Miscellaneous: Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into...

By Christoams - France

Today, I was putting a new lightbulb in when my wife walks into the room and says "you can't see a thing, i'll turn the light on for you". And she did. FML

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Miscellaneous

Season finale

Dad jokes, part 43884

Miscommunication

By speed-dialing dr kevorkian - United States - Two Rivers

Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML

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By milkshake - United States - Pasadena

Today, at work at a car dealership, a seemingly overzealous customer shook my hand vigorously after we finalized a deal. I didn't think anything of it until a coworker pointed out that he was just trying to make my breasts jiggle. I'm a man. FML

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32628

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By Anonymous - United States - East Northport

Today, at soccer tryouts, the coach made us run the entire practice. I ran the whole two hours ahead of everyone. When the tryout ended, I vomited due to dehydration. I didn't make the team. The coach's reasoning: "Only the weak throw up". FML

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By Muralove - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

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30478

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By - United States

Today, I learned that not only is my husband having an affair with my own mother, but my whole family knew. They were keeping it a secret from me for 3 months. FML

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4146

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was re-watching my wedding video. As I was walking down the aisle, you could hear my grandfather mutter "Here comes the bride, all fat and wide." FML

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41969

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By Anonymous

Today, my thundercunt of a neighbor, who's hated me since I moved in, called the cops on me. He told them he saw me shooting up on drugs. I'm diabetic and was injecting insulin, which he could only have seen by spying on me through my living room window. FML

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37848

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

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By Anonymous - Iceland - Akureyri

Today, a package was delivered to my house, addressed to me, clearly marked "sexual health products". Inside were condoms, birth control pills, and an invoice made out to me. My parents went ballistic and grounded me. Whoever staged this "hilarious" prank: well played, asshole. FML

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By tryingtohelp - 24/5/2020 20:00

Good samaritan

Today, I heard my downstairs neighbor being beaten by her husband. I anonymously called 911, hoping to help. She must've seen me giving the cops my statement because as soon as they left, she knocked on my door and punched me square in the face while screaming, "Mind your own business bitch!" FML

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2549

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By n - United States

Today, my boyfriend made me breakfast because I had a cold. Because my nose was so stuffed, I couldn't tell that our milk had gone bad. I had two cups. And now I'm stuck on the toilet. FML

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32027

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By Anonymous - United States - Westerville

Today, after many years of being single, I finally worked up the courage to ask my coworker out. He said no and gave me "fair warning" that he's going to report me for sexual harassment. FML

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25504

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By AJL - United States

Today, I parked my motorcycle in a parking spot. When I came back, my bike had been moved and was laying on its side with a note saying, "Sorry I dropped your motorcycle I was trying to move it forward so I could park my car because there weren't any other spots." FML

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53388

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By SweetDreamsTibi

Today, I was feeling frisky and my boyfriend was playing a video game in the living room. I started dancing in front of the T.V. with only my panties on, to which he responded, "You're every gamer's nightmare." FML

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2140

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By not-so-young-shortie - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant with my boyfriend, he is 6'2 and i am 4'11. Out of nowhere, the hostess started openly flirting with him, and asked him if he needed a booster chair for his daughter. FML

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By newly single teetotaler - 23/10/2020 23:01

Cute trick, asshole

Today, the guy I've been seeing decided to "test the theory" that I can't drink alcohol due to a liver condition by mixing some into my drinks. He then complained that my ceaseless vomiting made his bathroom smell bad, and only took me to hospital when I started having a seizure. FML

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1821

You deserved it

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By anonymous - Taiwan

Today, my cousins and I were bored so we began talking about weird dreams we've had. My little cousin turns to me and says "I had a dream you were in a beauty contest. You lost badly". FML

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41383

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss told me I was fired 3 weeks ago because there was no money to pay me, meaning that I worked the last three weeks for free. FML

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46263

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By anonymous

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

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38790

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By OhhhNooo - United States

Today, my Dad told me that I was named after the dog he accidentally shot in the head as a teenager. FML

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33755

You deserved it

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By traumatized4life - United States

Today, I woke up to two text messages from my mother. The first said, "You could've had this for breakfast. How do you like your eggs?" The next text was a picture message of her naked. I think it was meant to be sent to her boyfriend. FML

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40276

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By fuckthisandfuckthatandfuckyoutoo - United States

Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML

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47547

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By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

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By justno - Canada - Mississauga

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

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58111

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my neighbors. Their 5 year-old had finally fallen asleep at 11 after two hours of stories and songs. No sooner had I tip toed out of the room did I realize that my cell phone had dropped out of my pocket onto the bed. It was ringing. It was their mother checking in. FML

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47080

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By Numbnuts - United States

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

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11284

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By drpepperking10 - United States

Today, I was kissing my crush for the first time and her tooth fell out into my mouth. FML

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16240

Phew, glad it wasn't me

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By RyoKioKio

Today, just like every day for the past two weeks, my mother has told me just how much she doesn't want me to move out. I, once again, have had to remind her that she isn't the one I'm trying to get away from. I'm not a fan of being repeatedly smacked with a coffee mug by my 78-year-old grandma. FML

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2737

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was going into an office building. There was a boy and a man ahead of me, and the boy held the door open for me. Surprised, I said "What a nice young man," and he said. "It's ok, ma'am; my dad says to always hold the doors open for old ladies." I'm 43. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got nearly kicked out of the room I rent because I refuse to close my curtains at night. Apparently, my landlady thinks it doesn't look nice when people pass by and look. My room is on the third floor and I just want to see the stars. FML

