Work: Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside... - FML

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was installing wireless surveillance cameras outside my workplace. Before mounting them, I pointed them around the building to make sure there was a good signal and picture. I got inside to the monitor just in time to see a kid steal one of the cameras. FML

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Sorry…

Messed up

KoBabe

By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 05:01

Helping hand

Today, my granny has been constipated for the past two days. She is too weak to get out of bed, so I ended up trying to dig the poop out of her butthole with a spoon. Yay me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Du Bois

Today, my girlfriend and I were talking about the difference between the U.S. and Canada when she asked me if they have their own government. She wasn't sure if they were governed by the U.S. or if they didn't have a government at all. She's a 33-year-old college graduate. FML

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By ImNotFat - New Zealand

Today, a photo of my friends and me was posted in our college group. I didn't notice my legs looked enormous until my friend pointed it out. Her comment got 50 likes. FML

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By hurt - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

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By upset mom

Today, during a meeting, the president of the honor society apologized for being out for a couple of days due to the flu, and wanted to get everything back on track. I mumbled that she hadn't shown good leadership by being out. I guess she heard me, because she said, “Neither does being a teen mom.” FML

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By Should have stayed in the closet

Today, I was leaving college when my yearlong roommate said that he "needed me inside him" before I left. Having just accepted that I’m gay, we had sex. Only later did I learn about the floor-wide bet about me being gay. I still don’t know if my roommate fucked me for fun or for 5 cases of beer. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

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By Julie - Canada

Today, the C-train was packed and I was stuck with a homeless man pressed up against me. He was staring at me intently, and two minutes into the ride he got an erection, which was rubbed against me at every single bump and turn of the train. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

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By becca - United States

Today, I spent five minutes waiting by a stop sign. The two cars in front of me were taking a long time to move, so I began beeping and getting angry. Turns out, these cars were parked and I was holding up a line of traffic. FML

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By Lizz - United States

Today, I got up the courage to go to my very first voice lesson. I thought I did alright, but at the end my teacher told me, "Now don't worry about grades in this class, I grade on effort, not on talent." FML

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By fire starter - United States - San Francisco

Today, I tried to vacuum to surprise my mom with a clean house. The vacuum started shorting out, sparked, and then burst into flames mid living room. FML

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By tycrist8 - United States - Lawrence

Today, my family and I were driving and we passed a strip club called DB's Golden Banana. My 5-year-old sister asked what it was, so my dad said it was a place where people dance. Now my sister keeps telling people she wants to be a dancer at DB's Golden Banana. FML

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By IMadeAHandicappedPersonCry - United States - Stillwater

Today, I was walking to my dorm room while it was snowing heavily. I saw a girl in a wheelchair trying to get up a slippery incline. Being a good person, I asked to help. I'm a pretty weak guy, and I couldn't push her up. She wheeled away crying because she thought she was fat. FML

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By Ariel_Mariaa - Canada

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

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By OhNo. - United States

Today, I had a job interview, but I arrived kind of late. I was in so much of a hurry that I hit a woman walking by in the face with the door. I offered to drive her to the hospital. Turns out that she was going to be interviewing me. She didn't offer to reschedule. FML

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By PCJJacket - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML

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By Jen_ - France

Today, I had a swollen knee, and was slowly limping to the toilet. All of a sudden, my mom ran past me, beating me to it. As she closed the door, she said, "AT LEAST I CAN RUN!" FML

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By mandygeegoesnom - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

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By poluxe - France

Today, I tried to hint to my husband that we needed a new washing machine. I mentioned that we got our current one way back on our wedding day. He replied, "Yeah, and I got you too." FML

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By Dafawk

Today, I took my two-year-old out to dinner. During dinner, our son went to the bathroom three times. As we were getting ready to leave he kept saying he had to go potty. He had gone multiple times, so I thought he would be fine. As he stood up, a giant turd fell on the floor in front of everyone. FML

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By Tokany - Romania

Today, when I came home from work, my computer was drenched with water. My sister claimed there was smoke coming out of it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Waterdown

Today, I forgot to pay for my train ride for the first time. Today was also the first time I've ever seen transit security checking for people's tickets and kicking offenders off. FML

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By Charles - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dayton

Today, I found my daughter sobbing and trying to stick a wad of gauze to her vagina. She was having her first period. FML

