Love: Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I... - FML

By Dkim620 - 07/01/2013 03:16 - United States

Today, I was running on the treadmill at my local gym when I saw a girl I like a lot. I called out to her to say hi. As she was coming over, I accidentally stepped on the belt with one foot, crashed down on the treadmill, and continued to slide down in front of her, emerging with a gashed knee and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 432

You deserved it 4 343

Batman

Dementia or hate? You decide

Another great day to be alive

By Twysted91 - 28/12/2014 03:50 - United States - Milford

Today, I was rushed to the emergency room in crippling pain, thanks to a very dangerous cluster of cysts on my ovaries that could rupture at any time. My boyfriend took this news as my way of denying him sex and broke up with me for "going to obscene lengths" to emasculate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 846

You deserved it 3 187

By Anonymous - 01/07/2014 21:41 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 6-year-old brother showed me the "books" he's been writing for the past week. My parents, who are first-generation immigrants, want him to take the books to school to show everyone. My only problem with this? The main character's name is "Wanker". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 492

You deserved it 3 730

By Thanks Babe - 20/04/2013 23:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 005

You deserved it 7 544

TMI FML

By Addison - 25/06/2012 00:28 - Canada - Kingston

Spicy

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 825

You deserved it 3 614

By crazyt446 - 11/07/2009 15:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I called my boyfriend and when he answered, I said the dirtiest thing I could think of to him on the phone. After a long silence, I heard, "Lacey? Is that you?" I accidentally called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 418

You deserved it 71 438

By torturedears - 05/04/2013 04:20 - United States - Beverly Hills

Today, I went to work at a hotel. One of the guests decided to play the piano in the lobby. He's deaf. Unfortunately, I'm not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 284

You deserved it 6 640

By Medic - 29/10/2012 03:10 - United States - Puyallup

Today, at work as an EMT, I was telling a panicked patient that I would be taking her vital signs. I inadvertently said that I would be taking her vital organs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 534

You deserved it 4 315

By Anonymous - 26/11/2009 19:11 - United States

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 192

You deserved it 20 913

Facebook's moderation sucks

By Anonymous - 06/03/2021 07:01 - United States - Afton

Today, I got put in Facebook jail for telling a guy fat shaming a girl he was a "s*x*st b*st*rd." Immediately after, FB informed me that a person I reported for threats didn't violate community standards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 734

You deserved it 293

By Juju Bear - 08/03/2016 11:54 - France - Paris

Today, my girlfriend woke up, and half-asleep, muttered: "What time is it? Did the neighbours start drilling again?" I'll try harder to keep my farts in from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 036

You deserved it 3 645

By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 07:14 - Australia

Today, I finally went running to help me start losing weight. I got 50 metres before someone in a passing car shouted out "Run fatty, run". I can't work up the courage to go for a run again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 962

You deserved it 7 383

By Jeff - 12/06/2019 14:00

Today, I found out that women have another hole that they pee out of. I'm 37. FML

I agree, your life sucks 659

You deserved it 2 792

Wrong place, wrong time

By Anonymous - 23/08/2020 23:02

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend are I are staying at his parents' while they are away. While having sex in their bed, the whole bed went crashing to the floor. We have no idea what to do, and we leave tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 2 167

By fattymcbutterpants - 19/06/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I'm a nanny. After the kids went to bed the dog wouldn't stop barking violently unless I held the end of a blanket for him to hump. I need a raise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 703

You deserved it 3 499

By Anonymous - 23/05/2017 14:00

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 069

You deserved it 299

By disney - 26/11/2009 16:30 - United States

Today, I went to Disneyworld. I fell and hit my head while jumping up and down to see Ariel. I'm a 35 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 836

You deserved it 43 381

By epicgamer - 13/09/2016 02:55 - United States - Fremont

Today, my extremely racist coworker was doing his usual thing. Since it was 9/11 he went absolutely hardcore on his "jokes" so I reported it to my supervisor. She asked what did he say specifically and I recited it to her. She decided to write me up for "making inappropriate comments at work". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 998

