Intimacy: Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped... - FML

By uh-oh - 21/07/2009 19:45 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 768

You deserved it 30 618

Age difference

Best teeth in the game

Look who's talking

Genius, definitely

By Anonymous - 15/10/2020 07:04 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 259

By Julia - 26/02/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I found out all the money my dad has been saving in the bank for me since birth has all been spent, by my mother who I haven't seen or talked to in about two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 440

You deserved it 1 975

By max - 23/10/2014 23:30 - United States

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 412

You deserved it 4 382

By Darkheaven - 17/11/2008 11:27 - France

Today, I was in an online chatroom speaking to this girl that I really hit it off with. She then confided in me that she'd recently been dumped by her boyfriend and that he was a jerk. A little while later, we exchanged photos. It was my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 393

You deserved it 9 427

By ButtWorthSingingBout - 01/01/2015 18:16 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my boyfriend finally played the new guitar I bought to replace the one he broke. He used a $1000 guitar to play me a moving song about my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 109

You deserved it 5 563

The road to hell…

By carlyalexia - 28/08/2020 20:01

Today, I was trying to do a nice thing and let my friend's mom borrow my car. I went to move my mom's car that was parked behind me so that I could get my car out, and then proceeded to back into my dad's new company car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 056

You deserved it 571

By zzarzzur - 29/12/2015 09:49 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I installed motion sensor lights in my house to save on energy. When I laid down in bed, I saw the lights turn on from downstairs to the kitchen. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 686

You deserved it 1 837

By lashless - 22/05/2010 20:32 - United States

Today, while getting ready for a friend's wedding, I was curling my eyelashes. My cat decided to jump onto the towel rod. As I went to catch her, I ripped all the eyelashes out of one eye. I called my boyfriend crying. When he saw me, he laughed and said, "You look really surprised in that eye." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 057

You deserved it 7 585

By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I thought the bullying had finally stopped, the bullies had actually been sponsored to be nice for charity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 177

You deserved it 2 709

By WellFineThen - 17/04/2017 05:00 - United States - Cedar Falls

Today, at work, a woman screamed at me and called me a bitch because I refused to refund something we give away for free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 266

By erectioninfection - 01/05/2009 18:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had an ultrasound in fear of testicular cancer. I apparently signed papers allowing an intern to do it for practice. She was in her early 20s and smoking hot so as she was rubbing jelly on my testes I got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 718

You deserved it 26 523

By MonCoiffeurAdoré - 28/06/2012 02:43

Today, I caught my stylist in the mirror attempting to get his colleague to laugh by spitting on my head while washing my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 937

You deserved it 2 117

By furball - 15/06/2014 20:01 - Inchture

Today, I was at Sea World and was about to take a picture of the big walrus. I noticed my phone was still set to use the front camera, and I muttered "Oops, selfie mode." A guy next to me turned, looked at me, and said "Not like there's a difference for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 174

You deserved it 9 294

By lexithepirate - 27/07/2012 09:24 - United States

Today, I had a doctor's appointment. I left with referrals to both a dermatologist and a mental health professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 839

You deserved it 2 726

By pzy - 24/10/2016 15:46

Today, I'm in the middle seat on a flight to Dallas. The guy on the aisle is sleeping with his mouth open and I can smell his breath. I feel nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 730

You deserved it 688

By savvylady - 18/06/2009 04:52 - United States

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 348

You deserved it 6 680

By w-dog - 24/08/2009 17:33 - Canada

Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 522

You deserved it 19 782

By marge1010 - 08/03/2009 14:39 - United States

Today, the man I have been dating for 3 weeks, who told me he owns a high end restaurant in the city, handed me my lunch order through the drive-thru at Wendy's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 873

You deserved it 9 979

By Anonymous - 08/02/2011 16:27 - United States

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 912

You deserved it 3 732

By adopteddd - 28/06/2011 14:30 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad sat me down and told me that I was adopted. I was unbelievably shocked by this revelation and asked him why he'd never told me this before. His response was, "I didn't know!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 506

You deserved it 3 063

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 02:15 - United States

Today, while at training with several of my co-workers, I realized I was the only woman. The only thing one of them said to me the entire day was "DUDE!" while staring at my chest as I took my coat off in the morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 084

You deserved it 3 751

By notarobber - 15/05/2013 07:20 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was wearing a black shirt, black pants, and a black beanie at a grocery store. I came around a corner, bumped into a woman and she screamed, "Murderer." I was immediately thrown out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 626

