Miscellaneous: Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I... - FML

By NotSoCool - Singapore

Today, I was pulling my trolley luggage at the airport when I passed 2 cute girls smiling at me. Thinking I looked real cool, I kept on walking without paying heed to anything else. Then my brother shouted asking me what was I doing, only to realise that the handle had come off a few metres back. FML

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Gentle

"Based on your purchase history…"

NRA fanboy

By ugh - Canada

Today, my dad found and read my diary. Most of the entries were about how my father didn't respect my privacy. Then he phoned my aunt and read her passages from it. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2020 05:00

Issues

Today, I woke up from a vivid dream in which I murdered my entire family. It took 20 minutes after waking up, drenched in sweat and tears, to realize I'm not a murderer and my life is OK. This dream is recurring. FML

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By Muralove - United States - Matawan

Today, my friends told me they will be unable to attend my birthday party on Friday because they'll be watching the Vampire Diaries finale. FML

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By S - Singapore

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He decided to make gun sound effects as he came. FML

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By lady_jeni - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

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By Ted, E. Vic - United States

Today, my roommate admitted he spent his half of the rent money on a tattoo. It's all good though, we're just gonna get evicted. FML

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By Badatlife - Australia - Kellyville

Today, a guy at work pulled me aside to tell me that I probably shouldn't be working a job where I have to interact with customers, because of my autism. I don't have autism. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to tell your mother you are gay, make sure she isn't holding a frying pan filled with hot grease. FML

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By Squishy - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, my psycho ex broke into my fiancée's apartment and cut up her expensive wedding dress. The nutjob is in jail now, but it doesn't seem like the wedding will be happening any time soon. FML

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By Nanny - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

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By rosabelle91 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I realised that my boyfriend calls me "bitch" more often than he calls me by my actual name. FML

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By dmvfail - United States

Today, I went to the DMV for my second attempt to get my license. I did everything perfectly, stayed at the speed limit, did my three-point turn flawlessly, and parked nicely. The lady failed me because I wasn't using the stick shift right. My car doesn't have a stick shift. FML

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By anonymaiacciu - France

Today, after sharing my first night in bed with my boyfriend, I woke up early, and decided to rouse him with some surprise oral. It didn't go so well; he woke up screaming and gasped, "OH MY GOD! I thought you were my cat!" before telling me to continue. FML

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By Urgghh - United Kingdom - London

Today, I got a mosquito bite on my chest. Due to a severe allergic reaction it has swollen my left breast a cup size. The first thing my boyfriend said was, "Hey look! I can finally see one of them." FML

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By down trodden - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home to find my housemate cowering in the lounge corner, sobbing, hugging a bag of chips while the automatic vacuum cleaner gently bumped into him. Apparently he "mistakenly" put magic mushrooms in his sandwich instead of peanut butter. FML

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By AsianSensation - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

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By beaverless - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in sexual activity anymore because it is getting too boring. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML

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By Questions - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I'd help clean out his ex-girlfriend's closet. I found their wedding photos. FML

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By bm - United States

Today, my mom and I were looking at pictures from the beach. She goes, "That is a REALLY ugly picture of Michelle" (my cousin). The picture was of me. FML

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By Tonya - United States

Today, I left the house for a while and when I came back my husband was wearing my lacy lingerie. He looks better in it than I do. FML

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By Schrewt - France

Today, my friends and I went camping. In the middle of the night, they carried me deep into the forest and left me there. I stepped on a beehive as I walked back to the tent. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I overheard my mother-in-law and sister-in-law over the baby monitor. They were talking about how much better off my daughter would be if I were to die. FML

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By that's methed up, darling - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend dragged me to the local McDonald's, refusing to drive me home until he ate. When I mentioned how dangerous that part of town is, he stopped and went all Walter White on me in front of everyone, spouting lines like "I AM the danger" and "I'M the one who knocks, babe." FML

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By arrrrggggghhhh - United States

Today, I realized that my roommate has been using my loofah to clean our toilet. I've been cleaning myself with the shit of four college boys for the last six months. FML

