Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I... - FML

By Dkim620 - 7/1/2013 03:16 - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26386

You deserved it

4336

Tweet

Share

Body issues

Crowded House

White line fever

By ooops - 3/9/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17884

You deserved it

43089

Tweet

Share

By streaker? - 27/11/2015 14:21 - Germany - Langenhagen

Today, I went clothes shopping. I took my little daughter into the dressing room while I tried some clothes on. She somehow managed to open the door while I was changing. A lady outside then bitched me out for "exposing" myself to her kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24090

You deserved it

2004

Tweet

Share

By roundemup - 11/2/2010 02:33 - United States

Today, I was helping some neighbors corral and tag their cattle. Deciding to take a break, I turned my back to all 3 men and jumped down from an old, rusty gate. Luckily, the sharp piece of metal sticking out of it barely missed my skin. Instead it tore off the ass of both my pants and undies. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23545

You deserved it

5175

Tweet

Share

By PollingLow - 10/5/2012 15:45 - United States - Decatur

Today, I ran for editor-in-chief of a magazine. I spent hours working on my speech, and offered a bunch of new ideas to increase readership. My opponent just said that she, "loved the organization". I lost by a 4-1 margin. My opponent later announced her plans for next year. They were all of my ideas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32574

You deserved it

2347

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/8/2013 16:45 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, someone took my flatscreen TV at my garage sale because some kid snuck a "free" label onto it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47238

You deserved it

6186

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 27/4/2011 17:34 - United States

Today, my landlord informed me that after 8 months, we are finally getting cable and internet in our house. I move out tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35693

You deserved it

3781

Tweet

Share

By tamp - 22/6/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18473

You deserved it

70955

Tweet

Share

By cloudish - 21/5/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4938

You deserved it

583

Tweet

Share

By #201 - 5/2/2009 13:23 - United States

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52360

You deserved it

16467

Tweet

Share

By heartsick - 24/10/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I went to the hospital with severe chest pain, thinking it was a heart attack. Turns out now I just can't have booze, pop, chocolate, fruit with skins, seeds, tomatoes, or mint. I'd rather have the heart attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31858

You deserved it

4041

Tweet

Share

By leela - 25/5/2013 22:13 - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48494

You deserved it

4821

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/9/2012 18:34 - United States - Metairie

Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7548

You deserved it

34074

Tweet

Share

By popcorn - 27/4/2011 18:33 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie online. There was a 15 minute ad. 13 minutes into watching an ad about birth control, I noticed that there was a "skip this ad" button in the corner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14742

You deserved it

53108

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/2/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, the unhealthiest person I know, weighing in at around 350 pounds told me she was now a vegan. I then told her the Cheese-Itz, as well as the leather boots she was wearing wasn't vegan. She said I was wrong. I'm a nutritionist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6752

You deserved it

650

Tweet

Share

By belly the jelly - 30/10/2017 21:00

A job well done.

Today, I asked my husband to deal with the very large spider in our kitchen. Rather than a newspaper or a slipper, he went after it with an aerosol can and a lighter. The spider is now dead, but so are the wall and cupboards in my kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3460

You deserved it

575

Tweet

Share

By nice education you've got there - 9/4/2013 21:04 - United States - Monroe

Today, my friends and I were exchanging stories with one another. I barely got a few sentences in before they started mocking and viciously insulting me for saying "swaggered", claiming it comes from the slang term "swag", and that they never thought I was a "dumbass hipster". Really now? FML

I agree, your life sucks

37219

You deserved it

7264

Tweet

Share

By Boo Boo - 22/1/2012 04:23 - United States

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31975

You deserved it

2262

Tweet

Share

By morethanablondemoment - 28/8/2015 04:40 - United States - Redding

Today, after working 8 hours and immediately packing my house for another 6 hours to prepare for moving, I was extremely exhausted and more than ready to brush my teeth and go to bed. I tiredly brushed my teeth with my mascara. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24265

You deserved it

4302

Tweet

Share

By disfunctionalfamily - 27/4/2011 19:03 - United States

Today, I got married. My sister and father could not attend because they already had plans. My sister went to the mall with her friends, and my dad went to a pool party. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55668

You deserved it

4582

Tweet

Share

By Pandy1031 - 9/2/2017 08:00 - United States - Crofton

Today, as I was shampooing my hair in the shower, the power went out. Since my house has well water, no power means no water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6154

