Animals: Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

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19537

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Animals

Recycling helps

The end of the road

Clean break

By Xero_316 - Canada

Today, I was doing my paper route. I throw the papers onto people's driveways while sitting on the back of my dad's truck. To be funny my dad decided to suddenly speed up, causing me to fall off the back of the truck, face first onto the road. He didn't realize I fell off and kept driving. FML

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By FootInMyMouth - United States - Miami

Today, a customer brought his cat in to be euthanized. I told him to "have a nice day" as he was leaving. FML

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19502

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I got a steering wheel cover to stop my obsessive steering wheel picking. After putting it on, I realized it was crooked, causing me to have OCD fits every time I drive. I can still pick at the steering wheel around the cover. FML

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34833

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By ouch - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML

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52540

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By nocanhaz - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

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By klm878 - United States

Today, at work, my manager fell in front of an entire lobby full of people on a wet floor. I'm the only one who burst out laughing. Turns out she has a broken arm. FML

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10949

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By negromancer - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, the guy I really like acknowledged my existence for the first time. Too bad it was through a text saying "lol ur a fat fukc". FML

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40162

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By hoaloha - United States - Gilbert

Today, I went to the store to buy some new shirts. I tried them on and none of them fit. When I walked out to return the shirts, everybody was staring at me. I looked down to see why. I'd forgotten to put my original shirt back on. FML

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10196

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By Anonymous

Today, my social life consists of eavesdropping on my two coworkers chatting. FML

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1430

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By missionfailed

Today, I took my dog back to the vet because her face was completely swollen and her stomach was bright red and blotchy. It's obviously the medication she just started, but my vet doesn't believe dogs have allergic reactions. It's the only vet in the area. FML

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4270

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she believes I "jinxed" her chances of getting the job she wanted. FML

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1679

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129

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By missalexa - United States

Today, upon getting out of the shower, I discovered the towel I grabbed off the rack had dried poop on it. Apparently, during my sister's birthday party yesterday, we'd run out of toilet paper. FML

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37438

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By everysingleone - United States

Today, I found out that every single picture that I have ever sent to my boyfriend, his father has also received. Every. Single. One. FML

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27618

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By Anonymous

Yelp

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

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1787

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Godalming

Today, my car broke down. My dad insisted he could fix it, but screwed up in the process. After finally getting the car towed to a mechanic, I was told that I'd only needed a new water pump, but thanks to the damage my dad did, fixing it all will cost me a small fortune. FML

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43761

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By smidgit

Today, after many days of messing around with wording and pictures, a huge and expensive printed card order came in to the office. I spelt the first word wrong. I can't get a refund. FML

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7854

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By climbing the walls - 30/9/2020 17:02 - United States

Alexa, play "Boredom" by Buzzcocks

Today, it’s been nearly six months since our state has been on lockdown. My boyfriend the introvert has never been happier. Meanwhile, I, the extrovert, have been bored to literal tears from the lack of human interactions and travel. There’s only so much Netflix and reading I can do. FML

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932

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By Lost - United States

Today, I got rejected for approximately the tenth credit card I've applied for, I called a bank to find out why. Apparently I took out a car loan in 2004 and bought a house in 2006. I was 13 in 2004. The credit report does not have any records of this. Thank you identity theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52447

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By Brookie Bear

Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

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5000

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424

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By homewrecker - United States

Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML

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82859

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By Merry F-ing birthmas - 20/12/2020 11:01 - Australia - Brisbane

They targeted gamers!

Today, as he has all day for the last 3 days, my husband has been playing Cyberpunk 2077. However, it's my birthday. When I mentioned this fact, I was told to just walk the 4 miles to the store and buy a cake, "if it matters so much." I have celiac and he spent our grocery money on the game. FML

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1519

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By confused - United States - Milwaukee

Today, my boyfriend and I broke up because we got into a fight over what color that confusing black and blue and white and gold dress was. FML

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35276

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By smokeysarah94 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my boss and I had to come up with a code to call if a person acts inappropriately towards me because I "attract too many weirdos." FML

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33313

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By livingstonjamie - Australia - Hampton

Today, a council worker showed up on my doorstep for the final pool installation inspection, which was scheduled 10 years ago. FML

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33628

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By Nalya - France

Today, my fiancé told me, that after 7 years together, he is no longer in love with me. Shocked and appalled, I ask him if he has anything else to add. "Happy Birthday". FML

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35850

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By [email protected] - France

Today, I decided to spend a night of love with my darling, so I arranged to meet him in a very classy hotel, gave him the room number and waited in a super-sexy outfit. There was a knock at the door, so I opened it enticingly, convinced it was him. It was room service. FML