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By Sara - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend and I went to visit his grandparents. Everything went well, until his grandmother approached me and asked me if I wanted to try some of her old bras. I didn't want to be rude, so I went with her. Most awkward moment of my life. FML

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By SSS - United Kingdom - London

Today, my brother put a sign on my car saying, "No baby on board, feel free to drive into me." Somebody did. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Salinas

Today, I tried to put together some flat-pack furniture. I wound up in my underpants, screaming stuff like, "Fuck you, fucking Ikea bastard" at pieces of confusing plywood. FML

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By fuckmyliiiiiiife - United States

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

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By fmcsl

Today, a customer bought a luggage tag and asked what it was for. I explained and she asked if she had to hang it around her neck. I explained again and she said she didn’t have her luggage with her so did she have to hang it around her neck? FML

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By taperjeangirl - United States

Today, I was telling my mom that I was really nervous about going to the gynecologist for the first time. Her response, "Oh don't worry, it's not like it's the first time you've spread your legs!" FML

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By SelfServiced - United States - San Francisco

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

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By shellski - United States

Today, a kid from school came to my house. He asked my dad if I was at home, because we were "planning a bit of the old, you know..." and made an obscene gesture. Now I'm grounded for a month, and no matter what I say, my dad won't believe that I've never even spoken to the kid before. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my brother got his very first paycheck and blew it all on weed and a godawful tattoo, whereas I have been saving steadily for three years. Yet according to mum and dad, I'm the one who is irresponsible with money, because if I was being responsible I'd have enough for my own house by now. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

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By Stupidhuman - United States - Sparta

Today, I noticed my cat was about to vomit on the rug and yelled at her to move. She spooked and managed to throw up while running. I still had to clean up the rug. FML

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By sabz21 - United States - Naugatuck

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

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By [...] - France - Vaulx-en-velin

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

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By jennyygrace - United States

Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML

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Top comments

By sparda4355 | 0

#201416 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:15

"Today I was pulling my trolley luggage... ...Thinking i looked real cool"

There my friend was your first problem...

By WickedAwsum | 0

#201390 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:10

Oh my god, that's funny.
This could be used for like.. a briefcase commercial.

COMMENTS

By sektor | 0

#201365 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:06

what are you? lou ferrigno? how do you not feel that

Reply

copycat148 | 0

#1023420 - Tuesday 8 June 2010 3:33

ciz hes from singapore

Reply

lovemysnubber | 0

#1049884 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 7:22

wouldn't the weight shift be obvious?

By spacebarry | 0

#201387 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:10

smooth moves cassanova

Reply

EmmaDoll10 | 7

#3485554 - Tuesday 25 October 2011 4:07

Lololol, that's a good one! :D

By WickedAwsum | 0

#201390 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:10

Oh my god, that's funny.
This could be used for like.. a briefcase commercial.

Reply

eminemXshady | 0

#1900161 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 11:44

hell yes

By teufelschloss | 0

#201396 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:11

that is kind of funny :)
i hope they were -really- cute.

By sparda4355 | 0

#201416 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:15

"Today I was pulling my trolley luggage... ...Thinking i looked real cool"

There my friend was your first problem...

Reply

nolasaints | 0

#966097 - Monday 22 March 2010 3:04

^ true

Reply

GMS1 | 7

#1380923 - Friday 10 September 2010 8:27

lmfao #6 FTW

Reply

meow97 | 0

#1439911 - Wednesday 22 September 2010 6:47

So true.

Reply

Mylifeskool | 0

#1535972 - Tuesday 12 October 2010 4:39

hahahaha

By idontgiveone | 0

#201421 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:16

What was inside your luggage? Hair gels?

By deaditegirl | 0

#201429 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:17

How stupid are you to not notice that? And in what world does pulling luggage at an airport make you look "real cool"?

By xHaniffax | 0

#201462 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:24

I can you not notice that you're no longer carrying a weight?

By EpicBoobs | 0

#201508 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:40

I lol'd

Reply

GMS1 | 7

#1382827 - Friday 10 September 2010 14:30

epicboobs I love ur name lol

By makeitglow | 0

#201549 - Friday 15 May 2009 16:57

lolllllllllllllllllllll number 6
picturing this fml is still funny...