Miscellaneous: Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on... - FML

By Dang - United States - Freeport

Today, I was in class with a water bottle on my desk. I was on my phone not paying attention, when some girl knocked it over by accident. I went to grab it, even though it was in the corner of my eye. I caught the bottle of water but I also happened to grab her ass at the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6331

You deserved it

1154

Tweet

Share

Triage

Our house, in the middle of our street

Tasty!

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after me and my boyfriend had pretty much amazing sex, he took off the condom and started swinging it back and forth, all while making the sounds of a clock and saying, "You are getting sleepy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32349

You deserved it

6716

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, marks the two weeks since my paycheck should have arrived. During these two weeks, my battery has failed, tire has blown, and my phone and water bill have become past due. When I called the guy who's supposed to pay me, he said he has a note about it "somewhere on my desk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29732

You deserved it

2294

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, feeling like I needed to relax, I ordered room service at my hotel. When I was finished I went to put the tray outside not thinking about needing a key to get back in. I locked myself out of my room wearing happy face underwear in a $250 a night hotel. I had to go to the lobby to get a new key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10275

You deserved it

26879

Tweet

Share

By Iris - Canada - Saint-laurent

Today I bought a 50$ voucher card to refill my phone. After I purchased it, I threw the receipt in the dustbin. When I got home, I found out that the 14-digit pin code was on the receipt. I basically threw 57 bucks in the dustbin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7354

You deserved it

11583

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I left my empty shower running so I could pretend I didn't still live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17655

You deserved it

29871

Tweet

Share

By Cnscott0205 - United States - Denver

Big one

Today, I accidentally touched someone's boobs. It was a man. And I noticed that they were bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1715

You deserved it

239

Tweet

Share

By HELP - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33355

You deserved it

4223

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had to pull cheese out of my PS3's disc tray because my younger brother assumed all PS3's could grill stuff because "Youtube told him." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35002

You deserved it

3233

Tweet

Share

By K.H - Sweden

Today, I was reading in my bed, and my cat was lying on my chest. I noticed something white on my cat's leg. I'm far-sighted and wasn't wearing my glasses, so I didn't see what it was. I touched it and put on my glasses. Turns out it was a worm hanging out of my cat's anus. It started wiggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44051

You deserved it

5984

Tweet

Share

By novacabudsforme - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, my mother told me that I could take a friend on vacation with us. Then she added that because I have no friends, my brother can bring his girlfriend instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14132

You deserved it

985

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to convince my girlfriend that, no matter how much she makes herself burp, she won't lose any weight. She still doesn't understand why. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32280

You deserved it

3944

Tweet

Share

By BURGERT0WN USA - United States - Redmond

Today, I texted the girl I'm going to homecoming with in a couple days to say hi. The conversation started OK, but then morphed into her saying that she doesn't feel anything between us, and wants to stop being friends after the dance. I have to buy her dinner and a ticket, out of my own wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21250

You deserved it

2614

Tweet

Share

By sore - France

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24612

You deserved it

3848

Tweet

Share

By ants9omarching - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35484

You deserved it

5925

Tweet

Share

By Rizmo - United States - Cedar City

Today, I found out that the loud noise outside my bedroom a few weeks ago was neighborhood kids throwing eggs at my window, landing on the AC. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10415

You deserved it

716

Tweet

Share

By Shirley - United States

Today, while out for our romantic Valentine's dinner, my boyfriend of 2 and a half years told me that he believes in females being subservient, that I'm not allowed to have opinions anymore, that he is "the alpha dog" and I'm merely the "beta dog", and that I have to "get used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

37785

You deserved it

7544

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/7/2020 14:01

Love knows no boundaries

Today, I found out my son's girlfriend is actually a webcam porn star he pays for private sessions. He’s somehow convinced himself they have a real relationship, and is spending thousands of pounds every week, on his credit card I may add. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2088

You deserved it

226

Tweet

Share

By Seamstressed - Italy

It's called fashion, OK? Look it up.

Today, I was sewing a top. Due to a mistake, I had to unstitch the zipper and resew it. When I was almost done, I noticed that the zipper was upside down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6165

You deserved it

1229

Tweet

Share

By Foxy17 - 5/8/2020 05:01

Noisy lover

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1580

You deserved it

129

Tweet

Share

By Oh hells no - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44459

You deserved it

12074

Tweet

Share

By AbsentMindedBoy - Canada

Today, I visited my ex-girlfriend's house. I saw her mother and asked "Hi! Have you recovered from that nasty cold that you had for so long?" She said "I don't have a cold," to which I smiled and said "That's great to hear!" Turns out she had lung-cancer instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45508

You deserved it

15725

Tweet

Share

By unhappy - United States - San Anselmo

Today, I had my first driving lesson. I learned how to be stopped by a cop, who told me what a horrible driver I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23931

You deserved it

3936

Tweet

Share

By overachiever - United States

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

I agree, your life sucks

79865

You deserved it

8423

Tweet

Share

By naughtytwinsisters - Philippines

Today, our boss asked us out to lunch and told us to choose wherever we wanted to eat. Thinking that she’d be paying for it, we chose a pricey seafood restaurant. When we'd eaten, she told us that we could pay her back later. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18610

You deserved it

33299

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Sweden

Whoops

Today, I was late for work and got chewed out by my boss. To console myself I decided to drink a cup of coffee and a cup of tea. My work provides this for free. When I did, my boss told me that in fact it wasn't, nor has it ever been, free; all this time I've been stealing other people's coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11831

You deserved it

32496

Tweet

Share

By friendlessatwork - United States - Storrs Mansfield

Today, I got a coworker at my new job in trouble, because he kept harassing me and asking me out, even after I clearly told him I wasn't interested. Turns out he's very popular around here, and everyone now hates me for being a trouble-maker and not "taking a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks

27629

You deserved it

3686

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36236

You deserved it

4630

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I flew into Denver. Never being here before, I was excited to see the view from our window. In the middle seat, I leaned over to look - at the same time yawning to relieve pressure in my ears. The yawning caused me to drool on the stranger sitting next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9590

You deserved it

29320

Tweet

Share

By AlwaysRejected - United States - Fremont

Today, I found out that my so-called "friends" on my Skype group chat have another group chat that contains everyone but me. Apparently, they made it so I would not "disturb" their conversations. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20743

You deserved it

2589

Tweet

Share

By adults acting like children - United States - Danvers

Today, it's been almost two weeks since any of my relatives have talked to me. They are still mad because I didn't go on a Labor Day trip with them and I've found out why. Apparently, they had plans for me to babysit my younger cousins any time they wanted to do something fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13815

You deserved it

767

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Traverse City

Today, my wife yelled at me for being a bastard and not caring about her needs. I felt like an asshole and apologized for everything. It took me a few hours to realize I'd basically just apologized for unknowingly hanging the toilet paper the "wrong way" for her OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38717

You deserved it

5894

Tweet

Share

By John - United States

Today, while walking home I was jumped by two guys, one of whom shouted, "You shouldn't have run your mouth off, Rick!" My name is John. Only after they repeatedly axe-kicked me in the chest did they realize their mistake. It now hurts to breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44937

You deserved it

3232

Tweet

Share

By Neveragain - United States - Tampa

Today, while at work, a creepy guy blatantly stared at my chest for a good 40 seconds. Finally snapping out of his trance, he said with a wink, "You forgot your name tag." He was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43012

You deserved it

5377

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at the pool, I tried to impress the hot lifeguard by doing the perfect dive. Afterward, I realized my shorts were floating through the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25623

You deserved it

12460

Tweet

Share

By yulis - United States - Hagerstown

Today, I got pulled over on the highway for going over the speed limit. The cop seemed nice, and I was sure he'd let me off with a warning, until my husband piped up with, "Didn't think you folks came out this far. What, the donut store got shut down or some shit?" I got the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51352

You deserved it

7257

Tweet

Share

By ctschantz - France

Today, I was getting ready to load my groceries in my car when my remote wouldn't work and neither would my key to unlock it. A cute young guy came over, not to help but to ask me what the hell I was doing to his car. My car, that looked exactly like his, was on the other side of the lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22715

You deserved it

13468

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Owen Sound

Today, I caught my dad sneaking a drink of whiskey outside, shortly before my wedding. I asked if he was seriously getting drunk at a time like this. He looked at me and scoffed, "It's the only way I'm gonna get through this stupid shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35533

You deserved it

4862

Tweet

Share

By sweet_02 - United States

Today, I was talking this guy I'm dating and stated that the only reason I am with him is because of what he buys me. I was joking. He then responded that he doesn't care because the only reason he is with me is because I give good head. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23419

You deserved it

65585

Tweet

Share

By lamb-chop - France

Today, my philosophy teacher asked me about my parents. I replied that my mum was a cleaner and my dad was a bus driver. In an astonished voice, she said, "But, you're clever..." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36771

You deserved it

2405

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, in marching band, the guy in front of me backed up too far. As we turned, the back of his trombone hit mine, smashing it into my lip. I had to finish the song, sending blood down my horn. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32601

You deserved it

4141

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By ImminentDisaster | 12

#7397915 - Friday 27 January 2017 14:55

I accidentally grabbed someone's dick once - I froze, just staring at it for about ten seconds. Now THAT'S awkward.

By fmyinternet | 13

#7400847 - Monday 30 January 2017 0:02

Two birds with one stone :D

COMMENTS

By ImminentDisaster | 12

#7397915 - Friday 27 January 2017 14:55

I accidentally grabbed someone's dick once - I froze, just staring at it for about ten seconds. Now THAT'S awkward.

Reply

warner69 | 8

#7400947 - Monday 30 January 2017 3:38

what happened after

By fmyinternet | 13

#7400847 - Monday 30 January 2017 0:02

Two birds with one stone :D

By jcash52426 | 5

#7400854 - Monday 30 January 2017 0:12

Apologize to her and explain you were just grabbing for the water bottle. If she sees the water in your hand maybe she will understand. But make sure you apologize as it was an accident. ( or was it )

By philsh94 | 20

#7400877 - Monday 30 January 2017 0:39

'happened to'... we all know what you were trying to do OP ;)

By Scarylizard1798 | 23

#7400880 - Monday 30 January 2017 0:45

Bob Ross would call that a happy little accident lol

Reply

xx000o | 27

#7401199 - Monday 30 January 2017 12:36

Moe Wilson would call that exceptional talent.

By waleedma | 17

#7400901 - Monday 30 January 2017 1:15

What are you complaining about?? I would expect the FML from the girl you grabbed her ass!!!

Reply

flyingflies | 36

#7400999 - Monday 30 January 2017 5:04

Maybe because OP didn't want to seem like a creepy douchebag that gropes random girls? If the girl
would've written this FML, everyone would be outraged on her behalf...

By clickme | 17

#7400910 - Monday 30 January 2017 1:43

Congratulations?

By vicfirthfan | 11

#7400920 - Monday 30 January 2017 2:02

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By stinkfire0971 | 20

#7400924 - Monday 30 January 2017 2:11

you've been stuck by... dun dun dun dun... a smooth criminal

By Catdragon | 40

#7400951 - Monday 30 January 2017 3:45

What is this an anime?