You deserved it

374

Tweet

Share

By anon - 5/3/2011 10:15 - United States

Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML

I agree, your life sucks

43234

You deserved it

3084

Tweet

Share

By JuggaloSlasher15 - 8/8/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, at the pool, a kid no older than 8 was sitting on the diving board, not letting anyone else use it. I went over and tried to reason with him, but he wouldn't listen. My uncle stormed over, said "I got this!" and punted him over the edge. We both got thrown out for "bullying" the kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51603

You deserved it

6745

Tweet

Share

By jasondrags - 3/7/2015 13:42 - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, I tried to arrange my first gallery exhibition as a photography student. Not even my mother wants to come. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26795

You deserved it

2439

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 24/6/2012 14:17 - Canada - Cochrane

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35883

You deserved it

3258

Tweet

Share

By silkworm - 24/6/2009 06:44 - United States

Today, I got an invitation in the mail for my dad's third wedding. My first name was misspelled on the envelope. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52805

You deserved it

2736

Tweet

Share

By pizzagurl - 9/5/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20139

You deserved it

273472

Tweet

Share

By obsequiousfannyflapper - 10/2/2013 23:13 - Netherlands - Zwijndrecht

Today, my new room-mate moved in. She spent over an hour obsessively searching the place for god knows what kind of secret recording devices, and now aggressively demands that I taste-test all of her pre-prepared meals to make sure they're not poisoned. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31982

You deserved it

2962

Tweet

Share

By fuckingcool - 6/6/2016 04:56

Today, my mother once again brought up how I would have done so much better in my Track season if I just smiled while I ran. Apparently, if you just smile, your brain won't know you're in pain. I don't think it works like that, but thanks for the advice mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13526

You deserved it

1010

Tweet

Share

By Kronic - 2/7/2009 05:08 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my two sons and my wife. We got separated after a while, and I spotted my son in the video game section of the store. I snuck up behind him and playfully slapped him on the back of the head. The kid turned around and it wasn't my son. His mom was none to happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14262

You deserved it

48442

Tweet

Share

By wolfpacking - 2/2/2010 05:51 - France

Today, I was in the car with my friends. A techno song came on and we started fist pumping. We hit a bump, I fist pumped myself in the face, and crashed into a stop sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13101

You deserved it

53814

Tweet

Share

By campmom - 8/7/2009 05:02

Today, my nine year old son went around telling everyone that me and my husband had a "foursome" last month. It turns out that some douchebag counselor at the camp he goes to thought it would be funny to tell him that a foursome was a divorce. All of his friend's parents think we're kinky freaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49270

You deserved it

3805

Tweet

Share

By Jen - 30/4/2019 20:00

Throw the book at him

Today, I got fired from my job at a library for hitting an old man with a book. In my defence, I had asked him about a massive water stain on a book he'd returned. He told me it was his cum, wanted to know if it excited me and then tried to touch my boobs. Dirty old pervert. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4849

You deserved it

243

Tweet

Share

By Good tenant - 3/5/2019 23:00 - United Kingdom - Consett

Today, my landlord increase my rent because of the "increased value of the flat". Why has the value increased? Because I decorated and replaced the broken fixtures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2285

You deserved it

152

Tweet

Share

By ThatGirl - 19/7/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25428

You deserved it

2167

Tweet

Share

By Congrats? - 27/10/2015 15:16 - United States - Charleston

Today, I discovered that my father is getting married. Overjoyed and confused because I didn't know he was dating, I called him up to congratulate him, and ask who she was. Apparently, his soon to be fiancée is my mother-in-law. My wife is not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28587

You deserved it

1792

Tweet

Share

By loves the smell of burning flesh - 1/11/2011 13:22 - United States

Today, I drove past a fragrant steakhouse and my mouth began to water and my stomach started rumbling, which would've been perfectly fine if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a vegan and an animal lover. My confused body craves burning flesh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14612

You deserved it

62510

Tweet

Share

By yudencow - 18/9/2019 18:00

Reading skills

Today, I showed my parents the latest excerpt from my first book. It's about narratology. My dad thought I was writing about meat. He read "peaks and valleys" as "pork and veal." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1119

You deserved it

135

Tweet

Share

By French - 24/10/2013 12:52 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I taught my girlfriend some French. She then used her newfound language to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44591

You deserved it

4656

Tweet

Share

By Deweyboy - 30/10/2016 04:23

Today, since I needed someone to talk to about it, I told my girlfriend how my dad was recently diagnosed with diabetes. My girlfriend's mother then told me, in graphic detail, how her father's diabetes led to his toes being hacked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9639

You deserved it

702

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/4/2009 19:24 - United States

Today, I was in the shower and had just finished washing my face. When I put the soap down I noticed a curly, black hair stuck to it. Im blond. The only other person who uses that bathroom is my uncle. I just rubbed my uncle's pubic hair all over my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55718

You deserved it

9123

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By Roguedork19 | 8

#5312472 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

This would be the perfect time to use one of those cheesy "I just fell for you" pickup lines ;)

By misspulkadot24 | 17

#5312473 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

Perhaps she can kiss your boo boos?

