Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming... - FML

By QuicksilverMaximoff - 30/1/2011 14:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I was rudely stopped in the park by a woman screaming at me for being a slut for having a baby so young. She got so worked up that she started swearing. Not only was I just babysitting for a friend, I am unable to get the toddler to stop swearing. FML

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Nice neighborhood

Fairytale ending

Don't you know that you're toxic?

By Anonymous - 4/9/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I went to a football game. During a time out, my face appeared on the Jumbotron during the Kiss Cam segment. I was sitting next to my mother. FML

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By Madagascar - 19/12/2009 10:18 - Australia

Today, when my boyfriend and I were becoming intimate, his cat decides to jump onto the bed and lie right in between us. He then informs me that he wanted to stop to "preserve his cat's innocence." FML

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By burnbabyburn - 11/11/2015 17:47 - United Kingdom

Today, a student set me on fire while I was lecturing my class about proper lab safety. FML

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By Marcilor001 - 10/8/2018 20:30

Oops.

Today, I realized I have a weight problem. My brother excitedly showed me his new high-end scale and measured his weight, then our other brothers. I took one step on it and the screen read "E". It then shut off and hasn't turned on since. FML

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By Miroslav208 - 20/10/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/9/2012 09:57 - United States

Today, after 3 nights of insomnia, I was finally able to doze off. My boyfriend woke me up just to ask which soda in the fridge was mine. FML

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By vbscb - 7/10/2009 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was babysitting my niece when we decided to play hide and seek. I went in the shed, and waited. After waiting a while, I went to go back inside to see what was happening. I saw my niece had locked all the doors and was eating cookies on the kitchen bench. FML

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By Sam - 15/7/2013 05:14 - United States - Elmhurst

Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2011 05:21 - United States

Today, I went out on a date with an ex boyfriend that I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML

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By Anonymous - 14/4/2015 07:21 - United Kingdom - Nottingham

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

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By Hayley - 24/2/2018 19:00

Bad Luck Brian

Today, my doctor told me that my lungs are as bad as a 60-year-old heavy smoker's. I'm 19 and I've never touched a cigarette in my life. FML

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By pchis4ever - 20/11/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

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By thegirlwiththedumbassbf - 23/3/2016 22:58 - United States - Camarillo

Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed. He seriously doesn't understand why I dumped his sorry ass. FML

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By notoneatall - 7/7/2014 03:39 - Canada - Oakville

Today, I got called a cunt at work by a customer. What could I have said that could have caused them to say that? "Have a great day." FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2015 01:21 - Canada

Today, I found out my bank charged me $50 for not having any money. Way to go bank, way to go. FML

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By lizownsvirgy - 7/7/2011 19:49 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

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By LifeSucks - 8/11/2009 04:46 - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/6/2012 22:41 - United States - Raleigh

Today, I caught a coworker at my new job staring at my chest. Trying not to rock the boat, I took him aside and asked him to stop. He insisted he was just trying to read my shirt. Our company uniforms don't have writing on them. FML

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By mary - 9/8/2012 18:10 - United Kingdom

Today, some guy asked me if he could borrow my lighter. I said "of course," reached into my handbag, and gave him the lighter. He stared at me for a few seconds until I realised I'd given him a tampax. FML

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By TabbyCat87 - 13/1/2016 00:16 - United States - Lamar

Today, my mom informed me she got married two weeks ago. Hard to congratulate her when this is her eighth husband. FML

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By Anon - 14/10/2010 08:00 - United States

Today, after a small fight with my girlfriend, I started to miss her, so I typed her name into Google on a whim. Surprisingly, I find a link to a blog in which the owner describes his ongoing effort to seduce my girl. During times she told me she was alone. Thanks babe. FML

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By LynzG - 1/2/2011 05:56

Today, my boss called me Ashley. My name doesn't even start with an A. I even wear a name tag. You would think after nearly four years, your boss would remember your name. Every time he speaks to me, it's a different name. FML

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By earths_venus - 24/7/2010 07:44 - Australia

Today, my new coworker told me he expects me to call him King Kong and bow down to him whenever he walks past. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 18:03

Nature is so wonderful!

Today, I was backpacking, and I was in a tent. It had rained all day and finally, I was dry. I settled down in my slightly damp sleeping bag. I woke up halfway through the night with a frog on my face and my feet in freezing cold water. Our tent had drifted into a frog pond. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2014 22:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2009 19:39 - Canada

Today, I found out that the crumbs on the couch that look like the oreos you just ate, can actually turn out to be very crunchy, and have legs. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 15:09 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/8/2015 22:55 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I am two months pregnant. Being super hormonal, I was crying about how much I was crying. My husband put his arms around me to comfort me, and I sobbed so hard that I threw up all over him. FML

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By ADD - 11/2/2009 14:59 - Bulgaria

Today, I asked my boss for a raise. He responded with "Who the hell are you?" FML

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By - 26/4/2019 18:00

Today, in an effort to spice up our love life, I greeted my husband at the front door in lingerie and stilettos. He took one look at me and asked if I wanted him to shovel the driveway before it snowed again. FML

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By mrmidi - 21/5/2010 05:04 - United States

Today, I learned two important facts: #1 A grown man can, in fact, get beaten up by a teenage girl, and #2 If someone is convinced you are someone else, there is no telling them otherwise. FML

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By bill - 24/10/2012 11:14 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I saw a man lying face down in a field and thinking he was injured, I ran over to help. As soon as I got to him, I realized he was completely naked. He stood up and chased after me. FML

