Work: Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that...

By Anonymous - 06/11/2016 13:50

Today, I was so tired at the pet store I was working at that I accidentally offered a kid a dog treat instead of their dog. He ate it. While his mom watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 905

You deserved it 1 360

Work

You BARBARIAN!

Good deeds

No sex, lots of violins

By anonymous - 15/08/2016 03:06 - United States - Pewaukee

Today, a guy I have been crushing on since forever finally talked to me. Too bad it happened after an anxiety attack when he carried me from class to the nurse's. The first thing he said to me when I came to was, "You're heavier than you look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 268

You deserved it 1 287

By chaoticnh - 24/06/2011 09:57 - Austria

Today, I found out how it feels to have my groin catch fire due to a magic trick going wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 149

You deserved it 12 593

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 13:45 - Maldives

Today, while using the bathroom I gave the toilet a courtesy flush, only for it to overflow and soak my pants. That would've been bad enough even if I hadn't been at work, with five hours left on my shift and no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 245

You deserved it 1 048

By oopsydaisy - 01/10/2014 02:20 - United States

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 554

You deserved it 11 962

By Anonymous - 25/02/2015 10:33 - Australia - Maddington

Today, I got pulled over for speaking on my phone. I accepted the fine because I was too ashamed to tell the cute officer that I was actually trying to pop a huge pimple on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 173

You deserved it 13 192

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 623

You deserved it 6 666

By Anonymous - 02/08/2012 19:16 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, on more than one occasion, I was mistaken for my boyfriend's mother, by his own family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 205

You deserved it 2 568

Mix up

By Anonymous - 22/08/2021 10:31 - Iran, Islamic Republic of - Pishgaman

Today, I found out that the person I love, who is also a friend, is now in a relationship with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 744

You deserved it 116

By noneofthesex - 10/02/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I sent a text to my boyfriend saying 'Come over and do me.' He never responded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 439

You deserved it 12 126

By tuck87 - 18/07/2014 15:49 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had a customer write "fuck you" in the tip option area on his credit card slip, I have no idea why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 771

You deserved it 5 376

How would that work?

By minnie - 23/10/2019 04:00 - Australia

Today, my fiancée suggested a 'Back To The Future' - themed wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 375

By KalaKa - 20/12/2014 20:45 - United States

Today, I sent my girlfriend a long-overdue message telling her I feel like she doesn't really care about me any more, that it seems like she only ever calls me when she needs money, and that I'm even starting to suspect she may be cheating on me. 14 hours later, she replied: "TL;DR". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 886

You deserved it 3 769

By Alone - 28/12/2012 05:24 - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 253

You deserved it 8 872

By laurwitharawr - 06/10/2009 12:08 - United States

Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 358

You deserved it 4 413

Freaked out

By ADanceWithDavos - 07/07/2014 15:59 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 890

You deserved it 4 607

By MWT77 - 27/07/2019 15:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I came home from my aunt's funeral to find my basement flooded due to a sewer backup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 798

You deserved it 81

Body positivity

By Kortnie Peterman - 06/06/2020 17:03

Today, after 3 months of my boyfriend complaining his weight is making him not want sex, I suggested we go for a walk to help us both start to lose weight. He looked at me and said, "You're too fat to go walking." I'm beginning to think my weight is the problem here, not his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 417

You deserved it 300

By Ruby Lore - 20/07/2017 00:31

Today, I asked my dad if he'd like to go fishing together, but he said he was busy with errands. Later, in a casual conversation with my friend, she opened up her phone to show me pictures of her fishing with my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 451

You deserved it 332

By mushroomless - 14/10/2015 05:40 - United States - Thayne

Today, I got yelled at in a grocery store by a customer who recognized me from the pizza place where I work. Apparently, I forgot mushrooms on her pizza earlier this afternoon. I had the day off, but thanks for the verbal lashing, lady. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 1 866

By EggBomb - 01/12/2016 18:22

Today, after boiling eggs my whole life, I wanted to try a packaged hard-boiled egg for the first time. I'd never had a cold egg before, so I thought it would be a good idea to warm it up. Now, I'm cleaning out a billion pieces of egg shrapnel in the microwave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 437

You deserved it 9 718

Words is hard

By kate - 26/10/2021 02:00

Today, my seven year-old daughter called me a weirdo. When I yelled and grounded her, she cried and said she thought “weirdo” was a compliment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 291

You deserved it 1 455

Delusional

By Anonymous - 28/12/2020 11:02

Today, my sister made serious plans to move to another country to be closer to the married man she's having an affair with. She thinks this will force him to leave his family. I know who will have to listen to her whining when she is sitting all alone in a different country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 89

By jarv49 - 16/03/2012 17:24 - Australia

Today, I saw my doc about the painful swelling I've had in my arm all week. He seemed totally out of it, and ended up telling me it's all in my head, despite the swelling. When I respectfully suggested it might be a blood issue, he just said "nah". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 288