You deserved it 10 096

Bad start

By Tripp - 14/07/2019 14:00

Today, I sat my mom down to tell her I was pregnant, but before I could say anything, she started to lecture me on safe sex. I don't see this ending well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 704

You deserved it 556

By Icy - 27/12/2009 08:43 - United States

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 636

You deserved it 29 887

By sadlife - 06/01/2011 03:35

Today, I changed my Facebook relationship status to "In a relationship". The girl is made up and the picture is from Google. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 508

You deserved it 58 830

By Anonymous - 05/04/2011 16:48 - United States

Today, my 3 year old daughter decided to put black nail polish over the webcam lens on my laptop because "It wasn't all black, so I decided to fix it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 5 980

By Anonymous - 10/05/2019 16:00

Today, the guy I've been talking to for two months told me he hooked up with a girl last night, before blocking me on everything. I also was with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 805

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 17/08/2012 22:16 - Canada

Today, my lazy manager, who blatantly spreads vicious rumors about employees, one which has ruined a marriage, has started targeting me because her lazy daughter was legally fired. Now I'm known around the office as "the whore who slept her way up the corporate ladder." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 714

You deserved it 1 833

By Anonymous - 23/03/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 912

You deserved it 11 786

By twatstick - 21/08/2013 17:30 - United Kingdom - Worksop

Today, at work, I had to utter the phrase, "Sir, please stop rubbing yourself with the peas." It's exactly how it sounds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 680

You deserved it 3 351

By enderw - 16/06/2009 17:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, I picked up my 17 years old daughter after a late night movie in down town and got pulled over by a cop. He questioned us for a solicitation. I told the cop that she was my daughter but he said "so you are the daddy" and laughed. Good to know that my daughter looks like a ho and I a perv. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 959

You deserved it 6 368

By Sooz - 03/10/2013 01:18 - Canada - Abbotsford

Spicy

Today, after 6 months of sex, my boyfriend showered himself with praise for managing, for the first time ever, to stretch the act out to a full minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 258

You deserved it 5 808

By Ohshit - 17/05/2009 06:42 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 348

You deserved it 92 545

By Debbie3247 - 07/07/2017 08:30 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I taught a high school class on public speaking. When I explained how important it was for a presentation to be polished and professional, one kid asked, "Is it professional for your skirt to be tucked into your underwear? I didn't know they made My Little Pony panties for adults." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 219

You deserved it 2 142

By Anonymous - 25/08/2013 18:21 - Canada - Grand Falls

Today, I was at the beach. I'd recently decided to try the "life hack" where you empty out a bottle of lotion and hide small valuables in it, to avoid them being stolen. I'd put the bottle in my bag. Instead of stealing stuff from inside it, though, someone just stole the whole bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 412

You deserved it 10 573

By Anonymous - 01/08/2019 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Spicy

Today, I caught my parents having sex. It wouldn't have been as mortifying if they weren't doing it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 321

You deserved it 200

By Anonymous - 18/02/2013 07:09 - United States - Owensboro

Today, I was at my boyfriend's grandmother's house meeting her for the first time. I excused myself to the restroom and as I walked out of the room I heard her say, "You could do a lot better. She's fat." Then I heard my boyfriend reply, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 715

You deserved it 5 563

Singalong

By shtzbutnogiggles - 17/05/2016 14:10 - United States

Today, I was at a concert and I was having so much fun. Unfortunately, this was cut short when the person behind me with the worst halitosis started singing along to the songs. He knew ALL the lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 071

You deserved it 1 006

By disembob - 03/12/2012 02:26 - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 305

You deserved it 3 352

Confinement, episode 3774

By S3XY_SiNG3R - 11/04/2020 02:00

Today, I woke up to use the restroom, because I had to take a shit. There was basically no toilet paper left. I asked my boyfriend if he could go get some. It was 1 a.m. He said he’d go when the stores were open, then told me to just rinse off in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 750

You deserved it 1 961

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:41

Cool mom . first!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:43

I think that's a pretty kick ass mom.

Comments

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:41

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Imawhalerider 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:32

the best mom ever not an fml

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:34

Awesomeee!!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:43

I'm with #1 - best Mom. You don't know when you've got it good.

mynameisnotjudie 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:30

Exactly! At least she didn't say, "Get the hell out of the shower, I don't want you pregnant." Awesome mom. Watching out for you AND letting you have fun. ;- )

Gavik 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:47

Fuck Your Life? No, you have a cool mom. Your life rocks.

