Intimacy: Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really...

By uhhggggg - France

Today, I was trying to be dirty with my fiancé. He got really into the roleplaying and wouldn't stop pretending to be a cop for hours. Mood officially killed. FML

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20413

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Intimacy

Great boyfriend, part 2

Serial killer

Miss me yet?

By poisonivyandbigfoot - United States - Denver

Today, I woke up with a rash all across my body. Last night, my boyfriend and I got it on in some bushes, and it seems one of those was poison ivy. FML

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2388

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By thecatlady - Australia - Kambalda

Today, I realised the extent of my wife's cat obsession when I received an $850 bill for the air conditioner she leaves on for our 5 cats while we are at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30699

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By Dani - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car and called AAA. He got out to take a look at my car, and he locked himself out of his own car with his tools inside. It took us 40 minutes with a screwdriver and stick to unlock his car and 40 seconds to unlock mine after. 9 hours later, I found my extra key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28448

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By BaWanda - United States - San Diego

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32505

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By anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38188

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By whatchagonnado - Canada - Victoria

Today, while at my boyfriend's house, I needed to use the bathroom. I decided to be a good girlfriend and leave the seat up for him. He later yelled at me for not putting the seat down because he needed to take a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37848

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

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15671

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By LoveSick

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2467

You deserved it

222

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By tal - France

Today, I packed my bags and left for the airport. When I passed through security, the X-ray scanner discovered that my cat had also come along for the ride. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31232

You deserved it

3821

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By tgd4444 - Malaysia

Today, I was arrested. The policeman threw me to the ground because I wouldn't answer his questions. This was after he told me I had the "right to remain silent". FML

I agree, your life sucks

42300

You deserved it

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By chieftain - Norway - T?nsberg

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23160

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, one of my friends thought it would be funny to tell my psycho clinger of an ex that I still like her. It had only been a few months since she finally stopped stalking me. FML

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23850

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By melas303 - United States

Today, I came home to find a pregnancy test in my trashcan. I live alone with my boyfriend and I'm not pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43770

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to my Calculus lecture, one of a class of 200 people. As I looked down I noticed that a guy a few rows in front of me was on Facebook. When I took a closer look, I noticed he was viewing my profile. He stalked the profile for a full 45 minutes. I have never met this guy in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42222

You deserved it

5438

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By firefire - 30/7/2020 08:01

Scoville scale

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1830

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38701

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By psb1990

Duh.

Today, a guy on the street introduced himself as a photographer with a project about women's feet and asked if he could take a photo of mine. He showed me his Instagram, which looked legitimate at a glance, so I agreed and followed him. Turns out it's a fetish account. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1374

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Dover

Today, an Asian man approached me and called me pretty. I thanked him and he asked if I'm Chinese. When I said, "No, I'm Taiwanese" he promptly spat in my face and called me a "traitor to the motherland." FML

I agree, your life sucks

6025

You deserved it

505

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By oh for f*cks sake - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my baby brother learned to remove his nappy. He immediately used this new skill to shit all over my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4728

You deserved it

389

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By Anonymous

Today, I'd finished cleaning the interior of my vehicle, but seconds later, a stray cat jumped in through the other opened door, and took a dump right in the center of the mat inside. FML

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1693

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147

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By Krit - United States

Today, my drunk mother got into a fight with the lady at Krystal burger. Why? "Because the bitch said they aren't making special orders." FML

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24851

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By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I received a phone call from my boss, from the other side of the country. It seems the conference I sent him to is actually happening next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20017

You deserved it

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By imamonster1992 - United States

Cheers!