You deserved it 1 300

By Anonymous - 10/01/2010 02:20 - United States

Today, while arguing with my boyfriend about how I wasn't a bad driver and could parallel park, I decided it was easier to just let him do it. Unfortunately, while getting out of the car to switch seats, I forgot to take the car out of drive and it ran into the car in front of us. He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 295

You deserved it 31 785

By ReboundGrl - 23/05/2016 18:44 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was really happy because the guy I've been on a few dates with wanted to take pictures with me. I thought it'd meant that he really liked me, but it turns out he just wanted them so he could post them online and make his ex-girlfriend jealous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 756

You deserved it 1 403

By supermanj76 - 04/05/2009 02:12 - United States

Today, a man came up to me and asked for a $50 bill in change? Being a good man i said "sure." I gave him the change and he gave me the $50 bill. As I walk into starbucks to buy a coffee, I handed the casheir my fifty dollar bill, she called the cops. It was counterfeit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 808

You deserved it 23 466

By Iswearihavegoodhygiene - 04/11/2018 05:00

Today, I popped a zit that had formed around an ingrown hair "down there". It popped with so much force, the pus hit me in the forehead. Still can't get the hair out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 251

By sliceddice - 10/03/2010 16:08 - Denmark

Today, I was crying because my cat died. My boyfriend cupped my face in his hands, looked me straight into the eyes and said, "I love seeing you cry." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 390

You deserved it 3 718

By The_failure - 18/04/2019 20:00

Today, I found myself sitting in the bathroom at work searching the internet for the alcohol and caloric content of cool mint Listerine. I now believe that I may have a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 665

You deserved it 602

By samantha - 17/08/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 12/06/2012 16:38 - United States - North Las Vegas

Today, I started my new job as a repossession agent. While attempting to repo a boat, we came across a young couple. The woman was very annoying, and even hit another agent, so I threatened to throw her in the water if she touched him again. I ended up in the water instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 401

You deserved it 14 489

Silver-brown linings

By Isa - 22/09/2021 11:00

Today, I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes a couple of weeks ago. The upside is that the diabetic meds I've been prescribed help with weight loss. The takeaway? Diarrhea. Lots and lots of diarrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 88

By Mona Lisa was a skank-ass ho - 24/05/2015 15:56 - United Kingdom - Cheadle

Today, my new doctor asked if I'm sexually active. I said no. He nodded and murmured "No surprise there." Thanks, mate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 359

You deserved it 2 692

By Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 342

You deserved it 4 518

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 14:09 - Hong Kong

Today, my mum and I were walking down a road where we met an old neighbour who recently got divorced. Her son who we hadn't seen for about 10 years was with her and he looked very handsome. I said, "oh wow ! your son has grown up so much !" The woman replied, "this is my boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 400

You deserved it 8 915

By yamaha_313 - 11/08/2015 04:20 - United States - Wartburg

Spicy

Today, my 82-year-old great grandfather informed me that his "peeter" still works, and that most guys his age can't say the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 2 198

By ohgodwhy - 20/04/2012 20:24 - United States

Today, I spent hours baking an apple pie to impress my future mother-in-law. I was especially proud of the fact I'd made the crust and filling myself. When I served it to her, she picked off the crust and, between mouthfuls, bitched that it was nothing like canned pie filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 475

You deserved it 2 081

By Anonymous - 01/10/2013 23:36 - United States - Tucson

Today, my mom blew her top when I casually mentioned that it's pretty well known that the story of Jesus is a retelling of older Persian and Egyptian stories. She then went on to yell at me that I wasted my money on college and "book learning". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 300

You deserved it 10 688

By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 08:39 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years told me that I appear to have gained some weight. After realizing that it made me feel depressed, he tried to make me feel better by making love to me. I decided to go with it. While doing so, he paused and said "I'm sorry baby, but your weight is too much pressure for my back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 156

You deserved it 8 564

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 00:09 - United States - Green Bay

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 425

You deserved it 5 212

By chairlee - 07/11/2009 08:12 - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 916

You deserved it 5 014

By Anonymous - 19/01/2010 19:26 - United States

Today, I sent my boss a link to a website I thought would answer a simple question she'd asked. Turns out, yes, the site did answer her question, but it also had some very suggestive ads on it. Apparently I'm the only person in the office who uses adblock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 2 995

Spray it loud!

