Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love...

By bodyelectric - 13/4/2009 12:07 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. He knows that I love when he breaths on my neck. When I was about to finish he put his lips a millimeter away from my neck/ear and breathed, "I love how you smell like my grandmother's house." FML

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Intimacy

Out of it

Gas giant

Workaholic

By Poopy - 12/1/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding him. When we were done, he got up and I noticed a long brown line on the edge of the bed. I knelt down to smell it. It was NOT chocolate. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2009 08:46 - Malaysia

Today, I came to a realization that the closest people to me in my life, the ones who are warm and welcoming, who're happy to see me, who honestly wanna know how I've been and how I feel, whose smiles make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, are the baristas at Starbucks, not my actual 'friends'. FML

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By spaghett - 29/8/2016 20:32 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after jumping into a public swimming pool, the female lifeguard, who I have had a crush on for years whistled at me. When I got out of the water, she handed me the bathing suit I'd apparently lost. FML

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By I Have Failed - 2/4/2014 20:10 - Spain - Madrid

Today, my 14-year-old son's pathetic rebellion came to a head. He ran away from home, leaving a note saying he hates me and was leaving forever to be part of a gang his friends had formed. He came back an hour later crying. His whole gang had gotten mugged, which he somehow blamed me for. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/7/2015 06:25 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I got hit in the face by a ping-pong ball. It hit me so hard, it burst a big zit on impact. FML

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By LaurahLunatic - 5/9/2009 06:31 - United States

Today, I realized that my cat has been laid more times than me. FML

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By justhelpful - 2/7/2012 17:44 - Austria - Mils

Today, my dad got drunk and played a practical joke on me; a practical joke that resulted in my knee being broken. Now, I'm sitting in a hospital bed all alone while my dad hunts for "hot nurses". FML

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By AirOne - 12/11/2008 14:39 - United States

Today, right after sex, my girlfriend apologized to the neighbor for the screaming. He thanked her for the entertainment. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/11/2010 14:03 - United States

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

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By DoctorBreadLegs - 17/7/2019 20:03

Today, I noticed that the roommate application site for college bugged when I first signed up, and my screen name and real name were swapped as a result. Since the site only displays the names of potential roommates and not our own, I've been unknowingly messaging potential roommates as Parakeet19 for about 2 months. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/10/2011 18:19 - United States

Today, my fiancé has been jumping out of closets and from around corners with a video camera, trying to catch me naked. He says he wants to post a video online so his old high school friends can "rate" me. I'm now afraid to get intimate, shower, or even change my clothes in my own home. FML

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By kkbb - 14/3/2010 06:05 - United States

Today, I figured out it's the first time my roommate has done the dishes after living together an entire year, but I got to clean up the bubble waterfall that came pouring out of the dishwasher because she couldn't figure out where the detergent was supposed to go. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/1/2013 00:53 - United States - Wahiawa

Today, I went on a run with my crush. She expressed how happy she was to have a decent running partner, because the last one kept complaining he thought he might throw up. We got to the top of the hill and I puked right in front of her. FML

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By athlete47 - 3/8/2019 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I was "changing too much." My big change was a haircut. FML

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By FATS DOMINO - 20/10/2011 15:39 - United States

Today, my sister finally broke down and told me that our dad gambled away of all my college savings, and I would have to pay for school the best way I can. They have known for months, and when I asked why nobody told me, the reply was, "You're a college boy, we thought you would figure it out." FML

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By Bleached_Eyes - 2/4/2018 00:00 - United States - Pikesville

Close-Knit Family

Today, I finally met my girlfriend's family. When it was time for dinner, I was sent upstairs to get her brother. When I walked in, he was laid out on his bed getting a rimjob from his cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/11/2011 16:18 - United States

Today, on a dating site, I was matched with my brother, again. FML

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By replik - 25/1/2012 15:50 - Russian Federation

Today, I got stuck for a while in a hallway between two security doors due to a malfunction. I'm not claustrophobic, but I sure am sensitive to horrifying smells coming from a nearby bathroom stall. FML

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By bbt - 18/8/2018 22:00

Today, out of the 35 people invited, only one person showed up to my bridal shower. It was my grandma. FML

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By ugly - 7/4/2009 23:34 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a school. There's this really bratty boy there and he was being rude, so I joked, "How are you ever gonna get a girlfriend when you're so mean?" He responds, "I think the better question is how are you ever gonna get a boyfriend when you're so ugly." He's 7. FML

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By hannahlorraine - 25/11/2011 03:12 - United States

Today, while I was in the shower, my very drunken mother came home. She then barged into the shower with me, still completely clothed, and gave me the longest, most awkward hug of a lifetime. After she left me still in shock, she came back and did it again. FML

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By mooned - 3/2/2018 01:30

Today, I went to a yoga class for the first time in a few years. When I went to change afterwards, I realized I'd split my pants at some point during the class. I think I understand why the girls behind me were laughing so hard now. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 22:26

Today, I text messaged my mom from Afghanistan to let her know everything was okay. She responded, telling me not to message her so much because "the price of text messages really adds up." FML

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By - 19/1/2020 18:00

Romantic gesture

Today, I learned that a spontaneous romantic gesture of arriving home early with flowers and wine is not welcome when your wife is busy having sex with your brother. FML

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By wtfdad - 16/11/2014 05:29 - United States - Little Silver

