Intimacy: Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because... - FML

By Lovergirl - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

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BO Central

Taking stock

My body, my choice

By no - United Kingdom - London

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Scottsdale

Today, I was woken up by my teenage son pulling down my shirt and taking pictures of my breasts. FML

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By minnie - 14/2/2021 06:01 - United States - Denver

Unreasonable

Today, my boyfriend left me because he found out I cheated on my first boyfriend when I was 12. That was back before I knew what "cheating" was and I thought it was okay to love more than one person. FML

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By kibblegirl

Today, I was so hungry that my mouth started watering during a dog food commercial. FML

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By blackberrybummer - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he would do his job while I did my "job" on top of him. He whips out his Blackberry and completely ignores me to send e-mails to co-workers reminding them about the 10 a.m. meeting scheduled for the next morning. FML

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By me - United States

Today, my fiancé and I had a fight over household expenses. He's never had a job in his life, but this didn't stop him demanding that I get another full-time job to pay for video games and beer. FML

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By coolcat10156 - United States - Keller

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

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By numbat97 - Australia - Burswood

Today, I bought some mandarins so that there would be at least one healthy thing in my shopping basket, and I wouldn’t feel like such a fat lard at the checkout. FML

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By AloneAtPerkins - 5/2/2021 14:01

Considerate

Today, I was sick and had a migraine. Being sick turns me into a big baby, and I told my boyfriend I didn't want to be alone. Two hours into my shift, he texted me saying he "needs to let off some steam because he hadn't in a long time." Guess who ended up staying home alone until his drunk ass needed to be taken care of. FML

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By Savingforplasticsurgery

Today, at work, I heard a child whisper, "Mom, why do that woman's ears look like that?" The mom replied, "Because she's not smart enough for a good job." I have large plug ears and a degree in mechanical engineering. I waitress because no engineering firm will hire me. FML

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By MoveOn!

Today, and at every family event, my parents and grandparents go on and on about my ex and how much they miss him and wish I would get back with him. This would be fine, rude, but fine, except that they tell this to my husband. It's been years and we're expecting our first child. FML

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By cestquoicebordel?? - France

Today, my fiancée showed me her wedding plans. It will be themed on one of her video games, the best man will be dressed as an alien warlord, and the vows talk about how we'll beat the odds and be blessed by the "Goddess Kalahira". Apparently, I have no say in this. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad called me a "deadbeat loser" after I came back from my first day of voluntary rehab for my meth problem. He's never had a job in his life and sits on the sofa all day, smoking weed and playing video games, all on my mom's salary. FML

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By TCRII

Today, my wife said she wants a divorce. Three days ago, I added her onto the title to my house, my bank accounts, and my business. FML

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By weirdlaugh - United States

Today, I planned a lunch out with my mom for Mother's Day. She seemed excited about it and "couldn't wait!" She never showed up. FML

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By Watchyourstep - France

Today, in front of a bunch of people on my college campus, my mom grabbed my hand and lead me across the street. I'm 20. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I heard an electric saw cutting through something outside my condo. I presumed it was a complex maintenance guy working on something. It was a thief using an angle grinder to cut off my bicycle's U-lock. FML

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By blaze - United States

Today, my boyfriend gave me a really sweet poem that he wrote for me. I think it was secondhand - the first letter of each verse spelled his ex girlfriend's name. FML

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By screwed - United States

Today, my marriage counselor got divorced. FML

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By hatemyjob - United Kingdom - Colchester

Today, I answered a call at work from a very irate gentleman. After being shouted and sworn at profusely, I ended the call in a slightly less than civil manner. Turns out that guy is one of our company's biggest clients. FML

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By jadkins - Netherlands

Today, I was flirting with this cute girl from Croatia who is part of the my exchange group in Holland. After a few beers and some smooth talking, she led me inside to a closed off room. We were about to have sex when her boyfriend of 2 years called and proposed to her. FML

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By can't wait to go home - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, I lost an art contest to some talentless arsepipe whose piece was literally just a broken heart crudely drawn in her own blood. FML

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By scarred

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, my fiancé, the love of my life, informed me that he proposed because he was sure I'd say no. He was hoping it would lead to our breakup. FML

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By Anstice - United States

Today, I was at a stop light and a bee landed on my leg. I screamed and started swatting it. It flew into my jacket and I started to strip my jacket off, taking my foot off the brake. I hit the car in front of me and deployed the air bag, breaking my nose. Then the bee stung me in the back. FML

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By missmycomp - Singapore

Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML

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By supergingerr11 - United States

Today, I was supposed to have a double date. My date didn't show. I spent my day in the living room waiting for the pizza guy while my best friend and her boyfriend made out. The pizza guy never showed either. FML

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By cantstopfeelingit

Gross!