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By Abr829 - United States

Today, I had just finished writing an essay for English. I was proud of it and thought it was one of my best works. I decided to show it to my mom, who is an English major. She read it, turned to me and said, "You know, if you actually want to go to UCLA, you're going to need to actually try." FML

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By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/5/2020 14:00

Noise annoys

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

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By Anonymous - Ukraine - Donetsk

Today, my car went missing. My sister constantly asks to borrow it, so I called her and asked if she had it. She swore blind that she didn't, so I called the cops and reported it stolen. They soon caught her driving the stolen vehicle. She blames me and is now telling everyone I set her up to be arrested. FML

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By Lisa - United States - Lees Summit

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

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By Pop_Pies - Australia

Today, I had been working at the checkout for over 5 hours. Slighty tired while serving a customer, my eye accidentally twitched and I gave him a wink, he smiled and winked back. When I finished work 2 hours later he was outside, waiting for me, and followed me to my car, still smiling. FML

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By roobb - Canada

Today, I saw my girlfriend with an older guy who I thought was her dad, I went over to introduce myself. And then turned around and walked away very fast as I saw them make out. My girlfriend is cheating on me with someone as old as my dad. FML

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By ApparentWeirdo

Today, my boyfriend called me weird because I keep gloves in the glove box in my car. He's never seen that before. FML

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By Bestbirthday - United States - Bastrop

Today, my parents were supposed to take me out to eat for my birthday, but since their favorite child wasn't with us, I instead got a mini order of tots from Sonic as my birthday meal/present. FML

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By The Lone Ranger - United States

Today, I was given a $25 gift certificate for being Employee Of The Week. The gift certificate was 6 months past its expiration date. FML

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By "GumStickExtraGmail" - United States - Arvada

Today, I found my daughter playing on my phone. When I got it back, I saw multiple texts to my boss saying that I quit. FML

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By Anonymous - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I introduced my kind and amazing Iranian boyfriend to my mother. When he went to use the rest room, she warned me to "knock it off with this Bin Laden fetish" or she'll have me put on psychiatric hold. FML

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By WonderWall09 - United States

Today, I had a terrible dream where my boyfriend cheated on me with his ex. I woke up almost crying and called him just to tell him how much he means to me. Turns out my dream gave him that little extra push he needed to confess he's been cheating on me. With his ex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend informed me that since he's doing a project with a girl in his class and carpooling with her in the morning, she'll be sleeping over at his house. FML

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By bridezilla - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I was trying on wedding dresses with my future sister-in-law who is a little bigger than me. We tried on a similar dress and she said it looked better on me because I'm skinny. Instead of saying, 'No way' or 'It looks great on you', I accidentally said 'Yeah, I know'. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

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Top comments

By emmanizzer | 6

#3366634 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:22

Well now you have video evidence!

By iPikaSaurus | 3

#3366627 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:21

Well at least they work!

COMMENTS

By iPikaSaurus | 3

#3366627 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:21

Well at least they work!

Reply

Keyman1212 | 14

#3366707 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:30

Some kids are just little fuck ups.

Reply

NeatNit | 32

#3366727 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:38

Remove the "some" from your sentence and you'd be correct ;)

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3366789 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:48

1 not the greatest way to find out they work. :P

Reply

crazy_whitechick | 6

#3366933 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:26

Not all kids are fuck ups.

Reply

aftertheriot | 0

#3367168 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:20

but 10 is obviously a fuck up

Reply

heyitsdiamond | 5

#3367171 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:21

15 some kids are actually well behaved

Reply

aftertheriot | 0

#3367247 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:39

dammit I meant 15!!!

Reply

BagleHead | 6

#3367323 - Friday 30 September 2011 4:11

I recommend installing remotely activated C-4 to the cameras. Someone's gotta teach these kids a lesson

Reply

THE_A_TEEN | 27

#3367549 - Friday 30 September 2011 5:03

Cleverly disguise blocks of semtex (more powerful than C-4) as bricks, and the rest is history...

Explosive history.

Reply

tjv3 | 10

#3371221 - Saturday 1 October 2011 0:46

that my friend is irony

Reply

yourkindacool18 | 5

#3371997 - Saturday 1 October 2011 6:23

better than catching them stealing your laptop :]

By rayrae24 | 5

#3366628 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:21

That sucks.