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33261

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By HSampsON - Niger - Niamey

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

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40997

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By Anonymous - United States - Grove City

Today, a childhood friend reached out to me to apologize for our friendship. He was obviously drunk, and admitted that his parents made him become friends with me so that my dad, their landlord, would be easy on them when the rent was short after his mom lost her job. He said he never really liked me and called me a nerd, before hanging up. FML

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By wasted time - United States

Today, I learned, 90 horrifying minutes into a college exam, that my 85-year-old calculus teacher had spent the last three weeks teaching us the wrong chapter. FML

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51005

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

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32775

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By Burp - United States

Today, I traveled by plane for the first time. Once in the air, I was absolutely terrorized by the whole experience. Luckily, they had free booze on board, so I necked some to steady my nerves. Unfortunately, the vodka mixed with air turbulence made me spurt some vomit into my lap. FML

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10430

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By Ugh - United States

Today, after struggling for hours to fall asleep with my husbands rather rattling snoring, I finally managed it... only to be rudely awakened an hour later by my husband elbowing me in the face in his sleep. FML

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29721

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By "Jester94752"

Today, a co-worker who lives 30 minutes out of my way had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

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2260

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By JAdams - United States - Newkirk

Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML

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29499

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By Ah hell - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst hangover of my life. My best friend comes over and informs me that I had sex with my girlfriend's two best friends last night. Awesome! Then I realized her best friends are guys. FML

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11823

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By rachel - United States

Today, my house got broken into for the third time. The nice police officer said that if I didn't want my house to keep being robbed I should, "Fix the place up so it doesn't look like a crummy vacant building." FML

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27627

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By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 02:02

Helping hand

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

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1394

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By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

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28049

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By PEGASISTER FOR LIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE!!!!! - Mexico

Today, I was running late and couldn't find my purse anywhere. My sleep-deprived brain came up with the brilliant idea of trying to phone it. FML

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Top comments

By uneekfreak16 | 0

#216850 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:31

Are you the same guy with the FML who smashed his own nuts when he got scared and saw a spider on them?

By hyper12332 | 0

#216847 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:31

haha you little pussy

COMMENTS

By timeisindustry | 0

#216842 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:28

wow, you're retarded.

hellokittywhore | 0

#843574 - Thursday 11 February 2010 5:25

butterflies are the root of all evil!!!! those sinister lil hevens!!!!! ;)))

danyfuckinheatle | 0

#1006277 - Tuesday 25 May 2010 2:46

that got their attention.

jazziness | 12

#3101255 - Saturday 13 August 2011 18:45

I agree #170 I'm absolutely terrified of butterflies because they're crazy and ugly!!!!

QuirkyCorgiLove | 8

#4271481 - Saturday 7 April 2012 14:41

Butterflies are fucking terrifying.

VenomSiphon | 13

#4298205 - Friday 13 April 2012 5:45

You may all be glad to know that I now have a girlfriend.
I bet when I propose, a butterfly will flutter onto the scene and destroy me.

By hyper12332 | 0

#216847 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:31

haha you little pussy

Darraghscoot | 0

#975415 - Wednesday 7 April 2010 2:36

who pays attention to stamps?

lolfood | 24

#5391274 - Sunday 3 March 2013 18:02

What the fuck? ^^^

By uneekfreak16 | 0

#216850 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:31

Are you the same guy with the FML who smashed his own nuts when he got scared and saw a spider on them?

iampunk | 0

#1642444 - Wednesday 3 November 2010 4:17

LMFAO!

wtfisfmy | 0

#2730492 - Tuesday 21 June 2011 15:31

HAHA WOW!!! LMAO

Guatican | 6

#6098612 - Friday 24 October 2014 4:52

What the actual fuck?! XD

By ApplaudtheActor | 0

#216854 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:32

Macho.

I'll bet you got lots of numbers after that, eh?

By amateur_ninja | 0

#216865 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:35

Did the scary butterfly take your balls?

kalixzo | 11

#990679 - Tuesday 11 May 2010 3:47

what if it was an evil butterfly with laser beams and sharp teeth?

By eiji_chan | 0

#216868 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:35

Next time pee in your pants when you see a lady bug. Girls love sensitive men.

LOL #3 :D

By wtrplochica | 0

#216870 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:36

Don't worry. I'm afraid of them too... :)

pompompom_fml | 0

#800730 - Tuesday 26 January 2010 22:58

here's a possible date :)

By hayride1987 | 0

#216872 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:37

no wonder your available...

By deegee12 | 0

#216887 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:43

hmm. you're cool

By withfire | 0

#216892 - Thursday 21 May 2009 9:46

I'm guessing you had something in your stomach.