorite

By Anonymous - 13/1/2012 03:50 - United States

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17651

You deserved it

29839

Favorite

By dirtbikeguy - 23/7/2015 13:05 - United States - Chicago

Today, I had a dream about a giant spider crawling around in my mouth. I woke up to find that dreams sometimes do come true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31078

You deserved it

1965

Favorite

By now my watch begins - 31/7/2017 04:00 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for sneezing too many times during Game of Thrones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4767

You deserved it

975

Favorite

By Dimples - 3/1/2013 11:35 - United States - Sanford

Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38326

You deserved it

3420

Favorite

By Elizabeth Ann - 12/7/2020 08:01

Boom!

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1473

You deserved it

147

Favorite

By mathesonn - 29/5/2014 23:32 - United States - Auburn

Today, out of habit from twelve years of karate classes, I bowed to my teacher as I exited my classroom. My chemistry classroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45480

You deserved it

7236

Favorite

By Anonymous - 16/3/2013 15:51 - United States - South Sioux City

Today, I told my family I was divorcing my husband. My little sister asked if "we can keep him instead". FML

I agree, your life sucks

37851

You deserved it

7605

Favorite

By djshahso - 26/2/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I decided it would be funny to give my friend a peanut that had fallen on the floor. I hid it in his food, and started laughing when he ate it. It turns out he is allergic to peanuts. His family hates me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7640

You deserved it

46745

Favorite

By michellenKG - 23/1/2012 05:05 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. The only thing I got was a coupon for a couples acupuncture session from my sister. I'm single and have an extreme fear of needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30064

You deserved it

2606

Favorite

By lastinclass - 13/7/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14098

You deserved it

1038

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Ninjaface | 0

#751242 - Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?

By lucky4sum | 0

#751510 - Sunday 3 January 2010 0:55

Ur fiancé rocks, stop complaining.

COMMENTS

By tha69ers | 0

#750996 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:10

SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK. D:

fuzion50 | 6

#1738889 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 7:45

wow you're so cool cuz u can say you deserved it (you were to lazy to even type it out) and then saying first.

you are a fucking toolshed.

ClassyCommando | 13

#4304953 - Saturday 14 April 2012 19:15

My God, he's killed the mood! Police brutality!

By spitfire35 | 3

#751008 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:14

Get used to it. He is your fiancé.

FUGYU | 2

#2827375 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 23:02

probably not for long :)

ClassyCommando | 13

#4304958 - Saturday 14 April 2012 19:18

37 - Because he enjoyed pretending to be a cop? That's this site for you "OMG dump his ass!!!!".

By dangletsbang21 | 0

#751016 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:16

I think you have a serious problem hahahaha

By azurablade | 0

#751046 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:31

I like kinky women 

By Leahy | 0

#751053 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:34

creepy

By ChuckDangerz | 0

#751068 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:40

fail

By clatchy | 0

#751123 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:05

lolwuuut

By HamsteronA | 0

#751132 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:10

haha made my 2010

By skeemo | 0

#751199 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:48

oh wow what an imagination... most def FYL

By Ninjaface | 0

#751242 - Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?