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:27

LOL when I first saw this I thought I'd be the first to say you have an awesome mom, look what I see first

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:40

i agree with everyone that replied to the first comment to get theirs seen i wish my mom was that cool

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:43

I WANT YOUR MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 4:57

awesome mom! how old r u ... -_-

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:08

Yeah, you better be happy you're mom is that laid back! My mom would kill us both and then have a heart attack if she caught me.

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:46

#150 - Haha, that doesn't sound right...

cheer_leader247 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 6:20

most definitely cool mom. i frickn hope i can be as cool as her once i have children. kudos to the mom.

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Friday 24 July 2009 6:47

#256 - My mom was one...she offered to buy me condoms when I was 15. OP - you've got it good. Embarrassing? Yes. Good omen? Definitely.

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Friday 24 July 2009 8:12

my mom tried to get me to buy condoms when i was 12. 'just in case'.

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Sunday 2 August 2009 22:08

My mom caught me in the shower with a girl once... no kids for me...

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Tuesday 9 March 2010 3:03

lmfao sweet ass mom

supertacowaffle 41

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Sunday 30 January 2011 13:29

BEST MOM EVER!!!

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Monday 4 April 2011 4:42

yes best mom and it was the girl's 2..their probably from the country lol

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Monday 9 May 2011 4:00

your moms [email protected]

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Wednesday 6 July 2011 23:13

hows that bad at least she didn't flip

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:41

So, did you keep it safe?

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:19

everyone knows when you have sex in the shower there is no need for a condom

volleyballgirl16 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:20

no theres still risks

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:39

You're an idiot. Being in the shower doesn't magically make you free from ANY of the risks.

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:48

you have the coolest mom EVER

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:54

dont listen to em. everyone knows the shower protects against aids

Twisted_Method 0

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Saturday 5 September 2009 9:44

Yeah if she's "fixed" like my last girl was...greatest thing ever. You can do anything with no worries.

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Friday 19 March 2010 22:05

#129 - oh yeah. first thing we learned in sex Ed. shower will save you from everything!

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Monday 14 June 2010 23:16

I think 110 was being sarcastic

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Sunday 10 April 2011 8:26

110, totally not true- you can still exchange vaginal fluids and semen while in the shower, using condoms and not having sex are the only things that protect you from any risks.

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Monday 1 August 2011 8:40

you guys brutally raped and murdered the funny in his sarcastic comment

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Wednesday 9 May 2012 12:37

People on this site's comment section have an issue with sarcasm. Ironically them mistaking sarcasm for idiocy is pretty idiotic.

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:43

I can't think of many things that would be more awkward than this.

Elizabeth_495_xo 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:31

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 3:41

awkward, but cool!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 5:10

Here's one: The mom could have asked to join in.

failzisawesome 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 11:50

He could have orgasmed on her face

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Friday 12 February 2010 23:31

HE can't get an orgasm?

capslockisgood 19

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Friday 12 October 2012 13:07

332 - What?

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:43

I think that's a pretty kick ass mom.

iKaite 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:51

Agreed. I would love my mom to do that!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:22

I agree. XD

youjustmademelol 4

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Saturday 30 June 2012 4:37

Ikaite , I mean that is a kick ass mom but I would never want my mom to walk in on me and my boyfriend naked in a shower... Awkward

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:45

You're mom seems awesome!

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Wednesday 22 December 2010 7:48

I know huh

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Monday 26 September 2011 3:09

You are mom seems awesome? What?

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Wednesday 7 November 2012 15:57

*your

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:45

WATER BALLOON! :)

Fogie 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:04

LOL wow. i would do that

oogyboogy 6

Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:40

Today, me and my boyfreind were in the shower and I showed him a condom, I was about to put it on he grabbed out of my hands and said " cool water baloons" he's filled it up and threw it at me. fml

my_fml_account 2

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:42

:'D

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 2:57

hahahhajdhjafhjsdhhahfjkdhsahahhahha did that not make it on the website?!

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:46

aww, thats one awesome mom what a cute moment

ichwillkeinengel 0

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 1:26

Awesome mom, yes. Cute... XD

aback 4

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:48

At least she didn't come through the shower curtain like Norman Bates' mom.

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:49

not an fml. smart mom

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Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:50

your mom's my hero

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 23

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 106

You deserved it 273