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23471

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By RitaDahhlinnnng - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

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50914

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By Anonymous

Today, I had one of my biggest dance shows ever. After months of practice I had finally gotten the lead position. When I entered the stage and raised my arms my straps fell down and I flashed an audience of 5000. FML

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4516

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By triple l - United States

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

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24703

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By TrolleyCollector - Australia - Seymour

Today, at work, the shopping carts have coin locks on them so people put them back or don't go stealing them. A lady couldn't find a coin, so I unlocked one with my key and said to her, "It doesn't look like you will run off and steal it" as a joke. She replied, "I can't run darling, I have an artificial leg." FML

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14098

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States - Bellingham

Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML

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7538

You deserved it

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By ruined_suit - United States

Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins are still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid runs out and shoots me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and he ruined my new suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57844

You deserved it

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By Anonymous

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

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5045

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By college estudiata

Today, I realized I need to get my life together after spilling ramen while taking a bath, again. FML

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23093

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By Mal - United States

Today, I finally mustered up the guts to ask this girl I like to dinner and a movie. She agreed on the terms that she could bring someone, and I'd said it wouldn't be a problem. When I met up with her a few hours later, I found out she'd brought her boyfriend. FML

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33428

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Top comments

By Komarii | 0

#30659 - Saturday 14 March 2009 2:38

Ok first things first, I'm an electrician and 120V really doesn't hurt that much, it's more of a tingle really, so suck it up princess. Second, you only get a shock from that if your fingers are actually in the socket, so if that's what you're bitching about then you sir, are a dumbass of the highest order and deserve that zap.

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#230 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:25

is your wife blonde?

COMMENTS

By Timmytwofinger | 0

#230 - Thursday 5 February 2009 3:25

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

GiddyXD | 0

#928278 - Tuesday 9 March 2010 10:33

lol probaly is.

4evanucks | 0

#1406243 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 3:30

hahahahahahaha...thought the exact same thing b4 I looked at the comments!! loooool :P

xGreyRosex | 13

#5599970 - Saturday 27 July 2013 3:22

Wow that is totally and utterly rude, you fuckshit.

Hunthas | 17

#5669692 - Thursday 12 September 2013 5:35

Appropriate response to someone making a status quo joke? I think so!

icekitten14 | 12

#6089691 - Tuesday 14 October 2014 22:52

Calm down 48. I am blonde and know other blondes who would not take offense to this comment. Calm your tits

iFurrhy | 11

#6639826 - Thursday 30 June 2016 7:24

"Fuckshit" LOL

By maiden_girl | 5

#2351 - Sunday 15 February 2009 15:00

LOL...

By Eir_fml | 1

#3323 - Wednesday 18 February 2009 12:25

why would you be touching the metal? Unless the other lightbulb shattered or something.

By ThorsSon | 0

#23321 - Monday 9 March 2009 19:43

I don't see the problem... I don't turn the switch off to change a light bulb... just don't look directly at the bulb when you screw it in... but even if you do... it isn't something that suddenly makes your life FML worthy.

Mauskau | 35

#539431 - Friday 4 September 2009 21:25

i keep it off and change it in the day. I have 7 different lights in my room :)

DanielleD93 | 16

#6051738 - Friday 29 August 2014 22:06

You could electrocute yourself if not careful, it's always safe to turn off the switch

SubaruWRXSTI | 16

#6636951 - Sunday 26 June 2016 20:16

I don't understand why he is getting down voted so much. The only way to get electrocuted is if you directly touch the metal, which I do not see why would be necessary when changing a light bulb.

By emorockerownage | 9

#26997 - Wednesday 11 March 2009 23:00

wow #8 and #3 are you guys stupid or just never changed a light bulb before when the light went on it shocked him

By Komarii | 0

#30659 - Saturday 14 March 2009 2:38

tobichprophet | 0

#439190 - Wednesday 29 July 2009 6:02

hooray!

madielyse | 0

#647833 - Saturday 31 October 2009 18:35

Haahah. You just made my day ten times better.

Dideriksen | 0

#1408963 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 16:13

woop awesome :D

sandormatyi | 25

#6507771 - Monday 11 January 2016 19:43

In most parts of Europe (France included), the line voltage is 220V - not that it made much of a difference, but it's a bit more than a tingle, especially if you're not used to the sensation and if instead of your finger shorting the circuit, the electricity goes from your fingertip to your feet.

jsrf | 8

#6574428 - Tuesday 5 April 2016 2:56

Was half expecting " first things first RIP uncle OP"

iFurrhy | 11

#6639825 - Thursday 30 June 2016 7:22

It probably wasn't the pain OP received from the lightbulb that made this a FML. It was the fact his wife actually turned on the damn lights

Boomi | 38

#6686866 - Saturday 10 September 2016 7:23

Brutal, but I can agree with this.

By wira176 | 2

#36584 - Tuesday 17 March 2009 4:31

Still. Safety first!

By AreYouSure_fml | 0

#49369 - Sunday 22 March 2009 5:29

#10, you just made my day.

By mellowyellowww | 0

#65153 - Saturday 28 March 2009 19:15

first #1: being blonde has nothing to do with it
that's pretty much just a stupid/rude comment proving your ignorance

and second,

wow. WOW. i'm surprised, and sort of not at the same time..

doesn't anyyyyyone THINK anymore?