Comments

By Roguedork19 | 8

#5312472 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

This would be the perfect time to use one of those cheesy "I just fell for you" pickup lines ;)

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312534 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:51

He should ask her if she wants to take a break because of how tired she must be from running through his mind all day.

Reply

fenixtorador1 | 11

#5312841 - Monday 7 January 2013 15:12

Or get back up and ask her if she's okay. Once she asks what you're talking about, tell her that you thought it would hurt when an angel fell from heaven.

Reply

s15c | 9

#5313109 - Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

60- I couldn't help but think of Brick from Anchorman saying "You are invited to the pants party." after reading your comment.

Reply

CrazedOut | 2

#5314136 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:47

#1 couldnt agree more!

Reply

AksentNetharia | 12

#6064694 - Sunday 14 September 2014 11:18

Dammit #1 I was gonna say that! XD

By misspulkadot24 | 17

#5312473 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

Perhaps she can kiss your boo boos?

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5312540 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:55

I thought this said boobs when I first read it... anyone else, or is it just me?

Reply

NigerianMedicine | 11

#5313763 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:13

Welcome to the Internet.

Enjoy your stay.

By HKCgrimmjow | 15

#5312474 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:13

Hey well that's not a FML that's a great story to tell everyone! Plus I'm sure she thought it was really funny and then proceeded to help you out haha. Think positive

By Harpy20 | 24

#5312478 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:14

Well it's something to laugh about later. Chin up, mate.

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5312526 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:43

He might have had a tough time keeping his chin up while it was on the floor.

By btstig | 11

#5312481 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:14

Walk that shit off. She probably laughed. The ice is broken.

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5312527 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:47

Yeah, walk that shit off. I'm sure those gashes will heal in a few seconds.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312542 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:58

Mine do, but I'm the cheerleader from Heroes.

Reply

iOceanus | 18

#5312550 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:03

23: Claire? You are totally hot, and the show you're on is awesome.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312560 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:13

Okay I lied, I'm syler. I totally killed that bitch! Oh well, back to chopping off people upper skulls to take their powers!

By pinkpixie06 | 11

#5312483 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:15

Your physical wounds will most likely heal faster than the blow to your ego. But I think those usually hurt the most! Feel better soon! :)

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312546 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:00

Soooo, your letting OP know he feels bad? Okay then... Good talk.

By sugarshane007 | 20

#5312484 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:15

It seems that calamity has... befallen you.

Reply

Roguedork19 | 8

#5312491 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:18

Clever play on words my friend.

Reply

TourettesGuyFTW | 25

#5312537 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:53

It seems you have really fallen for this girl, huh?

Reply

BlueFlatts | 20

#5312545 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:59

Who knows, maybe she'll fall for OP too.

Reply

nigsuzzi | 3

#5312553 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:06

Op u probably blew it. Don't bother chasing after her you will only hurt yourself more.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312563 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:16

Well that's incredibly pessimistic 30. I highly doubt there are that many girls out there that are that shallow.

Reply

charvisioku | 22

#5312707 - Monday 7 January 2013 12:42

30: If that blew it for him, she's not worth his time since it would mean she's insanely shallow... I doubt this affected his chances with her at all.

By zingline89 | 18

#5312494 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:19

Don't worry you can get back on track

Reply

Catkam623 | 27

#5312969 - Monday 7 January 2013 16:49

You just have yo keep on going.

By fightingkittens | 39

#5312498 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:22

Well that escalated quickly.

Reply

sens3sfailing | 24

#5312549 - Monday 7 January 2013 10:02

He fell, he deescalated quickly.

Reply

gc327072 | 29

#5312993 - Monday 7 January 2013 17:08

Disembarked, rather.

Reply

ErictheRed | 5

#5313830 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:35

I love that saying.

By baconstrips | 12

#5312502 - Monday 7 January 2013 9:26

Lol ya dun goofed