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By Kellye - 16/9/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, my father called me for the first time in two weeks since I moved away. Excited, I answered the phone. It was a mistake. He thought he'd called my sister. FML

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By anon - 14/1/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/9/2011 01:24 - United States

Today, at college, I found a lanyard with some keys and a YMCA member's card attached. Hoping to find contact details, I googled the name on the back of the card, just in time for him to return and see me looking through his Facebook profile like some kind of stalker. FML

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By NotChadKrouger - 11/5/2011 15:19

Today, I was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. She said sure. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, "You're only going to embarrass yourself." FML

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By Richie - 20/5/2009 05:37 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were buying Subway. When it came to ring up the order the lady asked us together or separate? My girlfriend looked and said separate. Half-jokingly, I asked if it was some sort of hint. She looked at me and said yes. I got broken up over a 12-inch ham sub. FML

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By jnp414 - 29/5/2016 01:11 - United States - Bristol

Today, my house key jammed inside the lock, which would've been annoying even if I hadn't been desperately running from my neighbor's psycho pitbull at the time. FML

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By Acneface - 28/6/2009 00:55 - France

Today, I got my hair done, eyebrows waxed, and a new expensive dress to impress my boyfriend. When I got home I asked him if he noticed anything different about me. He looked at me for one minute before asking, "Did you finally start using Proactive?" FML

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By menerethrr - 5/2/2009 15:39 - United States

Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name "Mom" is right next to "Mike" in my contacts list. FML

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Top comments

By ash14 | 0

#2026252 - Sunday 30 January 2011 18:59

wow she needs to be more worried about how bitchy she's being, instead of how "slutty" you are.

By Doortje | 28

#2026261 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:01

Wow, what a rude bitch. But why didn't you interrupt her OP?

COMMENTS

By ash14 | 0

#2026252 - Sunday 30 January 2011 18:59

wow she needs to be more worried about how bitchy she's being, instead of how "slutty" you are.

Reply

I_iz_B_a_troll | 23

#2026440 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:32

damn

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2026863 - Sunday 30 January 2011 22:52

tell her she forgot her lithium

Reply

iloveloosy12 | 0

#2027067 - Monday 31 January 2011 0:43

what an insane freak witch lady!

Reply

rebel408 | 0

#2027534 - Monday 31 January 2011 3:40

depends if she actually is a slut

Reply

Pg11 | 0

#2031681 - Tuesday 1 February 2011 3:05

did anyone else read that as "she got so worked up she started sweating"

Reply

Seabeast1000 | 4

#2116059 - Wednesday 23 February 2011 21:08

I would have started screaming back at her!

Reply

brenkite | 5

#3105692 - Sunday 14 August 2011 7:55

my sister used an analogy similar to this post to describe the woman who took Dumbledore's place after he disappeared with fox

Reply

mexicanguy39 | 7

#3677562 - Saturday 3 December 2011 18:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By Doortje | 28

#2026261 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:01

Wow, what a rude bitch. But why didn't you interrupt her OP?

By Bakachu | 7

#2026263 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:01

Ahaa, that lady is a bad influence.

By ElectricGhost_fml | 5

#2026268 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:02

Wow you should have told her to mind her own business

Reply

alison179sd | 0

#2026454 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:40

totally.... she's like saying the OPis a slut but she is the one swearing at a toddler and a person she doesn't know.

By spikey818 | 9

#2026279 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:03

people shouldn't assume things

Reply

mycookiezz | 0

#2027270 - Monday 31 January 2011 1:48

When you assume it makes an ass out of you and me.

Reply

Snowstar | 0

#2027387 - Monday 31 January 2011 2:40

assume-u-me=a*s

Reply

QWERTYCommander | 5

#2027691 - Monday 31 January 2011 4:42

a multiplied by s?

Reply

babyyappld | 7

#2028964 - Monday 31 January 2011 13:21

unfortunately people do. this happened to me when I was taking care of my 3 year old cousin. but no one swore they just gave death stares

Reply

VaultDweller106 | 7

#4911521 - Sunday 9 September 2012 8:57

People stupidly give me stares when I'm with my 7 year old niece. I'm only 20 for craps sake.

By carameldrizzle | 0

#2026284 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:03

what an incosiderate bitch, swearing in front of a toddler

Reply

wellinever | 5

#2026293 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:05

Yes we can, but it does require weaponry.

Reply

5t3ff1k4h | 44

#2026309 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:07

That doesn't make her a slut. It makes her a bitch.

By awks | 0

#2026286 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:03

ｹﾞﾎｯｹﾞﾎｯ(>o

By Badjuju7711 | 0

#2026289 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:03

Unfortunately we still can't cure ignorance. . .

Reply

020266t | 5

#2026460 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:43

You can't fix the world, nor can you fix one

Reply

020266t | 5

#2026464 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:43

You can't fix the world, nor can you fix one

Reply

bored11 | 0

#2049900 - Sunday 6 February 2011 0:17

you can't fix stupid either which that one seemed to be for swearing in front of toddler.

By Akalia_fml | 7

#2026291 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:05

Wow, that was rude of her. She should't have had jumped to conclusions and she should have just minded her own business. I hope you're going to tell your friend's parents what happened so they don't blame you for the toddler swearing.

By YouHaveFailed | 0

#2026296 - Sunday 30 January 2011 19:05

Wow. that bitch shouldnt assume.. Assume makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me"

Reply

saleha97 | 4

#2026747 - Sunday 30 January 2011 21:49

lmfao

Reply

NINJAPROTOTYPE10 | 0

#2027840 - Monday 31 January 2011 5:54

We know... Someone said that earlier... So dont copy