By emmanizzer | 6

#3366634 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:22

Well now you have video evidence!

Reply

REX50ROC | 0

#3366887 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:17

so ur going to let a kid jack your shit?!

Reply

MEXIKANO | 0

#3367154 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:16

I would let anybody take my stinky SHIT

Reply

4bidden | 0

#3368623 - Friday 30 September 2011 8:39

I wouldn't:). Did you know that president bush had people that had to specially take care of his shit so it didn't get in the wrong hands?

Reply

jefffluffingham | 5

#3368650 - Friday 30 September 2011 8:50

the camera mightn't have been recording.
but at least you can ID them...

Reply

RockNRollAndrew | 18

#5725401 - Tuesday 22 October 2013 3:40

Since when do kids have IDs ?

By BIEBERSLAYER | 10

#3366647 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:23

That's why they needed the cameras in the first place.

Reply

heyitsdiamond | 5

#3367083 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:59

I don't know how this is an fml

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3367750 - Friday 30 September 2011 6:02

Or just pit mines in the parking lot.

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3367854 - Friday 30 September 2011 6:38

*face-palm*
Put*

Reply

Doddoss | 1

#3368593 - Friday 30 September 2011 8:21

Pit mines sounds good too

Reply

Doddoss | 1

#3368602 - Friday 30 September 2011 8:24

Maybe with some stakes as well

By SunnyUserName123 | 5

#3366654 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:24

Kids suck, nothing new.

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3366770 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:47

That very stereotypical of you, not all kids suck, and also suck what? Bananas? Oreos? Apples?

Reply

fishing12345 | 2

#3366783 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:48

Thts mean 5

Reply

EPICROCKERNINJA | 8

#3367047 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:52

Weren't you a kid once 5?.....

Reply

slushpup9696 | 12

#3367112 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:05

Actually 39, 5 was always a boring old man. That's how he was born.

Reply

seprioth0126 | 0

#3367178 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:22

Benjamin Button?

Reply

brendonuriepatd | 8

#3367205 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:28

When I was in a stroller I would steal things I was born a bad ass HELL YEAH!

Reply

neveragain234 | 1

#3367285 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:58

cool story bro..

Reply

farhil | 14

#3367445 - Friday 30 September 2011 4:40

48, you kinda look like chucky...

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3367451 - Friday 30 September 2011 4:41

52 ..tell that at a party sometime.

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3367577 - Friday 30 September 2011 5:14

Overused comeback bro.

Reply

HeavyScout | 0

#3368590 - Friday 30 September 2011 8:21

48- Oh yeah! Stealing things is so BAD ASS! Don't you just love spending time in jail? I bet your ass will feel reeeal bad after that.

Reply

13FTW | 9

#3370105 - Friday 30 September 2011 18:27

Hey 57, cool story bro.

By Im2Handsom | 1

#3366659 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:24

We learn by mistakes...

By Saltime | 0

#3366679 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:26

That's why you never buy wireless! With a wire, he would have been like a dog on a leash.

By spicerack1528 | 3

#3366698 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:29

That's why you electrify things. They're like bug Zappers for shit kids

By adrBB | 1

#3366703 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:30

Mount it on the same spot... wired to a boobytrap,

Reply

awesomemarcus | 0

#3366760 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:45

That made my day

Reply

Saltime | 0

#3366765 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:46

But... It's supposed to be WIRELESS!

Reply

adrBB | 1

#3366837 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:01

That's the surprise effect!

Reply

StoryOfTheYear | 13

#3367592 - Friday 30 September 2011 5:19

Hacker Pro :3

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3366709 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:31

So the joke is on him.....right? You can see see exactly where he's going. What an idiot.

Reply

EvilPotato | 14

#3366823 - Friday 30 September 2011 1:58

11 right.

Reply

bizarre_ftw | 21

#3367025 - Friday 30 September 2011 2:48

The connection was probably cut..... Then again, it could've been wireless :/ but after a while the signal will likely fade.

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#3367114 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:05

Time to read the FML again, bizarre.

Reply

slushpup9696 | 12

#3367124 - Friday 30 September 2011 3:07

37 reading comprehension fail. OP already said wireless.

Anyway, maybe the kid put a bag over the camera or something.