By klutz44 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Winnetka

Today, I took my 2 year-old to a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 190

You deserved it 2 968

By Ixi_the_pixie - 06/01/2012 16:16 - United States

Today, my therapist told me, "I'm sorry, but I'm not qualified to handle your level of instability." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 820

You deserved it 4 756

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 943

You deserved it 3 440

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 167

You deserved it 36 567

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

This would be the perfect time to use one of those cheesy "I just fell for you" pickup lines ;)

misspulkadot24 17

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

Perhaps she can kiss your boo boos?

Comments

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

This would be the perfect time to use one of those cheesy "I just fell for you" pickup lines ;)

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:51

He should ask her if she wants to take a break because of how tired she must be from running through his mind all day.

fenixtorador1 11

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Monday 7 January 2013 15:12

Or get back up and ask her if she's okay. Once she asks what you're talking about, tell her that you thought it would hurt when an angel fell from heaven.

s15c 9

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Monday 7 January 2013 18:49

60- I couldn't help but think of Brick from Anchorman saying "You are invited to the pants party." after reading your comment.

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:47

#1 couldnt agree more!

AksentNetharia 12

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Sunday 14 September 2014 11:18

Dammit #1 I was gonna say that! XD

misspulkadot24 17

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:12

Perhaps she can kiss your boo boos?

Send a private message

Monday 7 January 2013 9:55

I thought this said boobs when I first read it... anyone else, or is it just me?

NigerianMedicine 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 4:13

Welcome to the Internet. Enjoy your stay.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:13

Hey well that's not a FML that's a great story to tell everyone! Plus I'm sure she thought it was really funny and then proceeded to help you out haha. Think positive

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:14

Well it's something to laugh about later. Chin up, mate.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:43

He might have had a tough time keeping his chin up while it was on the floor.

btstig 11

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:14

Walk that shit off. She probably laughed. The ice is broken.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:47

Yeah, walk that shit off. I'm sure those gashes will heal in a few seconds.

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:58

Mine do, but I'm the cheerleader from Heroes.

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:03

23: Claire? You are totally hot, and the show you're on is awesome.

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:13

Okay I lied, I'm syler. I totally killed that bitch! Oh well, back to chopping off people upper skulls to take their powers!

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:15

Your physical wounds will most likely heal faster than the blow to your ego. But I think those usually hurt the most! Feel better soon! :)

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:00

Soooo, your letting OP know he feels bad? Okay then... Good talk.

sugarshane007 20

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:15

It seems that calamity has... befallen you.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:18

Clever play on words my friend.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:53

It seems you have really fallen for this girl, huh?

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:59

Who knows, maybe she'll fall for OP too.

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:06

Op u probably blew it. Don't bother chasing after her you will only hurt yourself more.

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:16

Well that's incredibly pessimistic 30. I highly doubt there are that many girls out there that are that shallow.

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Monday 7 January 2013 12:42

30: If that blew it for him, she's not worth his time since it would mean she's insanely shallow... I doubt this affected his chances with her at all.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:19

Don't worry you can get back on track

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Monday 7 January 2013 16:49

You just have yo keep on going.

fightingkittens 39

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:22

Well that escalated quickly.

sens3sfailing 24

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Monday 7 January 2013 10:02

He fell, he deescalated quickly.

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Monday 7 January 2013 17:08

Disembarked, rather.

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 5:35

I love that saying.

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Monday 7 January 2013 9:26

Lol ya dun goofed

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1

You deserved it 0

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 15

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 144