You deserved it 2 421

By Brenden - 14/05/2013 23:52 - United States - Massillon

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 124

You deserved it 6 998

By janegeorge - 12/01/2015 00:39 - Canada - Kanata

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 401

You deserved it 3 807

By publicenemy - 15/09/2009 12:16 - United States

Today, I was first in line at a stoplight. After five minutes, with a line of cars behind me, the light was still red. People behind me started honking, so I decided to just go. Halfway across the way, I was greeted by a camera flash. Nobody else went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 610

You deserved it 54 954

By cait - 26/08/2019 15:00 - United States - Edmond

Today, within one day of meeting me, my stepmom decided to break up with my dad. Her reason being, "I love you, but I just can’t put up with the kid." I’m 'the kid'. I’m 28 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 750

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 15/11/2013 03:08 - United States - Absecon

Today, my boyfriend took me home for the first time. His place was covered in Insane Clown Posse stuff, even the toilet bowl. He's an undercover Juggalo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 020

You deserved it 4 804

By annoyed - 10/02/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I got a ticket. From my dad the cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 657

You deserved it 18 298

By stuck - 23/03/2015 15:51 - United States - Bridgeview

Today, my boyfriend wrecked our car. Now I can't get to work in order to make the money we need to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 515

You deserved it 4 650

March for sanity

By Anonymous - 20/09/2021 23:00

Today, it took all 3 of my kids threatening to use their saved money to move out and into a flat together to make me realise just how much of an asshole my boyfriend is, and that by any definition I’ve been in a mentally abusive relationship for years, and ignored everyone’s attempts to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 867

You deserved it 667

By edwinduarte1 - 13/09/2010 06:49 - France

Today, I noticed that the walls of my apartment are ridiculously thin, when I heard my neighbor slowly walk up the stairs, slam the bathroom door, lift the toilet cover, take a pee and end with a nice "AAHH." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 134

You deserved it 3 293

By ch,nlv - 14/05/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 289

You deserved it 383

By losing the plot - 08/04/2015 19:36 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after locking myself out of my house, I let myself into my car to wait on someone with a spare key. It took me 15 minutes to realise the house and car key share the same ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 561

You deserved it 17 454

By sheWontbeOnMyZombieApocteam - 12/07/2015 19:56 - United States - Killeen

Today, while walking home with my girlfriend we decided to take a shortcut in the woods. After hearing a huge noise, she pushed me and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 037

You deserved it 2 865

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:10 - United States

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 346

You deserved it 3 745

Disappointed

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:01

Today, my phone received a text which rarely happens. While getting my phone, I stubbed my toe, just to see a message from a telemarketer. Now my toe hurts and I didn’t even want what they were selling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 107

By Anonymous - 30/09/2010 13:25 - United States

Today, I was given new meds, and apparently my body doesn't understand the difference between "may cause stomach upset" and "you will crap yourself as you have an orgasm while having sex with your boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 992

You deserved it 5 451

By hipprep83 - 20/03/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145 593

You deserved it 12 399

By Devon - 03/09/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I found out that there is literally a giant hole in my son's bedroom because my son wanted to build a "secret entrance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 012

You deserved it 5 028

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Top comments

logank013 20

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Monday 7 November 2016 12:03

That's when you explain to the mom that it's a Scooby snack and that they're for dogs and kids.

Cadillac_kid_15 27

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:01

Well don't forget to offer her one too.

logank013 20

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Monday 7 November 2016 12:03

That's when you explain to the mom that it's a Scooby snack and that they're for dogs and kids.

Cadillac_kid_15 27

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:01

Well don't forget to offer her one too.

Nina825 21

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:03

Well it's a treat after all

Savagephy 17

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:03

Should've made him do a trick first maybe his mom wanted one too so she played dead

FlexMaster 10

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:06

forget about dog treats. eat some bad eggs

GrumpyGrinch 23

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Monday 7 November 2016 13:25

Its a fact that little kids do eat dog treats as treats. Saw in a market stall how a 3 year old run up to the open dog food bags and grabbed both hands full and ate as much as he could manage before his adult could stop him. The point being he already knew where the food is, that he wants it and that he will not be allowed. And no, that kid wasn't starving.

awildwhisper 30

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Monday 7 November 2016 20:59

Just cuz they do doesn't mean they should. They're 3, they don't know better.

melbournearsenal 18

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Monday 7 November 2016 14:28

To be fair, Dog food is still more nutritious than McDonalds

tigeresscrazy 12

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Monday 7 November 2016 18:19

Wouldn't surprise me if it is lol

Sammeydw 22

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 4:31

The stuff suck to the bottom of my shoes is more nutritious and healthier then most of the stuff at McDonalds. They have good drinks and the rest is **********!

Sharall 10

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Monday 7 November 2016 14:30

Dog biscuits won't make a child sick or anything. Main ingredient is flour. I used to eat the non flavored ones as a kid. No harm done. Don't worry so much OP

cuz803 43

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Monday 7 November 2016 14:34

Why the hell didn't the mom stop him if she was watching?!

kozuu 7

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Monday 7 November 2016 21:46

maybe the kid had been annoying her all day and she was secretly happy.

Colon_Man 17

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Tuesday 8 November 2016 15:25

She might not know. My sister picked up some dog treats that look and smell like regular cookies. My niece (16) ate one - and wanted another one after she was told.