Today, my boyfriend got rejected by his dream college. In an effort to comfort him, I told him that he is incredibly smart and that it's their loss. He replied, "Of course you think so, you're an idiot!" FML

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35865

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By Anonymous - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24501

You deserved it

1620

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By missy - Italy

Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn’t even move. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61526

You deserved it

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By Sick - Netherlands - Ede

Nice bird

Today, a bird shit on my jacket whilst smoking, I cleaned it and went back outside, and got shit on again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1702

You deserved it

950

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By Jumanji - France

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

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21894

You deserved it

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By tsu3 - Germany

Today, after spending about 5 years to go back to school, get my life together and get a real job, I now make about $100 less a month. I used to work as a dishwasher. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32313

You deserved it

2955

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By Lonely626

Today, while talking with a coworker, we discussed a weekend home invasion scenario. It was then that I realized my social circle is so non-existent, that my job would notice I'm gone before my friends would. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11855

You deserved it

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By eyeamcool - United States

Today, the police posted a description of the car of a child abductor. As everyone slowed down to read the billboard, I realized that the car's description and license plate were very similar to mine. After getting death stares from passengers, I got pulled over. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63411

You deserved it

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By WhyMe

Today, I woke up approximately half a nanosecond after my dog involuntarily vomited in bed. On my face. I opened my mouth because it literally filled my nose. I swallowed out of reflex before I was fully awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3365

You deserved it

294

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By Anonymous - 26/11/2020 16:58

Two rooms, two atmospheres

Today, I tried to cook a nice meal for my sister's friends. It turned out perfect and they enjoyed it, while I was in the bathroom throwing up for two hours due to food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

695

You deserved it

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By Annoyed Student - United Kingdom - Oxford

Today, my English teacher used the word "interpretate" again. This isn't the only mistake she's made though; I've been so frustrated that I've started a list of them. It's over a page long. I'm meant to be learning things from this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36904

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Harlow

Today, my car alarm went off at a funeral, three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24710

You deserved it

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By a - Korea Republic of

Today, I was chatting with a friend on msn. She told me a few days ago a Halloween party we had been planning was canceled because her parents said no at the last moment. Wanting to cheer her up, I went to her house to surprise her. I guess the party wasn't canceled after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43502

You deserved it

2878

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By deeenalynn - Canada

Today, I have horrible morning sickness. I was helping my daughter fingerpaint, when suddenly the smell of the paint set my stomach off. I threw up all over myself and her painting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32774

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51624

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I forgot to take my wallet off the roof of my car and drove away, onto the highway. A man behind me began flashing his lights and waving his arms. I thought he was freaking out because I cut him off. I flipped him off. He was trying to tell me that all my money was flying down the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9665

You deserved it

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By Swatted - United States - Sparks

Today, a model I've been working on for an art competition was declined. They thought I was being insensitive and "rudely glorifying 9/11". My model was about the ending scene of King Kong. I spent twenty hours on that model. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31159

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked through a spider's web with hundreds of baby spiders on it. My afro is now infested. FML

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51456

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Ninjaface | 0

#751242 - Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?

By lucky4sum | 0

#751510 - Sunday 3 January 2010 0:55

Ur fiancé rocks, stop complaining.

COMMENTS

By tha69ers | 0

#750996 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:10

SWEET MOTHER OF FUCK. D:

fuzion50 | 6

#1738889 - Tuesday 23 November 2010 7:45

wow you're so cool cuz u can say you deserved it (you were to lazy to even type it out) and then saying first.

you are a fucking toolshed.

ClassyCommando | 13

#4304953 - Saturday 14 April 2012 19:15

My God, he's killed the mood! Police brutality!

By spitfire35 | 3

#751008 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:14

Get used to it. He is your fiancé.

FUGYU | 2

#2827375 - Tuesday 5 July 2011 23:02

probably not for long :)

ClassyCommando | 13

#4304958 - Saturday 14 April 2012 19:18

37 - Because he enjoyed pretending to be a cop? That's this site for you "OMG dump his ass!!!!".

By dangletsbang21 | 0

#751016 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:16

I think you have a serious problem hahahaha

By azurablade | 0

#751046 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:31

I like kinky women 

By Leahy | 0

#751053 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:34

creepy

By ChuckDangerz | 0

#751068 - Saturday 2 January 2010 20:40

fail

By clatchy | 0

#751123 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:05

lolwuuut

By HamsteronA | 0

#751132 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:10

haha made my 2010

By skeemo | 0

#751199 - Saturday 2 January 2010 21:48

oh wow what an imagination... most def FYL

By Ninjaface | 0

#751242 - Saturday 2 January 2010 22:13

Did he give you a ticket for being a buzzkill?