Today, my roommate moved out. When I went into his room, I found a few things he forgot. Specifically, his beer bottle filled with nail clippings. I emptied it onto my hand before I realized what it was. FML

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By Geemeisters - United Kingdom - Studley

Today, after several months desperately searching for a job and feeling pretty insecure and unimportant, I drove 15 miles to a job interview. On parking my car at the destination, I found that during my drive a spider had been making a cobweb between the car and my hair. FML

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By illenram06 - Philippines

Today, I spent the entire day in my room trying to figure out how to get rid of my psycho boyfriend without dying. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

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By wetboy - United Kingdom

Today, I found out why my girlfriend of 8 months has never agreed to stay the night before. Now I have a 4-month old mattress that needs replacing, and a 23-year-old bedwetter for a girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

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By notsofriendly - United States - Austin

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML

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By kmf - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get hot and heavy in my truck at our favorite park. We start going at it and we were both butt naked when I see a car pull into the lot. Not only is it a cop car, but the first thing the cop asks my girlfriend is "Are you being held against your will?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went through the car wash my boyfriend works at. When I pulled in, I explained I was Greg's girlfriend and cutely asked if I could get a free car wash. His co-worker looked at me confused and said "Greg said he didn't have a girlfriend", then he looked at me and said "Now I know why". FML

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By poor - United States

Childish Gambino voice This is America

Today, my obnoxious neighbor once again bragged how much she gets from the government because she’s "too fat to work." Meanwhile, I had to start a gofundme after I couldn't afford dialysis from having to cut work hours so I could go to dialysis. FML

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By mindlost - United States

Today, I had an argument over whether or not I should buy some flowers. With myself. Out loud. FML

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Top comments

By GeekLogic | 0

#749549 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

By Fmypanda | 0

#749562 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

Fuck your husband's life.

COMMENTS

By GeekLogic | 0

#749549 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Reply

beckybecks20 | 8

#3424424 - Thursday 13 October 2011 1:58

That's fucking hilarious. XD

By itz_tizzy_bitch | 0

#749558 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:30

hahahahah accuride lol

By Fmypanda | 0

#749562 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

Fuck your husband's life.

Reply

kittehkat87 | 4

#1352047 - Saturday 4 September 2010 20:37

For him, this can be considered a "shitty" situation!

Reply

NuTrees | 9

#2779924 - Tuesday 28 June 2011 16:43

XD hehehe

By ILoveMyLifeSoMuc | 0

#749577 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:38

#3 yes

Reply

GiddyXD | 0

#968188 - Thursday 25 March 2010 22:48

agreed:)

By GiRIsMakingCupca | 0

#749585 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:46

uhm yep :)

By jamjenni2774 | 0

#749588 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:48

why in the hell would u b in bed with no panties on knowing damn well that u have the 's That is just nasty, but funny as hell.

Reply

misha1995 | 0

#749618 - Saturday 2 January 2010 2:09

She never said she was pantyless

Reply

BigMacBoi | 3

#3236582 - Monday 5 September 2011 1:44

6- Please leave.

By rlet | 1

#749600 - Saturday 2 January 2010 1:57

this is really disgusting but funny at the same time hahahah

Reply

Idiot_Savant | 0

#1239401 - Saturday 14 August 2010 6:10

agreed ;)

By thinmint | 0

#749634 - Saturday 2 January 2010 2:28

lol that is fantastic!

By perdix | 29

#749636 - Saturday 2 January 2010 2:30

That's a sure way to end domestic violence.

Of course, your sex life also probably left the building at the same moment. Sorry.

By fmlstalker | 0

#749638 - Saturday 2 January 2010 2:31

hahahaha. sorry i just laughed at this. FYL indeed.