Today, my husband and I told my parents I was pregnant with my first child. The only thing my father did was look at my husband and tell him his pull out game was weak. FML

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By wtffireworks! - 26/5/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, at work, there was a police officer waiting for me. Bewildered, I asked what the problem was. Someone had shot fireworks at cars in the parking lot and I was a suspect. Why? Ponytails on men apparently look suspicious. FML

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By malcolmXXX - 14/10/2015 02:01 - United States - Savannah

Today, a girl I've liked for the longest time kept asking me to reveal my "deepest secret" in exchange for hers. Thinking this was flirting, I told her my secret was that I liked her. Her secret was that she was a "lesbian and just had to tell somebody." FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2017 20:00

Today, while eating s'mores with my boyfriend's family, I misplaced my false tooth. With a team of flashlights and hurt pride, my expensive tooth was found. In dog shit. FML

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By Laurendorcus - 14/3/2010 23:13 - France

Today, I called out "personal" from work because I had to study for a major test that is taking place tomorrow. An hour later my manager called to fire me for "not taking work seriously", then I got an email that the test is being postponed. FML

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By bummed - 14/4/2014 01:57

Today, my family and I went on a hike to a local abandoned gold mine, with the hopes of being able to explore the caves. What we didn't expect was four miles of treacherous, rocky, near vertical trails that led to the mine. Once we finally got there, exhausted, it was blocked off for safety reasons. FML

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By XxEmoWolfiexX - 24/5/2012 21:18 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, my cat woke me up, but not by kneading on me though. Instead, she woke me up by pouncing on the laser pointer my dad was shining on my face. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/1/2016 17:38 - Canada - Newmarket

Today, I now accept how stupid I was to marry a man whose plans for the future all start with "When I win the lottery..." FML

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By notthatkinkyanyway - 13/11/2011 12:46 - China

Today, I'm on holiday with my boyfriend. Going through Chinese customs, an officer pulled us aside, removed a suspicious metal object from my boyfriend's luggage and called six other officers to have a look. It was a kinky pair of handcuffs. FML

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By faith - 16/6/2020 23:00

Goodbye Bill

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

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By Phill1188 - 16/9/2018 03:30

Today, I got locked in an old woman's garage for an hour when she forgot I was looking at the car for sale. When I got home, I told my mom and jokingly said, "First time I have been kidnapped!" Without hesitation she said, "Well, that makes it the 3rd time." I had no idea. FML

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By oldsoulyoungbody - 30/1/2012 15:07 - United States

Today, I realized that my husband and I are at that point in our marriage where "sleeping together" means scooting closer to each other in the bed. FML

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By MrFerret - 6/5/2011 03:41

Today, it's my birthday, and my present is that my mom is coming over to see me so that she can borrow three hundred dollars. FML

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By Mars - 29/4/2009 09:40 - United States

Today, I got a haircut. Right after the lady finished washing my hair she grabbed a towel to wipe her nose. She then used the same towel to thoroughly dry my hair. FML

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By Joe - 8/7/2011 18:48 - United States

Today, I realized that I look sexier in my fiancée's panties than she does. FML

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By sadchick - 9/9/2009 22:53 - United States

Today, my mom found a new favorite game. I recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year and still have not been able to find a job (months after graduating college). Due to this stress I cry easily, her game? Seeing how many times a day she can make me boo-hoo. FML

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Top comments

By vee_baby | 0

#108130 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:35

that has gotta be the biggest mood killer that i have ever heard! you know you have to go to his grandmother's house now and see what it smells like.. like, i would personally be curious.

By lilian96 | 0

#108122 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:33

LOL

COMMENTS

By lilian96 | 0

#108122 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:33

LOL

murlocholmes | 5

#3220617 - Friday 2 September 2011 5:15

I'd like to make love to someone who smelled like gingerbread too... Oooh, yea.

By ragas | 0

#108123 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:33

first

By Ender_ | 0

#108129 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:35

Maybe you shouldn't smell like a grandma then.

That is hilarious though. Perfect timing for such a comment.

By vee_baby | 0

#108130 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:35

that has gotta be the biggest mood killer that i have ever heard! you know you have to go to his grandmother's house now and see what it smells like.. like, i would personally be curious.

By pickles86 | 0

#108131 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:35

LMAO sexy...

yuggi1 | 11

#2325909 - Sunday 10 April 2011 18:12

Rofl. Yeah, totally.

By theghostofher | 0

#108136 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:36

First off, I hate when people call "first" when they think they're the first comment - especially when they aren't actually first.

Secondly, I don't think this is an FML, I think it's hilarious.

By fungarian | 0

#108139 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:36

At least you get to have sex.

gumbo1 | 8

#5331103 - Saturday 19 January 2013 18:25

Sexy

By rachelhuggo | 0

#108148 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:38

that's actually not a bad thing. Scent is the strongest sense for bringing back memories, so be glad that your scent makes him feel sentimental, maybe. Unless the grandma's house is rank.

By amirn86 | 0

#108164 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:40

He has the hots for grandma?! ...

By Common_Sense | 0

#108175 - Monday 13 April 2009 20:42

oh man, that's just weird... he could have said something more along the lines of that the way you smell comforts him and reminds him of the familiar. Or hell, just "I love the way you smell" would have worked... I'm so sorry.. I hope he had a good explanation...